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Social Tales from RPF City - Now Featuring Even More RPF Amateur Dramatic Theatre!

Discussion in 'Role Playing Resource' started by Sinrebirth, May 18, 2008.

  1. The Great No One

    The Great No One Jedi Grand Master star 8

    Jun 4, 2005
    *nods* i can see how that would indeed prove useful. either that, or find a movie script online.

    and hammer's the one that started it. actually in the RPFchat one time.

  2. SlevinKelevra

    SlevinKelevra Jedi Youngling

    Dec 5, 2008
    Wow...these are extremely funny! :D
  3. Saintheart

    Saintheart Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Dec 16, 2000
    I got this in the shower this morning. Get yer kilts on and yer bagpipes. :D

    Saintheart: I shall tell you ... of Reynar_Tedros. Historians from the EUC will say I am a liar; but history is written by those who have banned heroes. The mod of the RPR had died without a son, and the mod of RPF, a cruel pagan known as Imperial "the Hammer" had claimed the throne of Resourceland for himself. RPR's VIPs fought him, and fought each other over the crown. So Imperial invited them to talks of truce - no flames, one sig only.

    Amongst the threads of that shire was Winged_Jedi, an RPer with his own games. He had two sons: Sarge ... and Reynar.
    Winged_Jedi: I told ye to stay!
    Reynar: Weell, I've finished mah work. Where we goin'?
    Winged_Jedi: Sinrebirth's. He was supposed t' meet wi' us when th' gatherin' was over.
    Reynar: Can ah come?
    Winged_Jedi: No! Go home, boy!
    Reynar: (whining) But ah want t' go!
    Winged_Jedi: Run home, Reynar, or ye'll feel th' back o' mah ban!

    Reynar: We'll make posts. Hundreds of them, long posts. Twice as long as a man.
    darthramza: That long?
    Reynar: Aye.
    darthramza: Some men are longer than others.
    Mitth: Your mother been telling you stories about me again, eh?
    Ktala: [laughs, speaking heavenward] Him? That can't be Reynar_Tedros. I'm prettier than this man. All right Father, I'll ask him. [To Reynar] If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill EUCers?
    darthramza: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?
    Ktala: In order to find his equal, an oldbie is forced to talk to God. [Heavenward] Yes, Father. [To Reynar and darthramza] The Almighty says don't change the subject, just answer the ****ing question.
    darthramza: Mind your tongue.
    Mitth: Insane oldbie.
    [Ktala pulls a sharpened stag's horn and holds it to the throat of Mitth]
    Ktala: Smart enough to get a dagger past your guards, old man.
    Reynar: That's my friend, oldbie. And the answer your question is yes - if you fight for me, you get to kill the EUCers.
    Ktala: Excellent! Kat is my name. I'm the most wanted user on my island. Except I'm not on my island of course. More's the pity.
    darthramza: Your island? You mean the Adoptions Program?
    Ktala: Yeah. It's mine.
    darthramza: You're a madman.
    Ktala: [laughs] I've come to the right place then.

    Ktala: The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people.
    BobaMatt: Where is thy CS?
    Reynar: For presenting yourselves on this battlefield, I give you thanks.
    HanSolo29: This is our player list. To join it you give a sheet!
    Reynar:: I give homage to the RPR. And if this is your player base, why does it go?
    DarthCemeroX: We didn't come here to post for them.
    Yuul_Shamar: Home! The EUCers are too many!
    Reynar: Sons of Resourceland! I am Reynar_Tedros.
    Yuul_Shamar: Reynar Tedros is seven feet tall!
    Reynar: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he'd consume the EUC with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse.
    [RPR army laughs]
    Reynar: I AM Reynar Tedros! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free users, and free users you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you post?
    DarthCemeroX: Against that? No, we'll run, and we'll live.
    Reynar: Aye, post and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our accounts, but they'll never take... OUR FORUM!

    Reynar: I said I have an offer for you.
    HanSolo29: You disrespect a banner of truce?
    Reynar: Fr
  4. blubeast1237

    blubeast1237 Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 10, 2007
    Lack of blubeast love.:-B

    Nice Reynar/Winged dialogue, Saint.

