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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga The Angel of Alderaan-ANH AU(A/A,H/L,L/M)-COMPLETED!- 22.May 2005: Some re-written for Ep. III

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tribun, Apr 4, 2004.

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  1. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    solo_fan>Glad to hear you found a beta reader. For one whose native language is not english, you write it pretty well. This is one of the few stories I have read where Bail's wife is portrayed as a bitch. That's a new one for me. Looking forward to reading more!

    Thank the Garman school system for my good English.

    jeditheskyisblue>Just that one little Twist of Amdaila being alive saved a planet full of people.

    I'm hooked and can't wait for Luke and Obi-wan to show up on the scene.


    Well, wait for Chapter 6, then the dance will begin!

    _______________________________________
    Thanks for feedback. And now let Vader and Padmè finally talk!


    Chapter V

    The darkness surrounding her slowly left her. Her head felt heavy and the air tasted strange because it had no taste at all. She heard no mechanical breathing.

    Could it have been only a dream? Somehow she doubted it, and opening her eyes, she saw that her doubts were justified. She lay on a bunk inside of a white chamber and there instruments on the walls. On the other side were a console and a chair whose occupant she could not see. She tensed at once. Is that An....?

    "Padmè...you are finally awake." The voice was now different, it sounded a bit weak, but more natural. And this time she clearly could think of the owner of that voice at once. "Please don't faint again?when you see me."

    How bad are his injuries that he would warn me that way? What Obi-Wan had dared to tell me was horrible enough. It was the first time they had spoken in nearly 19 years, and the first thing they talked of was his plea that she not faint again. "No, I won't faint. I want to see you. After 19 long years I think that would be a good beginning....."

    The chair slowly turned around, and she had to use all her willpower not to faint. Anakin?s appearance was horrifying! Remembering what Obi-Wan had told her, she could tell that the scars on his head were from Obi-Wan?s lightsaber. Apart from his eyebrows, Anakin was totally bald, and his ears were half-shredded. His face was deathly pale. He had taken off his gloves; she saw his hands were pale too. She knew his right hand had been artificial since that fateful day on Geonosis, and his left since Mustafar. She did not dare to speak his old name "What...what happened to you?" The tears in her eyes bore witness to the horror she felt seeing Anakin in such a horrible condition.

    Vader was uncomfortable. ""Part of my injuries are from the duel... but most resulted from me getting badly burnt by the lava..." His eyes remained downcast. He remembered the pain when he caught fire, his screams of pain and how Obi-Wan did nothing but to look at him dying. "Don't you want to curse me for the rest of my life for what I've done? Don't you hate me?"

    Amidala was taken aback by this statement. Hate him? She had not thought about that yet. Oh, she was angry with him for his actions, in fact she was downright furious! She despised what he had done, and for what he stood for now. She hated all that he had done in the name of the Emperor! But to hate him....? It was one thing to hate what he had done, but a totally different thing to hate him. Is that really such a great difference? She asked herself. Yes. Anakin had given in to his hated, and I can see what happened to him. If I start to hate him it won't bring either of us anything but more sorrow.

    "No...I don't hate you. But don't think that it means that I can forgive you for all of the things you have done! You had the choice, and you chose to simply let your hate run rampant and you chose to serve the Emperor. No, I will never forgive you that. The only thing that will make me trust you again is time, and you will need much patience!"

    "I will try... and I don't care for Yoda's 'no try'." Vader answered, before remembering something. "I thought you died... there was a furneal on Naboo I heared of."

    Amidala felt uncomfortable, but she knew she had to tell him. "I had nearly died because of a broken heart ove
     
  2. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2001
    You write very well in English -- better than some native speakers. I like Padme's reaction, how she chooses to hate the actions rather than the man. I believe she would do that. And I like Vader's last thought, "What have I done?" An excellent story!
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Another great update, but of course I got a peek before anyone else, LOL!
     
  4. Jeditheskyisblue

    Jeditheskyisblue Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 17, 2001
    So Vader now knows that Leia is his daughter. I wonder what he will do with that information?

