Star Wars Fan Fiction Writing Game!

... later, after a number of restroom stops and master aids getting his 'lightsabre' caught in his zipper and mini-him falling into a toilet, they finally reached coruscant only to find hundreds of billboards floating around the capital city-planet with these big, bold words...

 

... Kamiseta takes you to the Stars...

May the Force Be with You...

Darth Malfoy is now the new model for Kamiseta, gigantic billboards with flashing lights showing Malfoy wearing his patented 'sexy' leather in varous stages of undress...

leather pants, leather jackets, leather thongs...

the Group formerly known as the Bikini Brigade all gasp in unison...

until Mistress Secura speaks...

 

... "hey!!! i was offered that job before and i didn't take it... now some weirdo in leather gets his face plastered all over the galaxy?... there goes my modelling career"

master aids looks longingly at the giant pictures of malfoy, showing off more than just leather and skin... but malfoy's buff body, honed from years of training under the sith lord oneal-wan kenobi, including his highly developed, well-endowed...

 

... hands...

the Sith Apprentice's hands were the most beautiful pair that Jedi Master Aids had ever seen, this view was expounded by the fact that he was looking at a 50-foot tall image of the Sith Lord, his emotions got the better of him, he rushed headlong into the window screen and started smooching it like there's no tomorrow...

the Dominatrix, unaffected by this wanton display of affection said...

 

... "I will not defer, i was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while this idiot is french kissing the window..."

..."and it looks like this ship hasn't been cleaned in quite a while..." said mini-him

the bounty hunter put the ship into a steep dive and approached the uppers surface of coruscant he said to the group...

 

... "this Darth Malfoy character seems to have made quite a name for himself, despite the fact that i seem to recall him being quite well-known in certain underground movies like the "crack shot" series"...

... "perhaps thats how he got his fame so quickly"... said the Mistress Secura

... then Jedi Master Aids, pulled his lips off the window just long enough to say...

 

... "i love you malfoy..."

he then continued tounging the window at the hundreds of billboards outside

then darth oneal-wan spoke ...

"malfoy used to work in porn, thats where i found him and turned him to the dark side... at least the darker side..."

shocked and furious, the dominatrix said...

 

..." So!!! it is you who'se been stealing talents away from me, taking gigs from my StormBalls, you must be the one that conviced MY discovery, Captain StormBall to go solo..."

She pulls out her dual lightsabres and threatens to disembowel the Sith

The Sith Lord holds up his hands helplessly and says in a weak voice...

 

"No no! Please. Let's not fight over this. I only did that because I really want to be in showbiz. Please. I need your help to turn my career around."

The Dominatrix stared at the Sith.

After a few moments, she deactivated the lightsabres.

"Alright. But we have to get back on track. Let's land this somewhere we can refuel, Cholo Fett. I need to see the Emperor."

Cholo Fett landed the transport in a nearby public hangar and went off with Mini-Him to get some fuel.

Meanwhile, The Dominatrix went off to see the Emperor. She was accompanied by Darth Oneal-Wan who was curious to see the showbiz financer.

Mistress Secura was left in the transport with Master Aids.....

 

... still kissing the window, when he realized that they were on the ground, he ran out and started climbing up the nearest billboard of darth malfoy, dark lord of the sexy leather

... mistress secura ran after him shouting...

 

"WATCH OUT FOR THAT..."


KABLAG!!!

Master Aids was hit by a swerving Air Taxi, his Jedi Robe stuck to the fender as the taxi drags him away toward the horizon.

Meanwhile, inside the Imperial Palace, the Dominatrix was in an audience with the Emperor.

The evil one said...

 

"Welcome, my trusted showbiz agent. You have done well. Except for that nasty incident with that Captain Stormball of yours. But I detected some other... presence intervening there. Anyway, not to worry, I have amassed more riches, so we can finance and back up a new group. Just tell me and I'll give you the money."

"Thank you, Emperor," the Dominatrix bowed respectfully. Suddenly, she caught site of someone in red passing by. It was a Royal Imperial Guard.

"Aha! My Lord, those guards, those guards! They are perfect for my new group! OOooh. Red helmet. Red cape. Red spandex. This is fabulous! I shall call them.... The Royal Balls!"

 

"yes..... they would be a great asset... can it be done?" asked the Emperor.

"They will join us, or die."

The Emperor replied, "Good... let me introduce them to you: these are Royal Ball Earl, and Royal Ball Jaybee. They will serve you well."

 

"Thank you for this, Emperor. You will not regret it. I shall call Jaybee the Royally Tall 'Ball, and Earl shall be Royally "All-seeing" 'Ball," the Dominatrix said happily.

