[Task 2] An Epic of Supreme Stupidity

I feel sorry for anyone that reads this all the way through.

BB3 [Task 2]
StarWars_Revelation?s Tale of Always Being the Bitplayer

The night air was crisp, cool, and unsurprisingly uneven. The air outside smelled of cigarettes, seeing as how the stench was still left over from Darth_Attorney smoking three packs before passing out by the hot tub.
At the moment StarWars_Revelation was watching everyone else there (at the party) having a grand time, drinking more beer and consuming more cigarettes than what would be considered safe.
No one seemed to notice him or talk about him, really. He was a bitplayer, you see. And, being the attentionwhore he is, this set SW_R off. That night, in fact, he went crazy. He decided to dance around like a crazy man.
He turned on his boom box, put in a Fatboy Slim cd, set it to the track titled ?Praise You?, and began dancing in rhythmic motions. Then, all of a sudden, a baboon came from nowhere and began attacking everyone.
It jumped on the back of Sebulba-X and bit right through his stomach, popping its head out and growling. He then fell over, but was still alive, because he?s super-strong. A Victoria?s Secret model with angel wings then flew down from heaven and took him up there, where he lived happily ever after.
Then the angel killed the baboon, came back from heaven, and ordered everyone to have a giant mudfight. Everyone had a lot of fun, except for KaineDaimo, who was killed in the process (Farraday sat on him, then wouldn?t get off, because everyone was giggling). There was much rejoicing.
PrincessKenobi then took off all of her glasses and handed them out to her best friend Carmenite42. Carmenite42 was so moved by PrincessKenobi?s gift that she proposed to her, and the two agreed to get married in 17 years in Hawaii.
SW_R, being crazy, pulled out a large pistol, and decided to have a draw with a very drunk Darth_AYBABTU. They both fired at the same time?the housemates were dead silent?when the smoke had cleared, SW_R had accidentally shot Kaine?s corpse, and poor Darth_AYBABTU had shot himself in the face.
Qui_Gon_Jim23 was so distraught over his friends death that he started a cult on a small island (seeing as how his last name is Jones), and killed himself and all of his cult followers with cyanide-laced kool aid. It was delicious, though I?m not sure if that?s too relevant.
After the crisp, cool, and surprisingly uneventful deaths of Jim and Aybabtu, everyone decided to mope around the house for the rest of the night. There was much wailing and sorrow throughout all of Egypt.

The Parable of the Sock
Once upon a time, back in the summer heat of '96, King Bill Clinton the Third hired Farraday and I to start a mining operation in Russia. He told us to go mine him some of Russia's finest cigars, out of Russia's most valuable gem, the "Sukkadeek" (which is Russian for "precious diamond"). So we did. Unfortunately, while we were mining, a hurricane blew down our tent and we had to sleep with the werewolves! But thankfully, our dogs, San Fran and Sisqo, fought them off. Unfortunately, they also ate all of our crew in the process, so we had to do everything by ourselves. Which wasn't too bad, if you ask me, because Farraday smelled good. Mmm. Really good. Anyways, our mission was successful, and since Clinton was so happy with his cigars, he gave us two houses in Cuba (because I hear everyone loves Americans in Cuba) right next to each other
Unfortunately, for the next 5 years we didn't see much of each other. I was off raising cows in the east, and Farraday was off forming gentleman's clubs in the west. Eventually I became insane, from all those cows (that?s why everyone at McDonalds is crazy, too much work with "cows". If you know what I mean)
We eventually met up by chance at a U2 concert in Cuba (because, like China, U2 has a huge following there). However, it was unfortunate we met then, because I saw Farraday thro

Well done.
To point to some truth, I have never held hands with Terr-Mys. However if a Victoria Secrets model flies down from heaven I will be fine with holding hands with her.

-Seldon

Oh, %$#@, I forgot the rubber chicken. Revised version:

I feel sorry for anyone that reads this all the way through.

