Star Wars Legacy Episode I, Chapter One [Please tell me what you think so far,}

Here's what i got so Far tell me what you think! be honest does it suck?

A long time ago, In a Galaxy far, far away?

Main title [cue music]

STAR WARS: LEGACY
Episode I
?A Vergence in the Force?
It has been over Two-thousand years since the events of the Galactic battle against the Yuuzhan Vong. The New-Republic has grown Strong Over the past Two-millennia. But this has not been an easily path to cross. Wars have been fault, Governments have fallen, and The Jedi now equals one-fifth the population of all Republic space. But these great achievements maybe put to the test. Currently the revered Jedi Master Yoda Skywalker, Descendent of the Jedi savior Luke Skywalker, has been sent on a mission to investigate the possibility of a Sith resurgence in the Unknown-Territory near the boarder of the Outer-Rim. Along with fellow master Chevacca, Yoda is sent to rendezvous with Jedi Master?s Dorshe? Oden and Saliv Romdel, and his Padawan Grem Venad have been sent to accompany Master Yoda on his Deadly Mission. But little do our heroes know that their mission will be cut short, and The Galaxy may never be the same because of it?

CHAPTER 1


The Jedi Star Cruiser ?Everlasting? had just dropped out Hyperspace a few thousand yards from the New Republic star-station ?Unity? which orbited Fregus-Prime, for one last re-supply before leaving the Mid-Rim. The Everlasting was also scheduled to pick-up three fellow Jedi to help Master Yoda Skywalker and Master Chevacca on their investigation of the Unknown-territory. Master Skywalker sat in the pilot?s seat as oppose to the captains chair of the Everlasting. This was common place among his Jedi peers, as they all know it?s very difficult to keep Master Skywalker in one place for long periods of time ?because I need to keep my mind working through the force!? At least that?s what he tells his fellow members of the Jedi Council.
The main viewer which was built into the screen began to blink to greenish hue. Then the cockpit was filled with the soft but powerful roar of Chevacca.
? Transmission from Unity Station Master Skywalker?
One of the few Wookies who can communicate to other species through the Force and while his groans resonated in your ears, in your mind each word came out as clear as binary suns of Tattoine.
?Thank you Master Chevacca, put it on main viewer if you will? Yoda replied.
The hairy, brown Jedi master lightly taped the panel in front of him and the view of the star-station was replaced by the living portrait of a strong, exotic violet skinned female Twi?lek in a Republic commander?s uniform, her attention diverted by computer panel containing that days station reports.
?This is Commander Welora Neras, of the New Republic star-station: Unity. We?ve been expecting you Everlasting.? She said in a fair but dominative tone.
?Request permission to dock at best convenience commander.? Yoda said in a clear neutral tone.
?Docking Bay-7 is scheduled for your arrival, Everlasting. A team of re-supply engineers are prepared to get you well stocked and on your way.? She replied. ?Also, we have three Jedi, here awaiting you there.?
Yoda returned her statement with hospitality. ?Thank you commander, I?m sure they brought no disruption to you and your crew.?
?On the contrary!? Her eyes lifted and meet the Jedi?s. ?They have been quite? Helpful??
?Helpful?? the word sprung from under Chevacca?s confused grow.
This bewildered the two Jedi Master?s, it was to their misconception that their colleagues Would likely have spent their time in meditation like most other Jedi, so as not to disturb the Unity?s crew of any routine procedure. But Dorshe? Oden, who lead the band of Jedi on the mission to Fregus-Prime in order to settle a trade dispute between feuding clans, is well known in the order for her kindness and willingness to help those in need. A trait which Yoda thought made her the great Jedi that she is today. Knowing Dorshe? she probably insisted that she and Master Saliv Romdel along with his Padawan learner Grem Venad assist The Station?s crew in so

 

You have already posted this in the Stories board and you can't just post each new story part in here, too. Are looking for a beta reader? (i.e. someone to dissect your story and tell you all of the ways you could improve it in their opinion) Or are you looking for general feedback? Beta reading is what this board is for.

 

Go ahead Beta-read? I guess Anything to help improve my story, or my writing.

 

Well any thoughts? anthing I could work on? It Dosen't Suck does it?

