Star Wars Episode 1 - In scottish!!!

Discussion in 'Scotland' started by Failed_I_Have, Jul 23, 2005.

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  1. Failed_I_Have Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 1
    Pure ages ago, in a galaxy oot past Carbeth

    Obi wann Mcnulty and Qui Gon Jock are in police headquarters tryin tae get to police tae get ther officers oot aff the CYS.

    Mcnulty "I have a bad feelin bout this man".

    Jock "Oh dinae be a tube a cany sense a hing man"

    Mcnulty"It no here man it somewhere else dinae hav a scoob where tho"



    Meanwhile a jakey workin for the police goes into see the 2 police constables.

    C me am a jake"The negotiaters are neds i believe"

    Constable"I knew am no gettin in there wae two neds"

    Constable 2" Send the Jakey"



    The Jakey walks in tae the room and gees the neds two cans o carling

    Mcnulty"Ah cheers mate"

    The Jakey walks out the room after givin the neds there cans.The two constables comunicate with the head of police DCI Sideous.

    Constable"The CYS have sent two neds in tae pure argue aboot the council puttin the price up for yer dog daein a pure big smelly yin in the street"

    Sideous"Al deal wae that later man,send all available police tae Niddrie the neds are pure plannin tae chore stuff oot the paky's n a hear their also goin tae go n torch the a few ppl's hooses there"

    Constable"Ye man we'll sen doot aw our police"

    Constable 2"Wat boot the neds here man wat wae goin tae dae boot thm"

    Sideous"The Council should never of told thm tae come here,Arrest them immediantly and dinae gee thm bail tae a see wat goin on"

    Two police go up armed tae the two neds and tell thm tae pt ther hands up

    Mcnulty"Oh no man wat nw wer ****

    Jock finds an old bottle in his pocket he breaks the top hoof aff smashes it against the police guys heed thn picks up his gun een kills the other police man.

    Mcnulty"Oh i man quality can ya teach es hw tae dae tht"

    Jock"Only when yer a bit more complete wae the fartz".

    Jock een Mcnulty wonder oot the police station een see an army aff police gettin n ther pure mental vans.They both sneak intae 1 of the vans disguised as a busy.

    Meanwhile the constable een the other 1 get a call fae queen senga amidala.

    Amidala"We aw ken u n yer crew r goin tae come n pure try tae stop us fae chavin stuff oot the paky's but uv got nae chance"

    Constable"We r nae goin tae waste oor bloody time on yer bloody neds amidala,wae huv got two of yer neds here trin tae gt the £100 fine for dug ***** no gettin cleared up dropped".

    Amidala"aye sure man ya liein ... we will see".She hangs up on thm

    Constable 2"she's right man a hink they ken wer comin tae gt thm"

    Constable"Its tae late fur tht now hoof the polic will be hoof wae up the M8 by now man"



    Mcnulty n Jock arive in niddrie wae all the other police they hear wats goin tae happen tae all the neds.

    Mcnulty"I man a hink wer goin tae need tae go een kick some mare polic arse".

    Jock"Nah well warn the nedrons thn contact the heed of the council"

    The polic hear thm.Mcnulty een jock bolt,they heed aff in seperate directions.A jake stands in the way aff Jock."Get oot the way ya bawbag.A polic car is jst aboot tae knock thm both over wen mcnulty dives intae the jake takin both safely across the road.

    Jar jar stinks"cheers man u saved my life i will serve yae nae matter wat"

    Jock"nah man yer orite a dinae hink al be needin yer help the day"

    Stinks"No help yae a can man"

    Mcnulty comes rushin doon fae the scheme.

    Mcnulty"wats this"

    Jock"A local"

    Mcnulty"we need tae warn the neds"

    They go tae a car n get oot ther chibs which is a neds weapon.They put the chibs up tae the guy thta is aboot tae get intae the car's throat.