BB3 [Task 2]
StarWars_Revelation?s Tale of Always Being the Bitplayer

The night air was crisp, cool, and unsurprisingly uneven. The air outside smelled of cigarettes, seeing as how the stench was still left over from Darth_Attorney smoking three packs before passing out by the hot tub. A rubberchicken was in his hand.
At the moment StarWars_Revelation was watching everyone else there (at the party) having a grand time, drinking more beer and consuming more cigarettes than what would be considered safe.
No one seemed to notice him or talk about him, really. He was a bitplayer, you see. And, being the attentionwhore he is, this set SW_R off. That night, in fact, he went crazy. He decided to dance around like a crazy man.
He turned on his boom box, put in a Fatboy Slim cd, set it to the track titled ?Praise You?, and began dancing in rhythmic motions. Then, all of a sudden, a baboon came from nowhere and began attacking everyone.
It jumped on the back of Sebulba-X and bit right through his stomach, popping its head out and growling. He then fell over, but was still alive, because he?s super-strong. A Victoria?s Secret model with angel wings then flew down from heaven and took him up there, where he lived happily ever after.
Then the angel killed the baboon, came back from heaven, and ordered everyone to have a giant mudfight. Everyone had a lot of fun, except for KaineDaimo, who was killed in the process (Farraday sat on him, then wouldn?t get off, because everyone was giggling). There was much rejoicing.
PrincessKenobi then took off all of her glasses and handed them out to her best friend Carmenite42. Carmenite42 was so moved by PrincessKenobi?s gift that she proposed to her, and the two agreed to get married in 17 years in Hawaii.
SW_R, being crazy, pulled out a large pistol, and decided to have a draw with a very drunk Darth_AYBABTU. They both fired at the same time?the housemates were dead silent?when the smoke had cleared, SW_R had accidentally shot Kaine?s corpse, and poor Darth_AYBABTU had shot himself in the face.
Qui_Gon_Jim23 was so distraught over his friends death that he started a cult on a small island (seeing as how his last name is Jones), and killed himself and all of his cult followers with cyanide-laced kool aid. It was delicious, though I?m not sure if that?s too relevant.
After the crisp, cool, and surprisingly uneventful deaths of Jim and Aybabtu, everyone decided to mope around the house for the rest of the night. There was much wailing and sorrow throughout all of Egypt.

The Parable of the Sock
Once upon a time, back in the summer heat of '96, King Bill Clinton the Third hired Farraday and I to start a mining operation in Russia. He told us to go mine him some of Russia's finest cigars, out of Russia's most valuable gem, the "Sukkadeek" (which is Russian for "precious diamond"). So we did. Unfortunately, while we were mining, a hurricane blew down our tent and we had to sleep with the werewolves! But thankfully, our dogs, San Fran and Sisqo, fought them off. Unfortunately, they also ate all of our crew in the process, so we had to do everything by ourselves. Which wasn't too bad, if you ask me, because Farraday smelled good. Mmm. Really good. Anyways, our mission was successful, and since Clinton was so happy with his cigars, he gave us two houses in Cuba (because I hear everyone loves Americans in Cuba) right next to each other
Unfortunately, for the next 5 years we didn't see much of each other. I was off raising cows in the east, and Farraday was off forming gentleman's clubs in the west. Eventually I became insane, from all those cows (that?s why everyone at McDonalds is crazy, too much work with "cows". If you know what I mean)
We eventually met up by chance at a U2 concert in Cuba (because, like China, U2 has a huge following there). However, it was unfortunate we met then, because I saw Farraday throw an egg at Bono's head, w

"A Victoria?s Secret model with angel wings then flew down from heaven and took him up there, where he lived happily ever after."

I'm going to name my angelic love child after you.

*adds PK to Watched-Users-List*

Every move you make, every breath you take, I'll be watching you.

I'm metrosexual and i pistol-whipped two guys.

Seriously hillarious stuff, Rev.

I love it. Randomness

I only have one gripe, though:

?OH-IM-GEE, what did you do to Charlie?? cried Terr_Mys, very loudly in fact.

You see, up here in New England we do not merge the 'eh' sound with the 'ih' sound as many Americans do (esp. Southerners and many Midwesterners), so that 'em' and 'im' are two quite distinctive sounds; therefore, if this character were in fact a representation of my true self, it would have said, "OH-EM-GEE."

//phonetic nazi

Wow, you just brought a tear to my eye, man.

What did you say about epic being stupid?