Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by DarkJediTJ, Oct 2, 2002.
Q: Where is Timbuktu?
A: Between Timbukone and Timbukthree!
Q: What kind of guitar do whales play?
A: The eel-ectric guitar!
Q: What kind of bus crossed the ocean?
A: Christopher ColumBUS!
Q: Why do cows use telephones?
A: Because they like to comMOOnicate!
Q: Why did New York give her New Jersey to Kansas?
A: I don't know, Alaska!
Q: Who always forgets where she puts things?
A: Miss Place.
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Q: What's the problem with twin witches?
A: You can never tell which witch is which!
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Q: What's black and white and very noisy?
A: A magpie with a drum set!
Q: Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
Q: Why do elephants never forget?
A: Because nobody tells them anything in the first place!
Q: Who made King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir Cumference!
Q: Can you use green, pink, and yellow in a sentence?
A: When the phone goes green green, I pink it up, and say yellow!
Q: Why didn't the two 4's want any dinner?
A: Because they already 8.
Q: Why did the dolphin cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other tide!
Q: What is black and white and blue all over?
A: A frozen penguin!
Q: What is a dog's favorite pizza?
Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
A: A very tall toothbrush!
Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A: A baBOOM!
Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Q: What do vampires sing on New Year''s Eve?
A: Auld Fang Syne!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
Q: Are you allowed to kiss a nun?
A: Yes. But don't get into the habbit.
A man brought his sick dog into the vet. The vet looked at it, examined the dog and sadly said, "I am sorry, it doesn't look good." "Well," the man said, not wanting to believe it, "Can we get a second opinion?" "Very well," the vet replied. He came back out carrying a cat. He sat the cat down beside the dog. The cat carefully walked around the dog, then came up to it and rubbed against it, and the dog just laid there. "Nope," said the vet. "I'm sorry. It still doesn't look good." The man, now very desperate, not wanting his dog to die, pleaded with the vet, tears swelling in his eyes. "Please," he begged. "Can we get a third opinion?" "Alright," the vet said, picking up the cat and taking him throught he door. The vet soon came back out with a labador. The lab walked around sniffed in the dogs ear, then nudged him. Nothing. "No. This doesn't look good," said the vet sadly, feeling the man's pain. The vet put the lab up and got the man's bill ready. The bill was three times longer than what he had expected. "Whats all this?" he asked confused. "This is for my observation. This is for the CATscan, and this is for the LAB report