Awards The 2017 Golden Yoda Awards Ceremony / Day Seven: Author Categories and Best All-Around

Congratulations to Raissa Baiard, Briannakin and Findswoman. Those were some great relationships and reviews! And congrats divapilot for the headasplode award. That pidgin talk had me in stitches.

And Mr Chyntuckopoulos - don't worry about that, there's some bug on the board that removes everything but the first line of what's quoted. Nice gif once again, by the way!

LOL @ Kess and Mel - this is getting better with every single installment. Will we get to see Lando?

And Ezra's sign makes me melty-melt. <3 <3 <3

 

gg

 

Congratulations to @Briannakin, @Findswoman and @divapilot!

 

As the awards are being read out, pair of First Order personnel seated on the front row, the chrome-armoured Saber Guard, SG-12; and the receptionist that he had picked up from the commandeered Medical Frigate, several standard weeks earlier, Philippa Ballard, after gaining her cooperation in playing a prank on the injured Kylo Ren.

Her smile was what had first attracted the warrior, though; practically no-one smiled in the First Order.

Kylo had been on stage twice since the beginning of the awards, which had worried them both times.

SG-12 - Alright, just look out for him. I want a bit of warning before he spots me and leaps into the crowd.

Philippa, peering around - "Where am I suppposed to look?"

SG-12 flips open a comlink - "Any load bearing walls around here? He'll be slicing into those if Jaina and Jacen upset him enough." He puts up a finger as his comm call goes through. "Hey, Armi', you won something, Man? Thanks to that divapilot who has been sweeping up the prizes like Titanic at the Oscars!" He listened intently to Hux' query. "No, it wasn't for your 'puss puss, din dins' line; it was for your relationship with...hang on."

Following a massive explosion backstage which rocks his Phillipa in her seat, SG-12 reaches his free hand towards the already ducking Jyn Erso, using the Force to re-direct the piece of flying Death Trooper breastplate into his hand, which he lands in Ballard's lap.
"Here. Don't say I never give you anything."

Philippa - "Thanks?"

SG-12 - "With Raissa Baiard's permission, you will be keeping that, and perhaps wearing it in the future. Hey, Hux; still there? Yeah, your award was the fic about how you treat your wife and young daughter. Surgery if she's not pretty enough? Dude!" The saber guard scowled into the comlink.

Philippa spoke over the sound of a remote voice announcing winning Reviewers - "Ask the General where Kylo Ren is. We haven't seen him here today."

"You should also know that the Death Star is coming out of hyperspace now."

SG-12 drops his comlink, the small device bouncing under the table. - Well, I guess that explains a lot.

Philippa - "Wh-what do we do?"

SG-12 - "L-leaning towards b-blind panic, myself."

"“Rogue One, the Death Star has launched a shuttle,” Raddus intervenes. “It is coming in your direction – apparently they do not intend to destroy the awards auditorium just yet.”"

Both guests sit back with hands to their chests.
SG-12 - "Kinda takes the shine off the events, a planet killer turning up in orbit."

Philippa - Still though, congratulations to all winners and nominees.

---

I-5 says - Allow me to mirror my representative: congratulations to all winners and nominees.

Great creativity from all the writers, and some great skits.

I enjoyed the resurrection of the Rogue One crowd.

The Mr Chyntuckopoulos gifs are getting better and better. That Ziipa Hut one was great.

 

After swirling her argentium-flecked foulard into proper fashion about her neck and shoulders, pronker glides into her seat. She has not one escort, but two. The escort on her left squirms after a moment.

pronker: "What an action-filled presentation for Relationship and Reviewer Categories! Plus a memo from His Excellency! And dancing with our Princess!"

Escort To The Left: (squirms) "I - I - I --- "

pronker: (hisses) "Sit still! Do you want me to take you home? Relationships are fascinating. I can't help it if you're too young to appreciate --- "

Escort To The Left: "I am Groot." (A famished tendril worms into the shellacked oak arm of the seat)

pronker: "Don't eat that! You don't know where it's been!"

Escort To The Right: (which is the only position he would ever consider sitting in) "Slap him."

pronker: (jiggles keys in front of the tot) "He's a baby, so no. Distract him while I honor Reviewers, those folks who make other folks' whole days!"

Escort to The Right: (rises and gestures to the back of the audience) "Okay, sister, you asked for it! C'mon, boys!"

pronker: (gasps) "Get back here! No no no nono --- "

 

Actually...the shaggy haired blond holding up the "I <3 U MARA" sign is a farmboy from Tatooine who's not too happy about the direction this AU has taken

He's still waiting to chat with Doria...

