Beyond - Legends Sympathy (Chapter Six) [[I'm not dead yet! I...feel...HAPPY!]]

This is first-person...and at this point it?s up to you to decide who?s speaking. I don?t it should be too hard. And for you impatient types.......eh well actually you?re screwed until chapter one. BUT THEN?then you?ll see.

Sorry if it?s a little freaky. And enjoy!

-Sympathy-

Introduction

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
All my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself form the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole form me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
---Sympathy (J. Rzeznick)

What?s the worst that can happen? Well, the lack of sleep can start me off to getting crazy. The dreams?the nightmares?can push me over the edge. Knowing of the fate I may be bringing about could be the end of me if I stay. But to leave...The leaving will hurt me. And her messages will crush me, of course. But either way...

Either way, it will be the regret that kills me.

I can hear her now. Actually, I can?t stop hearing her. This...this aftershock. This will be the end. Knowing what I did?again. Again. The quake may be devastating, but the waiting, the waiting for the next blast is the killer. More people die, all ?cause they never saw it coming. Nothing but a waste. Nothing left.

And here I am, ready and willing to do the same to her. I can?t escape her voice, like the screams of those in the aftershock.

And maybe I don?t know love, but I sure as hell know earthquakes.



...You...you promised you?d never do this again...

------
Hope you liked it! I?ll have an update soon.

- Kaoru

 

wow..whatta way to start a fic! i'm hooked i have my guess, but i'm probably wrong...would you mind confessing what time period this is? ie: njo, yjk, ot, whatever? anyway, great start -- very intense

~TJF

 

Thank you TJF! The time frame is revealed in this chapter.
-------
On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.
Did she want me to change?
Well I changed for good.
And I want you to know.
But you always get your way,
I wanted to say
Don't you shiver?
------Coldplay

Chapter One

Ironic how one of the best days of my life can be one of the worst nights.

Violet eyes flashed violently, like a quick, deadly explosion. Long black hair cascaded about those eyes, shading them in a truly symbolic darkness, the darkness of a soul corroded away into unidentifiable shadows by endless evil. And those wicked clawed hands that should have belonged to a reptilian demon.

But she was nothing. She was absolutely nothing next to the man next to her. He looked so serene, and he was...until he decided that it was time for another random lashing out of power. Yes, he was a Dark Jedi, one of the greatest, but his true powercame in his manipulation. Just like he had done.

?My knight...? He whispered. ?You know it to be true.?

?No!?

I would not give in. I couldn?t. I had gotten this far, there was no turning back...right? Of course. There was no giving in to him, to the past, to...to what I had been. For her, of course. The very tool he?d used to lure me into this pit in the first place. He said I was too good for her. She didn?t think enough of me. And that I could be so much more...

But she?d brought me back. I saved her at the last battle?I saved them all. And it almost killed me. But I was already dead on so many other levels that it would have been insignificant. Or that?s what I thought. But she didn?t do what any sane person would have done. She didn?t hate me; she didn?t treat me any differently than that chance meeting when I was just thirteen...she accepted me. She more than accepted me; she forgave me. And she told me that nothing could tear us apart.

So what if I tear us apart?

To be perfectly honest, I couldn?t tell you how much of the whole mess was the nightmare working over my poor fried brain cells or just me drifting in and out of consciousness with whatever the most disturbing thought of the moment was. But either way, it didn?t matter. By now all the dreams and faded memories have drifted together in a weird sort of way, nostalgic but uncertain and frightening at the same time. And naturally, I chose to dwell on it. Nothing says Jedi like wallowing in your own kriffing issues and then calling it ?reflection? or something like that. But I am a Jedi. I wouldn?t want it any other way.

And in more typical Jedi fashion, I was so busy with said issues that I failed to notice that my thoughts were blaring across the delicate living framework of the Force louder than the loudest scream, and probably with more emotion. I cringed. I knew she was going to come in here now, she?d ask me what was wrong, and I?d either be cold and push her away or I?d simply have a meltdown?and push her away.

Right on cue, there was that knock. Her Force signature was blazing with worry and a conflicting storm of emotion that rivaled my own. It?s always reassuring in a way, knowing she?s always there. But it?s frightening. I have to keep myself out of trouble, for her sake. But then I decided, perhaps unknowingly, to enjoy the little bit of time we got alone together, to give in to her insistence upon worrying and coddling over me. What can I say? I love her.

Yes. I said it. I love Jaina Solo.

Besides, it?s her fault.


?Come on in, Jaina.? She opened the door slowly, looking me over cautiously with her gentle brown eyes.

?Are you all right? I thought I sensed??

?Just a nightmare.?

