SW Ep II (Insert Pretentious Title Here) - FINISHED 11/07

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi-Jae, Mar 3, 2001.

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  1. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    This is my first shot at this, so feedback is very much desired <<begging on knees>>. Editing and format tips also welcome. :)

    ---------

    The stars snapped back into focus as the large dark cruiser dropped out of hyperspace. A nondescript bluegreen planet hung peacefully beneath it. On the bridge, the cruiser?s captain slowly exhaled, unaware until then that he had been holding his breath. Although no resistance was expected, one could never be too careful. Especially when mission failure meant certain death.

    Glancing quickly over his shoulder at the dark cloaked figure standing before the viewport, the captain addressed the communication officer. ?Have the fighters check in.?

    ?Yes, sir.? The communications officer moved his hand across his board, only to have it slammed down against the panel by an unseen force.

    ?There is no need to break communications silence, Captain.? The dark figure spoke without turning around. ?Our escorts have already arrived. Besides, there is little out here but the Sessone colony itself. You will less protection from what is out there,? the voice went on ominously ?than you will need from me if you give us away.?

    The invisible grip on the communication officer?s arm suddenly lifted. He jerked it back close to his body, and then looked at it as if it were an alien thing. He looked up at his captain, who swallowed hard. The fear on the bridge was palpable. Summoning his courage, the captain began, ?But how do you know-? He was interrupted by several fighters streaking across the bridge viewport and descending toward the planet.

    The dark figure whirled around. The hood of the dark cloak fell back, revealing a young man with spiky white hair and feral golden eyes. ?Do not question me, Captain,? Darth Nemesis said in an icy voice. ?Everything is on schedule, as you can see.? He strode toward the bridge door. ?Send the transports to the surface at once.?

    ?Immediately, My Lord!? The captain bowed stiffly, and sighed in relief as the bridge doors closed behind the departing Sith.

    On the underside of the cruiser, the hanger bay doors opened to disgorge ten smaller transport vessels. As the transports cleared the hangar, they fired their engines and scattered, descending toward the small planet below.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The boy clutched his hunting blaster to his chest and peered out across the small meadow. Shifting slightly, he tried to get a better view between the branches of the brush he was using to conceal himself. There was a small creek on the other side of the meadow, and he knew the delks would have to cross the open area to get to it. He grinned as he pictured himself bringing yet another kill into the village, enabling his family to eat fresh meat while everyone else waited on the next supply ship from Alderaan.

    Numen Brulo was a skilled hunter, despite his tender age. The older boys and young men of his village called it luck, but Numen knew better. Most of them were not willing to walk five to ten kilometers away from the settlement to reach the more abundant game areas, especially at night. He had been out here in the woods since dusk, finally settling on his present position because of its proximity to the creek and the open field of fire it offered.

    A roaring sound and a sudden gust of hot wind jerked the boy from his reverie. Looking up, he saw a dark, boxy transport craft settling into the meadow. Furrowing his brow in puzzlement, Numen squinted through the wind at the unfamiliar ship. Other than the Alderaani resupply ships, visitors to Sessone were rare. And they usually landed in the fields right outside the settlement, not out here in the forest in the middle of the night. Curiosity overcoming his apprehension, Numen stood to get a better look.

    And immediately ducked back under cover as the transport?s ramp lowered, throwing light across the meadow. Wide-eyed, Numen peered through the brush as at least fifty s
  2. Mr. P FanFic Archive Editor, Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    One question before I read it: is it non-spoiler?

    --Mr. P
  3. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Probably not completely, Mr. P. I don't read spoilers, but I do visit StarWars.com a lot. I've drawn some of my own conclusions from the Selects, but this is pretty much just the way I imagine it happening.
  4. Mr. P FanFic Archive Editor, Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2000
    star 5
    OK. This looks good! I'll be watching this.

    --Mr. P :cool:
  5. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    OK, let's try another one!