 

Without even reading it, I can give you one suggestion. Put an extra space between every paragraph, and divide scenes asteriks (****) or a line (______) or something. I have sensitive eyes, and don't like to read stories that aren't double-spaced off a computer screen, which is already bright enough. When you do that, I would be willing to dissect the first chapter for you, if only to show you how a beta-reader works and give you some ideas for improvement.


EDIT: I mean, just go back and edit your post with spaces between paragraphs, in case I didn't make that clear.

 

Thank you, I forgot to edit all the indents after I pasted it to the Fourm. Give me a minute.

A long time ago, In a Galaxy far, far away?

Main title [cue music]

STAR WARS: LEGACY
Episode I
?A Vergence in the Force?
It has been over Two-thousand years since the events of the Galactic battle against the Yuuzhan Vong. The New-Republic has grown Strong Over the past Two-millennia. But this has not been an easy path to cross. Wars have been fought, Governments have fallen, and The Jedi now equals one-fifth the population of all Republic space. But these great achievements may be put to the test. Currently the revered Jedi Master Yoda Skywalker, Descendent of the Jedi savior Luke Skywalker, has been sent on a mission to investigate the possibility of a Sith resurgence in the Unknown-Territory near the boarder of the Outer-Rim. Along with fellow master Chevacca, Yoda is sent to rendezvous with Jedi Master?s Dorshe? Oden and Saliv Romdel, and his Padawan Grem Venad have been sent to accompany Master Yoda on his Deadly Mission. But little do our heroes know that their mission will be cut short, and The Galaxy may never be the same because of it?

CHAPTER 1


The Jedi Star Cruiser ?Everlasting? had just dropped out Hyperspace a few thousand yards from the New Republic star-station ?Unity? which orbited Fregus-Prime, for one last re-supply before leaving the Mid-Rim. The Everlasting was also scheduled to pick-up three fellow Jedi to help Master Yoda Skywalker and Master Chevacca on their investigation of the Unknown-territory. Master Skywalker sat in the pilot?s seat as oppose to the captains chair of the Everlasting. This was common place among his Jedi peers, as they all know it?s very difficult to keep Master Skywalker in one place for long periods of time ?because I need to keep my mind working through the force!? At least that?s what he tells his fellow members of the Jedi Council.
The main viewer which was built into the screen began to blink to greenish hue. Then the cockpit was filled with the soft but powerful roar of Chevacca.
? Transmission from Unity Station Master Skywalker?
One of the few Wookies who can communicate to other species through the Force and while his groans resonated in your ears, in your mind each word came out as clear as binary suns of Tattoine.
?Thank you Master Chevacca, put it on main viewer if you will? Yoda replied.
The hairy, brown Jedi master lightly tapped the panel in front of him and the view of the star-station was replaced by the living portrait of a strong, exotic violet skinned female Twi?lek in a Republic commander?s uniform, her attention diverted by computer panel containing that days station reports.
?This is Commander Welora Neras, of the New Republic star-station: Unity. We?ve been expecting you Everlasting.? She said in a fair but dominative tone.
?Request permission to dock at best convenience commander.? Yoda said in a clear neutral tone.
?Docking Bay-7 is scheduled for your arrival, Everlasting. A team of re-supply engineers are prepared to get you well stocked and on your way.? She replied. ?Also, we have three Jedi, here awaiting you there.?
Yoda returned her statement with hospitality.
?Thank you commander, I?m sure they brought no disruption to you and your crew.?
?On the contrary!? Her eyes lifted and met the Jedi?s. ?They have been quite? Helpful??
?Helpful?? the word sprung from under Chevacca?s confused grow.
This bewildered the two Jedi Master?s, it was to their misconception that their colleagues Would likely have spent their time in meditation like most other Jedi, so as not to disturb the Unity?s crew from any routine procedure. But Dorshe? Oden, who lead the band of Jedi on the mission to Fregus-Prime in order to settle a trade dispute between feuding clans, is well known in the order for her kindness and willingness to help those in need. A trait which Yoda thought made her the great Jedi that she is today. Knowing Dorshe? she probably insisted that she and Master Saliv Rom

 

Apparrently that did nothing I'm sorry thats all thats I could manage to Do, for now.

 

I remember when I first had trouble with that.

Just press "return" or "enter" an extra time between paragraphs. Indentations don't show up on the boards.

(like this) *point at own post*