Discussion in 'Philippines' started by jedi_ginny, Dec 2, 2002.
"So...what's up doc?" the GM asked in between munchings.
Darth Oneal-Wan: "Well, you see..."
"... we were tracking these three people. One was a hot Twi'lek Jedi Mistress, one is was a sexy Sith dressed in leather, and one was... ummm, how would you describe him, Cholo Fett?"
"Cute beyond all reason?", replied the Dominatrix to herself, giggling like a schoolgirl.
Darth Oneal-Wan and Cholo Fett looked at her glaringly...
"riiiiiiigghhht..." said Darth Oneal-Wan.
... "are you sure we are still talking about the same person?... you just called master aids 'cute'"
he continues with the grand moff... "you do know where they possibly are now , do you?"
the grand moff answers with carrots on his teeth... "why of course i know, they are...
...all holed up in my private quarters. Haha!" now the GM ends up giggling like a schoolgirl.
The Dominatrix, Darth Oneal-Wan and the 2 bounty hunters stared at the Grand Moff.
"Oh dear," said Mini-Him.
"Alright, I take it back. Master Aids is not cute. I won't go for a GM magnet," the Dominatrix muttered.
"And just what are they doing in your private quarters?" asked Darth Oneal-Wan.
The Grand Moff Moffet had a twinkle in his eye as he replied, "Well...."
"...I was forcing them to watch Crack Shot. Master Aids seems to be the only one enjoying it. The darn Sith fell asleep."
... "he must be gay... that explains his fascination with wearing leather"...
"it so unfortunate, he was rather attractive, in a weird sort of way... but to each his own"
but before all of that, there is something you must do for me before i can give you your three companions...
...Darth Oneal Wan...give me your metal bikini.
And Cholo Fett, give me ur makeshift bikini.
Dominatrix, you come with me."
Grand Moff Moffet led the Dominatrix into his private quarters.
"I've always wanted to show you these...", said the Grand Moff, and he pressed a button on one of the room's granite statues, and a section of the wall opened to reveal...
... his vast collection of celebrity underwear...
polished to a blinding sheen, the Grand Moff Moffet spends hours on end cleaning, admiring and fantasizing about the under garments of the Galaxy's most famous and most notorious...
he leans in closer to the Dominatrix in her bikini and says...
"do you use Pledge?"
"I use Star Wax..."
"So where's that Downy scent coming from?"
the Dominatrix looked at the Grand Moff in dismay...
"I use Axion... the Grease Stripper."
suddenly, the bathroom door opened to reveal Darth Ball, holding a mop.
"oh... ", said Grand Moff. "I had Darth Ball here clean my bathroom... it's been filled recently with... carrots.
"I use Downy for my cloak," said the Dominatrix.
"So let's get back to the matter at hand. Where are the people we are looking for??!?!"
The Grand Moff waved his gloved hand at her face...
"I don't have the people you are looking for." he said in a toneless voice.
"What're you, somekind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm the Dominatrix, mind tricks don't work on me, only whips, chains and cute boys."
"Reaaally now..." said Grand Moff Moffet. "Hrmmmm... Fine. Let's go see my prisoners."
So they went to the Grand Moff's private quarters. The door slid open and they saw....
... that both Master Aids and Mistress Secura were both fast asleep, Darth Malfoy gone. The Crack Shot tape missing...
... then a loud noise of a ship leaving the Death Star followed by maniacal laughter...
...seconds later, in a blinding flash of light, Darth Malfoy was gone in hyperspace.
... together with the X-rated video!
In one corner, Darth Oneal-Wan, Cholo Fett, and Mini-Him were now dressed in black cloaks and were being guarded by Darth Ball.
The Dominatrix looked at Darth Ball. "Hrmmm... I could use you as a new Stormballs member once I've resurrected their careers..."
"A showbiz career? Me?!?!" said Darth Ball. "Does it pay well?"
"But of course!" the Dominatrix replied incredulously.
"Great! I'm in! This guy just pays me with carrots," he replied, pointing to the Grand Moff.
"Hey! I want a career in showbiz too!" Darth Oneal-Wan burst out. "I want to wear my metal bikini more often... and in public."
"Weeeellll..." the Dominatrix said, thinking.
"Please. I will do anything for a showbiz career," the Sith pleaded.
"Hrmmm... Okay," she decided, a devilish glint in her eyes.
Just then, Master Aids was starting to regain consciousness...
he was partly awake when he muttered these barely comprehensible words...
"malfoy, i... love you... don't... leave me for... a dustball..."
"Oh great, he's at it again!" said the Dominatrix.
"I couldn't even get him to give me a glance," said the GM bitterly. "It's either it's that stupid Twi'lek or that stupid guy in leather. Can't you even train an apprentice properly?" he lashed out at Darth Oneal-Wan.
"Well that's why I'm going for a showbiz career now!"
"This is useless. You can all go. I don't have luck with cute boys. I'll go back to blowing up planets!"
So the Dominatrix, Darth Oneal-Wan, Darth Ball, Cholo Fett and Mini-Him, Mistress Secura, and Master Aids, were given a transport, and they left the Grand Moff wallowing in misery... and still munching carrots.
"Where to?" Cholo Fett asked.
"We follow Malfoy!" said Master Aids.
"To where?" the bounty hunter asked.
"to Tatooine... that's what he told both Aayla and I before he whacked us with his long stick."
"well, we'd better make a stopover first to Coruscant," said Cholo Fett, "the Grand Moff set us up. The hyperdrive of this ship is leaking carrot juice."
"Good," said the Dominatrix, "I have to report to my Master, (insert Imperial March here)
"Emperor WHO?" Mini-Fett asked. "You're supposed to be THE Dominatrix, right? So what's this thing about having an Emperor? Phony.
"Daddy Fett, let's throw her off this ship along with the carrot juice. We don't need copycats around here."
"But," Cholo Fett exclaimed, "you're a copycat too, technically."
Mini-fett couldnt take it. "Yeah, BUT..."
"There will be no ditching of copycats," said Cholo Fett firmly. "Besides, I couldn't bear to be apart from you, little one," he added tenderly.
There was a collective "Awwwwwwwww...".
"Thanks, Dad," Mini-Him replied, giving Cholo Fett a hug.
"Alright, off to Coruscant."
"It makes sense now... the Dominatrix is actually a secret agent of the Emperor," said Darth Oneal-Wan. "It's the perfect set-up!"
"But isn't it weird," said Master Aids. "She actually lets someone order her around?"
"I am only Dominatrix to cute boys and showbiz wannabe types. Naturally, I need a financer. Where will I get the money to buy all your spandex? The Emperor walks a thin line though. I am only humble because I have need of his money and influence. Once he makes a mistake, I will make a move, and this galaxy will have an Empress to rule it! *insert evil laugh here* " The Dominatrix had that evil glint in her eyes again.
There was a silence in the transport.
"Alright, bring us to Coruscant, Cholo Fett," said Darth Oneal-Wan.