Discussion in 'Scotland' started by PadawanSDM, Feb 20, 2003.
// realises the severe lack of bounty hunters so far
// types feverishly
Ah my.... I think I filled me keks laffin.....
Thank you for the latest installments. This tale of yours is the best thing to happen to me since the local football supporters club next door blew a fuse in the final minutes of the World Cup.......
I bow to your collective talents!!
This is chuffin' fantastic!!!
I took a look at the other one "YIV NAE HOPE, PAL". Senga's message to McNulty almost slew me!!
"Gie these vidjos tae ma da an' he'll sort ye oot wi' some cans and a byriani." ROTFLMAO!!
I'm gonna have to read that one in small doses or it'll kill me!
I have been remiss, between one thing and another.... but more coming very soon.... although it would help if I'd planned ahead a little more, as opposed to making it up as I go along....
Ahhh, I always make my stuff up as I go along. It just comes to me and I write it down. Or I don't and it's lost forever.
You've a real talent there though, Buddy. I'm enthralled. I'm given to wonder what you'd think of the stupid tongue-in-cheek crap I write.
I'll never think of Millport the same again.
The holiday of my childhood, the memories, the good times....and then DankDonk writes this.
The rain pished down across the isle of Cumbrae, but nowhere did it pish down harder than outside the wee timber holiday hut to which the old local had led Luke Sheepshagger and his loyal jakey, Him-2.
Him-2 was asleep in the outside loo (which is always the best place to put an unconscious drunk who is unfamiliar with the lay-out of yir hoose, unless you?re particularly fond of finding puddles of pee in yir sock drawer the next morning)
Inside, Luke and the old man huddled round a flickering mobile gas fire, while a kettle boiled on the blue flame of a camping stove?
LUKE: ?Look wee man, I'm sure yir scones are delicious, but, y?know, I?m on a bit of a mission here, and I?d prefer just to go straight to Old Dan?? I mean, you could drop dead any moment, then I?d be back to square one, wouldn?t I??
LOCAL: " Patience, ya wee heid-the-baw! For the Nedi it is tea-time as well. Eat, eat. Crackin? scones, hmm? Crackin "
"Aye sure grandad, crackin??:: munch munch::
is Old Dan far from here? Can I no just nip round and say hello, let him know we?ve arrived at least?
"Not far. Obe Dan in?ff far. Batience. Soob jou bill be wib im," replied the local through a mouthful of scone.
"By bish jou becob a Nedi? Hm?
"Why wish you become a Nedi, ya deef wee walloper ?"
"Oh, aye, right. Mostly because of my daddy, I suppose.
"Ah, your father. Pure mad mental Nedi was he, pure mad mental, mmm.
"Oh, come on. How could you know my da?? You
don't even know who I am. Jaysus, I don't even know what I'm doing sitting here wasting time eating yir manky home baking?.." stormed Luke, reaching for his coat
The old local sighs big style and turns away from Luke.
"I cannae teach him. Nae patience he has?.."
From thin-air, a familiar voice replies "He will learn patience. He has already cut down on the self-abuse, which is a good start."
"Hmmm. Much lager in him, like his father.
"Now haud on Dan, I was pished as a fart all the way through ma training ? did me no harm," argued the disembodied voice.
Realisation dawns on Luke?s face?
"Whit the hell huv you put in these scones, you old waster ? I could swear ah?m hearing old deid Ben McNulty talking to you."
Old Dan raises an eyebrow and turns back to speak to empty space again?.
"and stupid he is too?.. verrrry stupid"
"Whit? No ! ah?m no stupid" shouts Luke, trying to jump to his feet and spilling his hot tea into his lap?
"OWWW no, Ben, is that really you ? tell him ah?m no stupid ! tell him I?m the man for the job ! tell him I?m ready to learn the Nedi business?."
" Ready, are you?" sneered Old Dan. "You don?t know yir arse from a hole in the ground. For eighty years have I trained Nedi, and no wee bawbag with pishy trousers is tellng me who I?ll train next."
"Its no? pish, its tea?," protested Luke.
" Many stains have yir trousers, some fresher than others?," said the Nedi master, turning back to face McNulty?s approximate position two feet above the kettle.
"This choob a long time have I watched. Never his mind on where he was or whit he was doing. Hmph. Women in leather. Heh! Threesomes. Heh! Watersports. Heh! DVDA. Hah! A Nedi craves not such things.
So did I, if you'll remember. There wizn?y a week went by that you didn?y drag me oot of the New Blythswood sauna kicking and screaming wi? me kecks roon? ma ankles"
"Hrmmmm. You, at least, were young when I trained?. HE is too old. Yes, too old and too stupid to begin."
"But I've no exactly been slacking?... I?ve already learnt loads of stuff on ma own?.. I can sook a carpet knife halfway across a room using jist ma arse, y'know??"
Old Dan sighs, and has another wee munch of scone, thinking to himself.
" Will he finish what he begins?"
McNulty does not reply?.. but Luke does.
"I?ll no? let you down ? I'm not feart of anything."
"Dinnae wash those trousers yet, youngster, cos ****eing it you will be, yeeessssss......... ****eing it you will be."
"Much lager in him, like his father."
// writes some more
Way funnier than anything we Canadians have come up with next door!
lol....and here I thought you were ignoring me yesterday, but you were actually doing this. Great job, love!
I just found this, and I'm loving it! More, please!
Come on DD, you can write some more!
You're a thread bumping idea stealer, cobra. Ah well, it's true. Write more
-sj loves kevin spacey
Maybe a mod should unlock the previous episode to survive the upcoming move.
Hmmm - Glad to se my young Padawan is keeping the story alive.
Good work DD!
Idea Stealer SJ? What could you mean by that?
Well I'd just mentioned this over in fanfiction and I was going to up it here, but you had the honour. That's all right
-sj loves kevin spacey
// gets back from a wee holiday
upcoming move ?
eh ? eh ? what ?
whit's happening /
Help me Obi-One-and-Only !
We are moving. Please tell us what you want.
We are moving
And a link to the Communications forum
Deus ex machina, no?