     
  5. kayladie97

    kayladie97 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 6, 2003
    Fascinating story! I love Padme's thoughts on how she can hate Anakin's actions, but she can't hate him. Very nicely done.

    And you write better in English than some English-speaking natives do! A good beta just needed to polish a bit and Kimberley is obviously doing a great job. :)

    I can't wait to see what happens when Obi-Wan and Luke arrive. Somehow I think that Vader's reaction to Obi-Wan isn't going to be much better than his reaction to Bail.

    Ooh, and I see L/M in your title line! That makes it a great story in my book! When shall we see the Emperor's Hand make an appearance?

    More soon! :D
     
  6. Jedi_Jessie_Anne

    Jedi_Jessie_Anne Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Oh...oh my. Wow. What is Ani/Vader going to do next, now that he knows who Leia is?
     
  7. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    jedithebluesky>So Vader now knows that Leia is his daughter. I wonder what he will do with that information?

    Wait and see........

    kayladie97>I can't wait to see what happens when Obi-Wan and Luke arrive. Somehow I think that Vader's reaction to Obi-Wan isn't going to be much better than his reaction to Bail.

    Ooh, and I see L/M in your title line! That makes it a great story in my book! When shall we see the Emperor's Hand make an appearance?


    Let's say Obi-Wan will recieve the same reaction as in the movie. As for the rest of the gang, wait for the next chapters...
    Mara will appear, yes! But it will be a while before she and Luke will meet. But they will, have patience!

    Jedi_Jesse_Anne>Oh...oh my. Wow. What is Ani/Vader going to do next, now that he knows who Leia is?

    I think, the more prominent question is, what Padmè will do to HIM, when she get all details.....
     
  8. Jedi_Liz

    Jedi_Liz Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2000
    I have to admit that the L/M line was what attracted me to this story, but when seeing the name "Amidala" in the story........I immediately decided I definitely wanted to read.

    Great Update!
     
  9. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2004

    I agree, your English is great!


    Though I have a question.... Is it a commonly accepted fact that Anakin falls in a volcano, and that that is why he needs the suit? Almost all the stories here I've read agree on that point. Is it a spoiler? Or did I just miss something?

    Anyway, it doesn't really matter. What really matters is that that was a GREAT post!! And....


    I want another!!

    ~M
     
  10. Vivid_Scripts

    Vivid_Scripts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2004
    very good so far, Tribun... I look forward to reading more.
     
  11. Solo_Fan

    Solo_Fan Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2003
    I do believe after this latest encounter with Padme, and its resulting relevations, that Vader's cold heart may have thawed just a little. Did I detect some remorse in Vader's thoughts over his torture of Leia? Good post.
     
  12. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Just wanted to let everyone know that I am trying to leave Tribun's words intact. He's very talented and doing MUCH better than I could ever hope to do in another language. Even German which my daughter takes in school. So I publicly give him a small bow of appreciation for all his hard work! Great job! And now on my way to Memphis to take my daughter to visit her friends. See everybody later!
     
  13. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Ledi_Liz>I have to admit that the L/M line was what attracted me to this story, but when seeing the name "Amidala" in the story........I immediately decided I definitely wanted to read.

    Thanks. And as I said, Mara will appear, you must have a little patience, it will be still some chapters before her first appearance.

    Marsa>Though I have a question.... Is it a commonly accepted fact that Anakin falls in a volcano, and that that is why he needs the suit? Almost all the stories here I've read agree on that point. Is it a spoiler? Or did I just miss something?

    It is so widely spread in the fandome, that I used the concept. It will be not my fault when GL screws that up in Episode III....

    Solo_Fan>I do believe after this latest encounter with Padme, and its resulting relevations, that Vader's cold heart may have thawed just a little. Did I detect some remorse in Vader's thoughts over his torture of Leia? Good post.