    Mcnulty"Gees the keys ya bawbag"

    Random"aye big...aye nae bother"

    Mcnulty n jock get intae ther pure smental car along wae jar jar stinks.They get tae the pure hide oot n see loads of polic surrounding it.Mcnulty eeen Jock get oot ther chibs.They start paggerin aw the polic een thn they go een save queen senga amidaly.

    Mcnulty"Take that ya bunch ay bawheids"

    Jock"Yer heiness am Qui Gon Jock,am fae the head of the neds at the CYS,we must get ya ther quickly"

    Amidala"Naw man we cany we have tae p
  2. Failed_I_Have Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 1
    Ceen nuttin goes over tae him 2 n looks at um

    Ceen nuttin"a dinae belive av seen u around here b4"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye"

    Ceen nuttin"Him 2 a pleasure tae meat ya am ceen nuttin jakey and human relationships wat burd dae ya want"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye aye aye"

    Ceen nuttin"I belive master sheepshagger tht he has taken a fancy tae yer ma"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye"

    Sheepshagger"Am sorry Him 2 she does nae realy dae jakeys maybe next time eh man"

    Him 2"aye aye"

    They aw go intae the dinin room tae gt summit tae munch on.

    Sheepshagger"Your a Ned warrier are ya no"

    Jock"Wat makes ya hink that"

    Sheepshagger"Ah seen yer chib only neds carry that sort o weapon"

    Jock"Maybe a killed a Ned n took it fae um"

    Sheepshagger"a dinnae hink so somehow nae1 can chore stuff fae neds"

    Jock"Aye aye a wish that wer true it would be pure quality"

    Sheepshagger"A had a dream a was a ned warrier but a can only settle for tannin windaes at the minute am no old enuff tae get a chib n a would get arested for chavin stuff oot the shop untill um old enuff".

    Jock"If ye wer raised in the old rebellion better known as the CYS ya would av been given trainin by the ned council"

    Shimi"The pure rebellion does nae exist oot here we must survive wae the goths"

    Shagme"Can ya naw get oot o the mess yer in een get away fae these gothic tubes"

    Shimi"Naw hen a dinae hink so"

    Jock"Do these goths no have any weaknesses"

    Shimi"Sunlight or any form of light but mostly gambling every roond these parts go aroond on bettin on horses but if ya realy want tae get thm ya gt strip poker goin"

    Jock"I man right al get a game of strip poker wae fatto een if we win wae gt the petrol een we'll free yiz both"

    Sheepshagger"naw man a hink it would be better if a done the game o poker am more experienced een ther is a big game goin over at the pub tommorow you could enter me in it"

    Shimi"sheepshagger fatto will nae let ya"

    Sheepshagger"he will man,he will listen tae jock anyway"

    Jock eeen sheepshagger go back tae fattos shop.

    Fatto"The boy tells es tht yer wantin him tae enter the game o poker tommorow"

    Jock"Ye"

    Fatto"How can ya enter yer skint"

    Jock"Our lorry will be the entry fee along wae all the jake wee hav the winner will get thm n if we win we get the boy his ma een the petrol"

    Fatto"naw ya can hav the boy if ya win but yer no gettin his mo she makes a great cup o tea wat can a say"

    Jock"Orite the boy thn"

    Fatto"Come tae the pub wae the boy tommorow"

    Jock"aye will be done"

    They both head back tae sheepshagger hoose n get ready for bed,Sheepshagger lets aff a loud yin.

    Jock"Oh god thats a hummer man noo get ready ffur yer bed yav got a big day "

    Jock get on the mobile tae mcnulty

    Jock"A need a count of the smelly hing am sendin ya"

    Mcnulty"the reedin is aff the chart over five hunne master even master shellsuit bob hus nae got that much o a stinker"

    Jock"naw nae Ned huz"

    Mcnulty"wat does tht mean"

    Jock"it means that es strong wae the fartz ya wallaper"

    Mcnulty"aye right master"

    The mornin comes and they start gettin ready for the game o poker,they walk roond tae the local.