"I'm ready to dance!" said Royally Tall Ball.

"Showbiz? I see i see i see. I'm ready!" said Royally All-Seeing 'Ball.

The Dominatrix turned to the Emperor. "I told you he was All-Seeing."

Then Darth Oneal-Wan stepped forward...

 

...and asked, "What about me? I've been loyal to you for many, many years? I need a new job."

"Hmmm..." said the Emperor. "Don't know, don't care... how's that?"


Oneal-Wan then grumbled to himself...

 

"My Lord," the Dominatrix intervened. "I... errr... promised him a place in the new group I will be forming. Grant me this other favor, my Lord. Let him become a Royal Ball."

"Are you willing to trade in your metal bikini and black cloak for a red helmet, red cape and red spandex?" the Emperor asked Darth Oneal-Wan.

"Can't I be a... well... special Royal Ball and wear a metallic red bikini, red cape and red helmet?"

The Emperor looked at the Dominatrix.

"Wellll.... It just might work. I've seen the effect of them metal bikinis," the Dominatrix conceded.

"Alright. What do you christen yourself, boy?" the Emperor queried.

Darth Oneal-Wan thought for a moment. "I shall henceforth be known as... Royally....."

 

... Royally Disturbing Ball...

 

"good... good... everything is proceeding according to my grand and gay design.", said the Emperor.



Meanwhile, on Tatooine...

Darth Malfoy was busy roaming the streets of Mos Eisley, looking for a certain Toy-Darian.


"Chut chut, Degs." says Anakin

"Ani? little Ani? It is YOU!!! you sure sprouted!!! hehehe what can i do for you, eh?"


Malfoy replied,
"I've come here to sell you something you've always wanted, the holy grail of porn video..."

and he pulled out a certain videotape...

"Crack Shot!!!", exclaimed Degs. "How much do you want for it?! Come on!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!"

Darth Malfoy replied...

 

"1000 Republic Credits," then Darth Malfoy waved his hand.

"No way! I'll give you... 500."

"1000," Malfoy said, again, waving his hand.

"What are you waving your hand for? Mind tricks don't work on me! I'll give you 600. Take it or leave it," said Degs firmly.

Darth Malfoy thought. "Alright, 600. Sold." Malfoy was happy. He got the credits, and now he's rid of the blasted video. The Grand Moff Moffet will trace it to Tatooine and he will run after the Toy-darian now.

 

so, the next step in his plan was to find another ship that would take him to Alderaan... so in a dingy cantina, he hired the services of a certain starship pilot named...


...Ian Solo.

 

He found Ian Solo in a corner booth in the Cantina... and was surprised.

"You're a woman!" Malfoy exclaimed.

"Nice of you to notice. What can I do for you?" Ian Solo said with a smirk.

"I need a ship to give me passage to Alderaan."

"It will cost you 2000 credits."

"What! I can buy my own ship with that!" said Malfoy incredulously.

"And who's gonna fly the ship, you?" Ian Solo said in retort.

"I'll have you know that I am the only human to ever participate in a Pod Race and I am the youngest ever to have won the Boonta Eve Classic," Malfoy said with a smirk of his own.

"But do you know the way to Alderaan?" Solo asked, one eyebrow raised, challenging.

"Errr... no. I've never been there," said Malfoy, bowing his head.

"So what about it?"

"Alright, I'll pay you 600 now, and then I'll give you the rest when we get to Alderaan," Malfoy conceded.

"Deal. I'll meet you at Hangar 6 in 15 minutes," the woman stood up and started to make her way out of the Cantina. When suddenly....

 

Imperial Stormtroopers (the fully armored ones, not the kinky ones) burst into the cantina and began firing on the Sith Apprentice...

Darth Malfoy was able block of some of the blaster bolts with his two lightsabers, but it was too much for him and he was forced to flee the scene into docking bay 6.

 

Ian Solo pulled out her blaster and started firing at the Imperials too.

"You didn't tell me you were running away from the Grand Moff Moffet's troops!" she shouted as she started to lead Malfoy to the Docking Bay.

"You didn't ask!" Malfoy replied.

"Oh, you are such an adolescent prick!" Ian Solo shoved Malfoy into a door at the side of the street. "Run to the ship and tell my co-pilot to start the engines! I'll make a diversion!"

Malfoy ran into the ship and found Ian Solo's co-pilot. It was...

 

...Miaobacca, or Miawie for short.

 

... Miawie roared in rage,not knowing who or what Malfoy was doing in the ship...

Malfoy, surprised as well screamed like a little girl in pigtails at the hairy, towering Wookinky...