Before Taninim and Leviathan - Updated 8/5!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by SoA, Aug 21, 2010.

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  1. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    Title: Taninim and Leviathan
    Author: SoA
    Timeframe: KOTOR Era (3985-3956 BBY)
    Characters: Revan (Roan'ev/Evrue Pell) and Malak (Alek Squinquargesimus) among other canonical characters and minor OCs
    Genre: Adventure, Romance, Drama
    Summary: This is a series of shorts that follows the lives and relationships of Revan and Malak from their rise to heroes through their falls as Dark Lords.


    This isn't going to be so much of an epic as a series of shorts and vignettes about Revan and Malak's relationship and the turning points in their lives. They're such powerful and interesting characters, yet so much a pair, that this story was begging me to write it.

    The title comes from a conversation I had a while back with DWH when we realized that while we know that the Leviathan is Malak's flagship, we don't know about Revan's. Mythologically, the Taninim was the female counterpart and the mate of the Leviathan. So, I've decided to name Revan's flagship (and this story) Taninim.

    I do write a female Revan, as it makes the relationships of the cast of characters much more interesting. The Revan in this story is the same one I wrote in Under the Shadow of the Builders. This story will go right from the time of Malak and Revan entering the Jedi order to their final confrontation aboard the Star Forge. Although, I thoroughly intend to be more ADD about the stories I write these days, so this will probably be a fairly slow writing project, along with everything else that I want to attempt at the moment. (Ah! Too many ideas! So little time for writing! Alas for only 24 hours in the day and day-jobs.)

    This first chapter features two minor OCs and their discovery of Roan'ev, the future Darth Revan.

    Ye Olde PM List
    Commander-DWH
    LaForzaViva
    Shillani



    Part 1- Taninim (3985 BBY)

    Sriluur was not the sort of heroic posting that a young Jedi would hope for. The arid Weequay home world held little excitement or danger besides the occasional sand storm. The closest anything came to intrigue was helping the indigenous government to keep its sovereignty from the Hutt and Black Sun agents who always seemed to be bent on weaseling their way in. Meanwhile, the Weequay population was so collectivist in nature that individuals did not even take names for themselves. They showed very little warmth to outsiders, as there was hardly any mutual understanding between cultures. It was the last place in the galaxy that Embrik Waykennit would have chosen for himself

    Embrik, however, did not have much of a choice in the matter. He was nearly thirteen when Master Aram Isliyae selected him to be his padawan, and Aram Isliyae happened to be the Jedi Watchman for the slice of space ambiguously called the Periphery. It earned its name from its unclear control and position, butting right up against Hutt Space. It was a line that was often blurred. Sriluur was more-or-less the capital of the sector and therefore Master Isliyae's base of operations.

    At first, Embrik had difficulty hiding his disgust at his new assignment. He found the natives uninviting and the weather oppressive. The settlements they called cities were nothing compared to Coruscant around the Jedi Temple where he grew up. He had longed for the buzz of excitement, the crowds, and the noise.

    Thanks to the anti-individualist culture of the Weequay, they rarely gave a Jedi Master and his Padawan learner anything to worry about. It was only the immigrants that raised any trouble. From the stories told around the academy, the Outer Rim was full of danger and excitement. Embrik's assignment was a far cry from that.

    But, as three years passed, Sriluur and the Weequay grew on him. Of all the places in the sector that they patrolled, the port city of Dnalvec had begun to feel like a second home to him. While he still could not claim to understand the Weequay, he finally felt like he could recognize and even appreciate their civ/>
  2. LaForzaViva Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2008
    star 1
    Woohoo you're back! And with a fantastic opening chapter too. I really liked all the details you put into this, even though, as you've made clear, the focus of the story will be on Evrue and Malak.

    I was surprised to see your name pop up so quickly but I'm quite glad! How long has this concept been germinating for you? That chapter seems like it took a good amount of time to prepare, both by research and by writing. If you might permit me to gush a bit more, I think that was some of the best writing you've done to date and if your growth as a writer continues like this, pretty soon it's going to feel professional! Lots of big strides since the opening chapters of Under the Shadow of the Builders.

    Oh, and put me on the PM list, even if you didn't mention it :p
  3. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    *pulls up chair*

    *grabs popcorn*

    I'm liking this! Great start to the series. There are a lot of good details in here, and I'll be interested to read your take on Ev's history. So I'll be here, however quickly you can write it (goodness knows I am an insanely slow writer anymore, so I can't really talk), waiting for the next installment. :D

    You can PM me, throw rocks at me, or otherwise harass me any time this story is updated. :p
  4. MiralukaJedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2008
    star 4
    Very nice start and I have to say that I definitely like your version of the female Revan. Great work and looking forward to more.
  5. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    LaForzaViva, *blushes* This is definitely one of the pieces I'm happiest with right now. The idea for this series has been in my head since I was writing Taris on Builders... so almost two years now. The idea for this particular beginning didn't strike me until earlier this summer. There are little bits of India all over it. You can look for Embrik and Aram to make cameos in other stories of mine.