  5. Imperial_Hammer

    Imperial_Hammer Manager Emeritus: RPFs star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 25, 2004
    From tonight's RPFchat.

    Yah I know...

    But I did it anyway...

    So there. :p

    [i]Once upon a time...[/i]

    [THREE FOURTH GRADE SCHOOL PHOTOS FILL THE FRAME, side by side by side. These are three very different girls.]

    HanSolo29, with a page-boy cut and wearing a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform, sports glasses and braces; a bit awkward and gangly, even shy.

    Xan, formally dressed with perfect pig-tails, is sophisticated and self-possessed; a class act, even at ten.

    Sey, wild blond hair and faded T-shirt, has a jaded, street-wise smirk; even at this young age, her isolation and disillusionment are masked by seeming confidence.

    [i]... there were three very different little girls.[/i]

    [The triptych remains on screen. Now it shifts into:]



    HanSolo29, working the A-V equipment at school, hides her face in embarrassment, uncomfortable with the camera.

    Xan, in riding gear, accepting her steeple-chase trophy. She knows where to look for the camera.

    Sey, smoking with her tough-girl friends in the girls' room of her reform school, is caught on camera. She flips it off.

    [i]Who grew up into three very different women.[/i]


    They're all WOMEN now, in their early twenties.

    HanSolo29, a research fellow at MIT (and beautiful, but not flaunting it) demonstrates a chess-playing computer program to a room of impressed advisors.

    Xan, valedictorian at Oxford, passionately delivers her address to a crowd of rapt students, faculty and parents.

    Sey, in leather and a helmet, steps off a Harley. She sees a punk with a mohawk slapping around his girlfriend. She decks him, then enters the back door of a seedy punk bar.

    [i]With three things in common...[/i]


    With photographs again. The women, as they are now: HanSolo29, Xan, Sey. All gorgeous, all self-assured.

    [i]They're brilliant. They're beautiful. And they work for me.[/i]

    [Now, FIREBALL EXPLOSIONS completely fill the screen.]

    [i]My name is Hammer.[/i]

    [ANGEL SILHOUETTES appear, in flames. New MUSIC kicks in.]

    [u][b]"HAMMER'S ANGELS"[/b][/u]

    [...And a new title sequence takes over:]


    -- A microscope-peering HanSolo29 cuts a ruby, drops it in a laser housing, shoots a red beam.

    -- Sey, wielding kendo sticks, spars with two Yakzuza.

    -- Xan side-kicks two baddies, spins, drops a third.

    [ZOOM BACK: she is at the Parthenon.]

    -- A motocross race. HanSolo29 digs in for the finish, attacking the last jump with gusto.

    -- Sey, in traditional Islamic robes, finds a secret switch. She pushes back a bookcase to reveal secret stairs.

    -- At a ballroom dance competition, Xan wows the crowd while keeping her eye on a nefarious couple.

    -- The three angels elbow their way through a roller- derby match.

    -- In orange prison jumpsuits, Xan and Sey work in female chain-gang.

    -- Window-washer HanSolo29 peers into a skyscraper office, surreptitiously photographing the meeting inside.>
  6. s65horsey

    s65horsey Otter-loving Former EUC Mod star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 24, 2006
    [face_laugh] =D=

    I love it!
  7. DarthXan318

    DarthXan318 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 12, 2002
  8. HanSolo29

    HanSolo29 Manager Emeritus + Official Star Wars Artist star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 13, 2001

    Nicely done! =D=
  9. Saintheart

    Saintheart Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Dec 16, 2000
    What was even cooler was that Hammer's Angels all got their responses in to that post first. :D

    Now, does that make Ktala ... Demi Moore? :D :D :D
  10. Synrebirth

    Synrebirth Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 12, 2009
    I lay claim to the position of 'freaky thin guy'.