    -----------------

    The spire of the Jedi Temple soared majestically above the surrounding buildings. The architecture of the surrounding area had been deliberately designed at a smaller scale, an unusual phenomenon on Coruscant, where buildings often soared kilometers into the air, some even reaching the lower levels of the stratosphere. It was a sign of the respect that the original architects had for the Jedi Order.

    At the top of the spire, the Jedi Council chamber afforded its occupants a breathtaking 360-degree panorama of the city. At the moment, however, Obi-Wan Kenobi was not enjoying the view. He was attempting to answer questions from the Council. Questions about his apprentice. Again.

    ?It was just a fistfight, Master.? Obi-Wan addressed the dark-skinned human. ?And it was over almost as quickly as it began.?

    ?Resulting in one Padawan in the dispensary with a broken nose and another with a split lip.? Jedi Master Mace Windu?s eyes bored into him. ?And I understand that Anakin is sporting a black and blue ring around his eye.?

    ?The outcome matters not,? said Yoda. ?This is not his first altercation. Too quick to anger is he. If he does not learn control, his undoing it will be.?

    ?May I ask what prompted this latest outburst?? Ki-Ada-Mundi inquired. The other Council members leaned forward, also curious. They were all deeply interested in the progress of Anakin Skywalker.

    Obi-Wan sighed. ?As you know, Masters, over the last several years, there have been a number of slave emancipation missions to outlying worlds. Anakin?s frustration has grown because he doesn?t understand why there has not yet been such a mission to Tatooine.?

    ?The Senate and the Supreme Chancellor?s office sets the priorities for emancipation missions,? said Master Windu. ?The personal concerns of one Jedi Padawan are irrelevant.?

    ?I am aware of that, Master,? said Obi-Wan. ?Explaining it to my headstrong apprentice is another matter.?

    ?I am sure it is,? said Master Adi Gallia. Her warm brown eyes regarded Obi-Wan with humor and sympathy. ?Please continue.?

    ?Two Padwans that just returned from the recent mission to Bespin were taunting Anakin about his background and the fact that his mother is still a slave. They hinted that there would never be a mission to the Outer Rim because there was nothing out there worth saving. That?s when Anakin attacked them.?

    ?Where is he now, Obi-Wan?? Mace asked.

    ?In the gardens, Master,? replied Obi-Wan. ?I sent him there to calm himself.?

    ?Go to him, then,? ordered Yoda. He leaned forward in his chair, his blue eyes piercing. ?Gain control, he must, Obi-Wan! He will be a powerful Jedi, but dangerous if he does not learn!?

    ?Yes, Master.? Obi-Wan bowed and left.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Obi-Wan strode quickly toward the gardens, his thoughts in turmoil. Anakin was the most talented Padawan in the Temple; that was obvious to everyone. But Obi-Wan still harbored doubts about his own ability to train the boy. He wished once again for Qui-Gon?s wisdom to guide him. Anakin?s situation was so unusual that no one had much to offer in the way of advice. Even Master Yoda just said, ?Trust your instincts, you should.?

    Most potential Jedi were brought to the Temple before they were a year old. Anakin was nine when he arrived, practically an ancient. No one that old had ever been accepted for training. But within a year of his arrival, he had caught up with and surpassed all of the other pupils his age. The Force swirled about him like a storm, and his potential seemed unlimited.

    But in the eyes of the other students, Anakin had not paid his dues. He came into the Temple already apprenticed to a Jedi. He never had to struggle through training every day, hoping to be noticed by a Master and selected as a Padawan. Obi-Wan knew that Anakin could feel their jealousy and resentment, and that he respon
  6. Angel of Iego Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2000
    star 3
    Oooooh, I'm liking this! You write Anakin and Obi-Wan very well.
  7. Jaded Skywalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 24, 1999
    star 4
    Nice start, your details are great!
  8. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks, Angel and Jaded!

