Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - rewritten

Now, how did this thread get back up on the first page..........


















MOLLY!

 

Ironically I had just thought of the idea today that c3po would be better introduced as part of the trade federation. I saw it happening in a more comical way. With obi-wan and qui-gon talking:



QUI-GON: The federation has created a new kind of droid. A droid for the ages. A droid that communicate millions of ways. A droid that will change everything!

QUI-GON AND OBI-WAN LOOK TOWARD DOOR WITH GREAT ANTICIPATION, EXPECTING SOMETHING SPECTACULAR. DOOR OPENS. C3PO APPEARS, HITTING HIS HEAD ON THE TOP OF DOOR

C3PO: DOH!! WHY DON'T THESE DOORS EVER WORK

C3PO Rambles on in C3PO fashion.

QUI-GON: Well maybe not so advanced.


Or something like that. I don't think C3PO has been particularly funny since Empire.
Another thing: if you ever re-write your thing, PLEASE remove the "taxation line" in the opening it just doesn't sit right with me.

 

I feel like upping this thread so that any newbies can see and comment on it 'Sides, I watched AOTC again the other day...and I still say: read this first, and you'll enjoy AOTC more!

 

How about this for an opening scroll:

It was a Republic of a thousand-thousand worlds. From one end of the cosmos to the other, the Republic throve and grew....?

 

Oh! I just realized, Nute CAN'T die at the end of the rewrite, because he's in AOTC!

In solving one continutity error(When I first met your father-Obi) Oakes has created yet another diabolic loop.
It drives me mad just driveling about it! Bwahahaha!

 

Can anyone get on the first page of this thread. I can't! If you can, could you cut and paste the re-write on a new post. Thanks.

 

Arghhh!!!

 

(error)

 

(Another @#$%&^@ error!)

 

Hee hee..someone upped this thread! Excellent! Now we can compare this with the TPM rough draft, and another rewrite which is in progress!

 

I wouldn't say that re-write makes AOTC better but it is a grand script and I envy the author for having the spare time for doing that.

 

Gotta disagree with you there Pooja The fact that Anakin and Kenobi's friendship started from TPM as it was in this rewrite mad AOTC better for me. Especially the elevator scene in AOTC. With the friendship progressing on screen, there is no need for EU to fill the gap (I'm not an anti-EU guy, but I seldom read any non-Zahn EU )

And of course, Jar Jar matured at the end of the rewrite. Thus, it certainly made sense that he could be a politician. If I were to just follow TPM the movie, then can I just say the Naboo and the Gungans deserve to be wiped out...all of them...for making Jar Jar a representative. Heh...that's like making Bozo the clown the general for the war against terror.

Just MHO

 

Just got around to reading this script. All i gotta say is, if THIS was the Phantom Menace that we were treated to in 99, i'd be a FRIGGIN happy camper! It almost makes me upset that this is not the way the real movie went, and it was all ingenius tweaking of the plot, most of which were mention in original rough drafts of TPM. I wonder if we could petition Lucas to redo TPM? Just joking. GREAT re-write, my perosnal fav.

Preston

 

In this rewrite, Obi Wan went to Mos Espa and so, he was the one who fought Maul in the desert, no? Heh heh, thus I think this pic should be in this thread:

[image=http://www.theforce.net/multimedia/archive/Images/Episode_1/Characters/Obi-Wan_Kenobi/vanity-7.jpg]

 

The only difference being that in my rewrite, in the Tatooine duel, Obi-Wan gets his bottom very servely kicked by Darth Maul! Anyhow, thank you all for your kind comments.


"steve, is there anything you'd change in your rewrite in light of AOTC? I know I'd change mine."


Well, there isn't much. Obviously, I'd have to have Bibble and Nute survive, but as they both are very different characters to how they seem in the proper Phantom Menace, that would probably be a lot harder to do. Also, perhaps I'd have Obi-Wan being less friendly towards Palpatine, and perhaps hint that he suspects that there's something peculiar about the senator. But that's all I can think of at the moment!

 

I like your rewrite very much. I like what you did with C-3PO giving him a more advanced and a heroic role. I also like how you changed Jar Jar's history a little. I also like how you delved further into Obi and Qui-Gon's relationship. I'm not sure about having Obi-Wan go to Mos Espa instead of Qui-Gon though. I think on that important of a mission Qui-Gon should've gone. Plus it makes him seem more important in my opinion. I also like Darth Maul's advanced role as it gives you more insight into his character and what you did made him seem more evil. I don't like what you did with either Nute or Rune though. You made Rune to cowardly for my liking and Nute to sly. I also like a lot of the rewritten dialogue as well.

I like the rewrite a lot. It does have some things that are better than the actual movie but some things aren't as good such as changing Nute's character and making Qui-Gon less important. I do like Maul's advanced role a lot and Plo Koon got lines which is a plus.


Good Job my friend!

 

Hey Oakessteve, just wanted to tell you that I loved your rewrite! (Like you haven't heard those exact words dozens of times by now. ) Although I will admit I read mainly the parts where I saw the name 'OBI-WAN' ( ), everything that I did read sounded fine with me! One thing I'm really glad you changed is that in the beginning, Qui wouldn't let Obi take a drink from 3PO. Everytime I see that (in the real version of the movie) I can't help but think, "No! How could they be so stupid!" If Obi-Wan had a bad idea about the situation since the moment they stepped onboard the ship, then why did he take a drink from the Neimodians??

Although I'm not too fond of how close Obi and Anakin were in your rewrite(I rather enjoyed the tension created between the master, apprentice, and slave in Lucas' version, even if Qui-Gon didn't really have reasons to justify his actions IMHO), you wrote it in a way that could be considered believable(sp?). The only problem would be when you get to Episode 2. Anakin just seems to act so strange around Obi-Wan. It's like he doesn't respect him at times. Especially when they are talking to Padme in her apartment and Anakin goes, "Why?", making it sound like he's questioning Obi-Wan's authority.

Anyway, great rewrite! I loved the lightsaber duels and how you included dialogue in there, which gives me a little inspiration for my TPM Obi-Wan journal that I'm writing. Keep up the good work, and I'm glad I found this!

Tootles!
--Marie K.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Marie_Kenobi, and please let me know how your Obi-Wan journal goes .

 

Up!

BTW, this an outstanding rewrite. Remarkable!

 

This is a good re-wright. It's so good, I'm gonna re-read it right now!

 

This rewrite adressed every problem I had w/ TPM. Excellent job! I actually like your version of Jar Jar.

 

fantastic! i only now read this and i am totally blown away.

this is what i mean when i say TPM could have been better. you have made it better in so many ways.

excellent work!

 

hey steve im curiose to see how u would do making up a completely new story.Would u take the challenge of creating eps 7-9m, the continuation of the saga?

 

oopsy poopsy