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Saga Star Wars: The Outtakes "Choose your own weird Adventure Scriptment..."

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Laughing_Gas, Jul 7, 2003.

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  1. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    I hope it is as funny as rush's.
  2. Jedi_Rage

    Jedi_Rage Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 7, 2003
    ive had like 5 good ideas but i keep forgetting, one that i thought would be funny but didnt know how to put it in a scene is when han is frozen in carbonite he is giving everyone the middle finger,or some obscene(spelling?) jeisture(spelling?)
  3. CodyMonKenobi

    CodyMonKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 29, 2001
    [scene Jabba the Hutts Palace, Musical scene take 1]

    The first musical number ends the crowd pleased as is Jabba.

    Yasim: Ahh all that singing is making me thirsty I'm getting a drink

    Yasim walks away
    [cut to Jabba]

    Jabba: (in subtitles) Ahhh do that number again.

    [cut back to the band minus Yasim]

    the band begins to sing and dance,Sy Snootles sngs her number, when it is time for Yasim no one knows what to do suddenly a bear walks out to replace him

    Fuazzy: Walka walka walka, I am Fuazzy the bear, walka walka walka. A summgerlar walks into a bar and says take my wookie please walka walka walka.

    Jabba is clearly discustied and hits the button for the Rancor pit, and the Dancer falls in. She stands looking at the big metal door as it creeks open in fear.


    as the door comes open we see a pink hairy creature.

    Animal: Ahh, WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN.

    George: okay I have had enough of this crap, I'm tired of all these muppets

    Kermit the frog walks by whereing a jedi robe.

    Kermit: Uhm, does this mean you don't need me for the Yoda scene. I have practiced my saber skills.

    Kermit waves around his saber with his skinny wobbely arms with no style at all.

    Kermit: not bad for an amphibian huh.

    George: (rolls his eyes, and lifts his hands up) Okay thats it for the day cut lets go home, Rick get Yoda on the phone we need him back.
  4. Jedi_Rage

    Jedi_Rage Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 7, 2003
    good work on the last line
  5. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    That was good CodyMonKenobi.
  6. Rush_Limbaugh

    Rush_Limbaugh Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 4, 2003
    Hey dude, that was funny. I liked the muppet idea.

    Lucas sits at his chair, and Obi-Wan walks up to him. It's the Kamino battle scene.

    Ewan: So George...what's my motivation here for this scene?

    George: Well, hm. Here's what's going on. You're here to capture Jango Fet-

    Ewan starts giggling

    George: [laughing along a little bit] What's funny?

    Ewan: Hehe, hehe, nothing. Go on.

    He's calm for a moment. Obviously trying to hold back

    George: Ok, so you're here to capture Jango Fett, who is th-

    Ewan starts laughing again

    George: [again, laughing along] Comeon man, whats funny?

    Ewan: Haha, nothing, just the-...haha. Jango bango tango zango mango...haha

    Ewan is giggling like a child. George kindof looks at him weird, and then continues
    to talk to Ewan.

    George: Ok, so you'll be fighting him, and then Boba Fett will-

    Ewan begins laughing loudly. He holds his gut, and peels over

    George: [obviously angery] Comeon now, let's be serious...

    Ewan: Ok ok...[stoping briefly]

    George: Now, you'll lose, but are able to throw a-

    Ewan starts laughing very hard. He can't help himself, as George Lucas stands sighing deeply and angerly. Just then, George reaches over and plucks a hair from Ewan's beard. Ewan quickly shuts up, and jumps to his feet. He glares at George

    George: Ok. I've told you before. You listen to me when I talk to you. Don't make fun of the names. [pause] You don't have the most normal name ever. "Obi-Wan Kenobi?" When was the last time you heard that.

    Ewan giggles a little one, but then shuts up when george glares at him.

    George: Now go out there and do the scene.

    Ewan walks out to the set laughing.

    Ta Daaaaaa! There's my 3rd scene.

  7. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    That was great rush, not as funny as your first one but still funny all the same.
  8. Tegarend

    Tegarend Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 7, 2003
    That was a good one ... CYOWAS rocks...
  9. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    This is a good idea for a thread.

    All hail Laughing_Gas for bringing us this thread.
  10. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    I can not wait for Laughing_Gas to post her outtake it will rock.
  11. Rush_Limbaugh

    Rush_Limbaugh Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 4, 2003
    Do we know that though? I can't say that I've seen her write yet, but I can't see it not being good...