    *produces sort from his walking stick*


    I only watched these films last month. I have missed out on such fun. :D
  11. s65horsey

    s65horsey Otter-loving Former EUC Mod star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 24, 2006
    The one with the hair fettish?
  12. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Immortal Mod-King of the EUC, RPF and SWC star 8 Staff Member Manager

    Nov 15, 2004
  13. Penguinator

    Penguinator Jedi Grand Master star 6

    May 23, 2005
    Is there a Bosley yet?
  14. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Jul 13, 2008
    And now, a brief scene from the classic Citizen Hammer...

    There's only one man who can rid the top boards of this forum of
    the evil domination of the YJCCers.



    I am speaking of Imperial_Hammer. A fighting liberal, a
    friend of the roleplayer, the next moderator of this board who
    entered upon this campaign...

    With one purpose only, to point out and make public the
    dishonesty, downright villainy of the YJCC's post count boosting,
    now in complete control of the top boards section of the forum.
    I made no campaign promises because until a few weeks ago I had
    no hope of being elected. Now, however, I have something more
    than a hope. And the YJCC, the YJCC has something less than a
    chance. Every post made, every user-created poll shows that I
    will be elected. Very well, then, now I can afford to make some
    promises. The working roleplayer, the working roleplayer and the game master
    know that they can expect my best efforts in their interests.
    Decent, ordinary RPFers know that I'll do everything in my
    power to protect the new users, the old users, the in-betweens.

    Xan, is Impy a moderator yet?

    Not yet, Ramza.

    Well, I'd make my promises now if I weren't too busy arranging to
    keep them. Here's one promise I'll make and the YJCC knows
    I'll keep it. My first official act as Moderator of these Forums
    will be to appoint a special post-organizing committee to create
    a flagship that will take down the YJCC!
  15. Penguinator

    Penguinator Jedi Grand Master star 6

    May 23, 2005

    I love it!
  16. Penguinator

    Penguinator Jedi Grand Master star 6

    May 23, 2005
    I know it's been done, but I felt this was a bit more...applicable...

    NickLitYouaFlame: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These players and newbies wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? D-did your balls drop off? Y'see, a player like me-

    Swan: A GODmoder.

    chuckles, laughter

    Nick: -a player like...look, listen, I know why you choose to have your little, *ahem*, "Game Design sessions" in broad daylight. Winged Jedi.

    Players listen

    Nick: See, Winged Jedi has shown the RPF your true colours, unfortunately. Sinre? He's just the beginning! And as for the, the moderator's so-called "plan?" I know squealers when I see them, and...

    Nick points at Imp, who looks disturbed and turns off his monitor.

    Sirak: What do you propose?

    Nick: Simple, we, uh, kill the NPCs.

    more assembled laughter

    Sarge: If it's so easy, why haven't you done it already?

    Nick: If you're good at something, never do it for free.

    Sirak: How much you want?

    Nick: Er, half.

    more laughter

    Reynar: You're crazy.

    Nick: No, I'm not. I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, little, uh, Reynar? Won't be able to get colours for his banner submissions.

    Reynar rises in anger.

    Reynar: Enough from the godmoder!

    Nick stands too

    Nick: Ah ah ah ah ah!

    he reveals the sealed Fates PMs

    Nick: Let's not blow anything out of proportion...

    Reynar: You think you can just autohit us, and walk away?

    Nick: Yeah.

    Reynar: I'm putting the word out. A week of colours for his characters dead. A month alive, so I can teach 'em some manners first.

    Nick: Alright, so listen: Why don't you call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card...
  17. The Great No One

    The Great No One Jedi Grand Master star 8

    Jun 4, 2005
    yes... i must admit the changes were EXCEEDINGLY appropriate...

  18. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    That was very well done.

  19. Imperial_Hammer

    Imperial_Hammer Manager Emeritus: RPFs star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 25, 2004
    Because I feel like it...

    Tales from RPF City - The Lightsaber Tournament

    Location - Auditorium - City Hall - Downtown RPF City

    Unlike most of the lands in the world of the JC, the Role Playing Territories were unique in that they were places of business. The Fanfic Islands were also such a place, but besides that, many lands were places of discussion and of habitation. In the Center of Downtown RPF City, flanked by large skyscrapers, the legacy of GM's past and present, was the administration of the RPF, the habitat of their Mods, City Hall.

