The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get it Right!) [humor] Lesson 5 up 9/8

I got bored. And no, I don't really write that badly. I was just flipping through the fic boards and noticed how many titles there were that said "Obi-Torture" and this was a result. I like Obi-Torture. I just find it funny, at the same time.

11 parts total, if you guys like it, I'll write the rest. If not, I won't bother. Enjoy!


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Hello, my fellow Star Wars friends, and welcome to "The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get it Right!)". In this edition, you will be shown the basics to getting your Obi-Torture skills sharpened, enough to make people wince, sniffle, or even bawl like a baby! But this all depends on how hard you study. So, without furthur ado, here are the lessons!


LESSON #1: The Setup

You want to write a strategic exposition for your story, so you can get right to the good stuff. Let's say that we're going to make Obi get captured by a villian -- and tortured. Here are some good and bad examples of how to set up your story:

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Bad Setup:

Obi-Wan skipped into the quarters. He was very happy. "Hello, Master! How was your day?"

"Wonderful, Padawan."

"Would you like to go spar?"

"Yes, Padawan, I would," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan smiled at Qui-Gon brightly, looking cute and adorable and cuddly, like he always does.

Before Qui-Gon could smile at the boy, an evil villian ran into the room, knocking Obi-Wan over the head with a heavy, blunt object, and dragged him away, cackling evilly and yelling, "I'm going to torture your apprentice if you don't do whatever I say!"

Qui-Gon was very upset. "Oh no! ..... He's been kidnapped! ........... Oh no!"

~~~~

Good Setup:

Obi-Wan stomped into his quarters, and threw his books down on the table. "This has been a horrible day!"

"Calm down, my young Padawan," Qui-Gon said wisely. "Anger will not help you."

Obi-Wan glared at Qui-Gon. "Shut up, Master!"

Qui-Gon stood up and looked furious. "How dare you!"

Obi-Wan stuck his tongue out at Qui-Gon.

Before Qui-Gon could curse at the boy, an evil villian ran into the room, knocking Obi-Wan over the head with a heavy, blunt object, and dragged him away, cackling evilly and yelling, "I'm going to torture your apprentice if you don't do whatever I say!"

Qui-Gon was very upset. "Oh no! How could I have said that to him? Now he might die, and my last words to him will be 'how dare you'!"

~~~~

See, wasn't the second one so much better? The second one is oozing anger while the first one is just, like, "um, okay, you're having a good day, so what?" Because no one else wants to read about anyone else, fictional or not, having a good day, because chances are that your readers haven't -- and miserable people want to read about other even more miserable people. Make the fic start badly -- and let it get worse from there onward.

 

Oh I thought that was *great*! I'll definitely read the next 10 parts, it's very funny!!!

-Kris

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This most definately doesn't belong in Writer's Resource. Hahahaha. I'm hooked!

FORWARD!

 

LOL!

 

ROTFL! That was great, Tahiri! Can't wait to see more!

 

Wanna see more, I do!

 

See? People like Obi-Torture...lol thanks for the comments! Lesson two is going to be posted today as soon as I finished writing it...

 

* BlindMan's post gave me the idea for the fundamental rule.








LESSON #2: The Types of Torture

There are many types of torture in the Star Wars universe, but we'll just stick to the two most popular -- and most effective -- types: mental and physical. These two types of tortures will be gone over in the next few lessons.

But, you can always create your OWN types of torture! Be creative, my friends! Do not limit torturing Obi-Wan to only what's available! Create your own! Or mix up all sorts of torture! Read the following examples.

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Bad Type of Torture:

Obi-Wan was being tortured.

//Master!// he called through their training bond.

It hurt a lot.

He passsed out, it hurt so much. Or it might have been the blunt object that the villian knocked him out with. He couldn't tell because everywhere hurt so much.

//Noooooooooooooo!// Qui-Gon thought, as the bond closed on Obi-Wan's side.

~~~~

Good Type of Torture:

"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" Obi-Wan screamed.

"Heh, heh," the villian said, twisting the dagger into Obi-Wan's arm even more. "Die, Jedi, die!"

//Master!// Obi-Wan cried through his training bond, his voice heavy with his agony.

//Obi-Wan!// Qui-Gon thought back to him. He was frantic. //Obi-Wan, are you okay?//

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Obi-Wan screamed as the dagger broke his bone. //Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It hurts! It hurts so much, Master!//

//So you're not okay?// Qui-Gon asked again, his voice sounding disappointed and upset at once.

"Nyahahahahahaha!" the villian cackled. He knocked Obi-Wan out with a blunt object again, and for Obi-Wan, all his pain melted into a black oblivion.

