The Adventures of J-3DI: Protocol Droid Jedi

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Geoff Morton, Jan 11, 2000.

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  1. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    The following is a nutty idea I had, that I think I lack the sense of humour to write, I know a lot of you don't. So, I throw this out at you Jedicouncil.net Fanficcers, to see if you can have some fun with it.

    http://gtv.cyberdream.net/starwars/j3di.jpg

    The Premise: J-3DI is a bluish silver protocol droid, who served Keleth Plon, an aging reclusive Jedi Master, for years. Unfortunately, many of those years were on Hydreious, a water planet covered with floating cities. The salt in the air has corroded J-3DI's logic circuits, and he now believes he's a Jedi Knight under Plon's training. When his Keleth Plon died of old age, and became one with the Force, J-3DI decided to take his Master's robes and lightsaber, and live out the life of a Jedi, with the training that Plon inadvertantly supplied.

    J-3DI is currently on a shuttle, on his way to "wherever the Force shall take me," as he puts it. With a handful of credits in his pockets, the droid is embarking on his first adventure, in the hopes of finding a Master to "complete" his training..

    Note: my concept for the whole thing has coincidences occuring all around J-3DI, reinforcing his belief that he can use the Force. For instance, when he wants to levitate something, somehow a repulsorlift generator malfunctions, achieving the desired effect, and so on. Everything that happens is completely accidental, but J-3DI doesn't realize it, and it only serves to further convince himself he's a Jedi.

    It takes place in a time when there are lots of Jedi, either before or after the trilogy... I'll let whoever make that decision, as the "story" warrants.

    I hope someone picks up on this one; it could be a fun one.

    ...

    The blue tinged protocol droid garbed in tan and brown Jedi robes sat in the oversized chair in the aisle row of the passenger shuttle. The attendant walked slowly up the aisle, the repulsorlift Refreshment Droid she pushed holding drinks of all kinds for the passengers. She stopped when she reached the brown and tanned garbed passenger, who was receiving many curious looks from the other passengers. Droids aren't allowed outside of the cargo hold, she thought with a frown. And why in the world is he dressed like a Jedi?

    "Excuse me," she said, tapping on J-3DI's shoulder.

    With a whirr, J-3DI looked up at her quizically. "Yes?"

    "Excuse me sir," she repeated, "but I don't think you're supposed to be up here."

    "Well of course I am," J-3DI replied with a tinny, curious tone. "I am J-3DI, Jedi Knight..."

    [This message has been edited by Geoff Morton (edited 01-11-2000).]
  2. Lost in Coruscant Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 31, 1999
    star 2
    Can we all die laughing at the end?
  3. Jedi Maroon Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 1999
    "I'm sorry, sir," said the attendant, "but I'll have to ask you to step back to the cargo hold for the remainder of the flight."

    J-3DI remained calm. "I don't need to move back to the cargo hold," he said.

    "You don't need to move back to the cargo hold?" What a wacko, she thought. They must have had him working out in the sun a leeeetle too long.

    The blue-tinged protocol droid passed his hand before her face, his ungreased joints creaking with every move, like the second hand of a watch ticking away.
    "You will let me remain here and will serve me a large bag of peanuts," he said.

    The attendant grew more incredulous. "Let you remain . . ." Her voice trailed off. Just taking their seats four rows up were two men garbed in robes similar to J-3DI's. The tall one had long brown hair and a beard. The other had big blue eyes and a padawan braid.

    "Here, take them," said the drooling attendant, dumping seven bags of peanuts into J-3DI's lap as she zipped off to serve the roguishly handsome Jedi.

    J-3DI settled back, tucking the peanuts in his belt. Just then, a computerized voice crackled over the com system.

    (Next person can decide what the announcement is and how J-3DI deals with it. I can't think of anything.)
  4. Alli-Wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 21, 1999
    star 3
    Ooh, this is delightedly demented. LOL.
  5. Hiroko01 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 1998
    star 3
  6. Opie Wan Cannoli Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 1999
    star 3
    Meesa double posted!

    [This message has been edited by Opie Wan Cannoli (edited 01-13-2000).]
  7. Opie Wan Cannoli Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 10, 1999
    star 3
    "We are about to come in for a landing on Kashyyyk. Please fasten your crash restraints."
    The young, blue-eyed Jedi turned to the other and said, "Master, what's the problem? Why have we been sent here? What is there that Lowie can't handle? And how can you get this thing off me!" The serving droid was now trying to climb the young Jedi's padawan braid.
    "One thing at a time," the older Jedi said, producing a pair of scissors and cutting the braid off, "It's a ridiculous affectation, anyway."
    "Yeah, but it drove the women wild!"
    "Obviously!"


    Someone else can decide why the Jedi are there now that I made the announcement, and just to be piggy, fixed the time frame
  8. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    *LOL*

    Great start guys. Keep it up!
  9. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    "Here we are, um, sir," the spaceflight attendant said, looking down at the blue tinged droid in the brown and tan robes. "We're on Kashyyk."

