1. Welcome, Guest

    Upcoming events: Supanova: Adelaide (21-23rd November) | Brisbane (28th-30th November)

FF:VIC Super man, Its not Easy

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by DarkJediTJ, Oct 2, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. darth_brutus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 25, 2002
    star 4
    "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
    "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."


    Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
    Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.



    What's brown and sounds like a bell?
    Dung.



    Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
    That's because he hides well.



    Why don't anteaters get sick?
    Because they're full of anty-bodies.



    *Flees barrage of rotten tomatoes*
  2. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q:What's brown and sticky?

    A:A stick
  3. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q:Why did the Girl Guides jump into the toilet?

    A:To join the Brownies
  4. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
    She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

    What's the most popular pick up line in Tasmania?
    Nice tooth!
  5. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
    Alta Vista baby.


    How do you make Holy Water?
    You boil the hell out of it!


    Yo' mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!
  6. DarkJediTJ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 4
  7. Rogue_Product Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2002
    star 4
    Funnily enough Mixo, there is an Astalavista search engine... but I'm not sure whether I can post a link here as it tends to encourage less than legitimate internet activity...
  8. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q:Why did the lettuce blush?

    A:It saw the salad dressing
  9. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Why did the baker rob the bank?
    He needed the dough.

    Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
    In his sleevies

    What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
    I didn't do it on porpoise.
  10. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was exhausted after spending all morning teaching a young Luke Skywalker the ways of the Force. Obi-Wan decided to treat his student to lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant, where they could eat and continue Luke's studies. Upon arriving, Obi-Wan ordered two bowls of hot and sour soup and sweet and sour chicken. The waiter brought the two Jedi their soup first. As Luke slurped up his soup spoonful after spoonful, Obi-Wan patiently continued Luke's lessons in the ways of the Force. Between each spoonful, Luke nodded as he listened and understood his master's teachings. The waiter then brought the two Jedi their sweet and sour chicken. Obi-Wan continued teaching, but noticed that young Luke was distracted. Luke couldn't seem to grasp how to use his chopsticks. Obi-Wan tried to proceed with his teaching, only to become frustrated as Luke continued to struggle with his chopsticks. Luke kept trying to pick up his food with the chopsticks, only to watch his food fall back onto his plate, onto the table or in the floor. The entire time Luke was completely ignoring his Jedi teacher. Finally, Obi-Wan couldn't take it anymore. It was then that Obi-Wan told young Skywalker the most important lesson he would ever learn as a Jedi: "Use the forks, Luke! Use the forks!"
  11. DarkJediTJ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 4
    :: plots against Mixo for using his Saying... alittle voice in his head starts too whisper ::

    Use the forks TJ, use the Forks!
  12. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."



    A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
  13. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelve hardened criminals escaped.

    Did you hear about the fly who flew through a screen door at full speed?
    Strained himself.
    It was another fine mesh he got himself into.

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    "Where's my tractor?
  14. DarkJediTJ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 4
    Where on earth do you get all these jokes from? and are you trying to defeat my Title as a Village idiot!
  15. Rogue_Product Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2002
    star 4
    A guy goes into the bar and sits down and orders a drink. Other than the bartender, there's no one else in the place. All of a sudden he hears a voice that says, "Nice suit." He looks around and doesn't see anyone and the bartender looks busy washing some glasses. A little while later the same voice says, "Nice Tie." The guy looks around again and doesn't see anyone. He finally asks the bartender if he just said something.

    "No," replied the bartender, "it wasn't me. It was probably the peanuts though. They're complimentary."

    Edit: Found this on the web:
    Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
  16. laifir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2002
    star 1
    How do you drown a blond?
    Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool.

    (Courtesy of my friend Loz)
    There was once a man who was very fond of releasing bodily gasses, much to his wife?s despair. ?One day,? she would tell him, ?you?re going to fart your guts out.? To which he would simply laugh.
    So one day, while preparing a turkey dinner, an idea struck her. After gutting the bird she kept the innards and quietly hid them away.
    The next morning, she woke early and deposited them in his underwear. Not long after she heard him begin to scream.
    After a time he came downstairs, looking very distressed.
    ?Something wrong, dear?? the wife asked innocently.
    ?You were right,? he replied. ?I did fart me guts out. But for the love of God and these two fingers, I managed to get them back up there.? :D
  17. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    What's the real explanation of the Kennedy assassination?

    Oswald was a dyslexic; his wife told him, "Go get KFC"...


    What did the baker find on his lucky day?

    A four-loaf cleaver
  18. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: Why do milking stools only have 3 legs?
    A: Because the cow has the udder.


    Q: What's got 4 legs and an arm?
    A: A Rottweiler


    Q: How do you make a dog go `miaow'?
    A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...


    Q: What's frightning and stuck on the end of your arm?
    A: A terror wrist.

  19. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
    A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

    Q: How do you greet a 2-headed monster?
    A: Hello, Hello

  20. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He said to the bartender, "I'd like a martinus."

    The bartender, a little confused, says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

    Caesar replied, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."



    What did the mermaid do last Saturday night?
    She went out with the tide.


    How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue?
    Have everybody chip in.

    Why do most people have trouble obtaining blood transfusions in Taiwan?
    Because they only have Taipei.

    Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
    They all have phones.
  21. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar bills in batter and frying them. I said, "There you go again, frittering our money away!"

    Why did the girl fall off the swing?
    Because someone threw a piano at her.


    What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?
    Wet feet.
  22. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Two elephants walk off a cliff... boom boom!



    What's brown and sounds like a bell?

    DUNG



    What do you use a wombat for?

    For playing wom!
  23. UDD Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 17, 2002
    Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
    "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
    "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
    BONG!!!
    "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
    "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
    Quasimodo came out and said...
    "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"
  24. Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2001
    star 6
    Why did Billy fall off his bicycle?

    His Mum threw a fridge at him.



  25. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: Why couldn't the baby turn around in the corridor?

    A: He had a javelin through his head!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.