TFN Scriptwriting Contest Voting

Hi, guys.

The contest is pretty much over, I think. I'd like to know when we can start discussing the scripts, etc.

I think for a writer, feedback is very important. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses are the first step to writing your next best script, right?

Beto Skubs.

 

I concur. Voting is now over, folks. As of 12:00pm my local time, the standings are as thus:

Serious Scripts
Script 1 (23) 30%
Script 2 (6) 8%
Script 3 (3) 4%
Script 4 (1) 1%
Script 5 (3) 4%
Script 6 (35) 46%
Script 8 (1) 1%
Script 10 (3) 4%
Script 11 (1) 1%

Comedic Scripts
Script 07 (9) 75%
Script 09 (3) 25%

That being said, the winners are:

Serious Script: Dreamscape by Nathan Butler
Comedic Script: Encounter Just Off the Woods by Master Zap

Congratulations, folks. Now, if you'll give me about fifteen minutes to consider your suggestions for the scripts I forgot to enter, I'll get back with you then.

Anything that I do decide to do with the other scripts will be over the next 48 hours or so.

Great work, everyone. Thanks for entering!

 

Woohoo! Good news in the midst of a dull school day.

I'd like to thank the academy...



I agree on the feedback thing. That'd be great.

On the other issue:

As I said earlier, I'd say a separate contest. If it can wait a little bit to get into gear, or if the voting lasts longer than this time, I can even make sure it gets a mention on ChronoRadio for people to come by and vote and such, since I wouldn't be entering if it was separate, hence no worries about overpromotion.

And...

Can I find out perhaps who made the "stimulating" comment? I figured out who figured out Dreamscape was mine for that comment.

 

Heya, guys

Guess I'll be the first one. I'd like to start with the screenplays I liked best (besides mine ).

Script 2 (Divergent Incipience) was awesome. I liked young Qui-Gon, and all characters were three-dimensional, I'd say. I liked the story, the pace, and the dialogue. Two thumbs up!
On the downside, I think we needed more balance between the jokes and the seriousness. While the humour was great (Qui-Gon doing Yoda made me laugh out loud), at one or two times only it was overused, IMHO. And it was weird to see Sidious' master, I wouldn't see where that was going in the end.
All in all, with a little polish, this screenplay would be -great- fanfilm material.

And then comes the winner, Script 6 (Dreamscape). It appealed to me mostly because I love the idea of adding perspective to what is already given - in this case, the Jedi Council's wisdom. I enjoy a character debating that, poiting out many sides of a certain fact. Way cool, and very intelligent writing.
What I didn't like was, the character didn't do much besides talking. The dialogue was really extensive. It was written more like a short-story in a book, less like a screenplay, where we want to see stuff, where the balance between action and dialogue is crucial to a good (screen) story. Dreamscape wouldn't pass the test of the "imagine this screenplay without dialogue and see how much you can understand of the story", I think, but the concept of it, alone, was well worth the reading

That's it for now, guess I'll be talking about the other screenplays later. Anyone else?

Beto Skubs.

 

Okay, now I can finally say it.... heh.

I never understood how my gravely serous script ended up in comedy. But I thought "heck, less competition" and didn't mention it

And it's written for this occasion, I mean what is more appropriate now, at this very time, than a LOTR/SW crossover script, hmm?

/Z

 

Beto: On the issue of all the talking in Dreamscape. You'd have to sort of get where it was coming from, I guess. That was originally begun as what would've been the second part in an anthology series of very low-budget fan films meant to focus on philosophy rather than action. Hence the sort of "Into the Fire" (if you've seen Babylon 5) take on things.

 

Sorry if this has been answered elsewhere but what was the reasoning behind the "must have a sabre duel in a forest" criteria?

I glanced over several scripts and ended up thinking "Geez is everyone one of these about freakin' Jedi?" and promptly got rather bored. Then I came back here and noticed that the HAD to have sabre duels in forest, which naturally would lead to stories about Jedi one way or another.

Seems extremely limiting to me.

 

Heya, Nathan.

