Before The Blue Side of the Force: Book I- Complements (9/28 - to find a mysterious planet)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Commander-DWH, Aug 15, 2005.

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  1. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    The Jedi, it seemed, were not only masters of the Force. They appeared to have cornered the market on enigma and general vagueness, as well. I loved this line too.

    I'm glad someone else felt like they were going around in circles for hours before finding that blasted grove. ;) Aidan's reasons for taking Canderous were amusing too. [face_laugh]
  2. Crazydan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2005
    star 3
    You're so evil, just like a Sith, to left that chapter on a cliffhanger. Is Aiden going to let the Carthar lives on or kill her after he defeats her?

    Good to know that you're enjoying Art History. I know another one who's taking Art History and she's having troubles with writing Art History papers.

    My Art history class is just like the professor presentating and talking, while he show artworks, drawings or maps/notes on slides, while we just sit and write notes. We can't ask any questions during the presentation.

    That, along with sitting and writing notes for so long and the class being in 10 AM is some good reasons why I tend to fall asleep in Art History sometime.
  3. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    great update!=D=
    i love what your doing with carth and leiraya. it'll be interesting to see where THAT goes... especially since as far as i know kylan ISN'T dead..
    also missions first line about aiden's leadership was great! you managed to capture what i liked about her character with her first line! nicely done!:cool:
    so thank you for the pm and i look forward to see how aiden deals with juhani!
  4. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    Striker: Thanks. :) The paper did, eventually get written, so I guess I'm not all that worse off for having procrastinated... 'cept for the lack of sleep...

    padawanlissa: Thank you!

    Lovely-in-Orange: It took me forever to find that stupid grove! "I've, uh, killed all the Kath hounds, am I done?" "NO! You have not cleansed the taint from the grove!" [face_frustrated]

    But hey, I found it eventually.

    Crazydan: I love a good cliffhanger as much as the next author. ;)

    obi_webb: Hey, all shall be revealed in due time. Can't be showing all my cards this early in the narrative, now, can I?

    And now... I get to go to a meeting. And a class. And then collapse because the paper I wasn't writing while I was writing this kept me up 'til 6 AM. Kids, don't procrastinate. I'm a horrible example.
  5. oqidaun Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 5
    and VIOLA!!!
    I've caught up!

    There are so many thoughts swirling around the inside of my noggin' about this story that it's hard to articulate a review.

    Let's just say, I'm in love with it.

    Beautifully written and so very rich in characterization. WOW!!

    Brilliant work. Absolutely brilliant.

    PM me, throw rocks at me, give me a dirty look--do something so that I know when this is updated in the future.

    =D=
  6. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    This chapter has been brought to you by Procrastinators of Tomorrow, Inc.

    Hahaha! Hey, I didn't know you were a member, too. :p

    He knew they existed, but they were more of a theoretical entity than anything else.

    Carth, you either need to open up to people more, or just talk to those not in the military. But then he did open up to Leiraya, which is a good step. :D Considering Aiden was the only other person he told, but then Aiden seems like the kind of guy you can confide in who won't try to respond with some deep philosophical theory.

    Speaking of Aiden...I think he needs a little help right now. [face_laugh] Come on, Canderous, time to put that blaster to use. :p
  7. Darth_Scroobius Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2005
    star 2
    The Council hadn?t even been terribly specific in its directions. He?d done the runaround for them, he?d memorized the Jedi Code forwards, backwards, and upside down. He?d built his lightsaber with as close to a perfect set as could be asked for, and all they?d told him to do was ?cleanse the dark taint from the grove.?

    I love the implicit commentary on the weakness of the training sequence in the game.

    Enjoyable as always. I'm glad to see Oqi joining us; I thought she might like this one.
  8. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    oqi: Hey! Good to see you've come to join us. :D You are definitely added to the PM list of d00m, and I'm glad you're enjoying my humble little (read: incredibly huge) story. It's gonna be a long ride, although I've been informed that I need to finish it before one of my friends graduates in the spring. We'll see how far Winter Term will carry this little bit of narrative fun...

    Also, as a violist, I feel it is my duty to point out that it's spelled VOILA, not VIOLA. A viola is an instrument one fifth lower and approximately two inches longer than a violin. I always think of this, because when I first switched to the viola, one of my friends said, "Viola... isn't that what French people say when they find something?" :p

    JadeSolo:
    Man, I'm a card-carrying member. Or, at least I would be, if they'd get off their posterior regions and make them...

    Carth is a piece of work, that's for sure. He and I have a love-hate relationship, and my favourite dialogue option in the game is where I get to call him a "lobotomized Gammorean."

    Scroobius:
    I can't resist commentary on the gameplay. It's like, a necessary condition for my writing. :p

    And now, since my class presentation doesn't really want to be done (I know, I know, I'll finish the reading as soon as I've posted)... more Blue Side happiness!

    This chapter is dedicated to the OC Computer Science Major's Committe, since they awarded me a scholarship of $1.26 for Excellence and Valor in the Lab. It made my day, so they get a post.