    Oh, things concerning his family will warm him, but don't fear. There will be still enough Vader for a while.
    Especially Obi-Wan is still a man who he hates with a passion.
    ________________________________________________
    And now let's continue, and the s#$% starts to hit the fan!
    The next chapter won't be up until Friday when my beta comes back. And by the way, in the pre-corrected version, Solo said "****"(consored here). That is gone because of some concerns.

    Chapter VI

    Vader seemed to be in shock. Amidala crossed the distance between them and waved her hand in front of his eyes a few times before he blinked. His thoughts centered on how Amidala would react to the news that he had tried to break into the mind of their daughter. How he tried to rip information out of her. She would have every right to leave him forever for that act alone.

    Amidala however had enough of his silence. She no longer feared calling him by his old name. "Anakin Skywalker! What are you hiding from me?! I want an answer."

    Vader flinched. She had called him by his full name, the name from his past. That wasn't a good sign. Her tone clearly showed that she was annoyed by his silence. Finally he decided that an end to this horror was better than a horror without end. "I...did some horrible things to her. I pumped her full with truth serum, entered her mind, tried to get the location of the rebel base from her. I caused her emotional pain...... I hurt her soul!"

    The look of horror from Padmè was enough for Vader to know that he had betrayed her yet again. Now she only would want to put as much distance between the two of them as she could. She would hate him and she would....

    *SLAP!*

    Vader needed several seconds to realize what had happened. Padmè had slapped him hard on his cheek. Looking at her he saw that she was angry, but she controlled her anger as he had seen her do many times in her job as senator. "Anakin Skywalker! How could you?!" she controlled her anger, trying to think clearly. "If you think I?ll hate you now you are wrong! I think it will be a much more appropriate punishment for you to apologize to her and not me! Only she can forgive you that!" Having said that said, her anger exhausted itself and she sat down on the bunk with face in her hands. "Why did you have to follow this tyrant? We could have been such a good family.... Instead you nearly killed me and our child back then! Why can't you just leave him?"

    Seeing her emotional distress he finally overcame his fear and tried to comfort her. He sat beside her and held her in his arms. Within his embrace she finally couldn't hold it in any longer, and many tears began to flow freely. Holding her, he cursed himself for causing her so much emotional pain. After several minutes she stopped weeping. Only then did he dare to talk again, still holding her in his arms.

    "I can't go with you Padmè, at least not yet. I'm chained to the Emperor with a tight Force link. I would need months to loosen it enough so that I can break it without hurting myself and without him noticing. Th
     
  14. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Upping this a bit.

    By they way, could you guys and girls please point out things that you liked especially? I like your comments, but they are still a bit too much of "all-in-all".
     
  15. Dally

    Dally Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 2, 2001
    Another good post! This is well-plotted and very believable. Makes me wish Episode IV had gone like this! In this chapter, I especially like Vader's plotting to sever his ties with the Emperor, and Luke and Han's bickering.
     
  16. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    It is a bit concerning how fast things tend to vanish on the site 2 or 3....

    I hope that won't anger anybody...

    Dally>Thanks. It is nice to get such praise. :)
     
  17. Marsa

    Marsa Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 23, 2004

    Go Padme!!

    -Vader helping hmm....



    UP! ~M



    and I like "Stang" by the way. Star Wars cursing is way better than anything!
     
  18. starsailor721

    starsailor721 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 31, 2004
    Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I just got caught up and am really enjoying this take on ep IV. In the last chapter, I particularly like Padme's reaction to Anakin. It was very well written and I can see the characters behaving in that way:

    Padme- with her unconditional love but unable to completely forgive

    Anakin- with his emontional unease but willingness to try and change for her

    Great Job :D
     
  19. Vivid_Scripts

    Vivid_Scripts Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 21, 2004
    hehehehe... do i see... Anakin Skywalker emerging from his shell? Yes i do... very very good, Tribun... You've got me caught here, and I'm anxious to see what else happens. keep writing!
     
  20. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Any delays right now are due to me! I am currently editing Chapter VII and hope to send it to the author later today! My apologies!
     
  21. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Upping.
     
