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FF:VIC Super man, Its not Easy

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by DarkJediTJ, Oct 2, 2002.

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  1. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Question: Why should you always comb your hair before you go to bed?

    Answer: To make a good impression on your pillow.

    Boss: Jones, how long have you been working here?

    Jones: Ever since I heard you coming down the hall.

    Did you hear about the 2 peanuts walking down a dark alley? One was a salted.

     
  2. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    How do you mend a jack-o-lantern?
    With a pumpkin patch.

    How do you know when the moon is going broke?
    When it's down to its last quarter.

    What do you call a white, poofy space alien?
    Martianmallow.
     
  3. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q:What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
    A:A receding hare-line.

    Q:How do librarians file melted marshmallows?
    A:According to the Gooey Decimal System.

    Q:Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?
    A:Because she was in the non-friction section.
     
  4. UDD

    UDD Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Sep 17, 2002
    A guy walked into a bar with his giraffe. He ordered a drink, and the giraffe lay down beside him. The bartender barked angrily, "Excuse me, but you can't leave that lying there!"

    "Err," the man said, "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

    Q:What lives in the sea and yells?
    A clam shouter
     
  5. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q:Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
    A:He couldn't control his pupils.

    Q:What's the difference between one yard and two yards?
    A:A fence.
     
  6. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Why did the girl spray her clock?
    It was full of ticks.

    Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
    Because of its bark.

    Where do baby cows go to eat lunch?
    At the calf-eteria.
     
  7. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q:Where do ghosts live?
    A:At the dead end.

    Q:What did the tie say to the neck?
    A:I think I'll just hang around.

    Q:When is an outlaw neither left-handed nor right-handed?
    A:When he's red-handed.
     
  8. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Why are fishmongers so mean?
    Their job makes them selfish.


    Bloke one : I`m getting fed up of my dog, it`ll chase anyone on a bike.
    Bloke Two : What are you gonna do? Give it away? have it put down?
    Bloke one : Nah - I`ll just get rid of his bike!


    Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
    So they don't get mistaken for feminists
     
  9. Rogue_Product

    Rogue_Product Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 12, 2002
    Can we rename this "Mixo's dodgy spammy joke thread"?
     
  10. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    I love to tell jokes

    Q:What do you get if you dial 010 11 238 640397 239865 1207988?
    A:A sore finger.


    Q:Why did the indian call the cowboy pale-face?
    A:Because he had a bucket shaped head!


    Q:What do you call a septic cat?
    A:puss.


     
  11. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q:What's pink and stands in the corner?
    A:A naughty pig.

    Bloke goes into the pub and says to the barman: 'i'll have a pint of bitter please' Barman replies: 'sorry we don't sell bitter here' Bloke says: 'well ok, i'll have a pint of guinness then' Barman answers: 'sorry we don't sell any ales, we've only got this new stuff called "rat"' Bloke says: 'ok i'll have a half of rat please' Barman takes a rat out from under the counter, chops it in half, puts the tail end in a glass and gives it to the bloke. Bloke says: 'i can't drink that!' Barman asks: 'why not?' Bloke replies: 'it's got no head on it.'

     
  12. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q: Whats the difference between a camera and a sock?
    A: You can only take photos with a camera.

    Q: Do you know about the Company Director who got himself in to serious trouble for sacking all of his employees who had beards?
    A: He got done for facial discrimination.

     
  13. Rani Veko

    Rani Veko Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2000
    *groan*...

    A man walks into a bar.

    Then another man walks into a bar...which is odd, because you'd think he would have seen the first guy and ducked.

    - Rani
     
  14. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    I stole a futon from a shop. I think the police are after me, so I have been lying low.

    I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar bills in batter and frying them. I said, "There you go again, frittering our money away!"
     
  15. UDD

    UDD Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Sep 17, 2002
    Q: What do you call a HUGGARD with a car?
    A: A thief!
     
  16. XtremeDean

    XtremeDean Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 6, 2002
    Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of Muesli?
    He got sucked down by a strong currant.

    Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a goldfish?
    A: Swimming trunks!
     
  17. Horseshack

    Horseshack Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2002
    Q: What the difference between a Student and a Shopping Trolley?
    A: A Shopping Trolley has a mind of it's own.

     
  18. Rani Veko

    Rani Veko Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2000
    Q: If a vodka and orange juice is known as a screwdriver, what do you call vodka and prune juice?

    A: A piledriver.
     
  19. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q: What is the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of sand?

    A: You can't unload sand with a pitchfork!
     
  20. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q: What is green, small and sings "Rainbow Connection" at the bottom of your toilet bowl?

    A: Kermit the BOG
     
  21. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...
    I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
    started."
    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
    He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
     
  22. Protege-of-Thrawn

    Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Mar 14, 2001
    lol...

    Mixo, I'm so proud...that last one was almost approaching humour. ;)
     
  23. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts. Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each day.

    For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men.

    They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists, because they feared an international incident. They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach and, sure enough, found the remains of the Russian.

    One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

    "Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
     
  24. lordvaderFF

    lordvaderFF Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 29, 2000
    OMG....that is sooooooooo bad it's almost funny.
     
  25. SithLord-Mixo

    SithLord-Mixo Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 21, 2002
    Q: What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day?
    A: Patty O'Furniture.
     
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