Star Wars Humour

Hey all, here's a kicker. If you like this I have some more. Let me knwo what you think.

Jauhzmynn
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How R2-D2 Saved Me From A State Trooper
A True Story



Last sunday I was driving home rather briskly, exceeding the speed limit by generous proportions, and as one would guess I was promptly pulled over by the state police. The trooper noticed on the dash of my car a 6-inch R2-D2. First thing he said was "I love that Droid!"

Knowing he was a fan, I pulled the best Obi-Wan impression I could muster, and said, "He is for sale if you want him". The trooper looked puzzleed, but I continued. "You don't need to see my identification..." The subtle hand gesture was used as well, and I could tell he was getting the gist. "I can go about my business..." The trooper broke loose with a wide, carnivorous grin, and I knew I had him.

"Move along..." I said. The trooper aped the response "Move along, Move along", waving me to move along. Unsure if the gag had worked, I hesitated. The trooper at this point was deep in a belly laugh and urged me to get back on the road and slow it down. As ordered, I moved along... Looking in the rear view, I saw him laying back on his hood laughing up into the evening sky.

Saved by the Force!

This was a true story, by the way... and it proves what Obi Wan said about the force's influence on the minds of troopers.

 

Dude, that's the best thing I've heard in a while!

 

I'll have to tell that one to my dad. God knows how many speeding tickets he'll get now that he actually has a car with an ENGINE.

 

great, I'm glad you guys like it. I do have more jokes.
Anyone want to hear about Red Neck Jedis?
I'll post just a little portion, if you like more, tell me.

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"You know You'er Red Neck Jedi If...."


Your Jedi robe is camouflage color.

You use your lightsaber to open your bottle of Coke.

There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

You use your lightsaber to pick your teeth.

At least one section of your X-Wing is bondo colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.


You can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.

You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

A peaceful meditation is one without gas.

You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.


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There's more.

Jauhzmynn

 

How about you're a jedi redneck if you kiss your sister? *cough*LUKE*cough*

 

I've got one.. You're a redneck Jedi if you have a primer-colored landspeeder up on blocks in your front yard.

 

You're a redneck if you've got more padawan braids than teeth.

If the horn on your speeder plays "Dixie".

If you say "Now, git!" instead of "May the force be with you,"

 

EXCELLANT! You'er in, More then I'd hoped for. I do have more Redneck Jedi items.


Pt 2: "You'er A Red neck Jedi If..."


You lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you stopped to spit.

You think the worst part about spending time on Dagobah is the "dadgum
skeeters."

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You use the force to get yourself another soda so you didn't have to wait
for a commercial.

Your father said to you, "Shoot, Son, com'on over tuh the dark side, it'll
be a hoot."

You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the
barbecue to light.

The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks
can't find it.

You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace.

Darth Vader says "Luke, I am your father...and your uncle."

You have 3 X-Wings on blocks in your yard, between all of them you've half a working craft.

 

You might be a jedi redneck if you...

have barbeque sauce in the tip of your padawan braid.

introduce yourself as "one of them force-magic queers,"

can use a jedi mind trick on yourself to quit smoking.

 

ROTFLMHO!!!!
Oh man ) ::Wipes tear from eyes, then glacnes around temple for disturbed Masters from meditations,::

Ok BBque sauce on the end of the Padawan braid doesn't make you a red Neck, now if you USED the braid to BASTE the ribs, yeah.
keep 'em coming it's funny. I'll scout around for more. In the mean time, I have to outrun some Jedi I'd disturbed from mediating from my laughing.
::Takes off:: I'll return with more.


J

 

You might be a jedi redneck if you...

Use the force...to scratch your ass.

Lost your arm in a battle with Dooku because you couldn't stop laughing at how his lightsaber hilt looks like a g-spot tickler.

Have your own womprat-jerky factory.

 

You might be a Jedi Redneck if...

Chewbacca is hairier then your armpits.

You laugh when you hear the name Fett.

You watching the Geonosis battle from your Holovid in your Trailor while chugging a six-pack of Alderaanian Ale and eating Bantha-jerky.

 

Your a red neck Jedi if ...
you use the force to jiggle the toilet handle.

 

You're a jedi redneck if...

you refer to your padawan braid as your rat-tail and your padawan haircut as your space mullet.

your name is jedi-master cletus.

you constantly get into disagreements with Master Yoda over whether they're called "younglings" or "youngins".

 

you mean to scratch your backside.

 

*achem*...yes, of course.

can't think of a more polite way to describe the hilt of Dooku's light saber.

 

NP.
Acutally Dooku's saber hilt looks like a weird can opener. An ergonomic can opener. I wonder if he could pop the caps off a Coke bottle with that.