  22. Tribun

    Tribun Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Ibet, over the easter days, it will be quieter than normal.....

    Chapter VII

    "All right, you will take me to the cell block and get Leia. There you mind-trick the guards, telling them that nothing has occurred. Then you will take us to a shuttle so that Leia and I can flee without being bothered by fighters. You will have to order them to stand down." Amidala then checked the binders on her hands. They weren't locked but it looked real.

    Vader first had thought that she was joking about freeing Leia, because in his mind she was a traitor. But in the end his wish to cause no harm to his own child had surpassed his sense for duty. He had failed one time, and now he not wanted to fail for another time.

    "Good." Vader replaced his mask and prepared to escort her out, but then his comm beeped. "Damn! Why now of all times?" He answered it roughly "What is it!?"

    "Lord Vader, Governor Tarkin requests your presence in Hangar 327. We have captured a freighter that had entered the system. It's markings match those of a ship that blasted its way out of Mos Eisley."

    Vader should have known what it meant, but his thoughts were elsewhere. "I will come at once!" He ended the connection. He turned to his wife "I have no choice but to attend to this matter. I will call two guards to escort you gently into Leia's cell. I will come as soon as I can. I feel that Tarkin plans something. Do you think that she will recognize you?"

    "No. She was too young when we were ripped apart, and I have aged since she last saw me. As long as I do not mention it..."

    "Good, wait here for the guards. I will come to the cell block as soon as possible." Then Vader left after giving the orders and made his way to the hangar, annoyed at this interruption of his plans. After some minutes he arrived and stood looking at the freighter in amazement. The freighter was a piece of junk! Even he would have thought twice before entering a spaceship in such bad condition. Captain Khurgee waited with his stormtroopers at the ramp, ready to give his report.

    "There's no one on board, sir. According to the log, the crew abandoned ship right after takeoff. It must be a decoy, sir. Several of the escape pods have been jettisoned."

    "Did you find any droids?" Vader remembered the reports from Tatooine, as vague as they were.

    "No, sir. If there were any on board, they must also have jettisoned." Kurgee ended his report.

    [image=http://www.theforce.net/swtc/Pix/dvd/zs/anh/khurgee.jpg]

    "Send a scanning crew on board! I want every part of that ship checked!" He commanded, and then stopped. There was something at the back of his mind. "I sense something.... a presence I haven't felt since..."
    KENOBI! He screamed in rage through the force. This old man dares to come here!? After all he had done to me!? He will regret coming here; crawling out from the stone he had hidden under! Fuming Vader went off to find Tarkin to formally telling him that he would hunt his old master. His hatred made him temporarily forget about Amidala. His hated for Obi-Wan was so great that it overshadowed anything else.

    Meanwhile, the stormtroopers left the hangar, leaving only two to guard the ship. The scanning crew entered the ship with their scanner systems. A loud crash sounded within the ship and the stormtroopers were called. "Hey down there, can you give us a hand with this?" After the troopers entered the ship nothing was heard except two stunshots. Nothing happened until an officer in the control room above noticed the absence of the guards at the ship. "TK-421! Why aren't you at your post!?"

    ...on the way the cell block AA-23...

    Amidala was silent while the elevator took her, along with her two black-helmeted guards, to the cell block where her daughter was imprisoned. Before, she had to wait for nearly 20 minutes before the guards came to get her. It was as if they were in no haste to take her to her destination. Finally the door opened and she saw a typical cell bock.

    The officer on duty noticed the new arrivals "Wel
     
  23. Jedi_Jessie_Anne

    Jedi_Jessie_Anne Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Jan 4, 2004
    Cliffie?! Again? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Must...have...more!
     
  24. starsailor721

    starsailor721 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 31, 2004
    Amidala there?!?!? What a cool twist. The next chapter should be very interesting. I can't wait!
     
  25. Solo_Fan

    Solo_Fan Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2003
    I really like the factor of Amidala in this story. She is making everyone react differently, so it should be very interesting to see what overall effect she eventually has on the story. Keep up the good writing!
     
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