The Adventures of the P.S.A. Rebellion

Réka: Hey everyone, we're here! Who wants to come to the bakery with me?

[Suddenly, everyone is crowding into the control room, uncharacteristically enthusiastic.]

Lando: [temporarily pausing from his close inspection of the deck] Who said you [giggle] were going to the [giggle] bakery, Réka? [giggle] This is obviously the [giggle] job of our Supply Officer, um, uh... Who is our Supply Officer again?

Ender: Uh... last I looked, we didn't have one.

Lando: Well, look again! We couldn't have lost him or her already!

Ender: No, you don't understand. We didn't lose our Supply Officer, we have never had a Supply Officer.

[Réka can be seen unobtrusively leaving the room]

Lando: Huh. Sheesh. What kind of organization are you running here, anyway?

[The crew looks blankly at the captain]

Leda: Um, Lando... you are the captain.

Lando: Oh. Ok. [sits on the floor, looking puzzled]

Réka: [unobtrusively comes back in, towing a nice big carryall] Ok, why don't you and Dream figure out this Supply Officer situation. Meantime, Leda and Rhui, come help me with something. I need your expertise. [conspiratorial wink]

Rhui: Expertise? [catching on] Oh, you mean... I'm right with you. Coming Leda?

[The three ladies exit the ship before anyone else catches on, and are on their way to the bakery<ahem> place-where-expertise-is-needed before you can say "nectarine".]

[A minute and a half later, they can be seen going past the ship in the other direction, with Réka muttering something about "I could have sworn we started off in the right direction."]

 

I just like to say that I charge a small fee for the usage of my name.

Send cash or money order to:

Ender the JCC Confused Communications officer
P.O. Box 1010....uh...something like that.
Uranus base 12
Uh...large box next to my locker...etc.


Thank you!

 

chocolate covered canollis.

I've died and gone to heaven.


Will Republic Credits work for ya there, Ender?

 

The Control Room's door opened. A suave-looking gentleman entered, stepping over Captain Lando, a look of obvious distaste on his features. Removing a business card from an inner pocket, he dropped it down besides the Captain.

"How do you do. I'm Mr. Ender's lawyer, Hardly Needee. I'm here to enforce his "I'm free - for a fee" policy."

Captain Lando rolled onto his face. Making a gigantic effort, he tried to rise to his knees -- and failed.

"Don cake me comb ober der," he said, his face smashed against the floor.

"That will hardly be necessary, Captain," Mr. Needee replied. "Mr. Ender is prepared to be generous. Fifteen cans of nitrus and an assurance from your Ship's Doctor that the Shiny Peach is spoiler-free, and I'll be on my way."

With one more gigantic push Captain Lando flopped over on his back. He waved a hand feebly in the air. "Anythin' you say. Special Ops Commander Toshi Station will show you to Sick Bay. Won't you, Commander?" Pushing himself up on an elbow he began winking frantically at the other man.

Commander Toshi Station stared at him in confusion, then recognition struck him. "Yes sir, certainly, Captain!" He pointed toward the side of the Bridge. "This way, Mr. Needee!"

"Which door, man? This one marked Air Lock?"

Commander Toshi Station grinned broadly. "That's the one!"

 

Yes, they will do fine. Them the pretty green ones?

 

I'm highly flattered by the instant bestowing of such importance.

I'll be the bestest Chief Engineer possible.

 

Lando rolls around the floor, nearly inhaling a few lungfulls of pocket fluff clones and eyeing, for a moment, a spot that looks like it could use some scrubbing. He then realizes that the spot he was looking at is in fact the one part of the ship that doesn't need scrubbing, as everything else plainly does. This shocking revelation sobers him up almost immediately.

Lando: "Blast it! Half my crew is running off to the bakery without me... and I've suddenly forgotten what it was we were doing here in the first place... I'll have to backtrack and re-read the ship's log..."

Dream: (wiping tears from his eyes) "Wha...?"

Toshi Station leads End-- uh... the lawyer into the airlock and slides the door firmly shut.