    DWH, I hope you're sharing that popcorn. Frankly, I'm curious about how I'm going to develop these two. Despite my outline, characters tend to grow of their own accord. Ev did that all over Builders. Now I have to get her from refugee baby to that point.

    MiralukaJedi, Female Revan is always the way to go. *grins* I hope I don't disappoint as this goes on!


    I'm still germinating how exactly I want to handle the next story, but I will promise that it will be along the lines of the genesis of Malak.
  6. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    There is a lot more canonical information out there on Malak's origin, thanks to the comics, so I ran with it.

    I do love writing refugees.


    Part 2- Leviathan (3976 BBY)

    Red light from the setting sun filtered through the metal blinds over the slophouse's windows, casting narrow blood-tinted stripes across the humans huddled inside. The slophouse was well beyond serving food to the frightened throngs of villagers that had been pouring into Neviverum since early that morning?since the Mandalorians burned in out of nowhere and sacked Quelil City. Before the lunch hour was over, the metropolis was flattened, taking the entire planet's government with it. But even before the Premier?s Palace had fallen, villagers from the Quelil hinterland began to flee their homes for the safety of closest fortified city they could reach. Over the course of the day, Neviverum swelled to nearly three times its usual population. Gyms, schools, and slophouses like this one became temporary shelters.

    The slophouse's owner shuffled between tables, chairs, and people slumped over on the ground with a pitcher of water in his hand. It was the least he could do during a state of war. Few people ordered any food, for most were scared out of hunger. All they really wanted was a ceiling and some walls between them and the sky?a sky that a Basilisk War Droid could drop out of without warning. He hoped that once the Mandalorians were gone, some of these refugees would regain their appetite, or at least drop him some coin for his hospitality before they went back to their homes in the country.

    Some of his guests tried to sleep away their anxiety, practically piled on top of their relations, leaning against a wall or a table leg. Others talked among themselves, hushed, and still others strained to listen to one of the portable radios that someone had thought to bring along. One constant in all of their activities was a tense, aprehensive fear.

    A staticy radio drawled on in one corner, ?...unable to... damages in Quelil Ci... guard by... lorian troops. It... assumed that... completely destroyed...?

    ?Mommy, I wanna go home,? a little girl whined.

    ?Shh,? her older brother hushed her, ?Mom's trying to listen to the radio.?

    ?But I wanna go home,? the girl's timbre raised to nearly a wail.

    ?Hush Pressa,? her mother turned her attention away from broken broadcast and squeezed her daughter closer. ?We'll go back to Squinquargesimus when we know it's safe. The man on the radio says that it's still dangerous.?

    Seeing that his mother was no longer paying attention to the radio, the boy had no scruples blurting out the question that had been burning on his mind, ?When are the Jedi coming to save us? Where are they??

    ?They will be here soon, Alek, I hope,? his mother said through a sigh and ruffled his thick, black hair.

    ?And they'll stop the Mandalorians, right?? the boy, Alek, persisted.

    ?Of course they will,? his mother nodded absently, already listening to the broadcast again.

    ?...not left the system... No word... further attacks have.... reported, but Basilisks... sighted over...?

    ?Where's daddy?? another daughter tugged urgently at her sleep.

    Her mother pursed her lips, ?He went out to see if it's safe to go yet.?

    ?When will he come back?? the girl demanded.

    ?When it's safe, Ann,? her mother deflected again, ?We don't know how long that will be.?

    Alek knew better. All three of his little sisters, Ann, Pressa, and the still slumbering Emerlie, had been napping when their father left, blaster in hand, promising to help defend the city against the Mandalorians, if it came to that.

    Dissatisfied, Ann turned on her older brother, ?Alek, what are Jedi like??

    ?They're brave, and wise, and carry this light sword?vvvt, vvvt!? he pantomimed for both of his sisters, and anyone else who was watching. ?And they always help out people in trouble.?

    ?Like us,? Ann said quietly.

    ?Yeah, like us,? Alek nodded. ?I know they're coming.?

    ?...have been attacked! ...repeat Arkentis and Parvi... been attacked!?

    The slophouse caught i/>
  7. LaForzaViva Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2008
    star 1
    SO. GOOD.

    Your writing has improved so much, not only in terms of dialogue (where it was already at a very high level) but in the descriptors and use of language to give a vivid sense of actually seeing and feeling the emotions little Alek must've.

    Tragic that he would turn out to be Darth Malak, no? I eagerly await the next, as always Ms. SoA.
  8. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Great writing! I love how you wrote Alek and his family, and the whole attack on his planet. Reading it made me feel like I was right there in the thick of it. I feel sorry for Alek, losing his home and family and everything all at once. I can see why he would be the first to join Revan to fight in the wars later on.

    Please add me to the PM list, by the way.
  9. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    I already told you I love this chapter, but it should be said as many times as possible. This was a fantastic look into Alek's childhood, the terror and confusion of leaving his home, and his single-mindedness in finding the Jedi. The thing that always gets me with the Jedi in this era is that I rarely end up siding with the prevailing opinion. Alek was absolutely right in that the Jedi should have been doing more (even if they couldn't help his homeworld), but we all know what happens to him.

