FF:VIC Super man, Its not Easy

Discussion in 'Oceania Discussion Boards' started by DarkJediTJ, Oct 2, 2002.

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  1. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  2. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Some adventurers are traveling through the jungle. They come upon a tribe of natives who take them captive. The leader of the tribe tells the men they will let them choose how they are to die. The first guy asks for a sword with which to run himself through. They give him one, and he starts to attack the tribe, but they overtake him and kill him, then use his skin for a canoe. The second one asks for a gun with which to shoot himself. They give him one, and he starts shooting at the tribe, but they overtake him, kill him, and use his skin for a canoe. The third asks for a fork, and the tribe figures, hey, how much damage can he do with a fork? So they give him one. Furiously, he starts poking himself with it. "To heck with your canoes!" he exclaims
  3. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
    An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you," The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him.
    Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
    Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Peter, seeing the suitcase, says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
    Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought paving bricks?!?!?!"
  4. Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2001
    star 6


    He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


    Alright everyone, this time on the count of three.
    One..two...three..."Groan!!"
  5. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    An elderly couple were walking about the streets of their home, Moscow. They each feel drops of moisture on their faces. The man says that it is snowing, but his wife is convinced that it's raining. Finally, they see General Rudolph walking by, and the woman calls him over to settle the dispute. The general says it's definitely rain. The man doesn't believe him. Sighing, his wife tells him, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
  6. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

    "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse, and most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

    On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctory say?"

    "He said you're going to die" she replied.
  7. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What was Bob the Builder called after he retired?
    A: Bob.

    Q: What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
    A: They both don't drive tractors
  8. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
    A: Hailing taxis.

    Q: When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?
    A: At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.
  9. Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2001
    star 6
    why dow dine dow dine da dine.

  10. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
    A: That hit the spot

    Q: What is a rifle with three barrels?
    A: A trifle.


    Q: Why didn't Count Dracula get married?
    A: He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.
  11. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What do you get when you take a gourd and divide its circumference by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin pi.


    Q: What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
    A: Cow pi.

    Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?
    A: Moon pi.

    Q: What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?
    A: Eskimo pi.

    Q: What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?
    A: Pi in the sky.
  12. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Saddam says to Bush "Ive seen all the Star Trek films and theres Blacks, Whites, Orientals even bloody Vulcans, but no Muslims - why is that?"

    Bush replies " Its set in the future you twit"
  13. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Two men were walking through the desert. They were nearly out of water when they saw three tents in the distance. The hurried over to see if they could get some water. In the first tent they were told, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." In the second tent, again, "I'm sorry we only have trifle." They went into the third tent and again asked for water only to be told, "I'm sorry we only sell trifle." As they walked on, one turned to the other and said, "That was a trifle bazaar."
  14. Protege-of-Thrawn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2001
    star 6
    lol, I'll admit to having a chuckle over a few of these... :D

    Yes, this post is to break up the Mixo continuity to stop it seeming to be nothing but spam, I know...but don't blame me, I'm just trying to be nice. ;)
  15. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Hey this is the threas that makes people happy and no socks involved hey fellow Huggards. The people want it and it makes them happy!


    Q: What's green and german?
    A: Snotzis.

    Q: What did the cow say to the masked robber?
    A: Moo.

    Q: What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins?
    A: Fred.
  16. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

    "It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
  17. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    There was a chicken farmer who lived in a village in China. One year, his chickens were afflicted with a strange blight that caused them to lose their feathers. The farmer was deeply concerned about this, because winter was coming, and, if the chickens had no feathers, they would freeze to death.

    So, the farmer decided to consult the two wisest men in the land. First, he visited Mr. Hing, the renowned scholar. Mr. Hing leafed through all his agricultural and medicinal texts and pored over books and scrolls well into the night. Finally, he returned to the farmer and told him that, if he crushed the leaves of a gum tree into powder, made it into tea, and fed it to his chickens, they would be cured.

    The farmer then went to Mr. Ming, the great seer. Mr. Ming cast stones, read tea leaves, and poked through entrails until finally he came up with the answer: "As surely as gum causes a shoe to stick to the ground, tea made from gum leaves will cause feathers to stick to chickens."

    Now the farmer was ecstatic. The two wisest men in the land had given him exactly the same prescription. So, as soon as he returned home, he took some gum leaves and made tea from them. He mixed this with the chicken feed and fed it to his chickens. But it didn't work. The chickens continued to lose their feathers, and, with the onset of winter, they all froze.

    The moral of this story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."
  18. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Q: What is a dentist's office?
    A: A filling station.

    Q: What would happen if you ate yeast and polish?
    A: You would rise and shine.
  19. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He said to the bartender, "I'd like a martinus."

    The bartender, a little confused, says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

    Caesar replied, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."
  20. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town is renowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem -- the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another and overrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran the dogs out of the city. Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. The dogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. The paper mills were shut down, and everyone left.

    But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills, saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in the town, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories.

    The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us! The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"
  21. lordvaderFF FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep VIP
    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 4
    This man hates his wifes cat so much, one day he puts the cat in the car and drives to the nearest park. He tosses the cat out the window and speeds off. When he gets home, the cat is sitting on the door step.

    Again he puts the cat in the car and drives down the road, round the corners, across the train line, past the shops,and stops at the next park. Again he tosses the cat out the window and drives off. When he finally arrives home, the cat is sitting on the door step waiting for him.

    In total frustation, he put the cat back in the car and drives down the road, round the corners, across the train line, past the shops,onto the freeway, over to the next town, through the town and up into the mountain. He travels down a long deserted dirt track and finally tosses the cat out the window and heads for home.

    Several hours later, his wife gets a phone call from her husband. "Hello dear," she says, "I was wondering where you were"
    "Is the cat there ?" he asks
    She looks around...."Of course, he's right here"
    "Good, put him on, I need direction on how to get home."
  22. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    He he he ha ha ha . Vader I like it.
    We should be a double act.
    The Mixo/Vader happy half hour!

    Q: What's small red and goes up and down?
    A: A tomato in an elevator.

    Q: What do you call a man who inherits a dairy?
    A: A Dairy Heir.

    Q: What do you call a cow with a hysterectomy?
    A: Decalfinated.
  23. lordvaderFF FanForce Chapter Rep

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    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 4
    Q: What do you call a Deer with no Eyes?

    A: No-Eye-Deer

    Q: What do you call a Deer with no eyes or legs?

    A: Still-No-Eye-Deer

    Q: What do you call a Deer with no eye or legs that has had a Hysterectimy?

    A: Still-No-%^#%ing-Eye-Deer
  24. SithLord-Mixo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2002
    star 5
    That's it Vader we have an act going now!

    Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
    A: They're trying to get away from the noise.

    Q: Why do they call a horse a horse?
    A: Because they speak English.

    Q: Why did the bank robber go to the chiropractor?
    A: Because he had a crook in his neck.
  25. lordvaderFF FanForce Chapter Rep

    Chapter Rep VIP
    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2000
    star 4
    Q: Why did the man have a Pie on his Ear?

    A: He was on a Pie-on-ear Tour.

    This man was walking down the street with a carrot sticking out of one ear and a cob of corn sticking out of the other. A young boy walks up to him and says "Mister, did you you have a carrot sticking out of one ear and a cob of corn sticking out of the other?"

    "Sorry Son, can't hear you" said the man, "I've got a carrot sticking out of one ear and a cob of corn sticking out of the other"
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