Beyond - Legends "Tactless" -- {L/M-ish Humor + Silliness}

Title: "Tactless"

Author: Um ... guess who?

Content: Humor. Luke/Mara interaction, Luke/Other implied, a bit of a spoof on the hurt/comfort genre in general. (Choose your favorite Lukie love; I don't do EU goodly.)

Summary: After Luke gets his heart broken again, Mara tries her hand at the whole hurt-comfort thing. Except, as it turns out, she's not very good at it. At all.

Author's Note(s): What can I say? The bunny bit me. I'm not even entirely sure what it came from -- some thought / comment about Mara not being emotionally accessible or forward, I believe. Anyway.

Characterization is off. Or, at least, for the way I perceive Mara. But can't I shout "spoof!" and hope no one notices? *sighs* And I've gotta admit that this is one of the first times I've felt constrained by the limits of PG language / SW cursing ("You unsanitary evildoer!").

*makes cute puppy dog eyes at template / inspiration / best friend in the world who-hopefully-won't-be-uber-upset*

---

"At least there's no gravesite."

"Uh-huh," he grunted somewhat peevishly. He'd become so used to just nodding his head in response to the platitudes that he answered, really, without really hearing what she said.

It was always the same sort of thing anyway -- regrets, condolences, pity -- [i]I'm so sorry, Luke[/i] from those who knew him well enough, or from the pompous Coruscrats, [i]I'm sorry for your loss[/i] or --

And right about then his brain caught up to his mouth.

"What?" he demanded, head snapping up from his contemplation of the table.

The word came out before he could check it. Because he'd heard what she'd said -- he just couldn't believe she'd said it.

"I said, 'At least there's no gravesite,'" she responded easily enough, though she didn't look up from her cup of hot chocolate. She was studying it rather intently -- had, in fact, been studying it intently for the past ten minutes or so. Now she held it up to eye-level, carefully squinting at the pattern on its edge. "Is this a Nubian design?"

He blinked. "No gravesite?" he repeated, more curious than upset at this point.

She looked at him, green eyes flashing with a bit of irritation. "You know," she snapped, "no gravesite. They're depressing things, gravesites. You have to go and visit them, take care of them, leave flowers and the like. Cemeteries can have their own sort of beauty, but only when no one you know is buried there, don't you think?"

He didn't respond. Mara wasn't ... Mara wasn't talking about [i]that[/i], was she? Because Mara just didn't talk about [i]that[/i], not since her ship had landed on Yavin for stars only knew what. Everyone else might, but Mara just didn't talk about [i]that[/i], not with sympathy, not with hate, not at all.

"So you don't need a grave to feel close to her."

He stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair over, nearly making her spill her cup of hot chocolate as well.

She glared. "Watch it, Skywalker!"

"Excuse me," he muttered, bending down as much to straighten the chair as to hide his own sudden flush of anger. She might not possess a single redeeming social grace, but Luke's manners were ingrained, even when the recipient didn't deserve them.

He dashed out of the room.

= = = = =

"No body, either."

"What?" This time he meant it. [i]What[/i] had she said?

They were in the kitchen again. All had been quiet for the past few minutes, despite his worries. He had just about decided that the last outburst was some strange fluke -- the galaxy screwing with his mind just a bit more for the kick of it -- when she'd spoken up.

"Well, you know." She hesitated. Not looking at him, he noted -- her gaze was fixed on the cup, again. "Most people who grieve say that it's worse when there's no body. But think about it -- you don't have to worry about what you're going to do with it. Burial or cremation ... no question about whether or not you need an autopsy to be done ..."

He fled. No "excuse me" this tim

 

*snags first post*

Be back in a minute with real feedback.

EDIT: "I said, 'At least there's no gravesite,'" she responded easily enough, though she didn't look up from her cup of hot chocolate. She was studying it rather intently -- had, in fact, been studying it intently for the past ten minutes or so. Now she held it up to eye-level, carefully squinting at the pattern on its edge. "Is this a Nubian design?"

LOL!!!! Sweetie, I don't know how you can say this is bad Mara characterization, because I can totally see her saying this.

She looked at him, green eyes flashing with a bit of irritation. "You know," she snapped, "no gravesite. They're depressing things, gravesites. You have to go and visit them, take care of them, leave flowers and the like. Cemeteries can have their own sort of beauty, but only when no one you know is buried there, don't you think?"

*giggles* I rather think so myself, but for her to say it . . .

"Well, you know." She hesitated. Not looking at him, he noted -- her gaze was fixed on the cup, again. "Most people who grieve say that it's worse when there's no body. But think about it -- you don't have to worry about what you're going to do with it. Burial or cremation ... no question about whether or not you need an autopsy to be done ..."

He fled. No "excuse me" this time, Aunt Beru's ingrained teachings about politeness notwithstanding.

