Saga Take Two! Take a scene from the films and give it a twist!

I always wondered what would happen if Palps gave the wrong order!

Okay, I'll try another one...

Obi-Wan Kenobi approached General Grievous warily after dispatching his MagnaGuards with the Force...

GG: Back away, I will deal with this *hack, cough* Jedi slime myself!

Obi-Wan: Your move!

GG: You fool! I've been trained in your chess playing arts by Count Dooku! Bishop takes Queen! Checkmate!

Obi-Wan flipped through his version of the script..a perplexed look on his bearded face as he scratched his head...

Obi-Wan: Ah, general? That's not in the script!

GG: WHAT!! *Grievous then split his two arms into four, then twirled his lightsabers in a dazzling display of prowess* Attack Kenobi!

Obi-Wan: Ah, now that's more like it! *Obi-Wan tossed the script aside and went into his attack stance*

 

ROFLOL!! Another absolutely stunning addition to this thread! Bravo!

 

^_^ Carryout order #99, and carry out order-

Loved it!

::happy::

 

It's carryout: order 99. ROFLOL!!!

I don't think I'll ever think of Chinese take-out the same way!

 

Say it with Flowers: Buy her a Sarlacc
By Jemmiah



Padme screeched as the transport lurched, throwing her straight out the side and down into the sandy dunes below. She hit the ground with an oomph; air being knocked out of her body at the sudden, forceful contact of ground against flesh. Badly winded, the senator rolled and rolled?and then for good measure rolled some more.

Anakin yelled her name, but it was to no avail.

"Padme!" He screamed, his voice hoarse with anxiety. The padawan turned, holding onto the support straps for all he was worth, barking an order to the clone commander. "Turn the ship round!"

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan was beyond merely lecturing the young man this time. Why did he never listen??? "Don't be ridiculous! If we capture Dooku we can end this war. We can take him together - I need you!"

"I don't care!" Anakin screeched back, eyes blazing. After all they had gone through there was nobody, not even Obi-Wan, who could order him to brush Padme aside as if of no consequence. "Turn the ship round!"

"You will be expelled from the Jedi order!" Kenobi barked back, desperation tingeing his words.

"I can't leave her!"

Obi-Wan was not about to have his authority undermined this time. For too long he'd put up with Anakin's constant questioning and carping, always hinting that he could make better decisions than his master?that he was quicker, smarter and faster at everything from using a lightsabre to doing the morning crossword puzzle. He'd once challenged him to knit a Nerf's wool sweater in less than two days. Obi-Wan had to admit that Anakin had indeed finished faster than he had, although he'd felt obliged to point out that the garment usually had only two arms instead of three. And also a hole for the neck?

"Come to your senses!" Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed, the wind whipping his hair across his face. "What do you think Padme would do?"

Anakin swallowed. "She would do her duty."

"Precisely. Now don't worry about her. I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine. And you know that I am never wrong about these matters, my extremely young, incredibly annoying padawan learner. A woman who has taken on a Nexu, won back her own planet against the trade federation and battled ferocious, monstrous politicians? Other than the coarse and rough sand getting everywhere what has a smart young lady like Senator Amidala got to worry about?"

*****

Padme continued to roll. She didn't know why, except that it looked more dramatic that way. At first she'd done it in the hope that Anakin would be as gallant as he pretended and jump out to rescue her, but it seemed he was all talk and no action (something the Jedi seemed awfully good at) and had flown off into the distance to pick a fight with Dooku. No good would come of it, she thought with a sigh as she bounced down the sand dunes, for he would only do something stupid like losing an arm or get crushed under a giant pillar. And then where would her plans for a wedding be?

Deciding her artistic efforts at rolling had come to naught with nobody there to witness it Padme allowed herself to come to the bottom of the slope with one final thud?then lay there for a moment. Damn Jedi! Why hadn't Anakin come back? So much for true love! After a few seconds of pretending to be badly hurt for no reason at all Padme attempted to roll to her feet?

Then fell backwards into the giant Sarlacc pit just behind her.

 

Oh, owwwwwwwwwwwww... LOL!

 

ROFLMAO!!

Poor Sarlacc...

 

Way to use your brain Obi-wan!

"As yooouu wiiish." kept poping into my head.

There goes the wedding.

 

Keep them coming - they're great!

 

Been skimming through... The one with Palpy and the flashcard got my sides hurting. Order 99 indeed.

Great job! Looking forward to read whatever comes next!

 

Title - Take Two, Revenge of the Sith.
Authorpalpyisgod2
EraROTS - final confrontation scene
DisclaimerGL and MTV
Notespleasepleaseplease reply!




?You were the Chosen One!? Obi-Wan Kenobi screamed, tears running down his face as he confronted what was left of Anakin Skywalker, burning on the molten ground below him. ?It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. It was you who would bring balance to the Force, not leave it in Darkness!

Anakin, eyes and body burning with the fury that ultimate power and ultimate hatred bring, managed to spit out the words, ?I hate you!?