~~~~

Do you all see why the second example is much better than the first? You want to put as many grusome details as you can, so you can arouse more sympathy from your readers. Because however much their day sucked, you must make sure that Obi-Wan's day is considerably worse, because that's what readers who've had really bad days want to read about.

But before the lesson ends, I must tell you the most fundamental thing in the art of Obi-Torture that you'll ever have to know: BASKING.

You must learn to BASK in Obi-Torture, before you can become a master. FEEL the Obi-Torture, and LOVE the Obi-Torture...be ONE with the Obi-Torture. You must BASK in the misery, my friends! BASK!

Till next time: Lesson #3: Mental Torture.

 

So, are we going to see any of this "right" kind of Obi-Torture in "Incandescence"?

 

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue that fic It'd be more of a "let's-hunt-obi-down-on-coruscant" type thing... I love reading Obi-Torture (angst because of Qui-Gon, more specifically) but I can't write it

 

yAY, Tahiri! Teach us, Master! LOL, nice job with the first two lessons.. Now that I'm BASKING in Obi-wan's misery, I'm looking to get a nice tan.. What more can I do to make Obi-wan's life even more of a living hell? heehee

*^*^*^*^*^*^*UP!!!*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

 

LOL, love the sig, Dovgani! RH is going to kick butt -- and you and Kyp...ahahahaha!!! I can't wait to WRITE that!!!!!

 

As I always say if the details ain't given, it ain't worth saying.

LOL! [shows heavy sarcastic concern] Oh Obi!

FORWARD!

 

Ooh poor lil Obi!

Very cool Tahiri.

*scribbles down notes*

 

Not bad, not bad! LOL! You must continue this, Tahiri!

EJ

 

We of the CPCJ really must protest this thread. The torture of innocent Jedi as a form of entertainment is abhorrent and twisted and will eventually lead to the darkside. We ask everyone to rethink their lives with reguard to Jedi torure.

 

LOL, CPCJ... you know you love it

 

CPCJ You did notice the word "Humor" in the title?

 

CPCJ is kidding.

It's a long-standing joke.

 

//Obi-Wan!// Qui-Gon thought back to him. He was frantic. //Obi-Wan, are you okay?//

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Obi-Wan screamed as the dagger broke his bone. //Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It hurts! It hurts so much, Master!//

//So you're not okay?// Qui-Gon asked again, his voice sounding disappointed and upset at once.
That was great, Tahiri! I loved it!

 

Hehe, are we all learning to bask yet?

Oh! I just want to advertise: my pride and joy of a humor fan fic, developed and co-written with Amidala22 is coming to the fan fiction boards this Tuesday! There's Obi-Torture, Qui & Mace, Adi, Tahl, Palpatine, Maul, Vader, Mara, Luke, Leia, Han, Anakin & Anakin, Jaina, Jacen, Wedge, Shmi....EVERYONE is in it. Even the Fetts and Aurra Sing, and Ben, and...and everyone. And yes, it does make sense. Anyway. Okay. Lesson 3 coming tomorrow

 

You must learn to BASK...

- - Basks - -


Aaahhhh... Baaasking...

I will never rethink my evil, sadistic ways! They have been ingrained in my mind since birth to kick around the people I adore!

 

LOL, TheFallen! Heehee *grins sadistically*

 

"I'm not sure if I'm going to continue that fic It'd be more of a let's-hunt-obi-down -on-coruscant" type thing... I love reading Obi-Torture (angst because of Qui-Gon, more specifically) but I can't write it."

Not going to continue?

NOOO! That was a very promising start! I was looking forward to more! Is it only because because you feel inadequate to the task of writing Obi-Torture, in which case I'm sure there would be lots of people who could volunteer to help you, or is it because you just don't feel inspired any longer, in which case ...

*sets grenade launcher on shoulder and aims at Tahiri*

Feel inspired yet?