    I'm working on the next post now. One of the few advantages to having to work on Sunday morning is that I don't have to fight with my kids over the computer! I should have the post up soon. :)
  9. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Here we go again! :)

    ----------------------------

    Anakin's long legs carried him swiftly toward the infirmary as he mulled over his conversation with Obi-Wan. His master did not seem overly concerned about his vision. Maybe it is not as urgent as it seems. But it seems so real. And it hurts so bad. Lost in thought, he rounded a corner and plowed over someone coming from the opposite direction.

    Oh, no! He looked down at the surprised face of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. "I am so sorry, sir!" he exclaimed as he helped the man to his feet. He bowed. "It was completely my fault - I was not paying attention to where I was going!"

    "It's quite all right, young Skywalker. Nothing is damaged. At least on me," Palpatine said, looking critically at Anakin's swollen left eye. "However, I'm not sure I can say the same for you. What happened to your eye?"

    Anakin, embarrassed, covered his eye with his hand. "A minor disagreement with a couple of fellow Padawans, Supreme Chancellor. Nothing to be concerned about."

    "Hmm, I'm not so sure," said Palpatine, putting his hand on Anakin's back in a fatherly manner. "Swollen eye or not, wouldn't you normally have sensed someone around the corner?"

    Anakin sighed. "Yes, sir," he said. "I have been distracted a bit of late."

    "Can I help?" Palpatine asked solicitously. "After all, I am still in your debt for your heroism at Naboo."

    As Anakin looked at the Chancellor, it occurred to him. He could help me. But is it right to ask? He hesitated. Why not? The Council won't help! "Sir, is there any chance of an emancipation mission to Tatooine any time soon?"

    The Supreme Chancellor looked puzzled for a moment. "Tatooine? Ah, yes, your homeworld! I thought there had already been a mission." At Anakin's headshake, he frowned. "But certainly the homeworld of one of our esteemed Jedi apprentices would be high on the list for emancipation! Especially one who has distinguished himself as often as you have! Why hasn't there been one?"

    Now it was Anakin's turn to look puzzled. "Sir, I was under the impression that your office set the priorities for which worlds would be freed."

    Palpatine shook his head. "A special Senate committee drew up a list of worlds that met the criteria. Tatooine was on it. The list was submitted to the Jedi Council - it is they who set the priorities for missions." Seeing Anakin's face cloud with confusion and anger, he hastily added. "I am on my way to see the Council now about another matter. I will see what I can do."

    Moved that the Chancellor would do such a thing for him, Anakin bowed deeply. "Thank you so much, sir! You have no idea what this means to me!"

    Palpatine smiled and patted the boy gently on the shoulder. "Give it no more thought, son. Now run along and get your eye looked after."

    Blue eyes shining in gratitude, Anakin bowed again and rushed off toward the clinic. Palpatine watched him with a slight smile.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Late that afternoon, Obi-Wan stood in the corner of one the Temple's training rooms. Anakin was in the center of the room, kneeling with his back to his master. With a flick of his wrist, Obi-Wan sent four remotes careening in Anakin's direction. Almost before they got into position, Anakin was on his feet with his lightsaber activated. He swiftly deflected the tiny blaster bolts, moving almost too fast for the eye to follow. Three of the remotes went down, burned out by deflected hits from their own weapons.

    Obi-Wan reached out and took control of the fourth remote before his apprentice could destroy it. He jinked it around the room while Anakin chased it. Feinting high, then zipping low, Obi-Wan got the remote behind Anakin and zapped him in the backside.

    "Ow!!" yelled Anakin, grabbing the injured part. Taking advantage of the young man's distraction, Obi-Wan zapped him in the hand, causing him
  10. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Wonderful work, Jedi-Jae!! Hope to see more soon!! ;)
  11. Kendra_Skywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2001
    star 2
    Wow! This is your FIRST fan-fic? Could have fooled me :) Great Job! I love the way you have wriiten the relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wna, and the other Padawan's feeling about ANakin! Great Work!
  12. DarthTutor Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2001
    star 3
    Great. Very interesting plot. I quite like this....
    Darth
  13. DarthTutor Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2001
    star 3
  14. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks, Kendra and DT! Your comments are very encouraging. I'm working on another post. I hope to have it up late today or early tomorrow. :)
  15. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Looking forward to reading it!! ;)
  16. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Long, boring day at work! I might even have another one by tomorrow morning!

