Teach Me To Trust. Characters: Obi/Qui Obi - Torture

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Angel5000, Jan 26, 2003.

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  1. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Okay, I hope people like this. Its been a long time since I've posted this anywhere.

    PLEASE READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE READING Thanks. :)

    * * * * *

    Title: Teach Me To Trust

    Time Period: Pre-TPM, AU for JA series. Obi-Wan is 13.

    Summary: When Obi-Wan is accepted by Master Na?em Retsam after his battle with Bruck he thinks he?s in heaven. But soon things begin happening that make him fear for his safety. Will Qui-Gon be able to save Obi-Wan before it?s too late or will Obi-Wan have to find a way out of this on his own?

    Author Note: I?ve taken a piece of JA1, The Rising Force, and placed it in this story. It is marked by two ** at the beginning and end of the excerpt. Note that I have edited parts of this exerpt so it will not appear exactly as it does in the book.

    Warning 2: This story deals with the abuse (physical) of a 13 year old child. If this botehrs you then DO NOT read any further. Again I repeat - do NOT continue reading if this thought is bothersome

    Rating: PG-13 for child abuse.

    * * Italicised
    // // Telepathic thoughts
    ^ ^ Personal thoughts
    ** ** This is an excerpt taken from the first Jedi Apprentice Book and is not my own writing.

    * * * *

    Obi-Wan sat huddled in a ball in the corner of the room. His legs were pulled up to his chest, his eyes red and swollen from crying, and his back was on fire.
    Silently the thirteen-year-old boy buried his face in his arms and attempted to discover how he got himself into this situation. Really it had started a year ago, just before he had become a Padawan?

    **Bruck?s red lightsaber crackled and hissed as Obi-Wan desperately tried to parry with his own. For the fourth time in less than a day the two boys were locked in combat, grunting and struggling.

    Obi-Wan?s muscles ached. Sweat drenched his thick tunic. Bruck?s toughness surprised him. The boy was fighting desperately, as though his life depended on it. Obi-Wan realized that Bruck was just as afraid of not being chosen as a Jedi apprentice as he was.

    But Obi-Wan would match Bruck?s toughness with his own, and then push even harder. This was this one last chance.

    Bruck?s blade hummed as it angled toward Obi-Wan?s throat. A touch there would signal a killing blow, and Obi-Wan would lose the bout.

    A cry rose up from the crowd seated in the shadows surrounding the battle arena. Masters and students had gathered to watch the fight. Obi-Wan could not see them ? he could only hear their shouts and encouragement. Overhead, AJTD6 whisked around, monitoring the match as referee.

    ?Fool.? Bruck growled softly enough so that others could not hear about the cheering. ?You should never have agreed to fight me. You can?t win.?

    Bruck?s shocking white hair was tied in a ponytail, and sweat stood out in droplets on his brow. He wore heavily padded black body armor. The odor of burned flesh and singed hair hung heavily in the air. Both warriors had managed to hit one another, but the touches so far had not been firm strikes.

    Around the arena, many of the younger initiates cheered, calling out encouragement to Bruck or Obi-Wan. All of them had heard of the fight last night. Obi-Wan heard Bant shout ?Courage, Obi-Wan. You?re doing well!? Garen Muln whistled through his
    teeth.

    ?You mean that *you* can?t win!? Obi-Wan told Bruck scornfully as their training lightsabers tangled and sizzled. ?Your failure today will signal to everyone that you are not just a loser, but a liar.?

    The Masters had decided the fight would be without blindfolds. Bruck?s face was close, and his eyes glared at Obi-Wan with hate. The moment stretched, extended. In Bruck?s eyes Obi-Wan saw a future mapped out for him, a future in which anger ruled him and he
    began to hate all who opposed him.

    Obi-Wan reached out for the Force. He felt it flow around him, but he could not fully grasp it. Here was he boy who stood between him and his dream, who mocked him, who tricked him. He pushed against Bruck and saw the surprise in the boy
  2. Wild_Huntress Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 15, 2002
    star 4
    Wow! Yay! That was very good- I loved it! And- yes we're back to the famous last words again- Poor Obi! :( ;)
  3. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Have you posted this before? I know I started reading it somewhere else, but can't remember it being finished.
  4. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Yes, I started posting this a LONG time ago. I have posted finished versions on other websites, but never here.

