Take Two! Alter any scene in the films and change the course of history!

*Clapping hands thunderously*

BRAVO! Very funny! I bet we all wish he'd said that!

 

Some of these are absolutely hysterical. Jar Jar killing Maul- now THAT is poetic justice!

Great work, people. Now maybe I'll be inspired to write the one where Luke got to Bespin a little earlier.

Anyone read the fanfic where Han killed Vader with his blaster shot in the banquet scene, btw?

 

*still loving the one where Jar Jar killed Maul*

 

Obi: *leaning over Qui, weeping* NOOOOOO! NONONONONONO!!!!
Qui: I think I'm getting better, Padawan.
Obi: NO! I mean, don't trouble yourself master!
Qui: But I think I can get up-
Obi: No, my dear, sweet, Master! You are going to be one with the Force! *pretend sadness*
Qui: But I think I can walk--
Obi: NO! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!
Qui: What?!
Obi: Er, it's the will of the Force?
Qui: *sitting up* What excatly did you mean when you said, 'YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!'?
Obi: *looking around* Ummmm.....I want to be a Knight. BADLY. You cast me out like an old robe!! It made me see I WAS ready!
Qui: WHAT?!
Obi: That's right, Qui. And if I don't become a Knight, I'm goin' Darksiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!
Qui: NO!
Obi: That's right! And when I 'went to History class' I was hangin' with Xanatos! My main man!
Qui: N-.....wait. Xanatos is dead.
Obi: That's what he WANTED you to think!
Qui: I'm confused.
Obi: *noting that Qui is really alright* Ummmmm. *quickly thinking of an escape route out of all of this* Just kidding!

 

This is reallllllllllllllly funny. LOl! I can't stop laughing! Does it matter if a scene has already been done before and if its eh strange and twisted?

 

ROFLOL Oh MY gosh. <breath breath breath>

 

*sigh* How come no ones commenting on my posts? I need to work on it. And IF Jemmiah was actually commenting on mine, THANK YOU!!!!

 

On Endor:

Han: Waht do you mean, Gungans? I thought there were only primitive life forms here!
C3PO: General Solo, the Gungans ARE primitive life forms.
Han: So, can they help us with the generator?
C-3PO: NO, but they can make bad jokes and generate money by selling action figures.
Han: Good enough for me. Lets shoot a few scenes and let the Death Star melt this place.
C-3PO: Good thinking sir. Its much better than letting them try to eat you...


During Battle of Yavin

Luke (flying his x-wing in trench): ok Obi-wan, I'm almost there!
Han: C'mon kid! (Shoots Vader)
(Luke Shoots)
Han: Crap! Stupid kid. Luke you moron, I set everything up and you MISS! You suck, farmboy!
(Deathstar shoots, vaping luke, han, and zapping wedge too before it destroys Yavin.)
Obi Wan (spirit): Don't you ever listen? I told you to use the force!


Good work everyone

Perator

 

HAHAHAHA!!!

I personally love Obi killing Jar Jar and making Anakin a window-washer!

 

OK OK *gasp* I can't.... stop ...... laughing *gasp* //calm down NOW!!!//
.....
OK, better *lol* this is all tooooo cool.
Hm, I'll try, too.

----------

On Dagobah:

Luke: Hey you creeping little green alien. Wadda ya do in my baggage?

Yoda: Shut up! I'm just looking for alcohol...

Luke: Don't touch my bottle of Jim Beam, will ya? Gosh, I'm beginning to hate that stuck-up planet....

Yoda: Heheee I got it. *opens the Whiskeybottle, taking a deep gulp* Hmmm, pretty good this stuff is *takes another deep gulp, starts slightly bubbling like a baby* Lovin thisss stuff me does. Schust laig dringin idd. *takes again one, hickups* H-A-P-P-Y I am.... Hey gidd, waad aare yyyyouu doin here I asgg?? Loogggin ffffoor great Dschedi called Yoghurt eerrhh, no Yoda?

Luke: *sighs* //Oh good god. This little slimo is full up to his chin.// Do you know where I find Yoda?