Needee: "Help! Help! My briefcase is stuck!"

Lando: "We'd better be careful with that one. Lawyer smuggling is illegal in certain sectors."

(A hearty welcome aboard to the Official Passenger, Rhui Chatar!)

 

Leda takes a moment to sit down and share a raspberry mousse cake with Commander Wedge Antilles. He's being assigned to deep sector stuff elsewhere and won't be back for a while.

May cannoli follow you until you can return to us.

 

Lando arrives at the Bakery. Rhui Chatar is haggling with the clerk over the price of cranberry scones.

Clerk: "I'm sorry, but you can't buy one and get one free. The special was over yesterday."

Rhui: "But why still hang the sign up? And why don't you serve coffee?"

Clerk: (muttering) "I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

Disco Lando walks up to Reka.

Lando: "I can't believe you'd leave me there in the midst of all those dangerous clones! I almost died laughing. Had it not been for the sheer absurdity of the situation snapping me out of it..."

Reka: "Women. Pastries. What can I say?."

Lando: "...let's just get that supply of Punch and Pie, shall we?"

Leda: "How are we going to go about doing that? I don't think this clerk wants to sell to us after we took the liberty of 'sampling' all the items in the store."

Rhui: "Well, they *should* let us sample them."

Suddenly, a man dressed much like Lord Dream only wearing a bandanna wrapped over the lower half of his face leaps into the room.

Masked Man: "This is a stickup!"

Lando: "What in blue blazes?"

Masked Man: "Move out of the way, Captain! I mean, er, uh, you innocent bystander!"

The Masked Man goes up to the counter.

Masked Man: "Give me all your turnips!"

Rhui: "Punch and Pie, you dolt."

Masked Man: "Give me all your punch and pie!"

Rhui: "And two for the price of one scone."

Masked Man: "And give me all your two for the price of one scone!"

Rhui: "No, just one.

Masked Man: "Right, one scone!"

Rhui: "Two scones!"

Masked Man: "Two scones!"

Rhui: "For the price of one."

Masked Man: "Just give me all your punch and pie!"

Clerk: "We don't have the punch. We just have the pie."

Masked Man: "Listen pal, you just fork over the goods or I'll pelt you with this bag of soggy fruit!"

The rebels load up a shipful of exotic pies and exit, slowly. Lord Dr-- the Masked Man eyes the clerk as he backs out the door, aiming his pelting-fruit.

Reka runs back in to grab a sample of pumpkin loaf then rushes out.

Clerk: "I'm not even supposed to be here today."

 

Meanwhile the season closer for Buffy has come on. Leda turns it on.

clerk: You watch Buffy too?

Leda: oh yes!

They watch while Reka and Rhui "inventory" the rest of the store.

When the episode is over the clerk and Leda just stare at the tv in shock.

clerk: they've got cannolis.

Leda: With chocolate chips.

They sit in silence.

clerk: Did you notice that that was Joel Grey?

Leda: Not before the credits.




Leda: Did you like the opening "previous episodes" thing?

clerk: Yeah.

They sit in silence a bit longer.

 

Nice to see you guys back.


CaSS/xxx

 

*amateur radio advertisement*

"... am I on?"

"Yes!"

"Oh. Okay."

"Shut up and start!"

"um... Yes, er... Attention citizens of the galaxy - the Silly Rebellion is now recruiting for all positions. Are you tired of taking heat from your opinions of the inevitable return of Darth Maul or the relationship between Sideous and Palpatine in the Episodes II and III (Spoilers Allowed) Forum?"

"You dolt, the Sid/Palpy thing was already resolved."

"uh... er... Join the Rebellion. See the galaxy. Um... kill bad guys."

"And we have punch and pie!"

"Just pie."

"And we have pie!"

"So yeah... sign up today! Applications will be taken at a small booth set up on the corner of 5th and Main St., City of Coruscant, or just hide them behind the third trash can on the first floor of the Jedi Council building. Thanks."

_____


On board the Shiny Peach, at the comm station:

Rhui Chatar: "Does that mean you guys are going to come up with an application form now?"

