Saga Star Wars: The Grey Widow

Hi all,

I just wanted to get some feedback on an opening paragraph I bashed out the other day. I'd really any comments, good or bad - I've never done fan fiction before, and just wanted to get a flavour of if this idea was total nonsense or not before pursuing with it.

Any feedback as to whether to continue or quit while ahead or requests for things you'd like exploring are welcome.

Thanks!

Mike



The essential premise is to tell a Tarkin-esque tale of a deadly female Imperial Officer, the Grey Widow. Set between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope, The Grey Widow will reveal how the Admiral known only as 'Widow' to her troopers and officers, fares an unknown and threatening resistance on the glass planet of Kryndor.

As she faces her toughest challenge to date in the Imperial Navy, we'll learn how this terrifying yet tortured figure managed to beat off competition in a male-dominated arena to win the trust of the Emperor, and become a linchpin of the Galactic Imperial Command. And how her past may have more in common with the rebels she seeks to eliminate then with her fellow officers....

Surrender or Die. The Widow awaits.

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APPROX 10 YEARS BEFORE THE BATTLE OF YAVIN

A long time ago, in a galaxy, far, far, away…

STAR WARS

THE GREY WIDOW



Silently, the Grey Widow watched her prey.

In galaxies, far, far, away, her darker namesake wouldn’t be afraid of consuming her own mate. In this galaxy, the Imperial Officer known only as ‘Grey Widow’ feared none of the ships that dominated the skyline outside her viewport – not even a fellow Imperial Star Destroyer.

Silently, lustily, she admired the magnificent engineering. A triangle of death, with the power to intimidate and terrify star systems. Whilst incapable of fulfilling the fearful promise of its name, the instantly recognisable shape had the power to snuff out hope, in any corner of the galaxy.

Apart from this one. This one, hijacked by a cell hell bent on revenge against the Empire for spurious accusations based in the myth of the Jedi, had become a symbol of hope – for a resistance which was growing stronger by the day.

Not anymore.

“Fire at will, Commander”, breathed the husky voice of the Admiral they simply called 'Widow'.

In a second, a line of green fired from the command deck and set the bridge of the traitorous triangle alight. In a blaze of smoke, incandescence, and debris, the symbol of the burgeoning resistance that was made up of the traitors of the world of Kryndor was destroyed.

For one delicious, victorious moment, her eyes drank it in. Then, in a second, she turned to the Deck Officer and gave the order to land. Behind her sunken, black eyes was a malice composed of steel, and with the intellectual thrust of a scimitar.

Things had gotten out of hand on Kryndor. But a new dawn had risen – a dawn of order, of strength, of the stability that only the Galactic Empire could bring.

But for the traitors, it would be a red dawn. A dawn that would bring imprisonment or death – and whether by execution or incarceration, it would be the last dawn many of them would ever see.

“Shall I enable the stealth mode of the Armada, my Lady?” asked the dutiful Deck Officer.

The merest trace of a smile formed at a scarlet mouth.

“No. Let them see how their fate approaches. Signal the call sign,” she rasped.

“As you wish, my lady.”

From the bowels of the ship, if you listened intently, one could detect a small bleep being transmitted from the communications array. On the Star Destroyer Isolation, its presence was insignificant – but to the rebels below, the words that were scrambled in the transmission were made clear.


The Widow is coming. Surrender or Die.

 

Hi! I see you've been registered for a while, but that this is your first post. Welcome out of lurkedom!

Just FYI - We don't allow polls in the story forums and don't allow polls asking if you should write or continue something, so I've removed it.

This was a really interesting start! The Grey Widow... pretty scary name, I'm curious as to how she came by it!
Thanks for sharing! I look forward to more!

 

Thanks very much - didn't mean to infringe any rules! Appreciate the encouragement and may continue soon!