    Sebulba"Ah ya bawbags are here nw godd very good"

    They get on with the game.

    Fatto"am puttin everythin on sebulba he always wins"

    It goes right down tae the wire every1 is knocked oot but sebulba een sheepshagger who are left down tae a thong each.

    Sebulba"This is the end for u ya wee prick av got the 8 o clubs"

    Sheepshagger"Oh naw man well we'll just seen wat av got.................Ah 9 o hearts a win get it roond ya u pure bawbag"

    Sebulba take aff his thing een every1 is left standin laughin at his wee wallaper.



  3. Obi_wan_Kenowlesy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2005
    star 1
    stever man gonae stop puttin in bits fae my site

    www.freewebs.com/starwarsscottish
  4. Failed_I_Have Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 1
    I wrote that ages ago dinny gie oot fake websites, it says freewebs page no found ya fanoid.
    My stuff, Ok.

    Accept It
  5. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Jock finds an old bottle in his pocket he breaks the top hoof aff smashes it against the police guys heed thn picks up his gun een kills the other police man.

    Mcnulty"Oh i man quality can ya teach es hw tae dae tht"


    [face_laugh] Nice. Actually, several parts made me laugh out loud. It's actually kind of frightening that there were only a few references I didn't understand. I'm so odd...

    But really funny stuff, man.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  6. Obi_wan_Kenowlesy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2005
    star 1
    steve the wee bawbag found oot ba password n deleted the site al continue puttin it all in a new website

    www.freewebs.com/scotsstarwars
  7. DARTH_DONALD Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 1
    [face_laugh] bloomin heck! i aint laughed so much in ages (well since i read ra polic strike back) all i'll say is this bud, the sport of gamblin in west lothian is better put on the @local park grand prix' were you get bunch of kids ridin motorbikes round the local park. at 230 in the mornin.............
  8. Failed_I_Have Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2005
    star 1
    thats ma website ya bam
  9. Vlad-the-Inhaler Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 19, 2002
    star 1
    ha

    hif der are any issues of der provenance to be discussed here, I think perhaps it vill be MrDanKDonk who can lay claim to der characters unt der style of adaption.......haf you spoken to him about your project ? hmmmm?

  10. MrDankDonk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2001
    star 4
    :D

    I agree that council estate joyriding would have made an excellent pod race substitute..... and the title obviously should have been 'The Phantom Mince'

    [face_laugh]
  11. JediMasterGuff Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 5
    A was originaly fae falkirk but we got deported after my ma lost us in a game of poker tae fatto there

    Weay! Nice to see Fawkurk gettin a mention. Anyone else around here from Falkirk?
  12. Obi_wan_Kenowlesy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2005
    star 1
    Am no changin it tae any grand prix hing but al change it tae mini mottos if ya can wit they r. N failed I hav if u look closely at the bottom aff the website you will c tht it hus Kenowlesy© 2005 All Rights Reserved so dinae post nemore o ma hing man.The name of episode 1 is now The Pure Radge DC Guy Man
  13. MrDankDonk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2001
    star 4
    if ye must insist on arguing about authorship-

    'The Fartz'
    'the Sheepshagger Dynasty'
    ' neds = rebels, polis = Empire'
    'jakeys = droids'
    'stanley knives =lightsabers'

    etc etc etc


    © MrDankDonk and Padawan SDM 2001
  14. DARTH_DONALD Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 1
    mini motos will do fine (waves hand in general direction)
  15. Obi_wan_Kenowlesy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2005
    star 1
    here it is fae the mini motto bit thn
  16. Obi_wan_Kenowlesy Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2005
    star 1
    Ceen nuttin goes over tae him 2 n looks at um

    Ceen nuttin"a dinae belive av seen u around here b4"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye"

    Ceen nuttin"Him 2 a pleasure tae meat ya am ceen nuttin jakey and human relationships wat burd dae ya want"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye aye aye"

    Ceen nuttin"I belive master sheepshagger tht he has taken a fancy tae yer ma"

    Him 2"aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye"

    Sheepshagger"Am sorry Him 2 she does nae realy dae jakeys maybe next time eh man"

    Him 2"aye aye"

    They aw go intae the dinin room tae gt summit tae munch on.

