Saga Star Wars Episode III - By Obi Wybrow

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ObiWybrow, Apr 30, 2003.

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  1. ObiWybrow Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2003
    Here's the begining of my version of Episode III, I will update it as regular as often, any feedback would be welcomed!


    A long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

    "The Clone Wars have reeked havoc throughout the Galaxy for over two years. Many Jedi Knights, guardians of peace and justice in the Galaxy have perished. In recent months the Republic have slowly gained the upper hand in the conflict and finally have the Separatist Movement cornered on the peaceful planet of Alderaan. Two Jedi Knight, Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are preparing to lead a final assault against the Separatists in an effort to end the war and retsore peace to the Galaxy"


    During the time between the end of Episode II and the begining of Episode III the Clone Wars have raged across the Galaxy. Many lives have been lost and many Jedi have been killed, the Jedi numbers are now less than a thousand. Due to these heavy losses within the Jedi Order they have begun to rely on the assistance of the the Republic Clonetroopers who have proved to be a huge help during the war. Jedi are now accustom to leading squadrons of Clonetroopers into battle and some have taken the rank of General.

    Anakin Skywalkers marriage to Padme Amidala remains a secret, however since their marriage the young couple have seen less and less of each other due to Padme's commitments to the Senate and Anakins efforts in the war.

    The film starts by panning down to the peaceful planet of Alderaan. Several dozen Trade Fedaration and Separatist capital ships are in orbit around planet, a small Trade Federation Shuttle is seen docking into one of the Federation Capital ships. Nute Gunray appears from this vessel looking somewhat concerned, after exchanging pleasentries with the ships Captain he is directed onto the bridge were the holographic form of Count Dooku is waiting for him. Gunray questions Dooku as to why he has sent to the orbiting fleet while Dooku remains on the surface of the planet, Dooku informs him of intelligence that the Republic are planning an assault on the Separatists and that Gunrays leadership of the fleet is necessary. Dooku continues to talk of the failure of the Separatist Movement and how they will make their last stand on Alderaan. Throughout the conversation the cowardly Gunray is obviosly quite concerned at this turn of events and is visibly not keen on the idea of 'making a last stand' but he is compelled to agree with Count Dooku.

    The scene switches to a shot of a fleet of Republic Assault Ships on route to Alderaan. Inside the lead ship Obi Wan Kenobi and several other Jedi make their final plans for ground assault against the Separatists droid army on Alderaan. During the conversation it becomes evident that the Separatists chose Alderaan to make their last stand as it is a peaceful planet with no weapons making it easy for them to dominate and take control with minimal loss to their already flagging numbers. The meeting is abruptly interupted by Anakin Skywalker who makes his apologies to Obi Wan for being late for the briefing, Obi Wan informs him that he will not be part of the ground assault and he is required to lead the fleet into battle above Alderaan. This news obviously annoys Anakin although it appears that instead of disagreeing with his master in public as he may have done in the past he knows to let the matter wait until they are alone. After the briefing Anakin gets his chance to confront his master, he claims that Obi Wan doesnt want Anakin to take the glory of winning the battle away from him! Obi Wan replies that the Jedi are not after glory and are simply doing their duty for the Republic, Anakin continues and yells to Obi Wan that he wants to confront Count Dooku once again and seek revenge for the injuries he sustained during the battle of Geonosis, Obi Wan tries to calm Anakin, he tells him that revenge is not a trait suitable for a Jedi.......Anakin obviously enraged storms of towards the hanger. Obi Wan goes to follow him but is stopped by a Republic Officer who informs him that they are nearing the Al
  2. ObiWybrow Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2003
    Is there anybody out there?
  3. Jedi_Humaira_Blaine Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2003
    star 5
    Yes, there is...! ;)

    ObiWybrow this is fantastic stuff! Really really good and I was completely captivated by the whole thing.