She bit her lip?one of many adorable little Jaina idiosyncrasies I?d learned to love over the years. ?Are you sure?? When I didn?t answer, she walked in and sat next to me on the modest cot in my quarters. ?You look like you haven?t slept at

 

*squeals gleefully* all this time...i was thinking kyp...then i read this part and just before you used names i realized it was zekk and...*squeals again* you just made my day! despite what my sn says Z/J = my favourite pairing! *is on a big z/j high*

Yes. I said it. I love Jaina Solo.
Besides, it?s her fault.



awesome job Kaoru (and i'm not just saying that cuz it's z/j ) really awesome

~TJF

EDIT: btw, do you want this added to the YJK Pairings/Characters Index? if so PM me

 

Oh, YES!!!!

J/Z!!!!!! YEAH!!!!

WOW that was intense! I can't bear the wait to see what's going to happen! More soon!!!

*Joins TJF on her J/Z high*

 

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! J/Z!!!!!!!!!!

*joins TJF and EJM on her J/Z high*

Thank TJF for directing me to this... I love it!!!!!!

 

Wow....I didn't expect such a reaction! Thanks to everybody who read and replied. I'll try to have Chapter 2 up tonight but no guarantees.

-Kaoru

 

That is some of the most intracit(sp?) writeing i have ever seen!!!!!! WWWWWWOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!! GOOD STUFF!!!!!

 

this is absolutly wonderful! I love it already, and not because its a J/Z even though thats a reason. But because its so well written. This is amazing. I can't wait to get more!

 

Great story! I'm a sucker for J/z, and this one is great.

~jacesolo1138~

 

Thanks so much to everybody! We have an update...finally. I'm slow, you'll have to bear with me on this one, LOL.

-------
You don't know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am star-struck
By something in your eyes
That is keeping my hope alive
But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try
And I'm beginning to think
Baby you don't know

----Matthew Sweet

Chapter Two

She must have awakened first and realized what had happened because she was long gone by the time I woke. I couldn?t help wonder what that was about, anyway. She?d been relaxed enough with me to just fall asleep, but had probably panicked when she had to open her eyes to me of all things. But she had been with me all night, and maybe it was wrong, but I certainly took a strange kind of happiness away from that thought.

I managed to drag myself out of bed eventually, somehow; I washed up and got dressed quickly. I was only a few short strides down the stone corridor of the Jedi Academy temple before I was hit with another overpowering vision.

His finely chiseled features and wispy blond hair were a clear mockery of his blackened evil spirit within. He was nothing but a power crazed man?and a dead one at that, I reminded myself. But he was far too great a power to be held back from me by death. His mission had been to use me for his twisted game. And maybe the game was still on, with fewer players and a few switched around rules, but I was still the same old pawn.

?Zekk, my Darkest Knight...?

?I?m not your knight, Brakiss.?

?That is true, Zekk...you are my betrayer! You are a traitor, Zekk!?

?I have turned to what is right!?

?You have turned away from what you are!?

?I was never your knight! You tricked me! You are the betrayer, you always have been, you fool!?

?Ah, but it would seem you are the fool...the traitor is nothing next to the traitor who knows not who he betrays!?


And then I fainted, right there in the hallway.




I woke up about three hours later with a young Jedi healer?a new graduate?by my side. She was a female Twi?lekk with skin so pale blue it was nearly white. ?Ah, you?re finally awake.?

?What...?? I sat up and looks around, disoriented before I placed myself in the med center.

?You passed out from what appears to be very intense stress.? Her large eyes narrowed with concern. ?Master Skywalker has advised me to keep you here for the rest of the day. He recommends that you spend your time in meditation.?

?No?I...I can?t...?

?I believe you can.? She stood and nodded to me quickly. ?You need only to rest. You?ll be just fine.? With that she left me there to wonder some more. Of course the wondering was probably what had gotten me into trouble in the first place. I lied back down, completely intent on sleeping this whole thing away, but it returned as soon as my head hit the pillow.

?You can only run.?

I couldn?t even tell where the voice came from. It wasn?t Tamith Kai, wasn?t Brakiss...it was something darker, much more foreboding. And it was something watching me. It would be there. And I could run, but I couldn?t escape. It would follow me; I couldn?t escape. I had to go. Somewhere, anywhere but here where this evil power could corrupt the others. There was too much to be lost here. I had to get out

I had to get out.

But...

You promised.

...what could I do? I couldn?t...

You promised.

...just up and leave. There was too much left to resolve...

You promised.

...too much left to do, too many things to say, and too much...

You promised not to leave me.

...to deal with.