"And you won't have to think about the rotting," she called after him.

*wipes away tears of laughter* 'Won't have to think about the rotting' . . . Oh, I just about choked on that one.

"It's the usual end to relationships. They don't last -- this way, you'll never have to see her on the street with someone else, laughing and in love with a person who isn't you, while you seethe and wither."

Pretty impressive emotional insight for Mara there, despite the tactless delivery.

"Have you thought about what this will mean for your next relationship?"

It was a close call, but he managed to avoid either banging his head on the cabinet or choking on his own toothpaste. Because she had pushed open the 'fresher door. While he was in it.

He was wearing a towel.

"Nrrth!" was all he could manage with a mouth full of toothpaste.

"While someone new might worry that she'd never measure up to your lost love," she continued, oblivious to his trauma, "she'll never have to worry that you'll go back to the last lover. That's reassuring, for a new romantic episode."

"OUT!" he roared, not bothering to spit first.

ROTFLMAO!!! Oh, I can't even think what to say any more, I'm laughing too hard.

"You spiteful little witch," he hissed, emphasizing his words with a little shake. Alarm bells were going off in his head -- what would Aunt Beru say? some distant corner of his mind was wondering -- but he ignored them for the moment. "She's gone, do you understand that? I don't give a damn how much you approved or disapproved, how you didn't think she was right for me, how the hell you told me so, I don't give a damn!"

He had her up against a tree trunk before he realized that she wasn't fighting back. He blinked a few times, bewildered through the anger -- Mara didn't take anything without fighting back.

An emerald glower, a disdainful toss of red hair, and a few quick jabs of a graceful hand. All of a sudden, he wasn't grabbing anything anymore but gingerly rubbing at his wrist.

Hey, excellent confrontation between the two of them! Very in character.

It was his turn to be left blinking. "Mara," he said slowly, wonderingly. "You're the most tactless person in the galaxy, did you know that?"

She shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable. "I was trying to comfort you," she grumbled, uncharacteristically not meeting his eyes.

"You thought that was comfort?"

She scowled. "I haven't had much practice."

*giggles more* Well, she hasn't.

"Listening would have been fine. Companionable distraction wou

 

hahahahahah Mara Mara Mara.

That was great.


::still giggling:: Great characterization.

I loved (LOVED) all the comments Mara made. Hilarious. And the comfort sex thing...LOL.

 

OMG, that was hilarious!!

I was laughing out loud the whole time, especially reading Luke's reactions to her words of 'comfort'.

Although, being Luke, he probably put up with it a lot longer than anyone else would have. Still, I love to see those moments where the Jedi Master mask slips and Luke remembers that he is a real human being.

And Luke's comment about comfort sex...if that's not a guy statement, I don't know what is!

But I like the way Mara shoots that dream down so quickly...for the moment anyway!

 

Borrows the holy *Snrk* for this. Very amusing.

 

Very funny! I enjoyed that!

 

Hahahaha... very funny.. well you know what they say "Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic!"
lol awesome story

 

Thank you to Gabri_Jade who gave me the heads-up to read this delightful vignette.

Miss Sock, you've written an adorable story. It's just so quirky and silly that it made an excellent escape from an otherwise very rough day for me today, so I thank you

My favorite scene had to be the one where Luke got attacked in the refresher, although him mentioning 'comfort sex' had to come as a close second.

Wonderful job!

 

LMAO! I love it! You might think Mara out of character, but I actually, I can see her saying all those things, though in that combination . . . and in that amount of time . . . I don't blame Luke. And I love how it kind of hints at jealousy. I just love it all. What a great spoof of hurt/comfort! LMAO! I have no words!

I love you, dearest clone. I'm honored you semi-graced my name with a story by you.

 

OMG I have to fix my make up, I have mascara running down my face. That's a work of art!

 

hilariously funny and sweet, Mara is so well done in this fic, I choked on the comfort sex that was really funny.

 

OMG - I should not have tried to read this at work. (My co-workers probably think I'm a bit touched for smiling at what is supposed to be lab values on the screen.........)

FUNNY!!!!

He'd called Leia as soon as he'd finished in the 'fresher, hoping she had something for him to do -- anything, so long as it was far from Mara Jade. New Imperial super-weapon, hostile alien species attacking the Republic, long-dead Sith Lord that needed re-slaying ... at this point, he was quite willing to settle for a Ewok stuck in a tree.

ROTFLMAO!!!



Irreverent and refreshing - I loved it!

 

*falls off chair from too much laughing*

Oh, dear me, this is priceless..

Mara Jade was truly very tactless.. oh dear oh dear.. *snickering that turns quickly into outright laughter*

 

LMAO!!

Omg... *has no words*

Only you, oba_incarnate, only you

 

That was hilarious! And not so out-of-character, except maybe for Luke entertaining the notion of 'comfort sex.'

