Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Commander-DWH, Aug 15, 2005.
Uppin one more time, ya'll!
Rogue_Pilot: Ack! I fail at writing fast. But this time I wrote long, so I hope that is an acceptable alternative.
Striker: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the essay. I actually just found the original with my prof's comments this evening, it's been fun going through it again. And I'm also glad you enjoyed the story.
princess_of_naboo: Oh, Aiden's going to have far too much fun with the Sith. Thanks for reading!
angry_bendu1: Thanks for the ups! I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
padawanlissa: Thank you! I'm glad that came across well.
Anywhoo, I realise it's been a while since my last update, and for that I apologise. I also can't guarantee an update any time in the next two months- I was hired to work on the waterfront recreation staff at a camp with little/no internet access. I'm definitely going to be writing during that time, but I may or may not be able to sneak online to update the story. Still, I hope you enjoy the installment I have for you today.
Aiden was not at all certain about braving Korriban.
The settlement surrounding the Sith Academy seemed harmless enough. Dreshdae was much like any other seedy spaceport on any other world, complete with cantina, supply shops, and a local Czerka office. For once, though, he was pretty certain that Czerka would be the least of his problems.
He'd barely made his way off the landing platform before his first encounter with a recruit. The young man was wearing a uniform cut in the military style, and wore a self-satisfied expression on his face. A Twi'lek girl, not much older than Mission, was huddled in the corner, trying to look like she wasn't afraid of him and failing miserably.
"Please," she squeaked. "I know I can get the answer right if you give me one more try!"
"I doubt that," the young man sneered. Seeing Aiden's approach, and taking note of the lightsaber he was wearing, he smiled broadly. "You, stranger. You have the air of competence around you. What do you think I should do to this pathetic lifeform as punishment?"
Aiden grimaced inwardly. This was not a position he cared to be in. "Excuse me?"
"This girl has been trying to answer questions, but she always picks the wrong answer." The young man stroked his chin thoughtfully. "My creative juices are running low. Any thoughts?"
Aiden looked back at Carth, then over at the frightened young girl. "You know, you could be completely revolutionary and just let her go."
The man looked surprised. "You're joking."
"Never been more serious."
"That's hardly the kind of talk that gets you anywhere around here," the man spat. "Who are you, anyway?"
Aiden paused for a moment. "Would you believe me if I told you I was Darth Revan?"
The young Sith looked at him critically for a few seconds, then started laughing. "A sense of humour. That's rare around here. All right then, since I haven't been this amused in quite a while, the girl can go. She'd just better hope I don't see her again." With that, the young recruit turned on his heel and walked away.
"Well," Aiden said, "that answered that question."
"Thank you, sir!" The young Twi'lek girl approached him, smiling gratefully. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along. I think, perhaps, the Sith are not likely to take me..."
"Have you thought about the Jedi?" Aiden asked.
"Not really," the girl shrugged. "They're on the losing side, so it doesn't seem smart to ally with them."
"I wouldn't count them out quite so easily," Aiden replied. "Also, you might find they don't torture their prospective students."
The girl pressed her lips together grimly. "You might be right. I don't know if I'm quite willing to go to them, but I do think it's time I left this place."
"Good luck, then." Aiden clapped her on the shoulder and smiled.
She met his gaze evenly. "You are a strange man."
"Well." She nodded, then turned towards the docking bays and walked away.
Loved that part. Of course, the "Would you believe I'm Darth Revan?" bit ranks right up there too.
Great chapter. Really looking forward to entering the Academy.
Have fun at the camp, DWH. And awesome post, here. Ah, they're in. *Kicks Sith. Hard* And yes, good for the Twi'lek to get away from there!
This post made my morning.
Just one question: how on earth did this passel of idiots (the Sith) get even close to taking over the galaxy?
Have fun at camp!
Aiden sighed. ?As if this trip wasn't hard enough already, I have minions pretending to be mercenaries.?
?You know us,? Carth replied.
?Always getting into trouble,? Leiraya added.
You write such fantastic banter. Excellent job!
Okay, see...what had happened was...nobody had a watch, so we didn't know what time it was...then i found my watch, but the dog ate it...
Please excuse ale from being so far behind.
(ten ale bucks if you can identify the reference)
Yay! Zalbaar is staying with the crew! (I like Wookiees )
?Couldn?t it be a different colour, like? I don?t know, blue or something??
?I don?t get to choose what colour your voice is.?