  12. Laughing_Gas

    Laughing_Gas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 8, 2003
    Okay, please don't hail me. Rush, I'm not going to say I'm a good writer, but you might like it.

    Attack of the Clones: The Balconly of the Naboo Lake Retreat

    Anakin: I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything's soft and smooth. (He moves to stroke Padme's arm, but as the camera moves closer one can see there is scribbling down Natalie's arm.)

    George: Cut! What is this? (He motions at Natalie's arm.)

    Hayden: Well--

    Natalie: Let me explain. Afterall, I went to college, you blithering idiot--

    George: What happened here?

    Natalie: You see, Hayden is rather stupid...

    George: So you said, but why is there black marker in your arm?

    Natalie: IF YOU MORONS WOULD GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF (she sighs and begins to explain again) Hayden is stupid. So, in oder ro help him memorize his script I had to write where he was to stroke me on my back--

    Hayden: When you say it like that...

    Natalie: Shut the (bleep) up! (She moves to kick him in his manly areas, but misses)

    Hayden: Sorry, Natalie, but I had jedi reflexes...

    Natalie: And I have Sentar reflexes. (She aims again, and doesn't miss. Hayden falls to the ground, moaning) Anyway, it's all your fault for hiring an awful (she glances at Hayden) and pitiful actor.

    George: (He standing there stunned, looking at Hayden. One would think he was worried about his condition after just being kicked...) If this is written in sharpie, you won't be able to stand up properly ever again.

    Natalie: (grinning evily) Oh, it is...

    (Geogre runs at Hayden as if to kick him, but misses as Hayden rolls out of the way, and...)

    Hayden: AAAHHHHHHHHH!!! (He falls of the balcony into the water) I CAN'T SWIM!!!

    George: Leave him there. Someone still have Jake Llyod's phone number?

    EDIT- I took some of the cussing out...
  13. Laughing_Gas

    Laughing_Gas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 8, 2003
    Oh, forgot. Sorry, I was out of town in Chicago, so I didn't post. I have a bunch of scenes I could, but whenever I get to writing I always think no that's stupid. This one I thought might go okay. If tyou like, I have many many more....
  14. DarthNeil

    DarthNeil Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 24, 2003
    I liked that it was funny.
  15. CodyMonKenobi

    CodyMonKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 29, 2001
    I agree it was funny I will try to write another one later, without typos this time (I am to lazy to go edit it :p )
  16. Rush_Limbaugh

    Rush_Limbaugh Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 4, 2003
    I thought it was funny, but if you're going to swear, ( I did) use it in moderation, and not in every sentance. Dis' ain't Shawshank Redemption. Haha, but good job otherwise.


    (come check out Episode VII)

  17. Jedi_Rage

    Jedi_Rage Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 7, 2003
    i liked it

    i have the same prob everytime i start writing them down im like this aint good and delete it
  18. Laughing_Gas

    Laughing_Gas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 8, 2003
    Thanks for the suggestion Rush. And I'm glad I'm not the only one Rage..... I'll post my stupidest most off the wall one, and if you don't like it or think it's to random, I'll stick to ones like that.
  19. CodyMonKenobi

    CodyMonKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 29, 2001
    [Couracsant chase scene AOTC]

    We see Anakin Skywalker (Leo Dicaprial) and Obi Wan Kenobi chasing after the bounty hunter through the streets of the city but seem to have gotten lost

    Obi Wan:(in correction) that ws some short cut Anakin, he completely went the other way.

    Anakin(Leo): I'm deeply sorry master.

    [cut to]

    Lucas: (shout) Okay cut that was good.(to rick) get the extras ready for the next scene

    Rick is seen running off

    [cut to]

    Obi Wan: WOW Leo that was great acting.

    Anakin (Leo): If you'll excuse me master.

    Anakin jumps out of the speeder, and there are no other speeders underneath them, causing him to fall to his death.


    [cut to]

    Lucas: Damn It I said cut, now we have to find a new Anakin. what do we have Rick?

    Rick: well, we have this kid Hayden Christiansen to play CloneTrooper #15378342749, but he isn't a very good actor.

    Lucas: is his last name Lloyd?

    Rick: no

    Lucas: Good he's hired, now be a good boy and fetch me a cup of coffee

    Rick: Yes master

    Natalie walks over to george clearly angry

    Natalie: No, I only came back for this one because you said I would get to kiss Leo

    Lucas: Shut up girl, you will kiss Hayden and you will love it or I will feed you to the sarlacc.

