Beyond - Legends Strange, Backward Planet ~ Deleted and Locked

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or Dathomir. Not making any money on this either.

This has been deleted for personal reasons. Thanks for understanding and thanks for the feedback!

 

I like the opening. Very nice poem!

Hmmm... are you SilSolo by any chance?

 

I liked the poem! It was very original.
I'm going to guess that you are: DathomirianAuthor
*Takes chocolate*

 

Me? Why would you guess me? No, this is not me! I'm thinking Datho.

Idrelle, I hate to use socks cuz those are a real pain when I forget the password, so its not me.

Nice poem, BTW.

 

Okay, the game is over....

Idrelle_Micovani: Thank you! No, not SilSolo, though I think it was a pretty good guess, lol. We're both TK and Dathomir fans, right?

Healer_Leona: He he. Thank you!

PunkRockRebelTKDjo: Wow, thanks! And yes, you are correct. Good guessing.

SilSolo: Thanks Sil! And yes, you're right.

 

I liked it was quite nice.........grabs some choclate yum

 

Thanks JEDI_TEEGIRLOO! I'm glad you liked it.

 

Okay,this review will actually critiscise this, which I hope you don't mind. You're very talented as an author and recieve only very positive (and well deserved) reviews as a result of this. However I think that in order to grow you should get some constructive advice once in a while. Since I heart poetry very much I thought I would take it upon myself to do so.

Compliment sandwhich!!!

Okay first off, I liked your theme of using adverbs on every line, and thought the complexity of your poem was cool.

On the other hand, at one point you shied away from adverbs and thus the theme by using both "amazingly" and "high" though amazingly did continue the -ly theme.

Your poem was written free flowingly which is fine, shakespeare wrote his plays that way. But you should add some sort of a metre to them, which is a pattern of syllable stresses. The amount of syllables should also be taken into account, but in my humble opinion is less important then the metre itself. See here for a really good beginners metre tutorial. http://litera1no4.tripod.com/meter_frame.html (I know offsite links are frowned upon but c'mon!!! Its poetry and the site is non-commercial!!)

So anyway, make sure that you keep up the good work and keep writing. This poem could look really nice if it were touched up a wee bit.

 

I think I forgot to mention that I suck at writing poetry, SephirothsKiller. I usually write stories, so I'm horribly out of practice in poetry--plus I didn't have any poetry talent in the first place. I wrote this poem in sixth grade, and I posted it recently just for fun.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, though; I usually appreciate this, but in this case poetry really isn't my thing. I'm much more of a long story writer. So I won't add the syllable stresses, merely because I'm not a poet, lol.

Also, the line starting with "high" was a spacing error; I think I put an extra space where it was really just continuing the previous line. So the full line is: "Amazingly gorgeous with sparkling oceans, flowing grasslands, violet-colored savannas, high mountains, dangerous forests, dry deserts, and three continents"--so the theme is continued throughout the entire poem. I'll fix that soon.

I'm glad you liked the poem. Thanks for all the friendly comments.

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