 

RENATA is slumped at the table the next morning, with bicarbonate of soda in front of her. After a marathon week of Awards and parties, she is partied out. KESS and MEL stroll up to the table. RENATA sits up and stares.

RENATA: Whoa! You two are super dressy today! What's the occasion?

KESS is in ruby velvet, ombre-dyed from hem to bodice, with a flame gem pendant around her neck. MEL is in an Alderaanian style, ivory shot with gold threads that shimmers softly as she moves, her dark braids piled on to her head with gold pins.

KESS orders a pitcher of sunfruit juice while MEL reaches for a pastry.

MEL: Tonight is the party!

RENATA: Every night is parties, what are you talking about?

KESS: (shakes her head) Tonight is THE party! The biggie!

MEL: Tonight is the private afterparty thrown by the Fabulous Eliskandro the Hutt, invitation only, very exclusive. Always epic.

KESS: I think he's got the Fire Jugglers of BaSing Sae, and an ice bar.

MEL: And fireworks. The most outrageous fireworks in the entire galaxy.

RENATA: Sounds like fun! I can't wait!

MEL: Oh, you got an invite, too?

RENATA: Invitation? (The girls open their evening bags, bringing out heavy cream colored cards with rich purple print) I didn't get one of those.

MEL: Oh. Well...maybe it got lost in the mail.

RENATA: Maybe I can come as your plus one? (the girls squirm)

KESS: Well, actually, I'm bringing Poe Dameron. Mom and Dad invited us out, they want to meet him... (rolls her eyes) I can't believe he's actually looking forward to it! Anyway, we're going to Eliskandro's from there.

MEL: And I, um, well that fellow from the Imperial Guard was actually such a sweetie, I don't know how he ended up working for the Dark Side... anyway, I'm trying to tempt him to our side and what better way than one of Eliskandro's parties?

RENATA: I guess I could call his salon and make sure I'm on the list.

MEL: Um, yeah, I guess you could (exchanges a glance with KESS).

RENATA: (to KESS) What happened with the Death Star?

KESS: Oh, we got up there and it jumped into hyperspace. Typical. Everyone all excited at getting a crack at it and it takes off. So we all went to Uncle Lando's party.

RENATA: Me, too. Lost my shirt. So to speak. No post-awards shopping for me. How did you do?

KESS: (smug) Oh...can't complain.

MEL: Practically broke the bank. It's so not fair, I taught her all those techniques!

KESS: Mel wasn't allowed to gamble. Besides, it was for charity! I gave half of it to the Galactic Relief fund and most of the rest to the Resistance. Should keep them in high-impact torpedoes for a while...

RENATA: Are those...penguins?

MEL: They can't fly, but they sure can dance!

 

The 2017 Fan Fiction Awards are brought to you today by RebelsOnly.Com​

The curtain rises; the holo-screen has been replaced after yersterday's skirmish. It lights up and displays the image of the sun is setting over an idyllic park. ​

Happy couples stroll on the paths, while children play ball in an open field. A pair of pink and blue convoree swoop past and the camera follows them as they land on a branch and begin preening each other. Below their branch, a couple is having a picnic. The man is a bit scruffy looking, dressed in brown and gray fatigues with a beat up leather jacket. The woman is blonde, her hair done up in elaborate curls, wearing a scarlet vine silk gown that is completely unsuitable for the outdoors. She examines her fingernails, looking bored, while the man unpacks the picnic basket. "Ugh... Ithorian covado salad? Gungan bouillabaisse? Rodian wine?" The woman turns up her nose. "I only eat Imperially approved cuisine that's been organically grown on the Core Worlds."

A pair of Bothan younglings runs by them, giggling. "Oh dear Palpatine," the woman sneers. "Would you look at all these inferior species? They should not be allowed to pollute our public spaces like this! Just wait until Moff Tarkin implements his plans to…"

The man rolls his eyes as she continues to extol the virtues of the New Order. He pulls out a small data pad and brings up a holonet page with the Rebel starbird superimposed with a bright pink heart. He taps on it...

…and suddenly an X-wing roars out of the sky and lands in the middle of the park. A female pilot in a form fitting orange flight suit and helmet leaps out of the cockpit, pulls a blaster and stuns the woman in mid-complaint. She make a faint "gack" and slumps over, unconscious. Meanwhile, the Rebel pilot pulls off her helmet to reveal a beautiful, blue-skinned Twi'lek who whips her lekku seductively. She extends a hand to the man as he sits alternately gaping at her and the limp form of his date. Finally, he grins, taking the Twi'lek's hand; they run to the X-Wing and jump in. She sits in his lap snuggling against him, and he shouts "yee-ha!" as the canopy closes. The fighter blasts off into the sunset with a heart shaped plume of exhaust.