    Natalie: you think you scare me

    Lucas: Okay, I'll feed you to Rick

    Natalie: Okay I'll do it. just keep Rick and his greasy hands off of me.

    Lucas: Okay we are done until we can get this other Anakin here every one take the rest of the day off.

    Every one files out of the studio and the lights go off except for on the stage.

    [cut to]

    Obi wan sitting in the speeder by himself

    Obi Wan: Uhm George... someone can you get me down... please... someone.

  20. Laughing_Gas

    Laughing_Gas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 8, 2003
    Be warned this is really long, and it is the stupidest one I have......If you don't like I can go back to the normal stuff.

    Opening Night of Episode II

    (Crew has gathered in the box seats of a movie theater an hour early with George Lucas to throw a party. George is seated in a director?s chair. He is preparing to watch a special presentation by Ewan.)

    George: (to Samuel L. Jackson) So, what?s this special presentation about. I don?t trust Ewan.

    Samuel: (shrugging) I have no idea.....

    (Movie starts)

    (5, 4, 3, 2, 1... A scence from the beginning of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer?s Stone comes up.)

    Uncle Vernon: Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week. Know why, Dudley?

    (Dudley shrugs)

    Harry: Because there?s no Pony Express on Sundays.

    Uncle Vernon: (confused) Right, but there?s no pony express anyday, Harry...

    (Harry starts to drool)

    (Scene cuts to to Ewan dressed as George at the Dursleys Home, with Dobby there.)

    Dobby: Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year. There is a plot. A plot to make most terrible things happen.

    Ewan: (explaining) But I?m George Lucas. Why would I care?

    (Scene cuts to Ewan standing in the middle of a dungeon with flames all around him.)

    Voldermort: Tell me, Obi, would you like to see your parents again. (Ewan's mom and George appear in the mirror) Together we can bring them back. Just give me the STONE!!!

    Ewan: You liar! (He jumps into the flames and catches on fire. He screeches in agony and runs into Quirrel. He sets him on fire. He runs at the camera and the movie ends.)

    Samuel: (clapping) Bravo! Encore!

    Hayden: (interrupting him) NO! NO, ENCORE!

    Ewan: (coming up the stairs) George, did you like it?

    George: (He is still stunned from the movie.) Uhh... Yeah, yeah. It was... interesting. But, umm, what did it have to do with Star Wars?

    Ewan: (starting to cry) IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITTH STAR WARS!!! (He uses the force to try and grab the tape from the projector and run, but the tape breaks.)

    Christopher Lee: Padawan, you should have pressed eject first.

    Cameraman: That?s not the way a projector works.


    Samuel: What?s wrong with him? Why?s he keep yelling?

    George: Menopause...

    Chris: (explaining) Hear me out. You see, Qui-Gon died.

    Hayden: Well, duh, we all knew that...

    Ewan: (choking Hayden) SHUT UP!

    Natalie: (pulling a Grand Moff Tarkin mask over her face) Vader! Release him! (Ewan does and she takes off the mask.)

    Chris: Let me finish! He was my Padawan. You were his, therefore, because he?s dead your mine.

    Hayden: Am I yours too?

    Chris: No, Obi-Wan is still aliive.

    Hayden: But Sir Alec Guiness ISN?T ALIVE!

    Natalie: That reminds me! George, Sir Alec Guiness left this in my possession when he died. It is time it was returned to you.

    Hayden: Hey, that?s a line from Harry Potter!

    Natalie: I?m going with the flow Ewan set already.

    Hayden: Ohh...

    George: Well what is it?

    Natalie: Let me put it in the unbroken projector. (She glares at Ewan. He falls down, twitching.)

    (While she is gone, everyone entertains themselves by making fun of Ewan?s twitching until he recovers.)


    Samuel: We weren?t making fun of you! We were making fun of your twitching.

    Ewan: Ohh...

    Hayden: Don?t lie to him, Sam...

    (Ewan starts to cry as the movie begins. Sir Alec Guiness?s face appears.)

    Guiness: Hey, George. Remember me. Alec Guiness. I always hated Star Wars, because I knew I could do better then it. I still hate it. So here is a little presentation of how much I hate Star Wars and... you!

    (Scene cuts to a black room with stars painted on the walls. A stuffed dummy of George Lucas is hanging from the ceiling.)

    Guiness: (the dummy)[/i
  21. StitchExperiment626

    StitchExperiment626 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Feb 24, 2003
  22. JediNemesis

    JediNemesis Jedi Padawan star 4

    Mar 27, 2003
    Ah, what the hell. Sign me up. I'm utterly no good at humour but I'll have a go.

