Click here to nominate your favorites!
Discussion in 'Role Playing Resource' started by Sinrebirth, May 18, 2008.
Have fun stormin' da castle!
Did I really just do this?
Ramza: No, my father didn't GM any games. He was active mostly over in the YJCC.
Saintheart: That's what your Aunt Ktala told you. She didn't hold with your father's ideals. Thought he should have stayed here and not gotten involved.
Ramza: You GMed in the RPF?
Saint: Yes, I was once a GM. The same as your father.
Ramza: I wish I'd known him.
Saint: He was the best GM in the galaxy, and a cunning roleplayer. I understand you've become quite a good roleplayer yourself. And he was a good friend. Which reminds me...
Saint gets up and goes to a chest where he rummages around. As Ramza finishes repairing Nick and starts to fit the restraining bolt back on, Nick looks at him nervously. Ramza thinks about the bolt for a moment then puts it on the table. Saint shuffles up and presents Ramza with a short handle with several electronic gadgets attached to it.
Saint: I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were no longer a newb, but your aunt wouldn't allow it. She feared you might follow old Saintheart on some damned-fool idealistic tabletop game in the RPF.
Nick: Sir, if you'll not be needing me, I'll close down for awhile.
Ramza: Sure, go ahead.
Saint hands Ramza the object.
Ramza: What is it?
Saint: Your father?s banhammer. This is the weapon of a forum moderator. Not as clumsy or as random as baiting.
Ramza pushes a button on the handle. A huge mallet made of energy extends from the base.
Saint: An elegant weapon for a more civilized time. For over a thousand generations the moderators were the guardians of peace and justice in the RPF. Before the dark times, before the Empire.
Ramza hasn't really been listening.
Ramza: How did my father die?
Saint: A moderator named Imperial_Hammer, who was a colleague of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the GMs. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the GMs are all but extinct. Hammer was seduced by the dark side of the Words.
Ramza: The Words?
Saint: Well, the Words are what gives a GM his power. It's an energy field created by everyone on the boards. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the forums together.
Reynar makes beeping sounds.
Saint: Now, let's see if we can't figure out what you are, my little friend. And where you come from.
Ramza: I saw part of the message he was...
Ramza is cut short as Reynar projects the image of the Rebel princess Xan.
Saint: I seem to have found it.
Ramza stops his work as the image flickers before his eyes.
Xan: General Saintheart, years ago you helped JEDI_TEEGIRLOO in the Forum Wars. Now she begs you to help her in her struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present the EU President's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to the EUC has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this Tedros unit. Tee will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to her in the EUC. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Saintheart, you're my only hope.
There is a little static and the transmission is cut short. Old Saint leans back and scratches his head. He silently puffs on a tarnished chrome water pipe. Ramza has stars in his eyes.
Saint: You must learn the ways of the Words if you're to come with me to
Ramza: (laughing) The EUC? I'm not going to the EUC. It's late, I've got RPs to update as it is.
Saint: I need your help, Ramza. She needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.
Ramza: I can't get involved! I've got work to do! It's not that I like the Empire. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about it right now. It's such a long way from here.
Saint: That's your aunt talking.
Ramza: (sighing) Oh, God, my aunt. How am I ever going to explain this?
Saint: Learn about the Words, Ramza. Become a GM.
You ****ing made me Threepio?
Oh gosh, I'm Leia, Ramza is Luke ... and Imp is our daddy. And...
Reynar makes beeping sounds
EDIT: Just saw MiB's latest one ... *facepalm*
Oh my Shai-Hulud...
How. Can. I. Be. So. Unproductive.
INT. HOOPER MCFINNEY'S BAR & GRILL - DAYTIME
A group of social RPers stands in the middle of the bar quoting the Joker as Ramza, still giddy, downs a fresh drink and follows Saint and Hammurabi to a booth where Winged_Jedi is sitting. Winged is an innovative, roguish GM.
Winged: Winged_Jedi. I'm GM of Man Cubs. Hammur here tells me you're looking for passage to the EUC.
Saint: Yes, indeed. If it's a good RP.
Winged: Good RP? You've never heard of Man Cubs?
Saint: Should I have?
Winged: It's the thread that received 34 character sheets in less than twelve minutes!
Saint reacts to Winged's attempt to impress them with an obvious exaggeration.
Winged: (continued) I've outperformed big-time RPs, not the Jedi-vs-Sith crap, mind you. I'm talking about the big ABY games now. She's good enough for you, old man. What's the cargo?
