Before ~ Strictly Business ~, Short Story, Leila /Jango Series 1, completed 8/6

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by MsLanna, Jul 4, 2007.

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  1. MsLanna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2005
    star 6
    Nobody in my stories cares much, Vadey. They're all convinced [face_money_eyes] As following srtories will show. Who's going to sell whom, though, that's gonna be tricky.;)
    [:D] For steady support. Cookies and tea in the next story.

    I know it's perfect, NiobeAsha, because I only steal from the best.[face_blush] Lanna? Points if you know from where I got it.;)
    [:D] For reading and commenting.

    [:D] Lurkers. I saw you.;)



    And the next one is up: Misconception
    Hop on over and read, I know you want to.:p
  2. The_Face Ex-Manager

    Member Since:
    Feb 22, 2003
    star 5
    Okay, getting started on this, here?s my reply for the first four posts.

    I really like the opening description; I could definitely see Graden, Leila, and their surroundings in my mind?s eye.

    Jango?s a Fett alright. :D I like their not-so-friendly partnership already.

    And then a section like this shows that ol? Jango?s a person too. A very closed-off person, but human nonetheless. I liked the insight into his character.

    How much could I make selling subscriptions to Entertaining Made Simple for the Busy Bounty Hunter? ;)

    Not only is Jango written very realistically, your OC Leila is a very enjoyable POV character. Great work, Lanna! I?ll absolutely be back for the rest of the story. :D
  3. The_Face Ex-Manager

    Member Since:
    Feb 22, 2003
    star 5
    Returning for the rest of the fic?

    I like the little interlude on hunters and prey. Very nicely done. =D=

    Leila definitely thinks in terms of the bottom line. :p

    At a certain point, I lost track of this review; I was just reading it, and enjoying. But it was all good stuff. The hit was played in such a simple understated way. ?Strictly Business? indeed. :D That final beat in Fett and Leila?s back-and-forth was great.

    Excellent story, Lanna! Now on to number 2!
  4. MsLanna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2005
    star 6
    Sorry, Face, I thought you'd use the 'edit' for the second part of the review, or I would have answered sooner. [face_blush]

    I really like the opening description

    Good, I like to drag the readers in right from the start. Graden was especially easy to realize. Guess he's an archetype.

    I like writing Jango, I really do. And I'm happy you think I do a good job of it.:D
    How much fun would it be, if they liked each other? None. See, this is much better.

    Bottom line.
    I had to look that up, but you're right, she's quite the mercenary.
    The last beat was stolen, though.[face_blush] It's one of the best lines ever and cannot be in stories too much.

    understatment
    *gasp* :eek:
    You just revealed my fave writing style. Glad I managed to make it work.[face_dancing]

    And don't worry about reading so much you forgot to review. I think that's a great compliment.
    [:D]
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