    -----------------

    The shuttle glided smoothly to a halt at the Government Center VIP Landing Platform. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Naboo Senator Sio Bibble, accompanied by two Republic Senate Guards, waited patiently for the shuttle?s ramp to lower. A tall, dark-skinned human put his head out the door. After taking a careful look around, he nodded at someone in the shuttle, then descended the ramp. Palpatine recognized him as Captain Panaka, Chief of Security for Naboo.

    Queen Amidala appeared at the top of the ramp. She was dressed in an ornate red gown shot through with gold brocade, her hair woven through a gold headpiece that encircled her head like the rays of the sun. As always for public appearances, she was wearing formal white court makeup with the red Scar of Remembrance painted on her lower lip. She had an air of authority and dignity that were only enhanced by the ornate headpiece and the gown?s wide shoulders.

    As she descended the ramp, the Queen took the arm of a tall, handsome, dark-haired man in an immaculate white uniform. His clothing was trimmed in blue with a generous amount of gold braid. He carried himself with the same sort of authority as Queen Amidala. Chancellor Palpatine searched his memory for the man?s name.

    When the couple walked up to them, the Chancellor bowed and bestowed a kiss on the Queen?s hand. ?Welcome back to Coruscant, Your Majesty. It's a pleasure to see you again.?

    ?It is good to see you again also, Chancellor. And you too, Senator Bibble.? The Queen turned to look at her escort. ?May I present Prince Bail Organa, recently ascended First Chairman and Viceroy of the Sovereign System of Alderaan??

    Prince Organa extended his hand. ?How do you do, gentlemen. We've met before, Chancellor, but only briefly.?

    ?Ah, yes,? remembered Palpatine, shaking the man?s hand. ?It was at the Caamas Conference, was it not?? The Prince nodded.

    ?If I remember correctly, Your Highness,? said Senator Bibble, ?you were pushing very hard for a unified, expanded Republic military.? His expression said that he did not agree with Organa?s position.

    ?The need for it is greater than ever, Senator,? said Bail Organa evenly. ?I think you will agree once you have heard what your Queen has to say.?

    Palpatine gestured toward the door, cutting off further argument. ?Shall we proceed? The Defense Committee awaits your presentation, Your Majesty.? The Queen nodded and moved toward the building, her entourage trailing behind.


    Anakin wandered the halls of Government Center, looking for something to occupy his time. Obi-Wan had left him a cryptic message this morning, saying only that he would be in a Senate Committee meeting and that Anakin should meditate on yesterday?s lessons. Anakin puzzled over it. It was not unheard of for Obi-Wan to go to Senate meetings ? his opinion was respected despite his relative youth ? but he usually told his Padawan the details of what was being discussed, and explained the Jedi?s role in it.

    Anakin spent an hour pacing in the meditation chamber, then went looking for a sparring partner for lightsaber training. He found no takers, but that did not really surprise him. He had whipped almost all of the Padawans his age at one time or another. Many of them actively disliked him, and the ones who didn?t mostly avoided him. He knew that many of the Knights were skeptical of him as well. The Council watched him constantly. He had the feeling that his power frightened them a bit.

    So he left the Temple, catching a bus to Government Center. He had originally planned to go to the Research Library, but had ended up wandering the vast halls instead, turning things over in his head. He didn?t regret his choice to leave home and become a Jedi, but despite being surrounded by others, he often felt alone. Obi-Wan was his only real friend in the Temple. Anakin got along well
  17. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Wonderful!! Can't wait for more! By the way, this story is just amazing, for a first fan fic!! Great job!
  18. Angel of Iego Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2000
    star 3
    Mind tricks to get a glimpse of the girl. Gotta love that. :)

    A title? Hmmmm...
  19. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Should have another post soon - I'm having a little trouble getting my brain in gear (maybe I need to have my clutch looked at?).

