Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by DarkJediTJ, Oct 2, 2002.
Q: Why was 6 scared
A: Because 789!
Scrapping the bottom of the Barrel now aren't we.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
"Down the center isle, third row on your left, second section on the right and on the top shelf", he said.
The man disappears and come back 5 minutes later and says, " I coundn't find any books".
"Yeh thats right, we don't get many books back from that section", says the librarian.
Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 215."
A lady walks into a Furniture Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery she passes wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you passed wind by just touching it, you are going to dump in your dacks when you hear the price."
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
Q: Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink?
A: He found a leek there
One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "AH BEGORRAH! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
Q: Why did the orange go to the doctor?
A: It wasn't peeling well.
Q: What does a martial arts fan eat?
A: Kung Food!
Q: Why do rhinos have so many wrinkles?
A: Because they are hard to iron
Q: What do you call a bug that jumps over cups?
A: A glasshopper!
Q: Why is swiss cheese served at church?
A: Because it's holey!
Q: Where do you dance in California?
A: San Frandisco!
Q: Why did you highjack My thread?
A: Cause this board isn't big enough for the two of us... GRRR!!!
Hey this is the thread of the century so far.
Good jokes every day and at a bargain price.
It keeps me happy
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees!
Q: Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
A: Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo.
Q: Who uninvented the airplane?
A: The Wrong brothers!
Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?
A: Because they can dunk them!
Q: What kind of bow can't you tie?
A: A rainbow.
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes?
A: Because they crack up!
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
Q: what to the 6th sense and the titanic have in common?
A: I see dead people (say it outloud)
Q: What happened to the plant in math class?
A: It grew square roots.
Mixo i'm bored of posting random Jokes let's start a conversation and see if anyone notices.
Hey this is Mixos fame time. I am a born entertainer
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A: A cloud.
Q: What is green and smells?
A: The Hulk passing wind.
Q: Why don't oysters give to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.
Q: What's yellow and hops up and down?
A: A canary with hiccups!
Q: Why do chickens sit on their eggs?
A: Because they don't have chairs.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
A: Darwin2: A: The fittest chickens cross the road.