?Oh.? Aiden was silent for several beats. ?Then I can?t trade with Carth.?
Off to Tatooine!!!
"Oh hey, I know what that language is. I used it to hack into databases back on Taris." Mission looked more closely. "Looks like you're making a... ball and paddle game?"
Bastila and Leiraya in a truce...I'll believe it if it holds.
"I'm no Jedi- the order left me a long time ago."
She raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean you left the order?"
"I mean what I mean, dammit."
then you flip it DWH...
Carth, your son is alive! Alas, he is a Sith...
"[Indeed I am- if I can find suitable aid. I have been sadly unable to find anyone worthy of the quest in here... unless, of course, you would like to join me?]" Komad looked up at him with a small smile and a hopeful glimmer in his eye. "[It would be an honour to hunt with a Jedi.]"
Aiden didn't even have to look at Bastila to feel her glare. He might have actually enjoyed trying to hunt down the Krayt dragon... but it really didn't have anything to do with their mission. "I'm afraid we'll have to turn you down on that one. Pressing business, and all that..."
Why do I feel that's going to be regretful?!?
HK-47's photoreceptors flashed orange. "Objection: I exist only to serve my master. I know no reluctance. Admission: I currently have no master, save this meatbag who attempts to run this store..."
My first experience with HK. Somehow I expected him to be more...menacing.
"Come on, let's go to that Cantina. Drinks are on me."
"Wait," Bastila objected. "Did you miss the part where my mother is probably in there?
What's up with Bastilla's mother?
You know, I'm water safety. I don't do this whole desert thing.
Uh oh. Hippie vs. young Republican time, although I wouldn?t really label Carth a young Republican. Too pessimistic.
I kind of like HK, reminds me of Loki; just more homicidal.
?Don't let the two-cred philosophy fool you," Jolee grinned ruefully. "I'm just another old man, trying to knock some sense into the next generation."
Favorite line so far?
Gizkas?!? Oh, my.
Very tense conversation between Bastilla and her mother?*shudders*
*phew* That was a long chapter! Very filling DWH!
Now Carth and Leiraya are off to find a vaporator? I like how this story seems to progress like a video game; all filled with mini-quests?oh.
The official smirked. "What a motley crew. Tell you what- we've been having some trouble with the Sandpeople. If you can bring me the Chieftan's gaffi stick, I'll see about getting you one of those hunting permits."
See what I mean?!?!?! Geez, I can?t wait to see what you do with TFU.
'Assassin' is such a tawdry description.
Another great chapter DWH!
Curious as to how Bastiall plans to reconcile with her mother?
Leiraya and Kylan -
Observation: Holy tension Batman!
Looking into his eyes, she expected to see anger and hate- the hallmarks of the Sith- but found only regret and grim determination.
-So maybe Kylan isn?t that far gone yet?
What a sad turn of events. At least Leiraya />/>/>/>/>/>/>
Ohhh! I get back from Europe and what do I find sitting in my PM box? UPDATE! Ah! Awesome. I love the "What sort of mercenaries would we be?" line. Though... reading through the post before this, I have to ask... Is she carrying her friends lightsaber? She said she wasn't going in there unarmed, and I realize she's probably carrying a blaster or two, but still...
I'll try and make a decent reply once I'm not so jetlagged.
Oh man, I'm finally far enough in playing KOTOR that I figured you'd allow me to read this, and it has kept me up until nearly 3am. Go DWH. Extremely high quality writing, character development, and snark.
I particularily enjoyed the image "drop-kicking jawas" brought to mind.
On the whole, amazing work playing around the original game plot, but really making it a fuller story, particularily character-wise.
Though I'll probably hear it from you when you finish more, add me to the PM list, just in there is spacing out. ^_^ Now I have even more reasons to be excited for you coming back from camp.
...yeah, that's the best intro I have for you. Sorry. It's been a while, but this story is still alive and kicking. And I'm attempting Novel in 90 in order to finish this, so semi-regular updates? Well, without months between them, anyway? Here's hoping. It's off to a good start, anyway. But the idea is to get this story on a regular roll again.
princess_of_naboo: Thanks! I hope the Academy lives up to expectations.
Striker: I actually had a great time at camp, even though it didn't let me on the internet much. In a way, that was a good thing, too. Thanks much, and I hope you continue to enjoy.
Rogue_Pilot: Well, to his credit, Revan was a lot smarter than the lot of them. And Malak just likes destruction. The rest of them are just riding on the coattails, as it were.
angry_bendu1: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed.