    I love the way you have linked so much of our beloved Old Trilogy into this Episode III Fan Fic. :)

    "General Kenobi", "the best Star pilot in the galaxy" these are terms I heard in Episode IV and how beautifully you've captured them in here!

    However I just wanted to know...

    Is this going to continue in the form of a script or like a regular fan fic (y'know like a novel)? :confused:

    Because...

    The first bit is very descriptive but there isn't any real dialogue. You've hinted at some interesting arguments between Obi Wan and Anakin!

    Oh, I'd so like to know what those sounded like in detail! :D It would add more drama to this piece. :cool: And not keep me in suspense! 8-}

    And even those battle sequences! More dialogue my friend. That would be great! And more descriptions of the battle sequences too!

    Anakin making comments about Gunrays' attempt to kill Padme...that's worth a listen too.

    You've put in some more detailed dialogue in your final paragraph and that sounds very nice! I can just imagine those ultra hip, ultra cool jedi gazes and smart one-liners! :cool: Dooku surrendering-surprise! And Anakin's frustration about it...so believable too!

    But you must write more detail...why?

    Because I think this is a great idea and even the dialogue you have planned for some of the scenes seems so power-packed!
    It's like that deja vu feeling I always get whenever Obi Wan and Anakin have an argument. I can just see them coming to blows in Episode III!

    Don't you give up on this now...This is wonderful stuff-I can just hear the SW theme playing now!! ;)

    Okay, I'll sum it up....

    1. Dialogue- definitely. These movies are all about amazing dialogue. I'm so sure you can do it too, because you're ideas are brilliant ObiWybrow

    2. Expand on some of those scenes...unless this is a prologue...but I don't think it is...is it? :confused: Some of those scenes have so much potential!

    3. The first part seems sorta like a script...the last part is more like a novel...i dunno, just an observation.

    4. The first 2 line in the first two paragraphs are kinda repetetive...just another observation. ;)

    And last, please don't think I'm being harsh or anything like that! I love what you've done...
    But if you just expand on it-this could be all the more Awesome!! :cool: :D

    All the best to you and God Bless!

    I hope to see more of this soon. Keep up the great work!

    Humaira

    P.S- PM me if you like. I'd love to see this piece in full length! :D
  4. Jedi_Humaira_Blaine Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2003
    star 5
    Oooops, and I nearly forgot...

    You've brought Tarkin in here too... ;)

    Thumbs up to you! :cool:

    God Bless

    Humaira

  5. ObiWybrow Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2003
    Thanks for the relpy and commnets Jedi 'H', I was begining to wonder if anyone had even read it. Although I am busy I will try to update soon and take your commenst onboard!
  6. bluebereft Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 1
    Not bad... I'd love to see how this develops.

    One thing: The transition of Anakin's character as compared to Ep II has not been smooth.
  7. ObiWybrow Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2003
    I'm not sure what you mean BlueBereft!
    Can you elaborate?
  8. bluebereft Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2002
    star 1
    Hmm... I think this thought came more as emotion than reason, so there isn't much to elaborate. But I'll try anyway. :)

    Take, for example, the following bit:

    he claims that Obi Wan doesnt want Anakin to take the glory of winning the battle away from him! Obi Wan replies that the Jedi are not after glory and are simply doing their duty for the Republic, Anakin continues and yells to Obi Wan that he wants to confront Count Dooku once again and seek revenge for the injuries he sustained during the battle of Geonosis, Obi Wan tries to calm Anakin, he tells him that revenge is not a trait suitable for a Jedi.......


    This Anakin behaviour is astonishingly abrupt, and shatters the smooth flow of the piece. I cannot speak for everyone, but I personally feel that Anakin's transition to darkness has not reached such a emotionally tumultuous state as of yet.
  9. ObiWybrow Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2003
    This is the begining of Episode III - The Episode where Anakin turns to the darkside! Surely this is where he would be "abrupt", confused, angry etc etc etc......
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