    And these are hilarious... even though I had no idea what on earth was going on in the last one.

    Nem :D
  23. Jedi_Rage

    Jedi_Rage Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 7, 2003
    i dont know harry potter so i was a bit confused
  24. Laughing_Gas

    Laughing_Gas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 8, 2003
    I figured get the weirdest out of the way......

    So Nemesis is signed up too.

    Okay here's where the choose your own weird adventure part comes in. Everyone has the choice of the stories they want. I did general revisions on the stories, and everyone can vote now on 1 of the seven choices to win. Have Fun (and I didn't add the Harry Potter thing....He, he, he, he)

    CHOICE 1

    Out-take from Episode II, Attack of the Clones.

    Scene: Yoda fights Dooku in Geonosian landing pad.

    Yoda ignites his lightsaber as it quickly moves to his hand through the force. The two both quickly jump into the battle.

    Yoda makes amazing jumps, twirls, and spins to create an awsome battle between himself, and Count Dooku. Dooku quickly blocks most of the shots, but just in time, each time to save himself.

    As Yoda makes a flying jump, his lightsaber quickly flies from his hand, and he falls in a jumbling mess onto the floor. Christopher Lee quickly runs over to the fallen Yoda.

    Lee: Hey! Are you all right little one?? That was quite a fall!

    Yoda: [Placing his hand on his chest] My pacemaker! Skipped a beat it has!

    Lee: Do you think you're up for this?

    Yoda: [Getting up slowly and pulling a small fishing line to get the lightsaber to come to his hand. Used to simulate the force.] Ok I am. Go on with the scene, we must!

    An assistant runs up to Yoda with a water bottle in hand. Yoda places his lightsaber on a string down, and takes the oversized water bottle in his 2 hands. He pours himself a drink, as another assistant uses a mini-fan to cool off Lee. Several other people use lint removers on his dark cloak.

    Just then, George Lucas walks into the view

    Lucas: You gunna' be all right Yoda? Nick Gilliard isn't making the fight scenes too complicated is he?

    Yoda: Fine they are. Able am I...

    Lucas: I dunno'. You're getting kind of old for this man.

    Yoda: [angered] When 900 years old you reach, do stunts as good you will not, hmm?

    Lucas: Are you calling me out of shape?

    Yoda: Perhaps I am. For me to know, and for you to find out, it is...

    Lucas: Listen buddy! We don't need your crap here! I can just as soon hire Kermit to do this job!

    Yoda: BAH! Up your a** you shove this job! Insult me you won't!

    Yoda begins to walk away. Someone begins to hand him a cane, but he doesn't actually need it. He waves off the agent and storms off. [/b]

    Lucas: I created you! You won't work in this town again!! I swear it!

    Yoda: [turning around] If a middle finger I did have, flip you off I would!!

    Lucas frowns

    The End

    CHOICE 2:

    Episode II: Exceution Arena

    (Anakin, Padme and Obi-Wan are seated on the back of one of the three monsters, when the droids come rolling out...)

    Scene Cuts

    Mace Windu stands directly behind Jango Fett and Count Dooku. He ignites lightsaber right by Jango Fett's neck)

    Mace - This party's over...

    Count Dooku - Are you sure. (He summons to a droid in the background. It's R4. He is carrying a tray of...) Can't I persuade you with some crumpets and tea?

    Mace - Oh, why thank you! (He takes the whole tray and begins to eat all it's contents)

    (While this is going on Anakin, Padme, and Obi-Wan, who are lightsaber-less, still remain seated. They are waiting for their cue to jump off, but instead the droids start firing)

    (Up in the box seats all that can be heard is their shrill screams.)

    Mace - (Looking up at Dooku and wiping the crumbs from his front.) TASTY!

    Choice 3

    Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

    Luke balances on one hand, while Yoda stands on one of his legs. He continually speaks of the force, as Luke begins to lift up rocks, and R2. The rocks float around weightless.

    Suddenly, a rock falls right between Mark Hammel's legs, and cause him to fall right to the ground, into a fetal position. Yoda goes flying and R2 is slowly lowered to the ground from his fishing wire. The other rocks also are dropped.

    Mark: [in a high pitched voice] Wha-...what was that??
  25. Jedi_Rage

    Jedi_Rage Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 7, 2003
    1 3 and seven are good but 1 was just hilarious so 1
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