Phx Thanks for the shirt...

I think thats what they're afraid of

 

Pretty much.


My parents always tell me how ashamed they are of me, so I obviously don't meet their normalcy standards.

 

They said people that dress normally, watch normal movies, like normal things, and act normally. Then they said I'm not normal, and why can't I be? Why do I feel the need to show off, they asked.

And others say, "why not be different?" Why not be original?

People fear change, things that are different and things they don't understand (people in general, that is).

 

MJ, you really shouldn't have to listen to that sort of thing just because you want to think for yourself

 

My mom always gives me these guilt trips, and starts crying, as if to prove her point about how I'm destroying the family... One can only hear these things so often before she begins to believe it...



I don't like feeling like I'm the scum of the earth. I don't like them thinking that I don't care. I don't like them saying that my life is so easy, that I have no idea what pain is. I don't like any of it. I just want to leave. I want to go far away and not come back.

 

MJ, you're a kind, energetic and talented young woman. Your parents just don't realize how lucky they are. And if you don't have the pain that they've had, then it means that they've done their jobs well in raising you, but eventually they have to help you ease into adulthood.

 

Ugh, that's textbook garbage (and something else, but I wouldn't look too good saying it).

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, and I think we all look forward to the day when it's in the past. Keep your head up as much as possible, and we'll do our best to remind you of the better things in life and about yourself (as Mick did so well just now ).

 

My mom told me tonight, "Don't think you are doing us some great favor by not moving out. I'll kick you out of this house if you keep acting like this." Like what? If I keep being a fairly good kid who goes to church, is going to college and doing well, who refuses to drink, smoke, or do drugs? I am such a bad person.


I need a counselor. All I wanted to do was throw my laptop at my mom ... It's bad, I know, but that's why I need help...


All I can do is be me. If they don't like it, they can cope.

 

Thanks, you guys. I feel bad for putting my crap out there, but until I can afford counseling myself, this is all I can do.

 

As I recall, they went to fairly major extremes to convince you not to move out. I hope you get through this well and quickly. I atleast had a trouble making brother who made me look like an angel by comparison. Sounds like your parents are just spoiled

 

My brother is HORRIBLE!!! He screams at everyone, physically hurts everyone, is mean to everyone, and is just a bad kid.


But Jessica, your brother is only 14. You want us to treat you like you're 14?




YOU ALREADY DO, MOM!!!

 

14 is old enough to know how to treat people well...

 

I agree that your parents don't realize how lucky they are to have a daughter like you. You are a better person (notice I didn't say kid, that's important) than most people I know. They should know that in the real world, "normal" people act a whole helluva lot worse than you do. When I was in high school I was not "normal" because I didn't drink and party and do the wacky tabacky. I wasn't "normal" because my goal every weekend wasn't to get drunk, high, and laid. I'd say that being not normal in this world is often a good thing. It should be celebrated, not condemned, ESPECIALLY in your case.

In this world being "normal" doesn't necessarily make you a good person. But you are a good person. And YOU shouldn't be made to feel bad about that. I understand that it isn't easy to feel like your family is against you or holding you back (I was lucky on that growing up) but regardless, you need to be who YOU want to be. They can't stop you from doing that. And if they are trying, you need to step back and decide what is best for you. No matter how much you love them or how important they are to you, ultimately you need to put yourself first because THAT is what's going to matter down the line and THAT is what's going to let you be yourself. Let yourself be happy.

This may all sound trivial coming from a stranger, but at least listen. I've had plenty of experience with it, even if it wasn't from my parents.

 

After all we know how perfectly normal people like Ben Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and Jesus were....

 

TRUE DAT!


OPPM: WOOHOO! 3RD TIME I'VE HAD OPPM SINCE LOSING THE COLORS!!!!

 

My parents always tell me how ashamed they are of me, so I obviously don't meet their normalcy standards.

MJ, do not listen to this. Don't let them shame you. I've lived with shame my entire life and it is not worth it.

As far as counseling, I think you've found some pretty good people to give you counsel here. I know that I can take any problem I have to these boards and not only receive support but constructive ways to deal with my situation.

I read a book once called Balcony People. These are the people in your life that as you march through the parade that is your life they cheer you on, throw confetti and praise you . . . period. There are also people who are basement people who want to drag you down to the lowest level they can, in the dankness, moldiness and darkness of a basement.