Yoda: *empties the bottle* Wwwhhooo isch Yoda? I..I..I donnow who yyoouuu mean. *torkles around* So H-A-P-P-Y I am... hey who did dad schdupidd wader pid frondd offf me in? Waidd you. I'lll gedd you...

Suddenly the water monster which ate Artoo in the film appears and grabs Yoda gulping him down in one piece. Luke shakes head.

Luke: Awww crap. Now that's it. Nothing to drink. No possibility to lift my X-Wing out of this muddy hole.....

----------

Sorry Jemmy. Your "Happy I am" fit in here so good I just HAD to quote it.

 

Oh yeah!! I got another one!

----------

At the second Death Star over Endor, Throne Room. Shortly after Luke cut off Vaders hand....


Emperor: Good, very good young Skywalker. Now kill your father and take his place at my side, will you?

Luke (with winy voice): But I can't kill him. He's my father after all. Please don't force me to do that.....

Vader: Hey master, what sh** are you talkin' about? I thought I am your only partner in enslaving the whole galaxy. Luke, don't trust him will ya? I AM your father and I say kill that crazy old puppet and we both will rule the galaxy.

Luke: But Daaaad. I can't kill anyone. I'm a Jedi Knight and I prefer to hang around with Han and Chewie picking up Chicks, do lots of drinking and so....

Emperor: Will you stop whining like that? It's going me on the biscuit!! Now, kill your father, come with me and everything will be fine....

Vader: No Luke, kill HIM and stay with me....

Emperor: No, he'll stay with me...

Vader: With me....

Emperor: With me....

Vader: With me....

Luke: Shut up you both!!!! I won't with any one of you. I prefer killing myself.... *jumps into the reactor core*

Emperor: So, in this way. Sorry Ani, didn't mean it that way. You know, killing you and that stuff. Let's stay the good-old team Palpi & Ani ruling the galaxy, OK???

Vader: OK, Palpi. Now, what'll we do next? Crush the rebels then go on a cantina crawl???

.....

----------

Alternative ending:

Luke begins to whine (I mean REALLY whine) so long and loud that suddenly Vader and the Emperor look at themselves and suddenly jump into the reactor core, hand in hand.

Luke: Where have they gone to???


----------

*lol* Again quoted Jemmy, sorry for that. Your story of the cantina crawl came suddenly into my mind and I thought it would be right place here.....

 

Quote: "Anyone read the fanfic where Han killed Vader with his blaster shot in the banquet scene, btw"

Hehe, I wish I had!

These are sooo funny!!!

 

oh god, i haven't laughed so much in my life!
these are so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Qui-gon is running through the Naboo swamp, dodging trees, small shrubs and indiginous life-forms that are also fleeing from the Nemoidian battle tanks.

Suddenly, the Force prompts him to dodge left instead of right and he narrowly avoids a collision with a tallish, goofy looking orange thing. The Jedi Master keeps running, unaware of the disaster that has just been averted.

Behind him, a droid tank driver takes a bored pot shot at something that is standing square in his sights . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Qui: The boy then.

Watto: Uh, er, I just happen to have a chance cube, here. Blue: the boy, Red: his mother.

*rolls cube*

*waves hand*

*cube comes up red*

*smiling* Qui: I should have just used the Force instead of trying reverse phychology.

 

Everyone's writing parodies... hmmm, I don't know how to write a parody. Ah well, I'll try this instead.

*********
Leia crouched on the ground and shifted a box. It was about as steady as it would get on the uneven swamp floor. She sighed dejectedly.

?This is the last time I run errands for Luke.? She told 3P0.

She shook her head and looked at her half-submerged shuttle. ?How did he talk me into this anyway??

?If I may say, your Highness, he argued that as a starfighter he needed to help protect the fleeing transports and you said it would be not be inconvenient for you to pick up this Jedi Master for him.?

Leia sighed as the droid babbled on. She might need Threepio to translate for her and she could tolerate him for now. It could be worse, she could have come on the Falcon.