Ale: Holy ! You're back! With super-long reviewing powers! Good to see you reading again, and I appreciate all the feedback.
emerald54: Nope, no lightsaber. But really, you have to ask the question, is a Jedi ever truly unarmed?
SoA: Hee, you can see why I didn't let you read it. I appreciated your hopping on over of your own accord, though. Finding the active topic notification during my weekly hike to the library definitely brightened my day.
?There?s no way in all nine Corellian hells I?m coming out in this,? Leiraya?s voice sounded from behind the curtain.
?You brought this on yourself,? Aiden replied casually. ?If you hadn?t insisted on playing mercenary, I wouldn?t have to try to disguise you two.?
There was a long pause. ?It was still Carth?s idea, and he?s not wearing a ridiculous costume.?
?Frankly, I don?t want to see Carth in what you?re wearing.? Aiden grimaced. ?Ever.?
The curtain slowly opened, revealing Leiraya in a dancer?s costume. ?I look ridiculous.?
Carth, standing next to Aiden in a shapeless brown robe, shook his head. ?You look absurd, but in the best way possible.?
Leiraya made a face. ?I don?t like it.?
Aiden shrugged. ?You?re a dancer, aren?t you??
?Not an exotic dancer, though.? She crossed her arms to partially cover her bare stomach. The sapphire of the top was pretty, but didn?t cover nearly as much as she generally liked. In fact, the only saving grace of the outfit was the skirt, which was multi-layered and reached nearly to the floor. ?You know there?s a difference, right??
?I have complete faith in you,? Aiden reassured her. ?You?re a very talented individual.?
Leiraya walked over to a mirror and scowled. She?d been told to put on makeup- which she never wore, and she could barely recognize herself. Her hair had been half swept back into a fancy hair clip, and the rest had been fashioned into reluctant ringlets that cascaded over her shoulders. ?I look like cantina trash.?
?You look better than cantina trash, which is why you get to come with me,? Aiden reminded her. ?Remember? I?m an offworlder with expensive tastes and a manservant.?
?And far too much to drink,? she interjected sourly.
He chose to ignore the comment and continued. ?I believe that the Sith are going to wipe all the ruffians off the face of the galaxy, thereby increasing my holdings and simultaneously disposing of people who just annoy me.?
She tugged at the unfamiliar curls and made one last unhappy face before giving in. ?Don?t worry, I?ll manage.? With that, she gathered her ever-present shoulder bag and foisted it at Carth. ?Come on, manservant. Can?t let the dancer be seen carrying anything.?
Aiden grinned. ?That?s the spirit. Come on, we?ve got an Academy to get ourselves into.? He led the trio out of the shop, checking the pouch in his belt to reassure himself that the medallion was still there. A little research had revealed that Yuthura Ban, the Twi?lek Sith responsible for admission into the Academy, was to be at the sa
Yay! An update! This is getting exciting!
I like Leiraya's response to her disguise. So funny. Also, the way Aidan handled getting into the Sith Acadamy? Very smooth.
Also, Ale, I really appreciate your multi-chapter review: it was really helpful in remembering where we were when we last left of.
Anyway, GREAT update. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next.
I have to get to class--accounting is killing me--but I wanted to drop a quick reply. This part of the game is one of my favorites, so I'm definitely enjoying this. Loving this slaves bit. Of course, what makes it even better is the 'they are my slaves' line came from the game itself.
Well written as always and lots of fun.
I can't help but wonder what kind of attention Leiraya will attract in that outfit wandering around the Sith academy. Or, for that matter, how she's going to sneak around with Aiden if he needs help.
Thsi should be very interesting. I wonder what the next day shall bring...
And I'm glad you had fun at camp, too.
It is weird reading about a Sith Academy on Korriban, too. LOL, I guess I'm too used to it being a tomb world. Can't wait for more!
Hey, I've got an idea...let's con our way into the Sith Academy on Korriban!
Better yet, Leiraya will be half naked!
in the face of danger!
Welcome back to the grind DWH!
Hello, everyone! Sorry this one took so long to get up- I finished it during the Great Board Outage, but forgot to post it once the boards came back. But here it is, in its entirety.
Rogue_Pilot: What can I say? Aiden is a smooth individual.
princess_of_naboo: Heh, yeah. I'm kind of amused that it's the only option you get in the game. But hey, minions are required by any evil overlord, right?