    Off one of the halls, a City Council Meeting was in progress. For RPF City, the "council" was comprised of Saintheart and Imperial_Hammer. Standing before them at the podium, dressed in an snappy suit, was darthramza.

    "And as you can see sirs, my bankruptcy filling was a bit premature." he was saying. "Our expected 3rd Quarter losses were much less than my analysts predicted. My firm then humbly requests that our assets be removed from auction and our vendors license be restored."

    Hammer shifted in his seat, adjusting his green and gold dress robes. Ramza was the last item of the day, and he wanted to get out of the auditorium. Ramza's assets, a newly constructed four story buisness center on the edge of town was due to be sold to the highest bidder in a week. Were it up solely to Hammer, he would have rejected the claim. The premature chapter 11 was foolish. But alas, Ramza Inc. was an important contributor to commerce. His "Aria" project was selling well before it was pulled from production. And more business was always good.

    He looked over to his Co-Mod, clad in his Sandlewood robes. Then his gaze went back to Ramza.

    "Your request has been noted Mr. Ramza and will be put to a vote of this council. All in favor of restoring Ramza Inc. to its pre-Chapter 11 Status?"

    Both Hammer and Saint raised their hands.

    "The request is unanimously approved. Proceed to the City Clerk's office after this hearing and your license will be returned."

    Ramza looked notably relieved as he returned to his seat, his legal time a lit with smiles.

    Hammer took a breath.

    "And with that item complete, we have finished our agenda for this meeting. Minutes shall made available at the Clerk's office as per the JC's Freedom of Moderation Information act. Our next meeting shall be in one weeks time in this auditorium. This meeting is now adjourned."

    He smacked his Imperial Gavel on its rest a few times, and it was finished. The small group that always came to council meetings stood up and began filing out.

    "So are you still heading out to the tournament?" Hammer asked Saint as he gathered and strengthened his documents.

    "Yep." Saint replied, doing the same. "Want to come along?"

    "Yah I would like that!" I_H replied. "The ride to the Sinre Center is so long. It would be nice to have some company."

    Saintheart nodded. "So you ready to go?"

    "Yessir," Hammer said, moving towards the aisle leading out of the room.

    "It was a good session." Saintheart said as the two mods began their walk. "I'm happy to see Ramza back in action."

    Hammer nodded as they turned the corner. "Yes. I remember reading the Article in the RPF Daily Journal about it. Always good to have more business in town."

    The two turned again, down the main corridor of the City Hall. Hammer had always enjoyed this room. It was lined with portraits and statues of the past moderators of the city. He found it exceedingly appropriate. Every day he went to work, he was reminded of the people that had made the city the one he now has jurisdiction over. It started with the pioneer portrait of Darth_Attorney, clad in the old EUC clothes of the time. Back then RPF City was just a forest outside of EUC. EUC Settlers struck out from the main city, seeking a place a more free and unfettered place to conduct commerce. From their log cabins, the city grew! After DA was Protege of Thrawn, or Pottorz the Grand. As mayor, he transformed the city from a small town to a booming metropolis. He
  20. Sith-I-5

    Sith-I-5 Force Ghost star 6

    Aug 14, 2002
    That was masterful, Hammer!

    A great imagining of the RPF City, and nice to see everyone mentioned.
  21. The Great No One

    The Great No One Jedi Grand Master star 8

    Jun 4, 2005
    very, very well done hammer. gotta admit i wonder what in all you're going to do with this. i'll be reading along.;)

    and i agree with I-5 completely.

  22. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Jul 13, 2008
    Nice to see I got my license renewed. However, I think Ramza Inc. will be scaling back to its investment-oriented portfolio for the time being.

    Excellent work, Impy, I look forward to subsequent installments.:D
  23. Sinrebirth

    Sinrebirth Immortal Mod-King of the EUC, RPF and SWC star 8 Staff Member Manager

    Nov 15, 2004
    This is awesome Hammer! You've really evolved RPF City into something tantalising and workable. Some wonderful name-dropping, too.