    With a whirr, J-3DI's head turned, and he saw the forest beyond as a pair of similarily garbed humans quietly debarked from the shuttle. J-3DI watched as a number of tall, furry hominids interacted with the pair of brown robed humans outside.

    Suddenly, one of the hundreds of corroding sensory circuit's in the droid's processing unit gave out, and J-3DI's head snapped forward as the signals were rerouted.

    "Are you okay, um, sir?" the attendant asked.

    "I have felt a tremor in The Force," J-3DI replied, standing up from his seat in the shuttle. Reaching over the arm rest, he grasped the bag on the seat adjacent to where he was sitting, and threw it over his shoulder. J-3DI grasped the lightsaber from his belt, and wrapped his stiff fingers around it. "Excuse me," he said as he shuffled towards the shuttle boarding ramp.

    J-3DI suddenly stopped, and turned around to look at the attendant. He waved his shiny blue hand in front of her face. "You will not remember my presence on this flight," his tinny voice said as the woman blinked incredulously.

    "Wha--?" she stammered, mouth dropping open.

    "Exactly," J-3DI replied as he turned to the boarding ramp and left the shuttle jerkily...
  10. Jaro Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 1999
    star 1
    (It looks to me like J-3DI is running a Microsoft operating system.)
  11. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    J-3DI shuffled down the ramp of the shuttle. He turned around, and his robes billowed and waved as the ramp retracted, and the engines began to rev, blowing hot air all around the forest surrounding it. Dry leaves and twigs spun up into the air, as the shuttle lifted off, quickly rising above the forest canopy and out of sight. The brown robed passengers had since disappeared into the woods, leaving the robed droid standing alone in the clearing.

    "Well," J-3DI said, looking around curiously, his servos whirring and buzzing. In the distance he could hear whooping and hollering, in the woods beyond the clearing. "What a curious place. But, if the Force has led me here, then so be it."

    J-3DI began to shuffle slowly through the flattened brush of the clearing, when he heard a noise ahead of him. Suddenly, a long hemplike rope pulled itself through the edge branches of the woods, and a tall furry creature dropped to the ground in front of the droid.

    "Well hello there Kulatcha," J-3DI said with a friendly voice, in response to the Wookie's growl. The droid cocked his head curiously. "No need to be rude." J-3DI said, stepping forward. "I am a Jedi Knight."

    About ten meters behind J-3DI, the dry shrubbage lifted slightly with a crackle. The Wookie's eyes widened fearfully as he looked over the droid's tan and brown shoulder.

    "No need to be frightened," J-3DI said warmly, with his thin timbre, as the raised shrubbage began to move towards the droid. The Wookie stepped back nervously. "I am serious, my good fellow," the droid said cheerfully. He pulled his lightsaber from his sash, and ignited it. "It is just a lightsaber, as you can see."

    The Wookie backed up even further as the mound drew to several body lengths from the droid, his eyes widening in fear even wider. He bared his teeth and growled a warning.

    "You do not need to warn me away, my friend," J-3DI said, lifting his hand up in a jerking motion of friendship. "Oops!" he said suddenly, as the ignited lightsaber slipped from his loose grasp, and flew over his shoulder.

    The Wookie's eyes widened incredulously as the lightsaber flew over the droid's shoulder, and impaled itself in the ground behind him, or more specifically, into the mound that grew suddenly to hip height. With a groan, the mound shrunk down flat, and the droid turned around.

    "How careless of me," J-3DI said cheerfully as he reached down stiffly to grasp the blade wedged into the ground. Turning the lightsaber off, he put it back on his belt, and turned back to the Wookie.

    The Wookie slapped his forhead and shook his head, closing his eyes as his face pointed towards the ground. J-3DI nodded as he stepped forward and patted Kulatcha on the shoulder and pointed down towards his lightsaber.

    "I truly could have hurt someone with this."
  12. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    The large Wookie's arm was wrapped around J-3DI as Kulatcha pulled the droid with him up the thick hemplike rope. The droid looked around the thick forest with his yellow unblinking eyes curiously as his stiff legs stuck out behind the wookie.

    "Again Kulatcha," J-3DI said as warmly as he could with his tinny voice, "I thank you for your assistance." The Wookie grumbled something in reply. "Well, nevertheless, it is appreciated."

    The Wookie reached the top of to rope, and set the droid down on the platform in the trees, high above the forest floor. J-3DI's attention was caught by a grey furred wookie, who walked towards the pair.

    "Greetings, Wookie Elder, I am J-3DI," the droid said cheerfully, reaching out his hand in imitation of the human custom.

    The Wookie cocked his head curiously, and extended his furry paw. The elder grumbled something with a humourous tone, and Kulatcha's eyes widened.

    "Oh, I say, that's not necessary," J-3DI said, with surprise in his voice.