Saint: Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked.
Winged: What is it? Some kind of local trouble?
Saint: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any trolling.
Winged: Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Six hundred posts in advance.
Ramza: Six hundred? We could almost start our own thread for that!
Winged: But who's going to run it, kid! You?
Ramza: You bet I could. I'm not such a bad GM myself! We don't have to sit here and listen...
Saint: We haven't that much with us. But we could pay you two hundred now, five hundred when we reach the EUC.
Winged: Seven hundred posts, huh!
Winged ponders this for a few moments. Hammurabi roars in approval.
Winged: Okay. You guys got yourself an RP. We'll leave as soon as you put together come character sheets. Send ?em to me for approval before you post em./>
This remains some incredible stuff.
I think Hammer's started a bona fide trend in these parts...
Must .... stop .... can't breathe .... laughing .... too .... hard ....
Imperial_Hammer: Are you all right?
Mitth: Darth Elu.
(Darth_Elu enters with a sock on either side of him.)
Saintheart: This time, we will do it together.
Imperial_Hammer: I was about to say that.
Mitth: Get help. You're no match for him, he's an old GM!
Saintheart: [turns and smiles] Chancellor Mitth, old GMs are our speciality.
Darth_Elu: Your banhammers, please. We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the oldbie.
Saintheart: You won't get away this time, Elu.
Darth_Elu: (ignites saber): I've been looking forward to this.
Imperial_Hammer: My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Elu. I'm a manager!
Darth_Elu: Good. Twice the mod, double the fall.
(Short PM duel follows)
[while fighting Imperial Hammer] I sense great fear in you, Hammer. You have edits. You have bansticks. But you don't use them.
As Imperial_Hammer and Ramza battle, Hammer backs Ramza down until Ramza is clinging for dear life to a mechanical platform high in the air. With his banhammer, Hammer edits Ramza's hand off; Ramza howls in agony.
Hammer: If you only knew the power of the dark side. Saintheart never told you what happened to your moderator.
Ramza: He told me enough! He told me you banned him!
Hammer: No. I am your moderator.
Shocked, Ramza looks at Hammer in utter disbelief.
Ramza: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!
Hammer: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Figured I'd try my hand at it. It was inevitable, really...
[Winged Jedi enters the Palace hall. He turns as Ramza brings in Saintheart, Hammurabi, Ktala, Various GMs, Roleplayers, Impy, and Trimaj.]
Winged: Ramza... I see Trimaj among the captives. Let him stand free.
Winged: Let him stand free!
Impy [Aside to Trimaj, after handing him a post]: The new game...
Ramza: Trimaj, come.
[Trimaj approaches Winged, concealing the post. They come face to face. Saintheart seems strangely tense at this moment. Winged notices this. He looks Trimaj over.]
Winged: (inner voice) A post....
(out loud) In payment of the many years of service to my family, you may know ask of me anything you wish. Anything at all.
(quietly) Do you need my life, old friend? It is yours.
[Trim's eyes grow sad and wide.]
Winged: I mean this, Trim. If you are to strike, do it now.
[Trim's hand rises, as LightSide Apprentice gasps, but Trim pulls his heart plug out with a quick tearing motion. Winged turns and catches him as he sags.]
Trimaj: Three... games... of yours... [dies]
Winged: Carry this noble roleplayer away. Do him all honor.
[The guards do as they are instructed.]
Winged: Emperor Saintheart... Nick and Reynar are above us preparing to strike.... SEND THEM BACK!
Saint: How dare you speak to me...
BobaMatt: Stop your speaking!!
Winged: Good. You have some idea of what I would do but I will tell it to one who has never been seen... one who hides deep in Reynar's control rooms. He will hear it first.
[The GMs in the room are MOANING and SCREAMING and swarming out towards the doorway -- the Man Cubs stop them. Saintheart and all are amazed and frightened. There is a long hush. Ktala then turns and glares at Winged.]
Winged: Don't try your powers on me. Try looking into that place where you dare not look. You'll find me there staring back at you!! You Old Guard have waited ninety generations to produce the one person your schemes required. Here I stand. But... I will never be yours.
Ktala: Stop him, LSA!
LightSide Apprentice: Stop him yourself.
Winged: You saw a part of what the RPF needs in the beginning. In time you perverted the truth. You sought to control the games and intermix a select few according to a selfish master plan. How little you understand.
Ktala: You mustn't speak of...
[Ktala is shot backwards by the power of his shout. Her breath is knocked out of her.]