An announcer's voice proclaims, "Rebels Only: Imperials just don't get it". Music comes up, and a sappy sweet female voice sings the jingle--"You will never be lonely, With Rebels Only dot com!"

​

​

A blue-skinned alien with glowing red eyes wearing the spotless white uniform of an Imperial grand admiral enters from stage left. He contemplates the RebelsOnly.com logo, which is still visible on the screen, and shakes his head slightly.

THRAWN: (tsks) Such a blatant display of sentimentality. They are in the midst of a war and yet they waste their time pursuing love connections. No wonder it’s so easy to exploit the Rebellion’s emotionally driven responses.

A green-skinned Twi’lek in orange coveralls and a tall Human male dressed in a green shirt and gray pants enter from stage right.

HERA: What do you know? The cheesy tag line was right; Imperials really don’t get it.

THRAWN: Ah, so nice to see you again, Captain Syndulla. (consults his datapad) Or, should I say “FlyGirl1138: single green female seeks Jedi for long term relationship. Must be good with kids, droids, and large, smelly aliens. Only serious inquiries need apply.” Hmmm… One might surmise from your very specific set of requirements that you have a deep-seated fear of rejection. You set impossibly high standards, knowing there’s no chance anyone will be able to measure up, thus rejecting potential suitors before they can reject you.

KANAN: (puts a hand on HERA’s shoulder) I’d say there’s a chance someone could measure up. A pretty good chance, actually.

HERA: You really should stick with analyzing art, Admiral, and you shouldn’t pretend to be so superior. I discovered this profile on eTyrrany.com. “ArtisanChiss: Cerulean-skinned military genius seeks worthy, sophisticated female who shares my passion for the arts, fine wine, and unnecessarily complex schemes. Together we will enjoy all the best the life has to offer, from premieres at the Imperial Opera to long walks along the beach on Scarif, crushing insurrection in the name of the Empire as we go!”

KANAN: Wow, that really is a load of artisan cheese.

THRAWN: It’s pronounced “Chiss”

KANAN: No. No, definitely cheese.

THRAWN: (Sniffs) I thought it was artistically done. I’m sure Captain Syndulla is more appreciative. (He raises an eyebrow at HERA) What do you say, Captain, care to join me for some wine and Chiss after the show?

HERA: As…flattering…as that offer is, I’d rather kiss a Lasat.

ZEB: (from off-stage) That can be arranged!

HERA: (shakes her head) What are you doing here anyway?

THRAWN: To truly understand your enemies, you must read their fan fiction. For example, consider this:

“Do you like blue milk with tea?
Would you drink it in a tree?
Could you have it with your cookies?
Would you drink it with some Wookiees?
Could you drink it in a speeder?
Would you take it to your leader?
Will you have it now or later?
Will you drink it with Darth Vader?
Do you like blue milk with tea?
Would you have a cup with me?”

From the simplicity of the rhyme scheme, I deduce that the writer is a young man, not more than twenty, while the choice of subject matter tells me he lives on the western edge of the Dune Sea on Tatooine. Furthermore, he’s a very lonely young man. One can sense his thirst for true acceptance and companionship. The desolation of emotion is tangible! Now that is art.

HERA and KANAN exchange glances.

KANAN: Should we tell him how wrong he is?

HERA: No, let him have his delusions if it makes him happy.

I think this would be an excellent time to start presenting the Author Categories. (She pulls a handful of envelopes from the pocket of her coveralls and hands half of them to KANAN.)

HERA: Our first category is Best Author in Before.

THRAWN: Before--a fascinating melange of historical fiction, all of it pointing towards the inevitable decline and downfall of the hopelessly corrupt and outmoded Republic

HERA: (After a long pause) And the nominees are:

ardavenport
Ewok Poet
gaarastar58
Jedi_Perigrine (voluntarily withdrawn from competition)
K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku

The winner of Best Author in in Before is: gaarastar58

KANAN: Next is the award for Best Author in Saga.

THRAWN: You realize, master Jedi, that the true saga is not the story of this pathetic Skywalker family, but the rise and fall of his Imperial Majesty and the triumphant return of his ideals…and make no mistake, they will triumph.

KANAN: Okay, then…(aside, to HERA) I’m beginning to wish this guy had stayed in Legends. The nominees for Best Author in Saga are:

Briannakin
divapilot
Ewok Poet
Pandora
Raissa Baiard

And the award goes to: divapilot!