 

hee hee hee hee heee heee!!!!

I almost fell out of my chair.

Mara is just not good at being comforting.

*continues laughing*

 

This was great! Very funny and so Mara, at least her part of the time. She can be so many things at one time.

I don't really need to guess who you are, do I? The name says it all.

 

ROTFL!! This is great, Oba! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

Mara wasn't ... Mara wasn't talking about that, was she? Because Mara just didn't talk about that, not since her ship had landed on Yavin for stars only knew what. Everyone else might, but Mara just didn't talk about that, not with sympathy, not with hate, not at all.

Hehehe, I loved that bit! This characterization of Mara is great, and I enjoyed your phrasing there.

"And you won't have to think about the rotting," she called after him.

"While someone new might worry that she'd never measure up to your lost love," she continued, oblivious to his trauma, "she'll never have to worry that you'll go back to the last lover. That's reassuring, for a new romantic episode."

That was just hysterical! I was giggling for a good five minutes after reading that.

He felt everything recede. Everything but Mara, who wouldn't recede, wouldn't go away, who sat in the center of his field of vision like a target that needed to be dismembered in the messiest way possible. Go Luke!

"Listening would have been fine. Companionable distraction would have been good. Comfort sex would have been great." LOL!!

"You weren't serious about the comfort sex were you, Skywalker? Because I think this whole comforting-thing might have to stop if you expect to get there."

That was a great line to end the story on. Just imagining Mara saying that makes me laugh. Very good job! I?m looking forward to seeing more of your fics around here.

 

*giggles* Okay, as most of you figured out, this vader_incarnate under a sock name. The sock was contrived as a way to make obaona blink ... and it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the feedback, guys!


Gabri - Thanks for reading! And aye, you got the first post!

LOL!!!! Sweetie, I don't know how you can say this is bad Mara characterization, because I can totally see her saying this.

*laughs* I imagined Mara could say something like that, aye, but I thought I'd blown the tactlessness a little out of proportion so I could squeeze a lot of humor from it. I mean ... she was a Hand, right, as well as a Trader? She's gotta have at least some tact ...

*giggles* I rather think so myself, but for her to say it . . .

Remind me to tell y'all about the time my mom was happily describing the altar she'd devote to grandpa after he died ... describing it to grandpa ... while he was still alive ... anyway. I have sources of inspiration.

*wipes away tears of laughter* 'Won't have to think about the rotting' . . . Oh, I just about choked on that one.

I rather liked that line. You can't just let 'em get away while you're trying to be helpful, after all ...

Pretty impressive emotional insight for Mara there, despite the tactless delivery.

*giggles* Experience speaking, I would assume -- the whole Luke-going-arm-in-arm-down-the-street thing with someone-who-isn't-me probably didn't work wonders for the psyche ...

ROTFLMAO!!! Oh, I can't even think what to say any more, I'm laughing too hard.

*laughs* No humor fic can be complete without gratuitous half-naked Luke ...

Hey, excellent confrontation between the two of them! Very in character.

Thanks! I twiddled with that for a while, stared at angry!Luke for a while because I tend to twitch at guy-hits-girl regardless of the reason ... and then I remembered, "Hey, it's Mara. She hits back harder" and felt better.

*chokes again* Oh. My. Stars. Is that Luke Skywalker saying that comfort sex would have been great??? I'm going to have an asthma attack with all this laughing.

*laughs* I added that line after thinking that the fic lost its momentum without Mara-comfort. At least Luke's not tactless enough to ask for it outright. Glad you thought it was funny, with as much sense as it made.

Both, Luke, it's both. Brilliant, not-so-mysterious Sock Person.

I'm going to wonder for a while -- why'd y'all immediately think it was me, not oba? Is it just the over-the-topness or the something else?


Mirax-Jade - I loved (LOVED) all the comments Mara made. Hilarious. And the comfort sex thing...LOL.

*laughs* Thanks! I had fun -- Mara is fun to write, and occasional humor is good for the soul.


kayladie92 -

I was laughing out loud the whole time, especially reading Luke's reactions to her words of 'comfort'.

*laughs* They're strictly true, of course, and Mara Jade is nothing if not pragmatic.

Although, being Luke, he probably put up with it a lot longer than anyone else would have. Still, I love to see those moments where the Jedi Master mask slips and Luke remembers that he is a real human being.

Writing JediMaster!Luke isn't as fun as farmboy!Luke -- too much starch leads to a bad dry-cleaning bill and not enough humor to satisfy. And farmboy!Luke smiles more, and Luke is just pretty when he smiles.

And Luke's comment about comfort sex...if that's not a guy statement, I don't know what is!

LMAO! I never thought of it that way before.

But I like the way Mara shoots that dream down so quickly...for the moment anyway!