    Adn yes, I will finish it this time. :)
  5. Falcon Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2002
    star 8
    :_| poor Obi, that was so sad

    when will there be more??
  6. Malz4JESUS Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2002
    star 5
    That's so sad!!! :_|

    :(


    But very good! :D :p


    When will you post more? ?[face_plain]


    God bless!

    -malz
  7. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Oh I'm having fun making you guys wait. LoL I'll actually post the next part tomorrow if I get a few other people wanting it.... :)
  8. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    Please remember to keep the violence level at PG--so far, it's okay, but I have gotten a question about this one and I wanted to make sure to mention it. You can review it in the FAQ.

    Well written so far!
  9. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Oops.... Um... Hmmm.... Well ... I'm realy bad at rating stuff.... so..

    *shouts out to crowd*

    Hey! anyone here read the completed version of this before??

    If so - please PM me on your opinion of ratings.


    I may have to post a link isntead to the rest of the story.

    It had been awhile since I posted in this area and had forgotten the PG thing...



    EDIT: Um.... I just realized I have posted this story here before (and I finished it too - I didn't think I'd done that...) and I didn't get in trouble for it before. So - my question:

    Should I continue to post the story? Or..if we are afraid it could be against the PG rules I can give you a link. It does say in the FAQ that its okay to have links. :)
  10. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    Okay, to avoid getting into trouble because I can't honestly sit down and say that this will stay PG and under, I'm providing a link to where I posted this on this board before. And a link to the story at FF.N so you can chose either place to read it.

    If you wanna give feedback (it would be much appreciated) you can PM me or post it here.

    Thanks

    ~Angel

    Teach Me To Trust

    Fanfiction.Net Teach me to Trust Please note the info here is outdated (it says the author is Padme - that was my old penname and the email addy is wrong).
  11. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    *waves hand* I read this on FF.N!!! :D

    It remains my favorite serious Obi-torture fic to this day, not only for its realism but for how well-written it was. :)

    Good job. :D
  12. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
    really? really truly?

    oh wow! Someone actually likes something I've written! I'm so glad!! :D :D :D


    And, sadly, I can write this so realistically beacuse i work in a daycare and I've SEEN kids who are abused. And sadly, half the time, they don't get the help they need. Even when its reported CSD doesn't do anything.
  13. Falcon Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2002
    star 8
    wow wow wow, that is sad and yet Qui Gon comes to the rescue whoohoo, that is a wonderful fic Angel and I look forward to the re-write.
  14. Angel5000 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2001
    star 4
  15. DARTHMOM10 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 4
    Angel5000 -

    Your writing is very, VERY good. I am undeniably curious as to the decisions that Obi-Wan has to make and the outcome of the story. If/when you get your rating, you'll have to update me to let me know when more of the story has been posted. You may want to post them in "parts" from time to time like "chapters."

    I'm not good at "rating" so I cannot help you. Here on the JC, I've seen numerous uses of bad/foul language and some very "descriptive" thread topics where no one respects others opinions ... Yet no one says anything about that. :mad: Bad language and disrespect bothers me, but the content in your story does not. It happens everyday and there may be someone here YJCC that has experienced it for themselves, yet not realized the seriousness of their situation .... and for that, you must tread carefully.

    The reason why is that there are many psychological issues that can arise from abuse and they are far too many in number to list here. Do some research and found out what "experts" (a.k.a. child/youth psychologists) say about abuse and its effects and find positive and realistic solutions for Obi-Wan to follow.

    By doing so, you may actually end up helping someone here that may want, and more importantly, need help. You may be able to encourage someone to seek help for themselves - get the help they need to break what some experts content is a "cycle of abuse", and make a positive change in their life and who/what they consider to appropreate behavior, what is right/wrong to do to with children (and adults), so that they can become happy, productive, and well-adjusted (mentally, physcially, and spiritually) individuals.

    You have done an exceptional job in working SW and its characters that many people look to & admire and in putting them into a "real life" situation. A+++ :D

    DM10 [face_love]
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