Right now your parents are being basement people. I don't know them so I can't really judge them (nor should I because of that whole judge not lest ye be judged . . . this could come back to haunt me in 13 years [face_shocked]!)

And don't throw your laptop at your mom! It might break and then we couldn't give your our bad influence advice!



((((((((MJ))))))))

 

Thanks, guys... Thank you very much...

 

On a separate note, I tried on the JBS shirt and it actually fits! That's the thing of being gourdgeous!



||
( ) <<<<Gourd

 

This sucks MJ! Especially if you are an adult! I know what I would do, but I like pushing people's buttons when they get under my skin...

Ask your parents that you would like to act more "normal", and have them give you examples of people (in the public eye) who they would define as "normal" so that you can have some better role models. Then, we'll dig up some dirt on these people and give you a list of some really bizaree/unusual things (but NOT bad things) they have done. Then begin doing these wierd things, and when they ask why you are being "not-normal" again, you can just explain that you're just acting exactly the way they asked you to act and give them the examples. Whaaahahahahaha.. Hopefully they will realize there is NO such thing as "normal", that's what makes us all individuals.

Like I said, probably not the best approach if you're trying to smooth things over with your parents.

PS: If they log onto the boards, they'll probably read this and then DEFINATELY say that we're a bad infuence on you. WHaaahahahaha!

 

On a separate note, I tried on the JBS shirt and it actually fits! That's the thing of being gourdgeous!

Mine doesn't fit very well...it just...I dunno, it's like it wasn't cut for someone of my build

 

Ask Bunny how to fix that, JD

 

JD I'm not sure which is worse... You with lots of sleep or you w/ no sleep


MJ I gave you my peace last night, and I can only hope that things will smooth themselves over in the future... Or we can hope for a miracle & your parents wake up and smell the hysteria

 

jada: YAY! I'm glad you can wear it.

MJ: But...but...but... It was a gift. How could they take away a gift? I hope they didn't throw it away. [face_shocked] Grrr...

 

I think one thing that is going on is a cultural and possibly generation gap.

As someone who is also of Mexican descent I understand a bit of what MJ is going through. It is obviously a bit different because I am male. I am expected to leave the house (eventhough my mom is trying to guilt trip me back to LA). While a women is expected to stay home and help with the family. This is obviously not the case with every family but some still hold to this belief (See "like water for chocolate").

There is also an gap of the hardships endured while migrating to this country. A first or second generation immigrant who was around many native born americans might feel that the best way to succeed in this country is to fit in, or act normal. Media obviously does not perceive some of the stuff we do as normal, so then parents will believe the same.

Generational speaking, they may have learned that the best way to raise teenagers is to be really restrictive. Add to this a cultural and quite possibly a religious component and you have the ingrediants for someone unwilling to compromise. I know that certain parents feel that being restrictive is the best way to raise teenagers since they themselves were treated as such and they turned out ok.

Now what was the point of this writing? Maybe as a way for everyone to understand some of the motivation for MJs parents actions. It has taken me a long time to understand my parents. Now that I'm older, we have heart to heart talks, without yelling and screaming, in which we talk to one another and really listen. They understand that this is the way I am(Non-Catholic) and my reasoning for my beliefs and I listen to them and acknowledge their feelings. I find we understand each other better.

Maybe you might need to sit down with your parents. (If both of them are causing problems, this might take more work but gather allies.) Find out why they are treating you like they are. Ask them about how it was for them growing up. Did they like being treated like that? Did they even have a choice? Are they trying to replicate that with you? Try to get them to see it is a new time and world. Also realize that you may not be able to convince them but be firm and let them know you are old enough and you will not change your mind. Let them know that unlike many young women your age, you are not pregnant, on drugs, or with some one who treats you badly. Let them also know that in order to stay away from the bad things, one has to break away from the "normal". It is in the "normal" where many of the bad things hide.

Once you've had the chance to really speak to them and they've listen to you and you've really LISTENED to them, even if nothing changes, at least you can have piece of mind when you've moved out. Most of all, try never to speak to each other in anger because no one will ever listen.

A whisper speaks louder than a scream. One two people scream, no one really listens.

That's all I have to say.

 

Wow...

Three cheers for mexchewie!!

We'll stand behind you MJ, I mean, even though we aren't terribly normal, we are normal enough that we have fooled all our neighbors. Let us know if you need any help, or worst case, a place to stay...

We've got a spare closet around here somewhere...