*giggles* Can't you just imagine talking about something like this with your significant other, after the fact? "Remember the time ...

 

I solemnly swear that I did not laugh at this story.

::Whistles innocently::

Hah. Right. I can't lie. Great humor story, with an appreciated little dash of sentimentality. Mm. Dash of sentimentality.

 

<--- is currently doubled over with laughter and cannot offer any true feedback. Stoic double kindly doing the typing.

 

TheCrazyRodian - Hah. Right. I can't lie. Great humor story, with an appreciated little dash of sentimentality. Mm. Dash of sentimentality.

Thank you. I enjoyed writing it, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. And methinks someone has been reading/watching quite a bit of Harry Potter, yes?


Calandria - <--- is currently doubled over with laughter and cannot offer any true feedback. Stoic double kindly doing the typing.

*chocolates to the nice stoic double* Thanks!

 

"It's the usual end to relationships. They don't last -- this way, you'll never have to see her on the street with someone else, laughing and in love with a person who isn't you, while you seethe and wither."

Hilarious!!!!! Look, you earned a 5 exclaimation point "hilarious"!

 

*Is overcome laughing*



I loved Mara in this story. I can definitely see her doing that. She hasn't exactly had much human contact.

Because she had pushed open the 'fresher door. While he was in it.

He was wearing a towel. Oh... Methinks Mara has a hidden agenda here... Naughty Mara!

Basicly, I agree with every other response: Absolutely and completely hilarious.

 

*almost chokes as she reads it*

Oh gods... Oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods!!!

I had forgotten how good you were with writing humor!! This was exquisit, Goddess VI. Really, really exquisit. You deserve a mountain of chocolate and a free computer with limit-less-free internet. That way you can write more brilliant stories for us!!



"At least there's no gravesite."
"Uh-huh," he grunted somewhat peevishly. He'd become so used to just nodding his head in response to the platitudes that he answered, really, without really hearing what she said.
It was always the same sort of thing anyway -- regrets, condolences, pity -- I'm so sorry, Luke from those who knew him well enough, or from the pompous Coruscrats, I'm sorry for your loss or --
And right about then his brain caught up to his mouth.
"What?" he demanded, head snapping up from his contemplation of the table.

Oh Luke... Luke, Luke, Luke, don't you know better then to expect Mara to do the "same sort of thing"?? She's far too brilliant for that.

"No body, either."
"What?" This time he meant it. What had she said?

*snickers* She said that there wasn't a body!! I heard her!!

"And you won't have to think about the rotting," she called after him.

*falls out of her chair*


"You'll never have to worry about her leaving you for someone else."
No what this time. He just stared.
"It's the usual end to relationships. They don't last -- this way, you'll never have to see her on the street with someone else, laughing and in love with a person who isn't you, while you seethe and wither."
Afterwards, he was always quite proud of the control he exhibited -- he didn't bite his own tongue off. "Get. Out. Of. My. Way."

You know what? I almost felt sorry for him till he told her to scootch over.

"Have you thought about what this will mean for your next relationship?"
It was a close call, but he managed to avoid either banging his head on the cabinet or choking on his own toothpaste. Because she had pushed open the 'fresher door. While he was in it.
He was wearing a towel.
"Nrrth!" was all he could manage with a mouth full of toothpaste.

OH SITHIT!!!!! OH FORCE THAT'S PERFECT!!!!

I wonder if she planned for that.

"While someone new might worry that she'd never measure up to your lost love," she continued, oblivious to his trauma, "she'll never have to worry that you'll go back to the last lover. That's reassuring, for a new romantic episode."

Mara giving love advice.... DOES IT GET ANY MORE SURREAL!??!?!

"OUT!" he roared, not bothering to spit first.

Now, now Luke. Remember, Anger is of the Darkside.

He'd called Leia as soon as he'd finished in the 'fresher, hoping she had something for him to do -- anything, so long as it was far from Mara Jade. New Imperial super-weapon, hostile alien species attacking the Republic, long-dead Sith Lord that needed re-slaying ... at this point, he was quite willing to settle for a Ewok stuck in a tree.
The one time he was hoping for a crisis was the one time that the galaxy didn't deliver.

*laughs mockingly* I'd say that the maniac teddies managed to keep themselves out of trouble. Either that or Mara threatened Leia with death if she let Luke leave.

"You'll never have to watch her grow old or infirm."
He felt everything recede. Everything but Mara, who wouldn't recede, wouldn't go away, who sat in the center of his field of vision like a target that needed to be dismembered in the messiest way possible.

alright, so that wasn't very nice. But Luke contemplating hurting Mara is just so funny....

"I -- I was trying to make you feel better, Skywalker," she snarled at her feet.

Oh... man....

She shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable. "I was trying to comfort you," she grumbled, uncharacteristically not meeting his eyes.
"You thought that was