    Sheepshagger"Your a Ned warrier are ya no"

    Jock"Wat makes ya hink that"

    Sheepshagger"Ah seen yer chib only neds carry that sort o weapon"

    Jock"Maybe a killed a Ned n took it fae um"

    Sheepshagger"a dinnae hink so somehow nae1 can chore stuff fae neds"

    Jock"Aye aye a wish that wer true it would be pure quality"

    Sheepshagger"A had a dream a was a ned warrier but a can only settle for tannin windaes at the minute am no old enuff tae get a chib n a would get arested for chavin stuff oot the shop untill um old enuff".

    Jock"If ye wer raised in the old rebellion better known as the CYS ya would av been given trainin by the ned council"

    Shimi"The pure rebellion does nae exist oot here we must survive wae the goths"

    Shagme"Can ya naw get oot o the mess yer in een get away fae these gothic tubes"

    Shimi"Naw hen a dinae hink so"

    Jock"Do these goths no have any weaknesses"

    Shimi"Sunlight or any form of light but mostly gambling every roond these parts go aroond on bettin on horses but if ya realy want tae get thm ya gt strip poker goin but ma son been daein alot of mini motto racin so a guess ya could always dae that"

    Sheepshagger

    Shimi"sheepshagger fatto will nae let ya"

    Sheepshagger"he will man,he will listen tae jock anyway"

    Jock eeen sheepshagger go back tae fattos shop.

    Fatto"The boy tells es tht yer wantin him tae enter the big mini motto race the moin"

    Jock"Aye"


    Fatto"How can yae enter yer skint"

    along wae all the jake wee hav the winner will get thm n if we win we get the boy his ma een the petrol"

    Fatto"naw ya can hav the boy if ya win but yer no gettin his mo she makes a great cup o tea wat can a say"

    Jock"Orite the boy thn"

    Fatto"Come tae the pub wae the boy tommorow"

    Jock"aye will be done"

    They both head back tae sheepshagger hoose n get ready for bed,Sheepshagger lets aff a loud yin.

    Jock"Oh god thats a hummer man noo get ready fur yer bed yav got a big day "

    Jock get on the mobile tae mcnulty

    Jock"A need a count of the smelly hing am sendin ya"

    Mcnulty"the reedin is aff the chart over five hunne master even master shellsuit bob hus nae got that much o a stinker"

    Jock"naw nae Ned huz"

    Mcnulty"wat does tht mean"

    Jock"it means that es strong wae the fartz ya wallaper"

    Mcnulty"aye right master"

    Its the Big day of the mini motto race sheepshagger,sebulba are on the line gettin ready tae get on wae the race,also racin the day is wee davie coulthard doon fae formula 1,little rab eeen big innes.

    Starter"3....................................2..........................................1....................................Aff ya go man"

    The race starts eeen Sebulba gets aff tae an early leed,Sheepshageer is wae behind in last.Sebulba comes roond fae the coldy sack tae complete the first lag he then chucks some oil on tae the road eeen wee davie coulthard's mini motto goes flyin doon tae one o the neighbours front gardens,Sheepshagger is catchin up wae big innes,he bangs in tae the back of his mini motto.Innes does nae go flyin aff but he gets distracted by the loacl pub showin live weekly champions league football n he goes aff tae the pub leavin sebulba n sheepshagger the only 2 left in.Sheepshagger over takes um comin intae the last lap sebulba goes right behind um n kicks sheepshaggers arse this olny makes sheepshagger angry n he lets aff a huge yin that rockets um straight tae roond tae victory.

    sheepshagger
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