The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get it Right!) [humor] Lesson 5 up 9/8

Post coming at the end of August! I've been on vacation in Turkey, and I guess I forgot to say it in this thread. This little ficlet is in no way over yet ( *insert Obi-Wan's whimpering* ) and I'll get back to it as soon as I get back home to the states. Toodles, and thanks to you guys for upping this fic, and sticking with it!

 

UHHH! Must have MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!

 

More coming? WEEEEE!

 

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks Obi-Wan is the most put upon Jedi/Jedi Master in the galaxy. But face it picking on him is so much fun. IT must be, almost everyone seems to do it.

Check out the last link in my siggy.

and UP!!! with this funny thread!!

Face he is the Rodney Dangerfield of the Jedi. He gets no respect. But we love him anyway..

 

YIPPPEEEEE!!!! *Runs and hugs Tahiri.* Oh thank goodness! I was so scared you'd abandoned us forever.... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*insiduous laughter* I'm baaaaaack.....

Still settling down though; Post coming very soon

 

Yeah! UP you go!

 

UP! What happened to the new post that was coming soon? (licks lips)

 

LESSON #4: Physical Torture


Hello all to the next installment of "The Art of Obi-Torture (And How to Get it Right!)" This lesson will teach you all the basics of physical torture. Anything can be causing this, really. The cause of a form of mental torture is just as good a way to cause physical torture. Because, of course, the evil person doing the torture can hurt not only mentally (by torture) but physically, as well. Here are some examples of physical torture:

~~~~

Bad Way of Torture:

The evil villain kicked Obi-Wan in the nuts.

"AHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan yelled in pain, and fell over. He hit his head on the cement as he fell.

The villian took the opening and kicked him in the ribs. He heard ribs crack.

The villian, being evil, of course, used that opportunity to press all his weight upon Obi-Wan's, by now, broken ribs.

"AHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan yelled again.

It hurt a lot.

~~~~

Good Way of Torture:

The evil villain kicked Obi-Wan in the side. Obi-Wan felt a lot of pain from that one kick, but bit his lip -- his ribs would at least be bruised -- no, Jedi feel no pain... He can't yell out....

Obi-Wan focused his mind elsewhere as the evil villian continued to beat up on him. It was hard, though, because of that. For some reason, he couldn't get his mind off the fact that an evil villian was beating him up.

He closed his eyes as he fell over, hitting the pavement with a hard thump. The evil villian used this opportunity to keep kicking him, all over, and Obi-Wan was having even more of a hard time not crying out. It was so painful! Maybe...maybe Qui-Gon could hear him from here? No, Qui-Gon had been left on the planet they were negotiating on, negotiating on Alderraan.... The negotiations had to go on -- a whole planets' safety was more important than one --

Ooof, that hurt...

The pain began to overtake him completely, and he felt almost numb.... Yes, he was passing out, his thoughts wandering even furthur.... But one last thought was crystalline clear as he passed out into oblivion (again)....

Why does it always have to be me?

~~~~

Okay, do we all understand why the good example is the good example? First thing, you don't really want to go around writing "Obi-Wan got kicked in the nuts" or "Obi-Wan got hit where the sun don't shine" or something like that because generally no one really wants to know about Obi-Wan getting kicked in the nuts or anything like that. It's enough that he got kicked in the ribs, beaten up, etc. It's crude to write such things, even to our precious Obi, whom we all so love to torture. Getting kicked in the nuts is like...the worst thing for a guy. We have to sympathize with the weaker gender, you know, when it comes to that.

But anyway, the good example has more of his emotions mixing in. Does Obi-Wan like the torture? Probably not, so make sure to have a little input on his thoughts as you do it. Just for the heck of it, because we all know that Obi-Wan doesn't particularly like the torture, and the more he doesn't like it and the clearer it is, the happier your readers will be because they've probably had some sort of lousy day and reading about Obi-Wan having an even worse day is like soup for the soul.

Till next lesson: Devices for Torture.






Well, thanks for sticking with this fic so far. I'll probably have a post next week; I need to get this fic done because I'm starting another By the way, go read Rebel High, Angel's Plight, and Catch if you have the time. Angel's Plight is written by Amidala22, my co-writer for Rebel High, and Catch is my fun NJO fic, based on Anakin Solo. All are being updated (WOW) and so any feedback is great.

 

LOL!!

It was fun watching you read that!!!

& This story lines rock!!!

Please read the other fics written and reply to this thread!! Keep this up!!!

*does a little dance*
I got to read it first!!!

 

Ha! LMAO! Brill Tahiri! I love how you keep reiterating that "since your readers have had a lousy day they want to know Obi's had a worse one...." Lol. It works too, like that... I know from experience... Anyway this is great!

 

"We have to sympathize with the weaker gender, you know, when it comes to that." LOL!!!!! Tahiri, I'm glad you're back and writing again. We've missed your posts.

 

UP!

 

Lol, thanks guys For some odd reason, I had much more fun than usual writing this lesson

 

LMAO!!! THAT WAS GREAT! Kudos from the crappy comedian.

 

Tee hee, new post coming soon This new lesson has seemed to inspire me, and I want to get this done soon.... Lol, next post coming by Monday, me thinks...

 

Can't wait to read the next one you've cooked up ...

luckily I saw what you're planning or else I'd be a little too eager

Anyway...don't forget Rebel High, Catch, or reading my 'Angel's Plight'!!!!(people really need more of rebel high

UP!!! UP OBI TORTURE!!!

 

LESSON #5: Devices for Torture

This lesson will introduce you to the wide varieties of torture tools to use in your fan fics that include Obi-Torture. You see, there are so many things that I'm just going to focus on the objects that would hurt Obi-Wan the most. Since we've already learned how to torture Obi-Wan, here I'm going to specify what kinds of things that you can use to torture him as well. You figure out how.