Lord Dream: "Oh, heck no. That's just to make us look important. We'll take anyone."

Reka: "What about this one? It says, 'hi my name is Bobo I like to climb on things can I have a bannana eek eek.'"

Disco Lando: "Hired."

Toshi Station: "Has anyone seen Leda? She promised me a cheese danish."

Disco Lando: "I think she's still re-watching the last episode of Buff-- I mean... er, she's in the Meditation Chamber."

From another room, there is a muffled sobbing and the sound of glass breaking.

 

C-R-A-S-H

SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB

They killed Kenny!

The turkeys!

 

In an attempt to bring the thread back to the top of the forum, this message has been posted.

In an attempt to justify the posting of the previous message, we have posted this message as well.

This third message, however, cannot be justified or explained in any manner whatsoever.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled episode of "P(SA) Rebellion: The Next Generation - with special guest villain Caesar Romero as Darth Spatula.

Thank you.

 

Great! Great! Love it!

 

Special Guest Villian Cesar Romero, appearing as Darth Spatula, appears on the Bridge. He looks around, plainly confused.

"Where's that Adam West guy? And the geek with the bony knees, the one that plays Robin? What's going on here???"

Chief Communications Officer Ender sidles over. "Uh, Mr. Romero, that show went off years ago. You're on the Shiny Peach, not at stately Wayne Mansion."

Darth Spatula straightens his black cape. "I knew that," he said, huffily. He looks Ender up and down. "Lead on, Commissioner Gordon!"

 

Darth Spatula: Where are we going?

Ender: A happy tour of the ship?

Darth Spatula: Oooo, a happy tour! I like those!

Ship rocks

Darth Spatula: What's that?

Ender: I don't know yet.

Darth Spatula (grabbing Ender by the lapels): Darn it man, its your job to know!

Ender (brushing Darth Spatula off his lapels goes to a communication station) Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Darth Spatula: We're under attack!

Voice of Disco: Get to the bridge Ender!

Ender & Darth Spatula return to the bridge and see the HORROR! TV LCEO, system siren, is on the screen turning over Atrot Acrds!

TV Lceo: You be hearing me now? It's not me talking, it's the Regent of Fullerenes talkin'! I only be telling you want you need to know. You need to raise that baby right!

Ender: O NO!!! I'm too late! Who agreed to pay for this call????

Ender seeks how to turn off the communications. Other members of the bridge crew are glued to the screen, tears coming down their faces.

Darth Spatula beginning to stare blindly: Baby's need good homes!

TV Leco: Good homes & parents! Now, what are you going to do????

Disco hypnotized : Find the father of the baby and throw him out of my life for being the no good dirty dog he is!

Bridge crew nods together in agreement.

TV Leco: And how will you know him? I've told you already. It's here in the cards. They say you know it, I don't know why I should tell you that. See, the heart of 7 of 9 is next to the Bishop of Cups! Bad bad bad!

Disco still staring at the screen, weeping: he has a scar! on his face! you are correct!

TV Leco: Go and live your life!

Bottom of the screen shows a # of Leco Rcedits due for the call.

Ender into communicator: Leda, we have a problem.

Voice of Leda weeping: boohoohoo! I promise to stay away from water and always listen to the four eyed man when he tells me not to ride a horse! boohoohoo!

Darth Spatula: I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Voice of Valeda Kor over communicator: He's dead!

Lord Dream, 2nd officer, tears himself away from the screen: Who is dead?

Valeda Kor: Uh, this thing is on? The, uh, croissant salesman who joined us at the last stop - he's dead.

Voice of Nurse Renfield: Kenny's dead! The fluff killed Kenny!

Réka & Rhui (from around their tea and cake party): The turkeys!

Lord Dream: Good work. Carry on.

Darth Spatula: This is ALL going into my report! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Capt. Lando: You fill out reports? Would you fill out mine too?

 

Lando pulls out a small device and checks it.

Lando: "Dream, make a note of this. The weird-****-O-meter is off the scale."