Obi-wan, pain pouring out of him as only a brother can feel, choked out, ?you were my brother, Anakin. I loved you?

As he walked away, Anakin burst into flames, and started screaming.



Suddenly Obi-Wan turned back, his eyes screaming with mirth.

?What?s so funny?? Anakin managed to whisper, his clothing and skin on fire.

Ashton Kutcher ran out.

?You?ve been Punk?d!?

 

Brilliant...

 

Title: There is Another?
By Jemmiah



Cold.

The only good thing about being a degree or so from freezing to death, Luke thought bleakly as he slumped forward in an untidy, crumpled heap was that it numbed the pain. His face stung from the Wampa attack; it's claws having raked across his flesh in jagged gouges. The last time his cheeks had burned like that had been when Leia had slapped him for complimenting her 'nice buns'?

Han had told him it was a complement on Alderaan, but judging by Leia's extreme reaction he wasn't so certain.

He tried to keep going but it was physically impossible. A few more minutes and he would surely freeze?but Luke was no longer certain he cared. His life was slowly beginning to flash before him - or at least the edited highlights. And they hadn't been up to much if he was honest. Burning suns, stuffy air and coarse, rough sand. Picking mushrooms from the vaporators. Getting drunk and having his wicked way with Cammie in the back of an antiquated speeder?

No, wait. That had been a dream. Either that or it was Biggs' life that was flashing before him, not his own.

Considering his informative years had been spent on the most boring, baking hot, backwater planet in the galaxy Luke had to admit there was a certain irony in his dying on the most boring, cold, backwater planet in existence. His life hadn't exactly improved much for all that he was a hero of the rebellion. See what his fame and good conduct medals had done for him? A bad haircut, no love life and an allergy to Wookiee fur!

Luke decided it was just too depressing to dwell on and thought it was about time he just gave up and died. Would anyone miss him, he wondered? Han might, especially given the tremendous amounts of money that Luke owed him in gambling debts. Leia would surely feel something at his passing.

Probably Han.

"Ben!" Luke called out, not exactly knowing why. It wasn't as if he had a direct line to Obi-Wan since the old Jedi had been slain, although the man did have an annoying habit of popping up in his mind whenever he least expected it. Like that time he had been trying - unsuccessfully - to chat up the communications officer. She'd been politeness itself but had declined Luke's advances on the account of 'ghostly voyeurism' not being her thing?three being a crowd, and all that. When he'd complained to Obi-Wan that his spying on him was doing nothing for his love life, old Ben had replied that his own love life had taken a downward spiral since he'd become one with the force, so how did he think he felt?

"Luke!" The ghostly voice echoed, this time not so much in his head but all around him in the snowdrifts. "Luke!"

"Ben?" Luke croaked incredulously through his frozen lips, managing to raise his head a few inches, enough to allow him to see the spectral figure before him. "Is that really you? But you're?your all shimmery and blue!"

"Of course I'm blue!" Obi-Wan stamped his feet and pretended to shiver. "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a Bantha!" He stopped his theatrics for a moment as if searching for something to say. "Oh, yes?I nearly forgot. You will go to the Dagobah system?"

"The where?"

"Dagobah!" Obi-Wan glared. "There you will learn from Yoda."

"Who?"

"Yoda!!" Kenobi rolled his eyes. "The Jedi master who instructed me."

"I thought you told me that Qui-Gon Jinn instructed you?" Luke somehow summoned up the necessary energy for a frown.

"Stop being so damned picky! Just go to Dagobah and do what you're told. I don't know what it is with you Skywalkers?I must have 'idiot' tattooed on my forehead." Obi-Wan placed his hands menacingly on his hips. "Train the boy?watch over the boy. He is the chosen one?that boy is our last hope?" He mimicked, rolling his spectral eyes. "Hang on a moment?what was that?"

Luke stared as Obi-Wan cupped a hand to his ear as if hearing some kind of message from far, far away.

"He's not our only hope? There is another???" He looked down at Luke, stretching his hand vainly towards him i

 

^-^ And since the 'other' is more disciplined... Bye bye poor Lukie!

The Punk'd one was also very funny. So, what, they're going to make him un-crispified?

::loves this thread::

 

This was inspired by Jemmiah's ESB flavored post.

Always Carry a Spare
by MegumiFuu

?I can?t. It?s too big,? Luke couldn?t believe that Yoda thought he could move the ship.

?Size matters not. Look at me; judge me by my size do you? Hmm? And well??

By this time, Luke had tuned the little green troll out. Always harping on about his height. It?s not my fault he stunted his growth by drinking too much caffe as an Initiate. Blah blah blah? mystical energy? blah blah... ?Binds us together?? I wonder if I could use that line on that new girl in comms? blah blah? He still can?t expect me to lift that ship!

?You want the impossible.?

---------

Yoda watched the Skywalker brat storm off in a huff. No wonder turned to drink, Obi-Wan did. Testing my patience, Skywalker?s spawn is.