HERA: Our nominees for Best Author in Beyond are…

THRAWN: Ah, this is my favorite category, as it features the adventures of a sensitive, artistic, loyal--and, I might add, devastatingly handsome--Imperial officer.

HERA: Yes, but I promise not to hold that against it. As I was saying...the nominees for Best Author in Beyond are:

Annia Piet
Briannakin
Dantana Skywalker
Irish_Jedi_Jade
Onderon1

And our winner is: Briannakin!

KANAN: Now we come to the award for Best New Author.

HERA: The category in which we honor the most exceptional and creative new voices to join the Fan Fiction community this year. (She smiles at THRAWN.) You’re not the only one who can be eloquent, Admiral.

KANAN: The nominees are:

Anedon
Glor
Hopefulwriter
Kurisan
Suzannah.Pearce

And the winner is: Kurisan!

HERA: The next category is for Most Versatile Author. You know, Admiral, versatility is a quality we prize in the Alliance, while it seems the Empire prefers to enforce conformity.

THRAWN: Sadly true of many of my colleagues; (sighs) if only I could convince them to study art!

HERA: Perhaps they should read the work of our nominees:

Briannakin
divapilot
Ewok Poet
Findswoman
gaarastar58

The winner of Most Versatile Author is... It's a tie: divapilot and Findswoman!

KANAN: And now for our final category: Best All Around, the story that received the largest number of nominations and votes across all categories... Wait, where's the envelope?

THRAWN: (pulls out an envelope from the breast of his uniform.) Ah, I just happen to have it here. The winner for Best All Around is… Well, what a pleasant surprise; the winner is the Emperor himself for “My Imperial Glory-- the Sheev Palpatine Story”!

As Emperor Palpatine ascends the steps to the stage, blowing kisses to the audience, and followed by an entourage of darkly robed figures wearing strange hats, Chopper zooms in from stage right, clutching an envelope in one grasper and gesticulating wildly with the other.

CHOPPER: Bwop bwop bwop bwop bwaa-bwa-bwop! Bwop bwop bwaabwop bwaa bwaa bwabwabwap bwop BWA BWOP-BWOP BWABWOP BWOPBWOP!

HERA: You found it where? Inside a catalog of art from the Unknown Regions from a private exhibition at the Imperial Museum? (She raises an eyebrow at THRAWN).

THRAWN: I assure you, I’m as surprised as you are.

HERA: Of course you are. Thank you, Chopper. (She takes the envelope from him, and he wheels offstage.) And the real winner of Best All Around is Bad Romance by divapilot.

KANAN: And that brings us to the end of the Fan Fiction Awards for another year.

We’d like to congratulate all the winners and everyone who was nominated this year. You’re an incredible group of writers, and your stories have brought us many hours of enjoyment.

HERA: We’d also like to offer our sincerest thanks to everyone who made these awards possible: our volunteer team, the moderators, everyone who took the time to nominate and vote, and all of those who contributed prizes. We appreciate your support, and we look forward to seeing you again next year.

Remember, whether you fight for the Rebellion….

THRAWN: ...Or serve the Empire...

HERA: Keep writing…

THRAWN: Keep reading…

KANAN: And may the Force be with you. Always.

They bow, and the curtain falls.

RebelsOnly.com commercial and logo by Raissa Baiard​

RebelsOnly.com animation by Chyntuck​

Hera, Kanan and Thrawn skit by Raissa Baiard​

 

Congratulations, gaarastar58, divapilot, Briannakin, Findswoman, Kurisan and Emperor Palpatine!

Me, I voted for Kodos.

EPIC TEARING INTO THRAWN. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHY IS EVERYBODY PICKING ON POOR THRAWN? He's so...artistic and stuff. He's got redeeming qualities like...I dunno, he didn't kill that poor animal on his back and...and... *tumbleweeds*.

And GARAZEB ORRELIOS...don't get your hopes up.

 

Congratiulations to everyone who got nominated for this years awards.
Congrats to all the winners.

And Thanks to my fellow award team.

 

Congrats to all the winners once more!

 

Congratulations, @gaarastar58, @divapilot, @Briannakin, @Findswoman, @Kurisan and Emperor Palpatine!

 

Congratulations on yet another well-crafted and in character skit - the Rebels group handled that glitch in the envelopes especially well - now where has that mishap occurred before??

The best in all galaxies to gaarastar58, divapilot, Briannakin, Findswoman and Kurisan and to the awards team, champs everyone! And to each nominee and winner, may they keep fanficcing going forever, like the Neverending Story, orrr ... like this ...