SoA: Yes, the outfit is problematic. But being instantly recognised by Mekel would have been even more problematic, so our plucky heroes will just have to be crafty! More on that later.
Striker: Heh, I'll admit even I thought Korriban was weird in KOTOR- I'd been there before in Jedi Academy, and the layout was all different. But! Korriban is a tomb world, as you'll discover- the Valley of the Dark Lords is where four major tombs are. Our heroes will be spending quite a bit of time there later. Glad you enjoyed!
Ale: You got that right! Our heroes know no fear. Fear, after all, is the path to the Dark Side!
Aiden awoke the next morning with a clearer mind than he?d had in days. Blinking the fuzziness from his eyes, he rolled over. Carth and Leiraya were still asleep, curled up beneath a dark woolen blanket. Silently, he sat up and threw his feet over the side of the bed, stretching his arms wide and tilting his head to work out the kinks he?d earned in sleep.
He thought briefly about waking them up, but decided against it. They couldn?t be seen following him everywhere, anyway. Though the ruse had gotten them into the academy, they were still conspicuous, and he wasn?t yet sure what to do about that. Taking special care not to make any more noise than necessary, he slid his boots back on and slipped down the hallway. He didn?t have to go far before running into someone- Yuthura Ban.
She raised an eyebrow. ?You?re up early.?
Aiden shrugged and grinned amiably. ?Just trying to gain the advantage.?
?Good,? she nodded approvingly. ?You know, I think you have a lot of promise, Initiate Star.?
?Do you, now.?
?I do. Which is why I?m willing to help you to the top.?
Aiden eyed her critically. ?Not to look ungrateful or anything, but you?re a Sith. One of the better ones. Which means you know as well as I do that treachery is always involved in this business.?
?There is a price, of course.? Yuthura replied evenly. ?And, as you would expect, it involves a good deal of treachery.?
?Ah. Now that is the Sith attitude I?ve come to know and admire. What does this price involve??
?It?s quite simple. Master Uthar?s time as the head of this Academy is coming to a close. He?s been doing this for so long, he?s lost sight of what it is to be a Sith. The Sith Empire deserves better.?
Aiden crossed his arms. ?Better, as in you??
She smiled. ?Of course, with Master Uthar gone, I would have to step in to fill his place. And, if you help me, you will be in a most excellent position yourself.?
?I see.? Aiden stroked his chin thoughtfully. ?What, then, do you suggest I take to Master Uthar to gain prestige??
Her eyes took on a delightedly evil glint, and her smile broadened. ?The first thing you must learn, becoming a Sith, is the Sith Code.? She started walking, and motioned for him to follow. ?Come on now, you?ll learn better if you?re moving.?
?As you wish,? Aiden bowed slightly, then followed.
?The first tenet of the Code is this: ?Peace is a lie, there is only passion.?? She looked over at him. ?Do you understand why this is??
Aiden frowned. ?Passion can be dangerous.?
?All the better for us to master our passions,? Yuthura countered. ?Tell me, Initiate, do you make your decisions based on cool logic, or on your emotions??
Aiden?s immediate reaction was to insist he was logical in all his decisions, but in his heart he knew that wasn?t entirely true. Logic, in fact, wouldn?t have held his crew together. ?I suppose the emotional response has a larger re
Yay for Canderous and Juhani! I love those two in how cagey they are about themselves. You really did a great job getting deeper into their characters.
Man, when I played Korriban, dancing so close to the dark side made me and my super-light-sided character really nervous. Aiden dances even closer to the dark side already. It makes me anxious to see just how close he will go.
Canderous the gizka. *cackles*
*Grins* Canderous and Juhani were great, there. I lovedf Sasha and the gizka. So cute, there!
Aiden... *Shakes head* You tread a fine line, my friend.
Can't wait for more, DWH! Awesome post there.
"It was a brilliant idea of the Council?s, sending him on a mission to Korriban, knowing full well he was a recovering Sith Lord."
Ha! I loved that line for some reason.
The scene with Juhani and Canderous was really insightful!
I've never played the game, but I'm convinced Aiden is gonna' return to the darkside...
Awesome! I love that the Sith woman is teaching the former Lord of the Sith the Sith code (even though he can't remember it, it's still funny). I do feel bad for Aidan, though, having to get so close to what he should most avoid, based on his past life. Though, on the other hand, if he's strong enough to get through it - and I'm sure he will be - just think how much stronger of a *good* person he'll be, and how much moe confidence he'll have in himself after the shock of finding out that once upon a time he was pretty much evil incarnate.