    So, even though it's not fair making me feel bad for the bad guy, very well done. :D I await the next chapter with great anticipation.
  10. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    LaForzaViva, thanks! [face_blush] I'm really happy with the way this story is going.
    Shillani, I'm glad that progression worked. I really wanted to give Alek a history that led directly into his part in the wars in the future.
    DWH, after reading and loving Alek in the KOTOR comics, I really had to pour all sorts of love on him. Let's see if I can continue making you love him. If I break your heart when he turns to the Dark Side, then I know I've done it right. Thats the goal. Muaha.

    So, finally, this is the next part. Sorry it took me so long to keep it moving.


    Part 3- Intersection (3976 BBY)


    Alek dragged his feet, scuffling and kicking at the pebbles on the pavement on his way to the east courtyard of the Jedi enclave. A warm breeze tousled his dark hair and whispered in the tall grasses beside the path. A brith flapped overhead, riding its gentle currents through the sky. The brilliant azure of the sky, the kiss of the summer breeze against his cheeks, and the chirps of contented songbirds were all lost on Alek. His entire being was focused on each frustrated, halfhearted shuffle-kick at the bit of gravel in front of his feet.

    The laughter and giggles of children reverberated off the enclave and plateau walls that inclosed the courtyard ahead. That was not lost on Alek, however. He gave the bit of a gravel a particularly forceful kick, as if containing all of his irritation up in the toes of his boots. It careened harmlessly off the path and into the tall grasses.

    ?Ah, there you are, Alek Squinquargesimus. We were beginning to wonder if you had overslept.? The tall, blond Sephi Jedi Master, Aleco Studea, stood with his usual instructor Bala Nisi at the entrance to the courtyard. She smiled gently at him. It was the sweet sort of condescending smile that Alek and grown to despise. ?It is good to see you.? By now, Alek knew that the Jedi Masters could sense when he was out-of-sorts. Master Aleco was pointedly ignoring his frustration.

    ?Good morning, Master Aleco,? Alek mumbled with his eyes still to the gravel path, ?Master Bala.?

    Bala Nisi was not about to ignore her charge's dejected attitude, however. ?Alek, you can't keep this up every morning,? Bala scolded gently. ?The sun is shining. You are safe on Dantooine now. Your friends are here.? She swept her hand towards the knot of younglings playing a noisy game of Force Ball.

    Alek puckered his face into a sour grimace. That was a lie and she knew it. Those kids were hardly more than toddlers. Most of them were not even half his age. They weren't his friends. Alek did not know where his friends were any more. He didn't even know if they were still alive or if they were killed in the Mandalorian bombardment of Quelil. They might be scattered across the galaxy, refugees just like him. He would probably never know.

    ?You're a Jedi now,? Bala continued encouragingly.

    ?Aren't Jedi supposed to be training to go out and help people,? Alek asked pointedly, ?not trying to beat the other team at Force Ball??

    ?Force Ball is a game that will help you become a better Jedi for the future,? Bala pointed out, ?As I said before, it trains your control in the Force. Why don't you go join the other younglings in their game??

    ?Do I have to?? Alek whined. ?I'm almost ten. That's the kind of stupid game my little sisters play.? If any of his little sisters were still alive after the attack.

    The two Jedi Masters exchanged knowing looks.

    ?You know Alek,? Aleco started, ?We were discussing your education and your need for something more age-appropriate. Our curriculum is not designed for someone your age. As most of our apprentices arrive at the enclave when they are much younger.?

    ?I know,? Alek replied dully, staring at the children fooling around with the head-sized ball behind the two Jedi masters.

    ?Perhaps you could find someone closer to your age who is willing to help you catch up with your peers,? Aleco suggested.

    ?Like a master?? Alek asked, suddenly perking up. This sounded far better than />
  11. gaarastar58 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2010
    Yo!
    Darn right, childrens voices are tough. they talk in really short sentences a lot of the time and ask so many questions. I love writing childrens characters though, just because they have an intuition that many of us dogged adults loose. Plus they experience things in such a raw wonderous way!

    Please add me to your PM list, I am loving your charcters, especially Alek!

    Conor
  12. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    I like your interpretation of the young Revan and Malak. I can see quite a bit of the grown-up Ev's character in little Roan'ev. I also notice that her thinking is very similar to Kreia's with the kath hounds.

    I like the description in your writing style. The actions and dialogue are what make up the plot, but it's the detail and description that make it come alive in your readers' minds. As always, looking forward to more! :)
  13. tjace Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2008
    star 4
    Really good stuff, SoA! Roan'ev seems quite precocious, I love what you did with the kath hound scene. Also like that Alek has such a big grudge against the Mandalorians, I hadn't thought much about the throwaway line on his home being attacked. Keep it up! :)
  14. LaForzaViva Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2008
    star 1
    Children's dialogue is worthwhile to work with though; through the lens of a child we see many more truths and things much more plainly.

    I thought you did a wonderful job with that scene. As always, looking forward to the next.
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