Giving a long suffering sigh, Yoda focused his attention on the boy?s flying contraption. Despite what he had told the boy, it did take a considerable amount of energy to lift the blasted thing. He had to focus harder when his senses registered the boy walking towards, no under, the ship. Yoda deepened his focus; he could not allow his concentration to falter.

?Is the sabaac game still on for tonight?? Obi-Wan Kenobi shimmered into existence besides the venerable Master. ?Mace and Qui-Gon-?

This unforeseen interruption, unfortunately, broke Yoda?s concentration, sending the X-Wing crashing towards the ground.

-----------

Obi-Wan sighed as he tried to tune out the hysterical shrieks coming from the boy?s Artoo unit.

?That boy was our last hope.?

?No,? replied Yoda. ?There is another.?

 

ROFLM_O! It must be "Get Luke Day". These are hysterical.

 

I love these! They put me in such a good mood!

 

Awwww, poor little Luke!

But it is such fun to take the mick!

These are great!

 

This takes place shortly after the arrival of the two 'ambassadors' from Chancellor Valorum, in the beginning of The Phantom Menace.

NUTE : (shaken) What?!? What did you say?
TC-14 : The Ambassadors are Jehovah's witnesses, I believe.
DOFINE : I knew it! They were sent to force a settlement, eh. Blind me,
we're done for!
NUTE: We're all the way out in space! How did they find us?

 

This gets funnier and funnier

Bravo!

 

The Course of True Love
By Jemmiah



N.B: Thanks to Calamity Jinn for the inspiration!

---

For one of the few times in her life Leia didn't know what to think.

There were people depending on her - on [i]them[/i] - to do their job as quickly and painlessly as possible just to give them a fighting chance against the second Death Star. People like Ackbar and Mon Mothma?like Lando and Wedge. Every moment wasted could jeopardise the entire mission to destroy the shield generator on Endor?and here she was, stuck in a miniature novelty teddy bear's village wearing a long dress, with her normally tightly braided hair lying loose against her shoulders. She was so far removed from the feisty, embittered Princess Organa that Leia wasn't sure she could ever be that person again.

One person chiefly was responsible. A braggart, a scoundrel and a pirate. And Leia knew above all things, even above the rebellion itself, that she loved Han Solo. Her year without him had been almost intolerable. As the rebel leaders plotted and schemed, Leia and Luke had drawn up their own plans to snatch Han from the jaws of hell itself; entombed in his carbonite prison within the lair of the evil Jabba the Hutt.

And as for that metal bikini, thank the force that Han had still been blind?or at least too polite to mention it. The indignities one suffered for the one you loved!

The Ewoks had been excitedly chittering away for some time now. Leia had to admit that she rather liked them: they were brave, quirky and rather sweet (not that she'd admit so to Han) and quite clearly spoiling for a chance to get back at the Imperial invaders. Perhaps they would be able to recruit them? Short help was better than no help, after all.

Wicket pulled on the fringe of her dress and gestured her out onto the tree house platform.

A large furry tide of little beings stood in line with their plates and knives in hand and, not knowing any better, Leia stood at the back of the queue hoping that enlightenment might strike her.

"Your Highness!" A voice hailed her from behind her.

Leia span around, finding herself face to face with Threepio.

"Oh, thank goodness you are here!" The droid almost wilted with relief. "We were all so worried about you!"

"Threepio, what's going on here?" Leia demanded, indicating the Ewok tribe. "Do you understand them?"

"Why, yes!" Threepio looked surprised. "I am fluent in over six million forms of communication?well, six million and one if you include those rude triple glazing salesmen we encountered last year. It appears that these creatures think that I am a god. You are a welcome royal guest under their protection."

Wicket, standing on his tiptoes, thrust a metallic plate into Leia's hands, filled with meat and salad. He then wandered off to find a large glass of mulled berry wine as a suitable offering for their distinguished guests. Leia frowned at Threepio for a moment, picking idly at her teeth a wooden fork.

"What happened to Luke and Han?" She wondered. "And what about Artoo? Have you seen him?"

Threepio seemed to shrink further into himself.

"Oh, dear. Poor little Artoo." He sighed miserably. "I'm afraid that he proved most defensive towards our hosts and so they dismantled him with a large wooden club. You're using his head dome as a plate."

Leia looked down in horror at the metal object in her hands and very nearly dropped what was left of Artoo's head onto the ground.

"Master Luke tried to explain that I would use my godly powers and show them my wrath if they didn't stop attacking poor Artoo, and tried to levitate me into the air. But I'm afraid levitation was never really Master Luke's strong point?"

Leia swallowed, the lump in her throat suddenly extremely large and heavy.

"What happened to him?" She demanded once more. "And where's Han?"

Threepio paused.

"Why, Mistress Leia, I do believe you are eating him. But do not distress yourself. I have often heard it said that the course of true love never ran smoothly. Or in this case, the main cou

 

"Why, Mistress Leia, I do believe you are eating him. But do not distress yourself. I have often heard it said that the course of true love never ran smoothly. Or in this case, the main course of true love?"



Main course of true love...ah! Poor Han!