Yeah, that explains a lot. If you plan on producing your script, though, I'd do a little rewriting, so it has a little more action. The idea of the Dreamscape as a device for the conversation between Quinn and Kai (is this right?) is very good though. It just needs a little more action, in my opinion (and by action I don't mean fighting or stuff blowing up - I mean, people doing things).

Now, anyone has any feedback on my screenplay? It's Script 1 (A New Beginning)

Beto Skubs.

 

Woo Hoo!
I'd like to thank the two people (besides myself) who voted for my script!

Seriously, does anybody have any comments that might improve Weather Man?

And, I voted for script 6 and script 9.

 

I'm surprised that Script 5 got such few votes...I voted for 6, but I was really torn between the two...the Sleepy Hollow allegory was definitely an original idea for a fan film script...I was a little put off by the excessive description of the decapitations at the beginning, but otherwise it was a good story that was exceptionally well-written.

Picking the comedic script was a toughie, too...basically a debate btwn. originality and the laugh I got at the end.

 

This is my main question:
How can I get a laugh at the end of weather man?

 

i thought IMHO that script 2 focused more on Qui Gon questioning the force and such, and that Qui Gon didn't really take it seriously.

thats probably just me though...

 

I liked the part where even though I helped come up with the idea and criteria, and my script was the first one in, it didn't appear in the contest.
Thanks dude.

 

This is my main question:
How can I get a laugh at the end of weather man?
Not sure really...I think the hero failing was a good idea, but not really that funny.

And I guess I took the jokes about community colleges a little personally. I'm actually a junior who went straight to a four-year university, but I've been meeting a lot of transfer students this year who chose the community college route, as did many of my friends from high school. I remember looking down on that option in high school, but many of these people are tearing it up in my engineering classes. And when you take into account that they won't be saddled with the thousands of dollars of debt that those who go straight to a four-year deal with, you start to wonder who's smarter.

But I'm WAY off-topic here...

No one answered my earlier question about the next contest as well...any plans?

 

ROUND TWO!

These are only the serious scripts. It's all I have left. So the winner of Round 1 is one of these four.

Again, I'm really sorry about screwing this up like I did. I hope there won't be any hard feelings.

 

Uhm, speaking of clustersomethingorothers...

The first script, at least, still has the writer's name on it.

 

Yes, I does. It also belongs in the COMEDY category.

As in the NOT SERIOUS one. The OPPOSITE of serious, if you will.

Padawan John, do you know what PMs are??? CHECK THEM!!!!

 

Yes, yes, I am an idiot. I'll make the needed adjustments.

 

Okay, I've totally re-done the polls to correct my oversights. However, as I can only cast one vote per poll, those of you who already voted will have to go back and do it again. I'm sorry.

And you're welcome.

BTW, I do in fact know what PMs are. However, I don't live at my desk. I'm sorry that I missed your message. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an RPG to run tonight.

 

Thank you.

My votes are cast

 

Because my script is no longer up for voting --

I wrote "Divergent Incipience", Script 2 in the old contest, the one about young Qui-Gon. My goal was to show in an interesting way what formed Qui-Gon and Sidious as young people, the beginnings of events leading to The Phantom Menace, and the start of Qui-Gon and Dooku's relationship.

I would welcome feedback on it. That which I've read so far has been helpful.




Rick McCallum loves you!

 

Adam, yours was actually my favorite.

While Dreamscape brough up alot of interesting things to think about, it was a bit wordy - the dialogue needed to be broken up a bit more so it wasn't in such huge lumps.

I enjoyed how you developed Qui-Gon's young character, and how well it fit into what we saw of him as an adult. It was a well balanced script.

 

So who actually liked my little "Gandalf as a Jedi" script? Anyone?

Actually I am more interested in, who would like to see *that fight*? I think myself the battle would be omnious to see. I might be wrong.

Besides, Gandalf would do ten darth mauls with one hand behind his back. C'mon, he handled the Balrog....

/Z

 

I thought the idea was great, crossing over from LOTR to SW, but all it had was the duel. I mean, the duel was great, but in a crossover of that magnitude I'm sure there's room for a ton of other jokes to be made. Not that I can think of any.

Don't worry Zap - it was good, I liked it. But I think the other one has a bigger laugh at the end.

 

Well I wrote it in an hour, so whaddaya expect

/Z