Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by CodyMonKenobi, Oct 8, 2003.
I am going to try and finish this, this week sections may be small but they will come more often.
INT. Republic Frigate Sovereignty- Docking Bay
Many Jedi Starfighters of different colors are seen being prepared with astromechs. The Jedi pilots are also in a hurry to man their ships. Qui Gon Jinn can be seen walking with his apprentice.
Qui Gon: Obi Wan, I haven?t shown you much close personal attention, and I am sorry.
Obi Wan: Its okay master.
Qui Gon: Are you okay? You seem on edge.
Obi Wan: I am still not used to flying.
Qui Gon: (smiling) You?ll get used to it, go to the bridge, Master Nu will need your help.
Obi Wan: Yes Master.
Qui Gon: And Obi Wan, may the force be with you.
Obi Wan: May the force be with you master.
The two bow before each other and go in separate directions; Qui Gon stops at his gold colored Jedi Starfighter. He climbs in and prepares for take off. He then speaks into the comlink.
Qui Gon: Gold team and Green team will follow me to the surface, Blue team and Red team will carry one up here under the Command of Master Echuu. Protect the frigates; the Chiss have to fight the Hutts as well we have a common enemy. Lets try and show the Chiss we want to help them do your best not to engage in combat with them. May the force be with you.
Two Republic Frigates can be seen the Sovereignty and the Redemption. Jedi Star Fighters of Green, Red, Gold and Blue colors can be seen pouring out of them lead by Qui Gon (Gold leader Human Jedi), Echuu Shen Jon (Red leader Mirialan Jedi), Zubin (Green leader Whiphid Jedi), and Rakesh (Blue leader Weeguay Jedi).
INT. Qui Gon?s starfighter.
Qui Gon: All leaders report in.
INT. Echuu?s fighter
Echuu: Red Leader standing by.
INT. Rakesh?s fighter
Rakesh: Blue leader standing by
INT. Zubin?s fighter
Zubin: Green leader standing by.
INT. Echuu?s fighter.
Echuu: Lock s-foils in attack position
The Jedi Star fighters can be seen grouping together, the Gold team and Green team together and the Red and Blue teams. Gold and Green Dive down toward the planet, and Red and Blue fly toward the action.
Where do we go from here?
1) Follow Qui Gon and Zubin into battle
2) Follow Echuu and Rakesh into Battle
3) Einar and Foucarg meeting with the other Black Sun soldiers
4) Aurra Singh STAP Soldier
I am going to post the story to-date so that it will be easier for others to catch up if they want to.
20th Century Fox Logo
Lucas Film Logo
A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away...
Pre Saga Episode I
Mystery of Sith
It is a time of rapid change in the Republic. Expansion towards the edges of the galaxy has brought forth great prosperity for the Core Worlds, but the Outer Rim has been stricken with poverty and corruption.
Two men determined to return balance back to the Republic now stand ready to change the course of galactic events forever. One is a Jedi Knight, defender of truth and justice. The other is a senator's aide, a cunning diplomat who is not what he seems.
This politician is en route to the desert world of Tatooine, where a secret meeting with the despicable Gardulla the Hutt will take place...
The camera pans right as we see a Sienar Class L1 transport (a smaller version of the Lambda class seen on RotJ) coming out of hyperspace and then orbiting the planet of Tatooine.
Cockpit of the L1 transport
Aurra Sing walks through the door from the cockpit to the cargo hold.
Aurra Sing: Sir, Lord Malice insists that you contact him at once.
Palpatine: Very well, tell the captain not to begin his landing sequence until I send this transmission.
Aurra: Very well.
Aurra turns around and walks back toward the cockpit, and Palpatine begins to make his Transmission to Coruscant. A holographic image appears of a dark blue humanoid man wearing a black hood. Only the lower part of his face is revealed.
Palpatine: What is your bidding, my master?
Darth Malice: I have allowed you to dabble in politics/play the politician long enough, but I will not allow you to manipulate your way into senate. It is too risky. The jedi must not know of our existence.
Palpatine: I understand, my master.
Darth Malice: What are you doing on Tatooine?
Palpatine: Senator Stanimir has me here on a diplomatic mission. I assure you, Master, it won?t take long.
Darth Malice: Very well. Be mindful, I sense a disturbance in the Force. If I find out you are going against my command, I will not be very forgiving.
Palpatine: [bows before the image] Yes, Master.
The image fades away and Palpatine turns and sees Aurra standing behind him
Aurra: So what is your plan now? Do you think he knows?
Palpatine (scornful): My 'master' is stupid and naÃ¯ve. The only way to overthrow the Jedi is to gain political power. Then we can destroy them. If he will not see this truth then he will meet his destiny.
Aurra: I don?t understand why you're going to Gardulla as a represenitive of the Republic. The only thing the Hutts hate worse then Politicians is the Jedi.
Palpatine: I am quite confident I can persuade her, if you can get me in.
Aurra: Oh don?t worry, I?ll get you in, but it?s going to be crowded today. There is a big pod race and Gardulla will be throwing a party.
Palpatine walks over to the comlink and presses the button on it.
Palpatine: [into the com link] You may begin your approach, Captain.
Voice from Comlink: Yes, sir.
The transport ship enters the Atmosphere of Tatooine. As it proceeds, the bottom two wings begins to fold up in landing configuration.
The Camera weaves over Coruscant's skyline, before centering on the Pylon of the Jedi Temple.
CORUSCANT:INT JEDI TEMPLE Courtyard
We hear the sound of sparring Jedi. Lightsabers clatter against each other.
Walkway around the courtyard, one floor up. Two Jedi walk, observing the courtyard.