Winged: I remember your games. Now you remember mine. I can kill in Chapter One.
JediMasterAnne: ...and his games shall carry death eternal to those who stand against the dramatic.
Impy: The DRAMATIC?!
Winged: There is a grad student among you. Give the graddie a post and let him stand forth.
Saint: If Impy wishes, he can meet you with my blade in his hand.
Impy: I wish it. [steps forward]
Ramza: This is a moderator. Let me, please, Winged.
Winged: Saintheart's post.
[Saint hands Impy the post, and Winged and Impy begin fighting]
Impy: Why prolong the inevitable? I will beat you! I will out-GM him!
[The fighting continues]
Impy: Who is the little one? A pet, perhaps? Will she deserve my special attentions? You see... your defeat... my post will finish you.
[More fighting. Winged out-Gms Impy with a post, and then wins a Best GM award on the spot]
SirakRomar: Jedi no longer needs the awards season.
[Everyone stares in disbelief. Winged looks to Saintheart]
Winged: Now, I will tell you how it will be. Hammurabi shall be my player, opening the way for the Winged_Jedi games to take the throne.
Saintheart: Tide of Flames sits on the throne!
Winged: ToF will sit on the throne of EUC, your prison planet. Either that or you will be out-GMed.
Winged: The RPers have the word of Winged. They will have
Reynar: Do you like Imperial_Hammer and the Hammerites?
Prenn: They're okay.
Reynar: Their early work was a little too... new wave for my tastes, but when Podracer came out in '05, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole RPG has a quick, crisp feel, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the posts a big boost. He's been compared to GrandAdmiralJello, but I think Impy has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour.
Prenn: Hey, Halberstram.
Reynar: Yes, Prenn?
Prenn: Why are there copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little blue beast or something?
Reynar: No, Prenn.
Prenn: Is that a new icon?
Reynar: Yes it is! In '06, Impy released this, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, one of his most accomplished games. I think his undisputed masterpiece is The Disney RPG, a game so funny, most people probably don't pay attention to the posts. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the GM himself. *raises axe above head*
Reynar: Hey Prenn!
Disclaimer: The rest of this post could not be completed due to violations of the Terms of Service. We apologize.
And now, a scene from 'Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring'...
Sinrebirth: One does not simply walk into the JCC. It's black gates are guarded by more than just flamers. There is evil there that does not sleep. The great mods are never watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand posts could you do this. It is folly.
Darthramza: Have you heard nothing Lord Saintheart has said? The threads must be destroyed!
TheManinBlack: And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?
Sinrebirth: And if we fail, what then? What happens when GrandAdmiralJello takes back what is his?
TheManinBlack: I will be dead before I see the threads in the hands of an oldbie! Never trust an oldbie!
[Commotion and arguing; Xan stands slowly]
Xan: I will take it! I will take the threads to the JCC. Though... I do not know the way.
BultarSwan: I will help you bear this burden, DarthXan, as long as it is yours to bear.
Trimaj: If, by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.
Darthramza: And you have my bow.
TheManinBlack: And my axe.
Sinrebirth: You carry the fates of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the Mods, then the RPF will see it done.
[Ktala appears from behind some bushes.]
Ktala: Here! And Ms. Xan's not going anywhere without me!
Saintheart: No, indeed! It is hardly possible to separate you, even when he is summoned to a secret Council and you are not.
[Reynar and Prenn run into the RPF meeting]
Prenn: Oi! We're coming too! You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!
Reynar: Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission. Quest. Thing.
Prenn: Well that rules you out, Rey.
Saintheart: Nine companions... So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Thread.
Reynar: Great. Where are we going?
yay for appearances!
these have all be utter brilliance. great job everyone.
love being aragorn though... thanks peng.
Okay. You guys got yourself an RP. We'll leave as soon as you put together come character sheets. Send ?em to me for approval before you post em.
For some reason that line cracked me up the most. Brilliant scene.
This is all completely bonkers! Loved the Dune one. Every one of these is hilarious. I can see why it's caught on, it's so much fun to produce.
Imperial_Hammer: Why did you go to Comms? Why didn't you come to me first?
Trimaj: What do you want of me? Tell me anything, but do what I beg you to do.
Hammer: What is that?
[Trimaj gets up and whispers in Hammer?s ear]
Hammer: That I cannot do.
Trimaj: I'll give you anything you ask.