~~~~

Bad Tools for Torture (And if You Still Want to Use Them, How to):

~ Feathers. Okay, feathers can be all handy and everything, if you're going to tickle Obi-Wan to death. That wouldn't make for very good serious torture, and you want your torture to be good, mind. You want to torture Obi-Wan and make sure that everyone reading the fic will know: you're tortuing Obi-Wan. Unless you take a handful of feathers and stuff it down Obi-Wan's throat, you're not exactly going to be doing anything to him that a five-year-old Force sensitive couldn't manage.

~ Paper. Well, paper is a very versatile tool. It can be used in many ways: to write on, to read from, etc. But if you're going to use paper as a torture device, you want to use it in the most painful way as possible: papercuts. Paper always gives papercuts. And papercuts, though tiny, hurt like hell. Even though, you can't really do anything life-threatening to him by giving him numerous papercuts, and he probably already gets those while studying in the Temple anyway -- he is a student, after all.

~ Electricity. Well, of course it hurts. If you give it to Obi-Wan in little bursts, it'll hurt more. But the reason that this method of torture is put under the unadvised section, is because it numbs people after a while. I mean, really, Obi-Wan wouldn't be able to feel his pain after the tenth shock. You have to come up with things a little more creative than just electrecution.

~~~~

Good Tools for Torture:

~ Blunt Objects. This is probably one of the best types of tools for torture. You really have to look at the beauty of it: it gets the job done in a longer time, but it extends the amount of time that Obi-Wan is in pain, therefore doubly causing pain to Obi-Wan. You can use blunt objects like spoons to scratch skin off, lamps to knock Obi-Wan unconscious with, and you can also have your evil villian use a frying pain to beat him around with. It's all really very flexible.

~ Fire. Ah, yes, fire. Unlike electricity, fire doesn't numb the victim. It causes scars though, and I'm not really sure how well bacta can heal that, but the villian usually doesn't care about that kind of thing anyway. It's just a great way to cause pain, since it really hurts the nerves. Just be careful while using it though, you don't want to actually fry Obi-Wan to death (unless you do, of course).

~ Sharp Objects. Sharp objects are tools that call for a lot of blood (unless you use a laser-induced wound, because the heat would cauterize the cut). If you stick to normal knives and things of the like, you can cause Obi-Wan a lot of pain. Just be careful, it can get messy, and a lot of times the evil villains might not want to deal with cleaning up. If your villian wants to stay hidden, this method of torture isn't the right one, because with Obi-Wan bleeding all around the whole darn place, someone or something would eventually catch the trail.

~~~~

So there we have a few devices for torture. Of course, there are tools that don't fall into any of these categories that you're welcome to use. And this brings us to our second most fundamental thing in the Art of Obi-Torture: stepping out of the box. After remembering that no matter what you do in your fic, you must BASK in the Obi-Torture, you must also try to use your own ideas and come up with your own ways of completely this task of torturing Obi-Wan. Trust me, stepping out of the box is a very nice way of accomplishing your Obi-Torture, and if you have trouble writing serious Obi-Torture, then this

 

ROTFL! Tahiri this is too funny. I just loved that post- specially the
"Just be careful, it can get messy, and a lot of times the evil villains might not want to deal with cleaning up. " bit! LOL!

 

Thanks Wild_Huntress Glad you like it!

 

OMG! THAT WAS TOO GREAT! I am now snerking wildly and receiving frightened stares from my family. *looks at scared mom*..........BOO! *watches family scatter* hee hee. This thing is useful. soon i'll have my own padded room.

 

Dark persona of Amidala22

***LOL***


I like the knives bit, & the blunt objects!!!

Oh, on the other many threads I visit w/ you Tahiri...ask me again how I made Amidala22 act at the clubbing experience on her 18th birthday, Friday...ask on the other thread preferrably.

I must have more Obi torture...it's just so much fun!!! Oh, Ami is going to kill me, but she can't she'll kill herself!

 

Master_Coemdy_Kitty -- Tee hee, that happens to me a lot too my family doesn't approach me anymore when I'm reading fan fiction....

Jedi_of_Twilight -- don't want to know anymore...

 

O Master of All That is Obi-Torture, I took very detailed notes:
1) spoons
2)lamps
3)frying pan

4) villians don't like to cleanup
5) ummmmm, but are you sure about "fried Obi-wan" sounds finger lickin good to me
Tahiri, soooooooo funny. 7

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! OMG! that is great! I can't wait for more!! ^_^ Keep it up!