?Princess? I say, are you alright??

?Yes, I feel??

?You feel what??

?Oh goodness!? Threepio threw up his golden arms in surprise.

Leia contained her surprise as she had been trained to do and turned slowly around. The wizened creature looked up at her with large eyes.

?Hello,? she said pleasantly, ?My name is Leia, I?m pleased to meet you.?

The green troll nodded his head slightly, but did not give his name. Leia was not offended. In many places across the galaxy it was the custom of people to not give there name until the stranger had proven worthy, friendly, or acceptable.

?I am wondering, why are you here??

?I am looking for a wise person, someone who may have been here for a long time.? She carefully tried to describe the Jedi Master she?d never met. It wouldn?t do to say she was searching for a Jedi. He was certainly in hiding here and the natives would not know what he was.

As she spoke the small creature hobbled over to her supply cases and began to rummage through them. Leia ignored his behavior. Diplomacy called for tolerance of your hosts? actions. Threepio moaned about the mess the little guy made.

He took a small lamp. ?This is mine!?

?You are welcome to it.? Leia graciously acted as though she?d offered to him.

?Help you I can. Wise one you seek? Yoda perhaps??

?Yes! That is his name!? Leia smiled.

?Ahaha. Take you to him I can, but first eat. Come, good food. Come!?

He darted away and Leia rose silently to follow. Threepio whined from the camp. ?Mistress, don?t leave me!?

?You will be fine Threepio, I?ll see you again soon.?

The creature?s miniature house was a little uncomfortable for Leia to crawl into, but she merely reminded herself of her childhood playhouses. The elf-like person brought her a steaming bowl or something that tasted revolting, but Leia ate it without a single grimace.

?Why you seek Yoda??

?My friend is looking for him. But, he needs to help some people right now and asked me to come find Yoda for him.?

?Why does your friend seek Yoda??

?He wants to be Yoda?s student.?

?Ah! Learn to be a Jedi he wishes! Come himself, he should have! Rather teach you I would.?

Leia was speechless and her eyebrows went up in shock as she realized that this green creature was the great Jedi Master Luke had spoken of. It took another second before the rest of what he said sunk in.

?Teach me??

************
A bit serious, but its something I've always wanted to see.

 

Now that would have changed everything :-D

 

Hi. I usually don't post in 'variety' threads, but I had this idea the first time I saw this thread and it wouldn't go away. Sorry it isn't funny, but serious, but as I said, it wouldn't go away.

(I actually got kind of moist-eyed when I wrote it just now, but there are too many people in the computer lab for me to actually tear about it.)

Comments?

--AWK

* * *

After a brief eternity, Obi-Wan deactivated his master's lightsabre and ran to his side, the severed Sith lord already forgotten. He had to reach his master.

Not fast enough.

Can't run there fast enough.

Like running though water, but he made it there, down on his knees before he could even think to stop standing, he cradled Qui-Gon's head. A terrible wheeze of pain brought hope to his heart.

Qui-Gon wasn't dead.

"Master!"

Another painful wheeze.

"It's . . . too late."

NO!

"No, . . ." Please, not too late. Keep breathing Master.

"Obi-Wan," Tears were flowing down the apprentice's face, but Qui-Gon was beyond seeing them, his soul already more in the next world than this one.

He had to do this.

He had to setthis right.

He was on the threshold now; he could see what the moment, what the Living Force could hide.

What Obi-Wan must know, but wouldn't be able to see.

With the last of his strength, he gripped the front of Obi-Wan's tunic, pulling him close to whisper his final message.

Perhaps it would be the only significant act in his life. It was certainly the most important.

" . . . kill the boy."

"WHAT?"

He opened his mind and Obi-Wan shook as he felt his master's pain.

Shook as he saw what death had made clear to his master.

"He is the Chosen One. Don't let him bring balance Obi-Wan. Don't let the Dark bring low the Light."

The connection began to fade with the light in Qui-Gon's eyes.

"Yes, Master."

Qui-Gon was dead.

