Beyond - Legends The Ballad of the Disgruntled Ficcer (Arrogant Worms song parody)

NOTE: To the melody of The Last Saskatchewan Pirate by the Arrogant Worms.



[h2]The Ballad of the Disgruntled Ficcer[/h2]
I used to be a Star Wars fan and everything was fine
I had the movies, Bantam books, and toys from Hasbro's line
But things have changed, and though I tried I couldn't see the need
A dark and gritty Star Wars wasn't what I hoped to read

I looked for stuff that I could like, my searches all in vain
The Star Wars that I loved was going quickly down the drain
LFL, they promised that the next books would be great
But all my heroes kept on facing dark and dismal fates

Then I thought, who gives a damn if Star Wars changed for good
I'm going to write great stories like those profic authors should

And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I like
The Solo kids' adventures - the Vong can take a hike
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists lock your doors
When you see me posting stories they will never sell in stores​

Well, you would think that Marketing would learn to heed the fans
But I still see a tragedy for Leia and for Han
They deserve a better life than Del Rey authors gave them
So here I'm writing AU fics to keep myself from raving

Tales outside the Star Wars canon born of rabid rabbits
Mush with happy couples - I'm a saccarinic addict
'Cause, you know, that they're my fics and I will have my way
And if someone is in trouble, Luke will come to save the day

And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I please
Mara Jade is kicking ass without that lame disease
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists close your eyes
When you see me posting stories where Chewbacca never dies​

My friend's an EU purist - we argue all day long
He follows all my stories just to tell me why they're wrong
But recent books, they went against the Star Wars that he knew
So now he's into fanfic and we're waiting for you, too

A glowing sword, the Jedi Code, and villains spawned in hell
I gave up on the Del Rey books - in case you couldn't tell
Princess Leia, Jedi Master, Guardian of Light
If you want to see some action, better keep her in your sight

And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what I want
Changing this, rewriting that, while haters rave and rant
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists go away
When you see me posting stories where my heroes don't betray​

Well, Star Wars fics are pleasing but sometimes I want more
Some pirates or a samurai to make my spirits soar
Or maybe just some furry stuff, despite some people's scorn
And if you don't like it, don't complain you were not warned

Worlds collide and heroes 'ship with neither rhyme nor reason
Fandoms crossing every time they air another season
Palpatine and Voldemort, I made them bosom pals
And the Vong are being hunted down by Optimus and HAL

And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing till I drop
Mix-and-matching fandoms 'cause the rabbits never stop
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), purists run and hide
When you see me posting stories that have pokemon inside

And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), writing what they should
Villains with the blackest hearts and heroes, pure and good
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), come and join my side
When you see me posting stories with my Star Wars love inside

When you see me posting stories with my Star Wars love inside​

PS: Actually, I'm rather fond of the Del Rey books. Really, I am.

 

That was awesome! (I am not fond of the Del Rey books.)

Thanks for sharing!