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Beyond - Legends The Ballad of the Disgruntled Ficcer (Arrogant Worms song parody)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Lazy K, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. Lazy K

    Lazy K Jedi Knight star 2

    Sep 22, 2012
    NOTE: To the melody of The Last Saskatchewan Pirate by the Arrogant Worms.

    [h2]The Ballad of the Disgruntled Ficcer[/h2]
    I used to be a Star Wars fan and everything was fine
    I had the movies, Bantam books, and toys from Hasbro's line
    But things have changed, and though I tried I couldn't see the need
    A dark and gritty Star Wars wasn't what I hoped to read

    I looked for stuff that I could like, my searches all in vain
    The Star Wars that I loved was going quickly down the drain
    LFL, they promised that the next books would be great
    But all my heroes kept on facing dark and dismal fates

    Then I thought, who gives a damn if Star Wars changed for good
    I'm going to write great stories like those profic authors should

    And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I like
    The Solo kids' adventures - the Vong can take a hike
    And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists lock your doors
    When you see me posting stories they will never sell in stores​

    Well, you would think that Marketing would learn to heed the fans
    But I still see a tragedy for Leia and for Han
    They deserve a better life than Del Rey authors gave them
    So here I'm writing AU fics to keep myself from raving

    Tales outside the Star Wars canon born of rabid rabbits
    Mush with happy couples - I'm a saccarinic addict
    'Cause, you know, that they're my fics and I will have my way
    And if someone is in trouble, Luke will come to save the day

    And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I please
    Mara Jade is kicking ass without that lame disease
    And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists close your eyes
    When you see me posting stories where Chewbacca never dies​

    My friend's an EU purist - we argue all day long
    He follows all my stories just to tell me why they're wrong
    But recent books, they went against the Star Wars that he knew
    So now he's into fanfic and we're waiting for you, too

    A glowing sword, the Jedi Code, and villains spawned in hell
    I gave up on the Del Rey books - in case you couldn't tell
    Princess Leia, Jedi Master, Guardian of Light
    If you want to see some action, better keep her in your sight

    And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I want
    Changing this, rewriting that, while haters rave and rant
    And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists go away
    When you see me posting stories where my heroes don't betray​

    Well, Star Wars fics are pleasing but sometimes I want more
    Some pirates or a samurai to make my spirits soar
    Or maybe just some furry stuff, despite some people's scorn
    And if you don't like it, don't complain you were not warned

    Worlds collide and heroes 'ship with neither rhyme nor reason
    Fandoms crossing every time they air another season
    Palpatine and Voldemort, I made them bosom pals
    And the Vong are being hunted down by Optimus and HAL

    And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing till I drop
    Mix-and-matching fandoms 'cause the rabbits never stop
    And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists run and hide
    When you see me posting stories that have pokemon inside

    And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what they should
    Villains with the blackest hearts and heroes, pure and good
    And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), come and join my side
    When you see me posting stories with my Star Wars love inside

    When you see me posting stories with my Star Wars love inside​

    PS: Actually, I'm rather fond of the Del Rey books. Really, I am. :D
    Valiowk likes this.
  2. Tarsier

    Tarsier Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 31, 2005
    That was awesome! (I am not fond of the Del Rey books.)

    Thanks for sharing!