Okay. Rant over.
I also love the scene between Juhani and Canderous. Canderous's false gruffness is hilarious, but I love the moments of seriousness, when they were talking about their pasts. It added a whole new depth to their characters.
Canderous winced. ?I?ll bet Mission already knows, doesn?t she??
?And probably Jolee. He seems to know everything that goes on.?
?Crazy old man.? He grimaced. ?My reputation is ruined.?
Pshht. We all knew he was just a big softie from the get go.
SoA: I hoped you'd like the Juhani bit. And yes, Aiden walks a fine line. That's what's making him so much fun right now. I never played the game this close to the dark side, but it's working for his character.
Striker: Canderous the gizka has actually existed for several chapters, he only just came out of hiding this time. Glad you enjoyed!
princess_of_naboo: Thanks! I aim to make this story humourous as much as possible.
Ale: Hey, I'm not telling how this ends (and looking it up on Wookieepedia won't help you- there are multiple endings, and I may or may not use any of them. Evil? Maybe. But I learned from the oqster, so what do you expect? ).
Rogue_Pilot: You know, a lot of this is glossed over in the games in the name of Saving The Galaxy. But I'm enjoying the fact that it's really the player who brings complexity to the character, and I'm having a lot of fun fleshing it out more than the dialogue options would let me. I'm glad you're enjoying my (usually overdue) scribblings!
angry_bendu1: He's just a fluffy squishball under all that armour, eh? Don't let him hear you say that...
Anyhow, I finally have the next chapter for you! It was finished a couple of weeks ago, and then my computer crashed and I lost the end. However, I like the way it turned out the second time a lot better. Many thanks go to SoA for helping me brainstorm ideas.
When Carth woke, Aiden was gone and Leiraya was in his arms.
If he didn?t stop to think about the rest of the galaxy, or even the world he was on, that was enough to put him in a good mood.
She was still sleeping, and snoring faintly. It was somewhat endearing, though he knew that was probably only because it hadn?t kept him up all night. Morgan had never been a snorer. Hell, she was such a light sleeper she?d probably have woken herself up. She was so different from Leiraya, and yet there was something strikingly similar. Maybe it was just that they were both so damned stubborn.
How a beat-up old soldier like him had wound up with a barefoot pacifist, he?d never understand. But he?d decided a while ago that this was one case he didn?t need to understand.
Leiraya stirred. Making a slight face, she blinked a few times and looked up at him, smiling blearily. ?Hi.?
?Hi, yourself.? Carth smiled in return. ?Sleep well??
?Sort of. Stone floors aren?t my favourite. But when it?s all you?ve got...?
?...then you make it work anyway,? he finished for her. ?You ready to face another day as a minion??
Groaning, she rolled over and sat up. ?I can?t believe I agreed to that stupid outfit.?
Carth chuckled. ?Well, there is that.?
She grabbed the spare robe she?d balled up to use as a pillow and squeezed it for a moment before a new plan hit her. ?Wait a minute, that?s it!?
?You?ll tear Aiden?s clothes to shreds and make him wear something ridiculous??
?No, I?m going to steal Aiden?s clothes.? She unrolled the robe and eyed it critically. It was probably a little big for her, but the wrap construction probably took care of that. ?How better to blend in with the Sith than to dress like one??
Carth looked skeptical. ?You?re going to impersonate a Sith? Don?t you think they?ll ask some questions??
?They might,? she assented. ?But I?ll have a lot more mobility. And if anyone figures out who I am, I?m all a part of Aiden?s treacherous and Sithly plan, right??
Chuckling, Carth grabbed his own brown robe and pulled it on over his head. ?You?re certifiably crazy.?
?You've got that one right,? she grinned. ?Now face the other way so I can change.?
Carth obliged her. ?So if you?re planning on more mobility today, what do you plan on doing with it??
?We?re going to look for your son,? she replied. ?Not that I don?t trust Aiden to help you out, but he?s got a busy schedule of backstab avoidance.?
?Yeah.? He was quiet for a few moments. ?I haven?t seen him in years. He?s probabl
I love how you ran with the encounter with Dustil. You are making the Sith and friends seem a lot more human.
Oh, Dustil! Get away! I found Leiyara and Carth cute there in the beginning. And Dac, nice fellow. It's weird seeing the Sith like this. Great post, DWH.