 

Congrats to everybody!

 

Hey, that was my trick from the other day.

 

Congratulations once again to all the nominees and winners, and many thanks to the volunteers for organising these awards! <--- This is both from me and from Chyntuck who is travelling tomorrow and started packing her suitcase moments ago.

We will see you in Eliskandro's afterparty. Look for a very loud couple that is dancing wildly and drinking tsipouro.

 

gg

 

The internet in this hotel was really crappy last night and I couldn't post my congratulations, so here it is for yesterday:

Congratulations to Bri, Raissa x2, Findswoman x2, and divapilot!!


And today!
A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to gaarastar58, Bri, Findswoman x2, Kurisan, and divapilot x3 on your major author awards!!





I want to thank all of the volunteers that ran the awards this year. It's a lot of work and they all did a great job!! I also want to congratulate them on a great ceremony! A Blind Prophet, Anedon, divapilot, Findswoman, Kahara, Raissa Baiard, RX_Sith, and yahiko, and especially Chyntuck as our Overseer for the second year in a row! THANK YOU!!

 

gg

 

I have thoroughly enjoyed this. I only have one question. Is there going to be an afterparty thread?

 

RENATA, KESS and MEL are on their feet, applauding.

RENATA: What a great conclusion! So glad to see gaarastar58 recognized; such great stories of the Lars family!

KESS: divapilot will need a Carnock-class freighter to haul away all those bouquets...and good for her, she earned them!

RENATA: And Briannakin, who has brought the Organa family to life, and Findswoman, one of our earliest readers and an amazing author!

MEL: Don't forget Kurisan, our newbie! We're going to have so much fun with Maya tonight!

RENATA: I don't think you should be corrupting an innocent Jedi Padawan!

KESS: Who's corrupting? We're just showing her a little of what the REAL world is like!

MEL: Yeah, if the Jedi came down out of those ivory towers, the Emper-- I mean Palpa -- I mean YOU KNOW WHO couldn't have pulled the wool over their eyes! Maya can rub elbows with the regular folks and have a little fun, and maybe even learn something.

KESS: Besides, the Fabulous Eliskandro's parties aren't really known for debauchery. They are epic, but classy!

RENATA: We should also acknowledge all the folks who worked so hard on the awards...especially Raissa Baiard and above all, Chyntuck and Mr Chyntuckopoulos! Maybe we should send them all a few cases of sparkili wine as a thank you?

KESS: Better idea: spa day packages at SHAZAM! After all their hard work, they've earned a little pampering. (she spots the waiter and nudges MEL)

MEL: Well, we're going to collect Maya, if we can pry her away from her admirers. I'm meeting my Guard at the party, so she can come with me.

KESS: (nods) And my parents want to meet Poe --stars help me-- so we're going up to the Officers' Club before we head over. I'll meet you there, Mel.

RENATA: Oh, gosh, I need to call the salon to see if they can fit me in... (the waiter approaches and clears his throat discreetly) Oh, yes?

WAITER: The check, madame.

RENATA: The check?

WAITER: The young ladies said this was to go to your account.

RENATA: To MY-- (she looks over the long sheet of flimsy) Sparkili...fenaris roe... O-O-Oh cocktails...25 bouquets of--KESS! MEL! GET BACK HERE!

 

Congratulations to gaarastar58, Findswoman, Kurisan, and Briannakin, and outstanding work to all those nominated!

Thank you so much to whomever nominated and/or voted for me. I am truly honored by this, and I thank you very sincerely.

 

Thanks to Raissa Baiard for the skits and ad, and Chyntuck for the animation. Definitely a grand finale!

Congratulations to:

gaarastar58 for insightful and moving stories in Before

divapilot for her many amazing Saga tales

Briannakin for Beyond stories that bring out the tragedy and humor of Star Wars

divapilot and Findswoman for creating an array of stories that show both of your talents are Versatile indeed!

And divapilot (Hi there again! ) for creating a memorable and haunting story that clearly stuck with everyone.

------------
Thanks also to everyone who helped put the awards together! It's been an honor to work with you.

Chyntuck, thanks for running this year's awards! Hope you enjoy your vacation!

A Blind Prophet and yahiko, thanks for being great to work with on the Nomination and Voting counts team. I was glad to have you two as team members.

Anedon, Findswoman, Raissa Baiard, and RX_Sith, thanks for making these awards possible with your work, and also writing wonderful skits for the ceremony itself.

Also, thanks to Raissa Baiard for creating the most out-of-this-world awesome art for more banners and badges and things than I can remember.

 

You are...incredible, Kahara!

Spoiler