Obi-Wan closed his master's eyes and kissed his forehead in farewell.

The boy was dangerous. He had been right. The Council had been right. And the boy was the Chosen One, so even Qui-Gon had been right. But his actions had been wrong.

Obi-Wan shook his head. The Council had been right, but they would never understand.

"They will think I have turned, Master. They will kill me you know."

Obi-Wan's tears dried on his face. He began typing on Qui-Gon's datapad, detailing the events of the battle. It had been a Sith, and there was another one out there. The Council would need his observations in order to defeat that unknown monster.

They would need to know from someone they could trust. From someone who hadn't turned.

Obi-Wan signed Qui-Gon's name to the report, then replaced the datapad in his belt.

Picking up Qui-Gon's lightsabre, Obi-Wan walked to the ever-cycling energy gates. He turned back for one more look and smiled sadly. His master sometimes meditated in a prone position. Often fell asleep doing it.

He looked asleep.

At peace.

They won't understand.

"I'll see you soon, Master."

The gates opened and Obi-Wan left to find the boy.

 

When you said 'teary-eyed' this was not the post I was expecting Alli-Wan! I thought it would be some poor thing's tragic death, and just about choked from laughing when I read 'kill the boy'. I know you meant it to be sad, but I can't help it!

 

Can't even see Qui saying that. And I'm with Julie on the kill Anakin thing. Never liked that kid.

 

I've watched a lot of interviews with Liam Neeson, and I can totally see him saying that just to try and get a laugh out of Ewan.

 

That's what I was thinking too! Actually, I adore Anakin, he's my favorite character, but Qui-gon saying 'kill the boy' made me just about die laughing!

 

Sorry, I disagree folks! Taking it like it's written, Obi's realised the enormity of what he's agreed to and how it affects him. Qui's shown him through the bond what he's seen of the future, and Obi knows what must be done.

I thought it was well written and touching.

 

Mara Jade, known here as Arica, was sitting with the other dancers, and had no difficulty feinging boredom. It was quite real. Skywalker was coming, here, to Jabba's Palace. She knew it would be within the next couple days. She didn't know exactly when.

Until he arrived, the wasn't much to do. Sit around with the other dancers and look beautiful. Dance when called for by Jabba. And keep her eyes open. She couldn't complete her mission, to kill Luke Skywalker, until he arrived.

Then her danger sense flared. It was the only warning she had, before Skywalker arrived at the bottem of the stairs, with Jabba's majordomo calmly leading him in. Obviously, Skywalker was using mindtricks.

She took him in. She knew what he looked like of course, from countless spy reports, and composit pictures. But none of the holo's or reports hinted at his deep calm demeaner, the aura of controlled power he had.

As the Emperor and Vader had foreseen, he was strong. A Jedi. In spite of herself, she was impressed. There would be room for error.

The Twi'lek made his way to Jabba's side, and whispered in his masters ear. With a grunt, Jabba awoke. Instead of any response to Skywalkers presence Mara might have expected though, he laughed in his deep booming baratone.

Skywalker and all the guards were distracted; this was her moment. She reached out through the Force, and pulled a blaster from it's holster at a guards side.

It made a slight slapping sound as it reached her hand, but no one noticed. She aimed it at Skywalker and fired in one fluid motion, then threw the blaster towards the guard who she had stolen it from as the young Jedi toppled forewards.

Mara ducked back through the door and began running for the hanger. Her mission here was done. As always, she had been sucessful. Luke Skywalker was dead.

So why, as Mara keyed the ignition to the speeder she was stealing, did she felt a strange pang of regret in her heart?

 

Very nice. I'll try and write one.

 

I hope this one hasn't been done. I might have done it a bit different...

----
The scene from ESB:

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your mother..."
"He told me enough, he told me you killed her,"

Suddenly, Vader's voice becomes female....
"No, I am your mother,"
"That's impossible!"

"No, it isn't." Vader removes hER helmet to reveal Luke's mother, whoever.
----

Okay, so that was silly, but I gave it a try.