QUI-GON JINN: I feel it, master. It IS a time of change. But the change will not come from here. The Republic has become too conservative. I feel ... pulled ... to the Outer Rim.
DOOKU: The outer rim? They don't respect neither the Order nor the Republic there. It would be pointless to go to them for guidance.
QUI-GON JINN: Nevertheless, something is there. Change.
I vote for 1
hey, if you like this CYOA, click on the link at the bottom of my screen and it takes you to a posting board at that site. There are several different CYOA there and we need new readers! you have to register to vote, but its worth it. check out EP VIII rise of the vong.
register to vote? what next? me dancing in a cantina with a slave Leia style outfit?
hmmm...that sounds interesting. we should have a vote on on whether to make that maniditory or not...no, you register just like you do for this site, get a screen name, icon, blablabla, and then you have access to the boards to post. otherwise all you can do is look.
I have already voted in the other place.
I have been away for like 19 days trying to get my broadband to work.
It as you can tell is know working.
register to vote? what next? me dancing in a cantina with a slave Leia style outfit?
I would love to see that.
The other place is not working, can anyone tell me why.
When is the next section going to be up.
hmmm...has anyone seen codymon around?
i think he has run away with scooby.
(laughing very hard)
Nope haven't seen Scooby, just haven't had a chance to get on the computer since the last time I posted. I will have the next section up tonight.
here is the next section, I hope you enjoy it. and as always critism is welcome.
EXT. Chiss Atmosphere
Gold and green teams enter the atmosphere with little resistance.
INT. Qui Gon?s Starfighter
Qui Gon: Report
Green 4: (from comlink) there is a city not far away, many firefights are going on at the edge of the city there are also many fires inside the city.
Qui Gon: And Aurra Singh?s ship?
Green 4: It is inside the city, however it will be difficult to reach it.
Qui Gon: Alright, gold team we are landing here, and we will continue on foot toward the city. Green team try and give us some help in the sky fly over the city see which areas are hot.
EXT. Plain just outside the city
The twenty gold jedi Starfighters land as the green fighters scream overhead. The Jedi all step out of the their fighters on to the green fields of Csillia, but to the north all that can be seen is orange glow of fire as the day turns to dusk. Loud explosions and screams of pain and anger can be heard.
Gran Jedi: (in subtitles) The darkside is strong here.
Qui Gon: Yes, death and destruction usually causes that, they are not as disciplined as we are. Many of us will fall today, but we cannot let anger of fear grab hold of us, we have been chosen to protect the galaxy at all cost. Do not fear death, for in it we shall become more powerful than any can imagine. May we fight and die with honor and may the force be with us.
Qui Gon ignites his green saber and the others follow his lead a glow of green and blue can be seen as a usual near silent hum echoes through the air. The jedi turn to the north, let out a battle cry and charge toward the capital.
INT. Bridge of the Sovereignty
Young Obi Wan Kenobi walks onto the bridge, where there are many young Padawans seated with a small ring metal crown like object on there head. He walks up to Jocasta Nu and bows.
Obi Wan: My master has instructed me to help out here, what do you need me to do.
Jocasta: take this ring place it on your head a sit at one of the consoles.
Obi Wan: What is it for?
Jocasta: with you focusing, it will increase the power of our shields.
Obi Wan places the ring on his head and sits near a Xexto padawan.
EXT. City walls
Foucarg and Einar reach the rest of the black sun squadron along with the Chiss guards. As the run up to meet with the two of the guards are shot by a rodian in black sun armor.
Einar: No you moron they are with us. How are we doing?
A human captain walks over to him
Capt.: we have taken most of the city, and suffered very few casualties; they are holding the ground here.
Foucarg: yes the palace would be the best protected.
Capt.: One more thing, if I am not mistaken Aurra Singh is leading their ground troop here.
Einar: this time she won?t get the best of me, give the order Aurra is to be taken alive.
Capt.: yes sir.
The Captain raises his comlink to his mouth when suddenly a loud roar can be heard. Every one looks up as Jedi bombers flyover and begin making drops.
The black sun soldiers run as the ground the once stood explodes. Dirt, rock and ash falls from the sky as do a bothan, and a wookie.
Einar: That?s all we need here is the jedi.
A battle cry can be heard coming from behind them. And the city streets glow green and blue intend of orange.
Einar: We have company men. I want half of you to continue making your way in the palace the other half come with me we got jedi to fry.
Capt.: Sir we have a tank heading this way along with some STAP soldiers.
The Tank moves into position and raises it?s cannon, as it fires it?s first shot the blast rocks it back, and it makes a thunderous noise. The fire from its cannon roars through the sky, and lands right in the middle of the oncoming jedi. They are all thrown from their feet some hurled high into the sky some are only thrown meters away, but lay motionless
Einar: Well, that will help (to the Chiss commander) send two of
I enjoyed reading this.
These parts were very descriptive, and I like how colour is used in your writing....but to the north all that can be seen is orange glow of fire as the day turns to dusk. Loud explosions and screams of pain and anger can be heard....A battle cry can be heard coming from behind them. And the city streets glow green and blue intend of orange.
This part was great.....Do not fear death, for in it we shall become more powerful than any can imagine. May we fight and die with honor and may the force be with us.
I liked this also....The black sun soldiers run as the ground the once stood explodes. Dirt, rock and ash falls from the sky as do a bothan, and a wookie.
I choose 3
Thanks, I am always tring to improve my writing skills. reading your work and tring to imatate your style has made me better. I do not compare to you but I do work very hard on improving myself.
thanks for reading my work Cody.
NP. I am actully tring to finish up the script I have writen most of it and will post it after I am satisfied with it's ending, I have prolonged the end of this story for to long. I am ready to get started on DtDP.