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Story [The 4400] Returnee #1224 short vig- Jordan Collier pov.

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by brodiew, Jul 24, 2008.

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  1. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Title:Returnee #1224
    Author: brodiew
    Characters: Jordan, Maia
    Timeframe: Quarantine-Season one
    A/N: I wanted to throw down a little foreshadowing.

    Returnee #1224 stalked the Quarantine holding area like a caged lion. He did not fume exactly, but his impatience and irritation were obvious by his furrowed brow and hard eyes. He stroked his beard. As he looked around the room, he saw confusion, bewilderment, sorrow, and fear. It was understandable. He was also experiencing a small amount of disorientation. He didn?t like it. It was disconcerting for man of such self possession to feel even a little out of control. But the situation was far from ordinary. He had to acknowledge that. Being abducted?abducted. He shook his head in disbelief and smirked: the very idea.

    Who had taken him? Where had he been? What was their angle? Was he still in business? Was his money safe? How long had he been gone? Did they declare him dead? He had so many questions: questions that needed answers. He was not a man used to being stonewalled. The fact that they were being held here with little information about their condition and even less about the outside world was offensive. What about their families? He had no family, but the argument was sound. The drab, kaki jumpsuit was also unacceptable. He hated he idea of equality or anonymity if only in dress. He was a leader of men, not an everyman.

    Suddenly, he felt a touch on his pant leg and flinched at it. Looking down he saw a blonde haired little girl. Her face was soft, but sad. He had not thought of the possibility of children.

    ?Hello there,? he said, smiling and extending his hand.

    She took his hand, brightening at the contact. ?Hello. How are you??

    ?I?m fine,? he replied. ?How are you??

    ?I?ve been better. It?s cold in here and I?m kind of lonely.?

    He marveled at her honesty. She seemed older than the small body she inhabited. ?You are right about it being cold in here. Perhaps we should ask our guardians to turn up the heat??

    The little girl shrugged. ?They won?t do it.?

    ?How will you know if you don?t ask?? he said amiably.

    ?I just know.?

    He kneeled in front of her. ?How old are you??

    ?Eight,? she said looking directly into his eyes. ?I have something to tell you.?

    ?Really?? he replied, still enjoying the interaction. ?Something for me??

    ?He will be your greatest pride, but your most bitter enemy.?

    He stood up, scowling, shocked at her words. He looked at her incredulously. ?What? Who??

    ?That?s all I know,? she said.

    ?You are a strange little girl?? he said, wanting to say her name.

    ?Maia,? she said, helping him.

    ?Maia, I?m Jordan Collier.?

    ?I know,? she replied, turning an about face and skipping into the sea of kaki jumpsuits.

    He considered her as she disappeared across the common. More questions that will most definitely need answers, he thought.
  2. Drabbi-Wan_Kenobi

    Drabbi-Wan_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Feb 7, 2005
    This was good, Brodie.
  3. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    That means a lot coming from you, Drabbi-wan. I'm glad you liked this little snippet. I wanted to address 'Quarantine', but also bring Jordan down a peg. I think this does that.
  4. poor yorick

    poor yorick Ex-Mod star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP - Game Host

    Jun 25, 2002
    Very cool . . . and very accessible to someone who's new to a complicated fandom! :p Collier's character sketch at the beginning was great--I liked the idea that he couldn't stand the uniform because he hated the idea of equality. That seems to tell you all you need to know about him--but he still surprises when he's immediately open to a strange small child talking to him. Evidently, he's a friendly elitist. :p

    Maia was quite charmingly creepy. I liked her prophecy too--it may be something obvious if you know The 4400, but to me it's cryptic and eerie.

    I basically read it as if it were original fic, and it's a very nice snippet indeed. :)
  5. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Oct 11, 2005
    Thanks, again, Ophelia, for taking interest in this fandom. I really enjoyed writing this one. It's short and cryptic. If Maia came off creepy then my work is done. That's pretty much her character for season one and two.

    I'm also glad you found Jordan's character sketch informative. He is a master manipulator. He can put on a very friendly and gregarious face in public, but be rather nasty behind the scenes.

    Maia's prediction is in reference to Shawn Farrell, who becomes Jordan's protoge early one, but later breaks with him over a morally sensitive issue.

    I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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