STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH: THE ABRIDGED

I'd post this in the ROTS forum but the thing has been locked from new posts for what seems like a week now. So....

Caution: There are curse words so be warned before reading this with kids around. Pretty damn funny actually.



http://ter.air0day.com/?script=revengeofthesith

 

Yeah,I have read that some time before.Its prety good.

 

Oh, has it been posted? Sorry, I just found the link. Tryin not to laugh too hard in the office here!

 

The ROTS Forum is periodically unlocked. But I think this topic is probably better suited to SWC.

 

PLEASE NOTE! Threads pertaining solely to Episode III belong in the ROTS forum.

 

INT. SOME WEIRD OPERA THING

IAN MCDIARMID
You seem worried about Natalie
dying. Also, you're confused about
being a Jedi.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
(furrowing his brow)
They don't want me to %#!@ Natalie
Portman. That's insanity. Did you
see her in Closer? Holy #!@$.

IAN MCDIARMID
Did you know that those who embrace
the Dark Side have a lot of powers
that Jedi do not? For example, they
can influence that midichlorian
bull#@$! to create life.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Create life? Wait, are you implying
that my supposed virgin birth was--

IAN MCDIARMID
And they can stop others from
dying.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Stop others? Like, if someone force
chokes them and they start to die
because of it hours later?

IAN MCDIARMID
Yup.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
That's distracting enough that I'll
not bother following up on the other
thing you said.

 

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
What have I done?
(pause)
I submit myself to your will, Ian.

IAN MCDIARMID
That was fast. Well, now that you
have taken a single, somewhat
justifiable step toward the Dark
Side, there's no turning back. Go
kill all of the Jedi in the temple,
including the children.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Right, go kill the children. Got it.

IAN MCDIARMID
Well, kill everyone, not just--

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
(leaving)
On my way to kill all of the
children now! Whee!

He DOES. The CLONE TROOPERS kill most of the adult Jedi,
while the challenging task of murdering children can only be
undertaken by the DARK LORD OF THE SITH.

--------------------

Suddenly, all of the clone troopers turn against
KI-ADI-MUNDI and shoot him.

KI-ADI-MUNDI
Oh no, I'm being shot by fewer
weapons than at the end of Attack of
the Clones! Somehow, this overpowers
me!
(dies)


Sorry to keep posting, but this is cracking me the hell up and making my day.

 

EWAN MCGREGOR
It's over, Hayden. I've got the high
ground, just like Darth Maul did in
Episode 1 right before I killed him
successfully. Ignoring that, if you
jump over to me, I will cut your
$*** off.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
You underestimate my power to
decide not to jump to the low ground
in front of you where I will be able
to safely continue duelling, but to
instead try to jump all the way over
you and get my $*** cut off!

He JUMPS and gets SLICED AND DICED. Then COMPLETELY BURNED.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Mother#*****!

 

Psst, you have to star out the whole word, and you missed one in the first post.

 

Thanx Ousley!

I was too busy laughing.

 

Any time.

I like this one better, though.

INT. FORWARD COMMAND OR WHATEVER

SENATOR PALPATINE
Ah, hello, Jedi. Nice of you to drop by. I?ve just
been here, spinning in my chair. If you give it a good
push, you can go around ten times before it stops.

COUNT DOOKU
Kenobi, Skywalker. You shall not escape me this time.
Not that you did last time either.

ANAKIN
Why do I have to wear the heavy black leather, and Obi-Wan
gets to wear the light colored robes?

OBI-WAN
Because Lucas likes obvious symbolism. Whine about it later.
We can handle Dooku. Sith Lords are our specialty.

PALPATINE
I?m sorry, how many have you faced? Didn?t you both
get your sorry butts kicked by a Sith Lord last time you
faced one? And wasn?t it this Sith Lord?

Once again, OBI-WAN is taken down FAIRLY EASILY by COUNT DOOKU.

 

LOL, that script is hilarious. Are there any like that for Episode's 1 and 2?

 

The original site linked in the first post has them for the whole saga, as well as for the LOTR films, and I think the Matrix films (plus much more). Hours of entertainment!

 

INT. GIANT ASS SENATE

BAIL
Psst, Padme. What?s going on?

PADME
What are you doing here, Bail? You?re not from Naboo.

BAIL
I can?t find my pod.

PALPATINE
I?m evil!

SENATORS
We know! And we don?t care!


INT. JEDI TEMPLE

YODA and OBI-WAN single-handedly defeat every CLONE SOLDIER that had recently murdered a TEMPLE FULL OF JEDI.

OBI-WAN
Master, I must know something.

YODA
A dumb idea it is.

OBI-WAN
No! Anakin is responsible for this!

YODA
Face him you must.

OBI-WAN
I won?t fight Anakin!

YODA
You will, yes.

OBI-WAN
Right, I?m off to kill him.

The first one is better, but the link Ousley gave has its moments.

 

PADME
I will call them Luke and Leia. They are so beautiful.
Too bad I can?t be bothered to live for them.

MEDICAL DROID
I?m afraid she?s dying. It appears she has an acute case
of Stupidity. We were surprised, considering she was once
the competent Queen of Naboo. But it appears as of the second
movie, this started to develop. And now, she?s dead from The Stupid.

AUDIENCE
And Leia obviously has a faulty memory.

 

Sorry, they may not want it in ROTS, but it doesn't fit in PT.