    I love Sinre Corp as a multi-national entity. Its almost as if I'm the SWC Walmart, conquering territory as I go. [face_laugh] I was mildly confused about the red uniform, but then I remembered that we'd gone with Mods wearing their Colors. Very snazzy, and perfect continuity with the Stover Bridge. :cool:

    My favourite bit was how you explained the RPF's foundations, with how EUCity citizens departed under Attorney, and founded the great city. Wonderfully done - beautifully. :D
  24. Mitth_Fisto

    Mitth_Fisto Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 29, 2005
    Very nice, although I was surprised you didn't use DarthAttorney doing a Washington River Crossing painting in his old garb.

    I hope to see how this continues if it does.:D
  25. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Jul 13, 2008
    Mostly because I felt like it, and because I found the idea of exploring one of the roleplaying businesses appealing. My first attempt at Fan Fic, so my apologies in advance?

    Recouping Losses ? A Tales From RPF City Side Story

    darthramza (or Ramza as his acquaintances referred to him) gazed at the weather outside through a gap in the Venetian blinds that covered the single window of his office at Ramza Inc., an up-and-coming investment firm located on what had previously been the FFT1 lot on the edge of the main business area. The sun was shining, much to his distaste. He figured it was good weather for the tournament being held that day, and good weather meant good attendance rates for the involved parties, but he much preferred cloudy weather, especially given the mood he was in.

    He sighed, closed the blinds so as to minimize the amount of light that leaked in, and took a seat in his chair. It was leather, second hand, a bit worn in as a result but damn comfortable. Opening up a drawer in his desk, he reached in and pulled out a box of cigars. The desk was mahogany, the cigars, Cuban. Sighing once more, he leaned back and placed the cigar, which was already cut, in his mouth, lighting it as he did so. He took a long draw on it and exhaled, watching as the smoke danced around in the now dim lighting of the room, and allowed his thoughts to wander.

    The first thing that occurred to him, not surprisingly, was that he really shouldn?t be smoking a cigar at all. He certainly didn?t in real life, and he wasn?t sure why he, as the author, had felt it necessary to depict himself, as a character, smoking, especially given all the health hazards associated with it, but he let it go. Breaking the fourth wall nearly always broke your atmosphere.

    Inevitably, his thoughts drifted to that day?s hearings. Imperial_Hammer and Saintheart had been surprisingly fair, all things considered. Granted, the circumstances were unique, but getting a Chapter 11 reversed on a dime like that usually took an act of God. The actual bankruptcy filings themselves hadn?t been easy for him to fill out, and the fact that it had been necessitated by a mere accounting error displeased him immensely. He took some comfort in knowing that the responsible parties had been fired and then, thanks to Ramza?s mob connections from his leadership position in D.E.N.T.A.L., dealt with.

    Nonetheless, he felt part of the blame fell on him. It had been Ramza, and not the dearly departed accountant, who had first proposed both the failed JL building and the Aria project. It had been Ramza who had been forced to close both prematurely. It had been Ramza who had suggested moving outside of investment in the first place.

    The Aria Project? now there had been a truly magnificent flop. Initial outside investment and excitement had been high, but as delays began to mount and disappointment in the investor base (who apparently had had a different vision of the project than the Ramza Inc. executive board) grew, the entire situation spiraled out of control. Not even the brief stimulus brought on by the RPF Awards Package, arguably one of RPF City?s most prestigious investing firms, had helped. Finally, a sudden deluge of final exams and a nasty company-wide outbreak of the cold had brought everything to a halt. Then that damnable accountant made his damnable error and there you were.

    The ring of his telephone brought Ramza back down to reality, and he picked up the receiver after allowing it to ring a few times. ?Y?ello??

    It was Penguinator-176, another CEO and the one man Ramza answered to in the D.E.N.T.A.L. hierarchy. Unlike Ramza, it should be noted, Peng never called in on the mafia contacts. ?Ramza?? he asked, probably more out of politeness than actual doubt.

    ?Yeah. Look Peng, I already told you, Ramza Inc. may have managed to skirt bankruptcy but we?re knee deep in red ink. All our investment projects are on hold.?

    ?I?m aware of that, Ramza, but hear me out. I?ve got an idea, one I think you?d be intere