But was there any other way? Whatever this was would hurt those around me worse than it could ever hurt me, I somehow knew that. It was just one of those crazy intuitive things you didn?t have to be a Jedi to know. I could feel it. Th

 

-------
I?m gonna pick it up
I'm gonna pick it up today
I'm bound pack it up
I'm bound pack it up and go away
I?ve found it hard to say to you
That this is what I have to do
But there is no way that I?m gonna stay
There are so many things you need to know
And I wanna tell you before I go
But its hard to think of just what to say
I'm gonna pick it up
I'm gonna pick it up today
I'm bound pack it up
I'm bound pack it up and go away

----The White Stripes

Chapter Three


So I did it. I left that day.

Well I guess that?s rushing into things. I left that night. And that day...was not easy. Trapped in the med center with my Twi?lekk babysitter, wondering where Jaina was, wondering if she knew I was here. And the warring thought?s ringing in my mind refused to let me go...or let me stay, as it were.

I will kill them all.

If you do not leave

you promised you wouldn?t

then i will kill them all.

you wouldn?t leave me, Zekk, you said you wouldn?t

Their blood will be upon your hands if you do not leave, Dark Knight.

you wouldn?t leave me.

If you do not go, they will die.

If I leave, I?ll hurt her, but if I stay I?ll kill her. Of course, if I leave, it?ll kill me. Not the mystery beats, not the darkness that was indeed slowly choking me?just the leaving. Just the thought of Jaina?s face and hearing her cries through the Force.

Jacen once told me that Jaina cried when I left for the Shadow Academy. He said he really shouldn?t tell me because she was so ashamed of it after. ?She beats herself up for it,? he told me. ?She doesn?t like being emotional like that.?

Vulnerable.

The same word that had sprung to my mind the night before when she clung to me, crying. Crying. She had cried, right there in front of me, and I hadn?t even been able to say anything. I never could though. She had always had that talent to steal the words and thoughts right out of me just with her presence. Jacen said she refused to cry in front of anyone; that?s why she?d been so humiliated about crying when I left her?well, everyone?the first time. But she?d cried last night. Because she thought I was leaving.

She cried over me. Twice.

That?s why she hadn?t been there this morning. She?d been embarrassed about her tears and left. When?if?I saw her again she?d probably pretend like the whole thing never happened. Funny how we have that in common. It keeps us apart and I know it. I know she loves me. It?s another one of those ?you just know? things. I?m not full of myself for it. I just feel it from her. And if one of us would just stop playing it off

I have to remember to play it off more

then maybe we could be together...

But we couldn?t, regardless. I had to leave.

I loved her too much to stay. I loved her too much to leave.

The brief, wishful idea of breaking down and telling her had crossed my mind far more than once, but it never seemed to coagulate into an actual thought. Maybe it?s all a matter of being self-centered. I was too scared of what she?d think of me to tell her that I loved her.

And I should have, if I had, maybe she wouldn?t have...

It doesn?t do me any good to dwell on that. At the time I had no knowledge of the kind of condition she was in anyway. I was too busy covering myself and trying to get out without too much pain on my own part to stop and think that maybe she was already in more pain than I knew, more pain that someone could handle. More than she could handle.

But I never knew it. Selfish me, I never knew it. Too up in my own head. I still am I guess.

I lied back to meditate on my plans, which was a grave error.

You were right to run.

But it will not matter. You cannot save her. You stay, she dies. You leave, she dies. It is all a matter of at whose hand she dies, Darkest Knight. And it is quite up to you. Both ways will be painful. She will suffer regardless. There is nothing you can do but choose.

I can kill her. And I would enjoy it greatly.

But it is not necessary.

 

Great posties!


Trickster_Jaina_Fel and I have started a YJK index for YJK stories and fics about the characters from the YJK books. The thread is located in the Writers' Resource Forum

If you would like to submit your fic to the index PM the information to the YJK_Index

Title: (linked)
Author:
Summary:
Keywords: (please include the genre, pairings and main characters)
Author?s Notes: (if needed)

~jacesolo1138~

 

::feels the breeze as this fic soars waaaay over my head::

O.O;;

freaky stuff. good, but crazy weird.

keep it up...i'm curious about this one.

 

Jacesolo1138: If I can come up with a summary, I will, LOL. Not the easiest story to summarize.

mOck_herOic: Thanks, uhm, I think. LOL.



I'll try to update tonight!

- Kaoru

 

ahhhh poor zekk! Got to suck have visions like that. He can't leave jaina, he just can't! Jaina's tough she can handle anything or anyone that tries to kill her. yeah, i'm sort of feeling the breeze as that one goes over my head too.

~*Rose*~

 

SITH, Kaoru, you can write. *is floored* i've read better, but not much. that was amazingly intricate and deep.