    The younger Wookie barked an enthusiastic reply.

    "Even Kulatcha agrees, elder, that I did not save his life." J-3DI replied. "I do not believe any life debt is in order."

    Kulatcha nodded his head enthusiastically again, to which the elder growled, and a frown was clearly visible through the thick grey fur. Kulatcha hung his head and shook it sorrowfully. For a moment, the younger wookie slapped his forehead repeatedly, before looking up at the droid with a sigh.

    "Very well then," J-3DI said, looking back at the Wookie. "Such is the will of the Force that you and I travel together, Kulatcha. I have never been to a Wookie village. Perhaps you can show me around, and introduce me to your friends."

    For the life of him, J-3DI could not understand why Kulatcha hung his head suddenly, and tears began streaming from his eyes, wetting the fur on his cheeks. Sentients... J-3DI thought with a stiff shrug as Kulatcha shuffled towards the Wookie village.
  13. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    Well, it's pretty clear now that I'm the only poster to this story, and that I'm gonna be the one driving it along if it goes anywhere at all. So I'll ask that no-one write any more story posts to it... thanks. I hope at least someone's getting a kick out of this...
  14. Lin-Si-Tar Konnair Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 1
    Geoff Morton, you have talent I have watched J-3DI´s tale from some time, I think that for more than a week, and I can´t imagine what you are up to. However, DO keep up the good work. Were I a humorous writer, I would add to it
  15. Lost in Coruscant Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 31, 1999
    star 2
    I'm reading, I'm just not posting.
  16. Lin-Si-Tar Konnair Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 1
    Folks, DO NOT let this thread die! It could not be funnier! A crazy Protocol Droid! Guys, DO SOMETHING !
  17. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    Thanks for the encouragement. Fear not, the thread hasn't been abandoned. However, on the fanfic boards I'm juggling my new War Crimes thread, the Forces of Deception and this thread, not to mention some personal non Star Wars projects, I end up taking a while between posts.

    So don't worry, there is a story brewing in my head for J-3DI and his Wookie sidekick... it's just going to take a while to get there. But I'm only going to continue it when I have a solid post (a far cry from the sloppy nutty thread I originally had in mind, but hopefully still funny) in mind...

    stay tuned... J-3DI isn't forgotten...
  18. Frostfyre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 1999
    star 3
    This is great! I don't think you should get TOO serious with it, though, I mean...it's supposed to be funny and nutty.

    Post more!!
  19. Jedi Maroon Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 1999
  20. Lin-Si-Tar Konnair Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 2000
    star 1
    Geoff, why is not J-3DI alive? If you wish, we can write him something. It would be a tremendous task, though..

    Seriously, don´t let him and Kulatcha die
  21. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
    "I would be honoured if you would introduce me to your family and friends," J-3DI said cheerfully as the crowd of Wookies gathered around the blue droid and Kulatcha.

    The Wookie visibly shrunk as his panicky eyes looked around from observer to observer, who stopped one by one to stare at the pair. One younger Wookie snickered a grunt, and Kulatcha turned to him, his eyes wide with rage.

    "Now now, Kulatcha," J-3DI said chipperly. "No need to defend my honour. Tell your friend that I understand that my robes are a little baggy; I find my appearance quite humourous as well."

    The younger Wookie growfed? in surprise, turning his dark brown furry head to the droid.

    "I found myself with no time for a tailor to hem the robes, I'm afraid," J-3DI said, looking down at the catwalk beneath him. His pantlegs were up towards the calfs of his bootless legs, the fires of the Wookie village glinting off his shiny feet. "I understand the source of his amusement, and I share in his mirth."

    Kulatcha shook his head as the younger Wookie howled in mirth as the droid explained his understanding to him in a series of tinny grunts and growls.

    "It has been a long trip, my Wookie friend," J-3DI said. "I find myself weary, and seek to lie down briefly; I see that your friends are preparing a feast of some kind." J-3DI pointed towards the large bonfire burning, and the massive animal spinning slowly on a spit.

    Kulatcha grunted an obvious question.

    "Indeed," J-3DI replied. The droid motioned towards the dulling sky, and the stars that began to twinkly dully against the darkening blue. "I wish to lie down, to replenish my link with The Force. Perhaps after my slumber, I shall spend some time around the campfire with you and your family. I could relate the exploits I shared with my former Master, as I grew from Apprentice to Jedi..."
  22. Darth Hoser Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2000
    would that be kinda cool?would that be kinda like space balls?kinda sorta?but not really?should shley rice be in it too?as the vespa virgin?
  23. Darth Aw Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2000
    But should the license plate maybe really say "Darth non-Aw"? And if we looked real close would we be able to see Darth non-Aw and the Vespa Virgin using the Force in the back seat?
  24. Master Lurker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 14, 2000
    star 1
    Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to SnowBoard you go!
  25. Geoff Morton Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 1998
    star 2
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