Lord Dream: "Yes captain."

They turn back to their game of chess. Dream pulls out a chunk of limburger and hocks it at Lando, who responds in the usual manner by tying his shoelaces. Dream checkmates, but not before Lando can win by cheating in his monkey-style.

 

Memo
To: The Crew of the Shiny Peach
From: Your Captain

The brackets aren't working!!

Or maybe they are, depending on when you get this message.

 

Grumpy Doctor Val, checking in from a vacation galaxy far, far away, concurs with the Captain: The brackets ain't working.

Where's the Chief Engineer when you need 'em?

 

*looks around*

[confident]Ahem. Bracket problem fixed.[/confident]

 

Réka is sitting at a table, amidst the remains of several dozen pastries and at least two quarts of ice cream. She has dismantled the Wierd-****-O-Meter and is poking at its innards with a fork. Occasionally, she hiccups.

Réka: Hmmm... so that one goes there... <hiccup> and then it... ok, and then.... yeah, I see...

Lando: Réka, have you gotten the brackets fixed yet?

R: Brackets? What brackets? Were the brackets not working for you?

L: Isn't that what you're working on? Oh, wait... it seems they're working again. Never mind. [*looks around*]

L: [confident]Ahem. Bracket problem fixed.[/confident]

R: I'm just trying to get this gizmo unstuck. <hiccup> Apparently, it got overloaded or something.

 

Two hours later, after a group viewing of the season finale of Frien-- er, after a group meditation, Lando walks into the bridge to see...

Reka sitting at a table, amidst the remains of several dozen pastries and at least two quarts of ice cream.

Lord Dream walks into the room. Occasionally, he hiccups.

Lando: "Dream, did you get that pocket fluff problem fixed?"

Reka: "Brackets? What brackets?"

Lando: "Wait. This is all very strange and familiar to me..."

Reka: "I have a bad feeling about this."

Lord Dream takes a surveying of the ship's status.

Lord Dream: "Captain! We've gone..."

Lando: "What is it, Dream???"

Lord Dream: "We've gone... redundant."

Reka: *gasp*

Leda: "Where's the ship's engineer when you need him?"

 

MEMO

To: The Crew of the Shiny Peach
From: Ship's Doctor
Subj: I'm back!

After returning from a drying out, er, vacation, session, grumpy Dr. Val wishes to inform the crew that Sick Bay is once again open. Our first order of business is to test for Redundancy, which I understand is raging through the crew as fast as my ex-wife tears through the alimony credits I send her.

But enough about me.

As always, Sick Bay hours remain the same:
Monday and Tuesday: 8:00 to 10:00 AM
Wednesday: Closed due to golf lessons
Thursday: 12:30 to 5:00 PM, except for odd-numbered Thursdays, when the Sick Bay is the staging point for Bakery raids, uh that is, Bakery visits
Friday: Closed again; tennis lessons
Saturday and Sunday: Closed for General Purposes. The General uses the Sick Bay area for certain activit...never mind.

Illnesses outside of normal Sick Bay hours will not be tolerated. You know who you are.

Be healthy, be happy, and we'll all get along just fine.

Your medical friend,

Dr. Val

Who reminds the crew that Pie-related illnesses are NOT covered by the medical plan. You're all on your own here, buckos.

 

Disco Lando enters the bridge, via a sliding "veee-whooop" doorway.

Lando: "Has anyone seen my Smart-Assed First Officer? I need to discuss the creation of new fictional characters with him."

Unnamed Fictional Character #1: "No, sir, Lord Dream is nowhere to be seen."

Lando: "Oh yes, and what's the status on Ender's Lawyer? Actually, what is the status on Ender for that matter? Or Toshi Station or Antilles?"

Unnamed Fictional Character #1: "May I suggest, sir, you tell them to drop by http://board.psarebellion.com sometime? And perhaps that you should get a roster going, and make plans to invade the Episodes II and III (Spoilers Allowed) forum?"

Lando: "First things first, buddy. Let's get you a personality."