    I just saw "Where the Heart Is" on video and my head is full of images of a pregnant Padme with a buckeye tree. Kinda hard to write around that! :D
  20. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    <<Puts hand on forehead and looks around>>
    Is anyone out there?

    Another post tonight! I promise!
  21. Angel of Iego Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2000
    star 3
    *raises hand* Right over here, Jae. I'll be waiting for that post.
  22. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    OK, I'm not too sure about this one. Let's see how it goes.

    -------------

    The one hundred-odd members of the Senate Defense Committee were gathered in the room. It was much smaller than the massive main Senate Chamber where the floating platforms were required. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Vice Chairman Mas Amedda were seated on the dais, along with Bail Organa. Queen Amidala stood at the podium.

    //Boy, they got this thing started quick.// Anakin slipped into a seat in an upper back corner of the large room. Usually, the pomp and protocol associated with any kind of Senate gathering took at least fifteen minutes. He slouched down in the chair and looked around. Hopefully, no one had noticed his surreptitious entry.

    He studied the audience. The committee members were there, along with their retinue of aides. The Queen?s handmaidens were present, as usual. He saw Captain Panaka standing to one side of the dais, along with a large, no-nonsense man who scanned the audience continually. He was the only one who had noted Anakin?s entrance. He must be that other bigwig?s bodyguard. All of the Jedi Council members were present, as were several Jedi Knights, including Obi-Wan.

    Anakin wondered why Padmé had not contacted him to tell him she was coming to Coruscant. She always had before. Then he realized that Obi-Wan must have known. Why hadn?t he said anything? Anakin felt a sudden surge of anger at his master. He quickly squashed it to keep from alerting the other Jedi to his presence. He turned his attention to the Queen?s presentation.

    ?Honorable members, I have requested this committee meeting to present evidence of a threat which holds the potential to dismantle the unity of the Republic.? Padmé spoke in what Anakin thought of as her Queen voice, making her sound older than she was. Murmurs rippled through the audience. Anakin sat up a little straighter.

    ?A few years ago, Naboo?s intelligence services began receiving unusual information from the Rim worlds. Reports of isolated settlements being invaded and destroyed by mysterious forces. Because of Naboo?s proximity to the Outer Rim, we took these reports seriously, and sent patrols to investigate. Several of these patrols vanished. The others turned up nothing but smoking ruins and destroyed lives. Until just recently.?

    She looked at Bail Organa before continuing. ?A few weeks ago, one of our patrols found a young boy on the Alderaani mineral colony of Sessone. He was the only survivor of one of these vicious attacks. He was badly shaken by his ordeal and was unsure of how long he had been alone, but he was able to describe the attackers in some detail. When we combined this eyewitness account with research and information from other sources, we came to a startling conclusion.?

    The Queen paused briefly, her eyes sweeping over the audience, then went on, ?We believe that this mysterious army is a new incarnation of the ancient Mandalore warrior clan.?

    There were astonished gasps and rumblings from the committee. The members of the Jedi Council looked at each other thoughtfully. Obi-Wan did not miss the exchange of glances between Yoda and Mace Windu.

    Senator Passel Argente stood up. ?Really, Queen Amidala, how can you expect us to believe this? The Jedi destroyed the Mandalorians over a thousand years ago. There has been no sign of them since.? Murmurs of agreement rolled through the chamber.

    Queen Amidala raised her hands for silence. ?We have recently come into possession of this recording.? She activated the holographic display.

    The scene that came to life depicted pure chaos, violent and bloody. Armored soldiers marched through a town, burning homes and firing on residents as they fled. They appeared to be kidnapping some people. The recorder zoomed in on some of the individual soldiers. The Queen froze the projector, showing clearly the weapon-covered armor and the T-shaped slit visors of the soldiers? helmets. The committe
  23. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Shameless up while I beg for readers!
  24. DarthTutor Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2001
    star 3
    Great story. I really enjoy reading this. UPPPPP
  25. Jedi-Jae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2001
    star 4
    Hello???? Is anyone out there? :(
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