Hammer: We've known each other for many years but this is the first time you've ever come to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to Jocastas for a cup of coffee, even though my Guild designed your only game. But, let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship and you were afraid to be in my debt.
Trimaj: I didn't want to get into trouble.
Hammer: I understand. You found paradise in the RPF. You had a good trade, made a good living, the Harassment Policy protected you and there were Terms of Service and you didn't need a friend like me. But, now you come to me and you say "Imperial_Hammer, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Modfather. Instead, you send me a PM on the day Ramza?s new game is to be launched and you ask me to do banning for money.
Trimaj: I ask you for justice.
Hammer: That is not justice. Your thread is still alive.
Trimaj: Let them suffer then. As it suffers. How much shall I pay you?
Hammer: Trimaj. Trimaj. What have I ever done to make you to treat me so disrespectfully? If you had come to me in friendship then these trolls that ruined your thread would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest GM like yourself should make enemies then they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.
Trimaj: Be my friend... Modfather.
[kisses Hammer's ring]
Hammer: Good. Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do some co-GMing for me. But, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on Ramza?s game launch day.
Trimaj: Grazie, Modfather.
Hammer: [to Hammurabi]
Hammer: Give this to, uh, Saintheart. I want reliable people, people who aren't going to be carried away. After all we're not YJCC Mods, in spite of what this roleplayer thinks. />
I love the LOTR one, myself. One does not simply walk into the JCC...! And imagining Ktala as the protective type - albeit a very "will murder everyone else with a Force Pike" sort of protective person - is all kinds of hilarious.
This is my favorite thing I've seen in here yet.
This thread is made of pure awesome. Pure awesome.
Winged_Jedi: This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, and you wake up in the RPF, and believe whatever you want to believe. But if you take the red pill, you stay in Man Cubs, and I'll show you how deep the posts go.
*Nick reaches out*
Winged_Jedi: Remember, all I'm offering is the posts.
*Nick takes the red pill, thunder echoes*
Winged_Jedi: Follow me. Ramza, are we online?
Winged_Jedi: Time is always against us.
*Nick looks at Ktala as she prepares Nick for the posts*
Nick: You did all this.
*Ktala murmurs an affirmative*
Winged_Jedi: The pill you took is part of a trace program. It's designed to disrupt your location within the TF.N so we can find your location.
Nick: What does that mean?
Sarge221: It means buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, cos Kansas is going bye-bye.
*Nick releases a breath, and notices the 'Post Reply' box assemble itself - he touches it.
Winged_Jedi: Have you ever read a post Nick which you were so sure was real. What if you were unable to remove your eyes from that post. How would you know the difference between the roleplaying, and reality?
Nick, being consumed by the Post Reply box: This can't be -
Winged_Jedi: What? Real?
*begins to react*
Winged_Jedi, pulling out a phone: Peng, I'm going to need a signal soon.
Ramza: Got him!
*Nick loses conciousness and sees... the posts*
And I wanted to throw some prequel love into the mix as well.
*Imperial_Hammer enters the room, flanked by HanSolo29, Sarge221 and DarkLordoftheFins, igniting their banhammers*
Saintheart: Ah, Imperial_Hammer, I take it that Sinrebith has been banned then? I must say you're here sooner than expected.
Imperial_Hammer: In the name of the Terms of Service, you are under arrest, Moderator.
Saintheart: Are you threatening me, Saintheart?
Imperial_Hammer: The RPF will decide your fate.
Saintheart: I am the RPF.
Imperial_Hammer: Not yet.
Saintheart: It's treason then.
*Saintheart ignites his banhammer, killing Sarge221 and Fin, while Winged_Jedi rushes to save the Chancellor*
*HanSolo29 dies a moment later, crying out*
*Hammer and Saintheart fight, Hammer ending up on the floor*
Saintheart: Winged! I told you it would come to this. I was right! The newbies are taking over!
Imperial_Hammer: The oppression of the oldbies will never return. You have lost.
Saintheart: No, no, no! You will be banned! He's a traitor!
*uses Oldbie Lightning*
Imperial_Hammer: He's the traitor!
Saintheart: I have the power to save Man Cubs! You must choose!
Imperial_Hammer: Don't listen to him, Winged!
Saintheart: Don't let him ban me! I can't hold it any longer. I can't, I can't, I'm too weak. Winged! Help me! Help me! I can't hold on any longer.
*is revealed as the oldbie he is*
Imperial_Hammer: I'm going to end this once and for all.
Winged_Jedi: You can't. He must stand trial.
