Saga Stars (a rather dark QG viggie)

Okay! This is based on CYN's story One Door Closes. I wrote it quite a while ago, only recently plucked up the courage to send it to her, and she gave me permission to post it. So here it is. And anything I got wrong or contradicts One Door Closes is my fault entirely. It's Qui-Gon's feelings after he (er...spoiler?) tries to kill Obi-Wan.

Warning: much weirdness ahead. Seriously...this scared me. [face_shocked]



Denethor started as one waking from a trance, and the flame died in his eyes and he wept; and he said "Do not take my son from me! He calls for me."

"He calls," said Gandalf "but you cannot come to him yet...

~The Pyre Of Denethor, Lord Of The Rings

Stars

there is no such thing as hell + monsters don't exist
there is no such thing as hell + monsters don't exist
there is no such thing as hell + monsters don't exist

It was a mantra his mother-was it his mother? It was someone who cared for him, anyway-used to repeat to him at night. He suffered from nightmares when he was young. At the Temple, wrapped up in a hundred blankets and freezing cold, he would repeat it to himself endlessly, trying to convince himself that if he said it enough, there would be no more nightmares. Once a girl called Tahl, hearing his crying at night, had crept into his bed and held onto him and whispered it along with him.

there is no such thing as hell + monsters don't exist

Did monsters generally fear other monsters?

there is no

anger

hatred

...love

such thing as hell

....hell. hell. hell. hell. hell. hell.

Sounded like a droid with it's voice activator broken.

hell hell hell hell hell hell

Ought to be shut down. Broken things. Turned off. Cease to exist.

...monsters don't exist....

Waking up had been the hard part. While they'd reached inside the minds of him and his Padawan, he'd leaned his forehead against Obi-Wan's. Or imagined he did. Perhaps he hadn't.

He fell asleep against a tree musing about Xanatos. What better way to betray someone then to make them the betrayer?

He woke up far before morning and stared at the stars for hours.. He wondered what the night felt like and why it felt like that. It had specks of light in it. Everyone did, did they not? Maybe they were covered by clouds, and the clouds burst and drowned out his insides, mind and his protests.


damaged hearts will never tell / + a living-dead angel created a hell

xxxx

"I wish I was a star."
The other Jedi gave him a look. "You wish you were a lump of burning things thousands of miles away?"
"Er...no. Not quite."

+++++

damaged hearts will never tell / and a living- dead angel created a hell

To get all the demon out of him, he'd have to cut himself into a million pieces. He mused about That Day. Xanatos's blood on the wall. Him being shoved into the wall. His blood and his blood...the exact same colour. His blood was not pure black. His - Xan's blood was as real as his. The streaks of blood had mingled and slid to the floor, staining everything in their path.

damaged hearts will never tell

His heart seemed to enjoy screaming at the rest of him. He wished it wouldn't, but without his heart he'd be dead.

x a living - dead angel created a hell

Didn't dead souls at least get to share hell with other dead souls? Or maybe everyone got their own private hell, complete with swimming pool of eternal suffering and en suite bathroom of eternal pain.

******

When he woke up the stars were inside him. They'd taken over, shut down all his internal organs and were screaming at him.


-you!-

yes

-what are you thinking about?-

two people I lost

-imagine

that a wicked villain

(not you, o much-loved fool)

held them both and told you to choose.

who would you choose?-

both.

-...-

BOTH

-tell me

why do you love him?

or don't you?-

I....

 

Oh. My. Gosh.

[face_shocked]

Wow, f_o_w, that was amazing. Very emotional and orginal. I'll have to re-read this tomorrow, let it sink in a bit more. Amazing job!

 

Thank you, LE.

 

Very existentialist, stream-of-consciousness - and very stunning in portraying the agony of a lost soul.

Sorry it took me a while to get here, fow. Real life, ya know?

But I didn't want to miss the chance to say that I'm honored to be some small part of the inspiration that helped you create this.

CYN

 

Hi!

This is psychedelic, expressionistic ... almost (but not quite) verging on dada. Wow! Thought-provoking. I've read this at least a half-dozen times already, will have to read it a half-dozen more times.

Thanks for sharing this!!!!

P.S. I don't reckon you'll do a litcrit on this, will you?

 

CYN: Hi! And thanks!

Lurkalidth: Wow. Thank you.