~TJF

 

Thank you, Rose and TJF!

I guess I better get to work on Ch. 4

 

Update

-------
Someday we?ll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we?ll know why the sky is blue
Someday we?ll know why I wasn?t meant for you
Someday we?ll know why Samson loved Delila
One day I?ll go dancing on the moon
Someday you?ll know that I was the one for you.

----The New Radicals

Chapter Four


I finally broke out of the nightmarish vision at (according to the med center chrono) about ten o? clock that night. I looked around and found the Twi?lekk girl gone and my path left wide open. But the vision...would Jaina really do something crazy if I left? But if I stayed...

That?s when the full realization hit me.

The ?thing? was me. It was my past. It was the evil that had scorched itself so deeply within me that nothing could wash it away. I would end up killing her if I stayed, and I wouldn?t be able to control it. But what was meant by the vague, cryptic message that Jaina was not well? That if I left something horrible would still happen, but at someone else?s hand? But who...

No.

She wouldn?t. She would never?she was too strong for that. Could the villain already residing in the temple, waiting to strike the moment I left, be Jaina herself? No, I decided. There was no indication that she was...unstable in that way.

She had cried.

It would be best for me to get out while I still could. I stood quickly, and ran for the door even though I nearly topped from the head rush. No one saw, and I could only hope no one sensed, my escape. I dashed out of the med center and to my quarters for a few supplies before I would set off. I hurriedly collected a few tools and repair parts, just in case, and stuffed them into a bag along with a few other items I figured I need to hide out long enough to get rid of the thing. Hesitating slightly, I grabbed the small holo of Jaina that sat smiling cheerfully next to my bed and packed it away as well.

And as much as I wanted to just turn and run, I knew I couldn?t leave without saying goodbye. Leaving would be bad enough, but if I didn?t see her once before I left it would absolutely eat me away. I walked a short distance down the hallway and stopped in front of her door. What if I went in and it took me over right there? What if I couldn?t leave after seeing her? Or what if now was the time the darkness would consume me? I did have my lightsaber with me, and if that...thing

me. It?s me.

took me over and made me kill her...

I shook it all away and opened the door. I didn?t bother knocking since I could sense the peaceful quiet in her Force signature indicating sleep. I walked to her side, trying to be as silent as possible, and knelt down.

?Jaina.? I whispered. She stirred slightly but didn?t quite wake. ?...Jaina??

Slowly she rolled over to face me and her sleepy eyes opened. ?What...??

?I have to leave.?

?What...where...??

?I have to leave or you?ll get hurt. I?m sorry. I broke my promise. I know I did.? I was quite surprised to find tears stinging my eyes. ?I?m so sorry.?

?But why...?

?There is a darkness within me that I can?t explain. I can?t get rid of it now. I?m going to go into hiding, Jaina, and try to fight it. But I can?t stay here or something terrible will happen.?

She must have finally forced herself completely awake then; because I could sense her emotions suddenly flare with fear. ?You?you can?t go.?

?I have to, Jaina, to keep you safe...from me.?

?No. No.? She shook her head. ?...You...you promised you?d never do this again...? She closed her eyes against tears that would soon escape regardless. ?You promised me you?d never leave me again, Zekk.? She just sat up and stared at me, disbelieving. ?How could you lie to me??

?I...I wasn?t??

?What do you mean you weren?t? You promised me you?d never put me through this again. And now you are.? She glared at me, her usually warm brown eyes going icy. ?I can?t believe I trusted you.?

I was completely speechless. ?I never met to hurt you...?

?Well you did, Zekk.? Her voice was not as angry as I had

 

poor jaina...poor zekk...aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh he should just tell her!

oh well, i love angst, so i'm ok great job

~TJF

 

Thanks again TJF

Hmm it might be a while for chapter 5. it's monday and my brain does NOT want to work. hehe...

 

Wow... this is really, really good. You really made me feel for Zekk, my poor baby!! And Jaina too, of course.

ANGST, ANGST, LOVELY ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehe... Sorry, I just love angst, and yours is really good! Great job!

 

bump^

~TJF

 

*falls off chair*
[face_shocked] [face_shocked] [face_shocked]
That was incredible. A truly deep and BEYOND well written look into Zekk, and Jaina as well. I can't WAIT to see where this goes... I just love angsty Zekk fics!
*sits down to wait for the next post*

 

[face_shocked] Wow. Just, WOW. My poor Zekky...this is one of the THE most brilliant looks into his character that I have EVER read. Your writing style is excellant, and I adore your character portrayals. This fic is literally blowing me away, and yes, that is indeed an objective review!

That last part was so sad... ... Poor Zekk and Jaina!! Hurry with the next post, I must find out what happens!!