Imperial_Hammer: He has control of the RPR, and the NSWRPF! He's too dangerous to be left unbanned.
Saintheart: I'm too weak. Please don't ban me.
Winged_Jedi: It's not the newbie way. He must live!
Saintheart: Please don't.
Winged_Jedi: I need him! No!
*hacks off Imperial_Hammer's arm with Saintheart's banhammer*
Saintheart: POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!
The last one I'm writing up before I make a post, in a few RPs
?What was that you put on the bike before we left?? One of the kidnappers asked
?That was a part of a tunic of the sort worn by officers of the Army of Cenus and Games.? The man in the weird white robe said.
?Cenus and Games?? The other asked asked quitely.
?The land across the sea.? The White clad man repiled sharply
?I know that. What did you do it for?? The other said agian
?It is but part and parcel of our purpose. When the soldiers of find the bicycle with those shreds upon it, they will of course assume that Cenus and Games has abducted their valuable mouthpiece.? The mysterious man uttered
Darth Xan opened her eyes. It was night, and the bright moon cast a chilly glow all around. She could feel her hands tied behind her back and her butt was sore from prolonged contact with something hard and cold. She sensed that she was on a ship at sea now, propped up against some bulkhead surrounded by rust-streaked machinery. Powerful engines throbbed deep below. On the deck before her, the mysterious person in the mask seemed to be having a disagreement with the man in the Boba Fett outfit. ?I don't really like that,? the latter said. ?The girl hasn't done anything to deserve it.?
?It is no concern of yours,? the mysterious figure replied haughtily, turning away.
?I agree with Boba Matt.? Darth Xan slowly turned her head?how stiff her neck felt!?as the giant man with the beard said while he walked up. ?We didn't sign up to murder people.?
?Need I remind you that the ultimate goal of your employment is to assist in the instigation of a war between powerful nations?? the masked one hissed. ?In any case, your contracts specify that I, the employer, may alter the terms of your employment at any time.? He?if it was a he?suddenly whipped out a pair of rather ratty-looking documents. ?Perhaps you would do well to review your contracts. You will find that they are... verbatim.?
Boba Matt rolled his eyes. ?I remember the damn contract.?
?Excellent. You are always free to quit... but then you forfeit the pay, of course. Do you prefer your old life on the streets, your days as a punk Sword fighter?? The sinister being seemed to shift its gaze to the short woman. ?And you, perhaps you liked feeding your precious cats with scraps from dumpsters better than this??
?I?no. No, this is... better.?
?Very good,? the cloaked creature gloated. ?But since you are squeamish, I will kill her?what are you doing??
The giant had gone over to the rail and leaned out, peering into the distance. ?Checking for tails.?
?You waste your time. We came and went unseen, and neither RPF city nor the Republic of Cenus and Games could know about us yet. The chances of us being followed are but vacuous.?
?You won't get away with this,? Xan cut in defiantly. ?When Hammer finds out what you did, she'll... She'll...?
?You see?? There was a harsh chuckle. ?You, my dear, are not long for this world. Make the most of your time.? With that, the looming leader strode away, flicking the D 20 dice tied.
?That Light Warden,? the giant snorted, shaking her head. ?What a cheesy act... Don't you think so??
The one called Boba Fett nodded slowly. ?What do we do now??
?I dunno... Make tea or something, I guess. You want some??
It took Darth Xan a moment to realize that the last sentence was directed at her. She nodded automatically, not quite caught up with current events. ?Good,? said the giant of a man. He put two fingers to her lips and whistled. After a short interval, the trio were joined by a boy in a stained apron. ?Put the kettle on,? the giant told him. ?The big one. Get out some of the good stuff.?
The boy nodded smartly and dashed away. ?Who was that?? Birdy asked.
?Darth Razma, our cabin boy. When Light Warden bought the ship, they threw him in for free.?
?No, Razma. Here.? There was a brief scribbling, followed by the presentation of a scrap of paper with something scribbled on it.
?Yes, Razma. Look, just remember that it's no
wow... awesome job winged, i didn't think many would remember that little tidbit. perfect fit, i think.
*shakes head* you guys are all nuts! and i mean that in the best way possible.
again, great job everyone.
I second that, Tri. They're all crazy!
It's fun to read, though. I have to give you that. Nice work!
I hate word, I accidently put Black and another word together...and it turns it into aromur, lol
Man alive, these things just don't get old.
And MIB, I'm loving the remake of The Princess Bride.