Anyone think of more Red Neck Jedi or Star Wars jokes? Some of the captions on the front TF.net page are a scream.

I remember hearing of the Jengo Fett scnese were he bangs his noddle on the doory to Slave 1. And in one of the orginal trilogy a stormmie had banged his bead on a low hanging ceiling strut.

jauhzmynn

 

These are awesome Mynn!!!

 

watch out- SPAM!!!

here's a tidbit...

(scene 11, Rebel_Scumb)
Meanwhile on the sugar planet Tuityfruity, one of the last battle of the clonewars is being waged, as republic mutant plants fight the fury of the Corporate Trade Seperatist Federation Union Clan's battle droids.

The republic is lead by one of our most beloved heros: Dexter Jettster.

DJ: Advance the forward armed personel engagement divison. He he!

Plant captain: Why exactly is this called the "clone wars' again?

DJ: It's cause them cloners!

PC: Yes... I see, but shouldn't a clone war be about clones fighting clones? Or at the very least us fighting clones?

DJ: Depends.

PC: Depends on what Dex?

DJ: On how good your manners are, how big your... pocket book is.

PC: whats a pocket book?

DJ scratches his crotch. Burps, then Reaches into his pocket.

DJ: Well what do you know, I left it back in my 50s diner.

PC: What's a 50s diner?

DJ: Why everyone knows what a 50s diner is, its a part of Americana, it was in that classic film American Graffiti.

PC: America, I'm not familiar with it. Is it in the republic.

DJ: No no, its in another ealm, the real realm.

PC: Isn't this real?

DJ: HArdy har har! I would think you mutant plant captians wopuld no the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

PC: I think its a miracle I can even speak.

DJ: Well its all thanks to those gardeners.

PC: Gardeners?

DJ: why yes, its all part of the creators master plan, they create the mutant plants to fight in this war, its all terribly symbolic, plants fighting machines.

PC: Creator?

DJ: HArdy har har! I would think you mutant plant captians wopuld no the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

PC: You already said that.

DJ: So I have so I have. The creator is our god, he made this whole dang galaxy far far away that we live in, he's amazing. He's the basis of our whole spiritual system.

PC: I thought that was the force?

DJ: Huh? Da What?

PC: I'm so confused?

DJ: So what look at all this stuff thats going on!

He points to the battle ground where 10 million mutant plants engage 50 million megacoolsuperduperawesome battle droids. Explosions ripple through the cnady coated landscape. Giant butterfly shped space ships drop hundreds of bombs wiping out everything in sight.

PC: Are those Moth things on our side?

DJ: I'm not sure.

Giant buzzsaws zoom through the crowd of droids and hacks them to pieces.

DJ: Luck there isn't a single human being getting hurt in this whole dang clone war.

PC: Some times I wonder if all these weapons have gotten out of hand?

DJ: Oh don't you worry, in afew years they'll become obselete and we'll just use space ships with red laser guns.

PC: Why's that?

DJ: Don't know exactly, but its all part of the creators master plan. See he had this all planned from the beginning.

PC: Beginning of what?

DJ: HArdy har har! I would think you mutant plant captians wopuld no the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

The plant captain glares at Dexter. He looks unsure of what to say, so he grabs the plant captain and eats him.


Check out the whole fake script-in-progress here

 

Thansk malz.
hey that's funny Spam. ROTFL!!!!
Keep 'em coming, and keep 'em clean, so this thread stays alive. I'm a Jedi, I've a reputation to kep up.


here's some I just made up.
Top Ten list of things to look out for if you'er a Wookie.


10, beauty salons that can handle your hair style prefecanes.

9. said salon must have full body dryers. And not too hot, a walking "Fro isn't funny.

8. Watch out for strange meat on sticks, swinging ina tree isn't fun. Nets suck.

7. When playing basketball. don't laugh at the tiny humanoids who can't slam dunk where as you can merely reach up and dunk the ball.

6. When using a Terran Computer, the thing called a "Mouse" is a device, NOT a snack, Do NOT eat it.

5. If you need to get rid of a hairball and humanoid friends over, be sure to leave the room. For some reason, they get disturbed seeing a completely nornmal Wookie behavouir.

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I can't think of any more. yeah Im sure they need work, Jump in gang.


jauhzmynn

 

4. Cannot stress how important it is to humanoid roommates to wipe out the sink/shower drain when you're done.

3. If you think the wet look is sleazy on Humanoids, Imagine how it looks on a wookie.

2. Do not get upset if you ever see that Michael J. Fox movie, "Teenwolf". It is not an intended slam on wookies.

1. A vaccuum cleaner is not an acceptable alternative to a shower.

 

Quite good old chap.

 

What did Chewie name his dog?

 

(drum roll)




ROARWWWF!