    Chapter Nine

    Aiden was barely able to block the Cathar?s initial blow. Backpedaling to gain a bit more working space, he held his blue blade cautiously in front of him. The Cathar, however, was not interested in caution. She flew at him in a flurry of strokes, and it took all of Aiden?s concentration to block her attacks.

    Concentration, however, did not seem to keep his mind in check. Let go, a voice seemed to whisper in his ear. You?re thinking too hard- you know better than this.

    Did he? He wasn?t sure, but he did as the voice suggested. Suddenly, the battle came into much greater clarity- he could clearly see the Cathar woman?s plan of action, and he deftly spun out of the way as she hacked after him. Blow after blow he blocked, and he started to take on a more aggressive stance. Slowly, he started advancing forward. Everything Bastila had taught him about using the blade came as naturally as though he had been using it for years.

    Caught up in the rhythm and humming of the sabers, however, he lost track of other elements of the battle. He was so focused on the blades and the patterns of attack that it took him completely by surprise when the Cathar violently shoved him back with a wall of Force energy, knocking him off his feet. He tried to turn his fall into a roll, and failed rather miserably at that task. His flailings did, however, catch the Cathar behind the knees, which sent her down. Before she had a chance to recover, he thrust his lightsaber centimeters away from her throat.

    And there they remained, completely still, for several long moments.

    Breathing heavily, the Cathar eventually let go of her saber. ?You have defeated me,? she said with no small amount of reluctance. ?Now please, just kill me quickly.?

    Aiden pulled the loose saber into his hand with the Force, looked down into her piercing yellow eyes and saw that she was serious. Best to kill her now, the voice whispering in his ear advised. She?s too dangerous to be left alive.

    He did not, however, kill her. After several moments of silence, he asked, ?Who are you, and why are you out here??

    ?I am Juhani,? she replied. ?I was a Padawan at the Enclave. But I? I was always too impatient, too angry. I struck my Master down, giving into my hate. I could not go back, not after what I did.? She closed her eyes and turned her face away. ?And now I see that I cannot even succeed in the darkness. I beg of you- just end me here.?

    See, she kil
  9. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    great update, as usual!=D=
    the fight with juhani was very well done, especially the "voice" aiden heard in his head..
    and i loved the pazaak game! i like how you described the game in the middle of leiraya and missions's conversation. those 2 interacting with each other was something i enjoyed! they play off each other well. kinda a big sister/little sister relationship.
    the system building talk was also quite interesting too!
    again, great job, and thanks for the pm!
  10. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Well, given the sunny disposition he?d observed from the Council members, he couldn?t exactly blame her for the attitude.

    [face_laugh] Awww, looks like Aiden just made a new friend! [face_love] And girl time between Leiraya and Mission - it's nice to know they can just sit around, relax, and gripe a little. :p
  11. padawanlissa Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2005
    star 4
    I love the conversation between Mission and Leiraya. So sweet:)
  12. RK_Striker_JK_5 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2003
    star 7
    Nice update and great little interludes with Mission and Leiraya playing pazaak and the end to the duel. Great little bit with Corellia, too.
  13. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    Nice update. It's realistic how Aiden doesn't quite know how to really fight with a lightsaber at the beginning of the fight. And I like how you describe his instincts and training taking over as the fight goes on. Interesting how you have the voice in his head too.
  14. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    <<?Not so much if you consider the geography- and check your cards, Mission.?

    ?Oh! Right.? She glanced down at the +6 card and ended the turn. ?Sorry.?>>


    Ah...how refreshing. Good, casual banter--now that hits the spot. Just like good coffee. [face_coffee]

    Mmmmm. You do that so well!

    And I'm sorry I missed the last bit. That was my loss.

    Love you bunches!

    >>YoURs qUiTE sIncErELy<<
    The Fluffish One
  15. oqidaun Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 5
    First off, :oops: on the typo. I promise I know the difference between voila and viola--French is my second language and I play bass... Nothing ever looks like it's spelled correctly in caps and in this case I guess it wasn't. [face_blush] Eek!

    Great update. I worry about Aiden out there, though. It seemed all too easy. I bet she's up to something and that little voice in his head isn't helping things either.
    Also, you did a superb job with the conversation over the card game. I loved how you wove the two together so smoothly. Bravo!
  16. Darth_Scroobius Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2005
    star 2
    Excellent work with the fight. That little voice in his head has a very different meaning for those of us familiar with the game. And we know the rules of Pazaak (though I don't think that was in the first one).

    Well, given the sunny disposition he?d observed from the Council members, he couldn?t exactly blame her for the attitude.

    Heh. :D

    It's nice to see a little more of Mission. I know I almost never used her character in the game post-Taris, but that wasn't due to any her defects in her character; she just didn't match my rampaging-barbarian playing style.
  17. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    Hey, I came back and like, almost everybody replied! I'm so spoiled. :p You all support my procrastinating ways.

    obi_webb:
    Thanks! I'm not actually sure how much of the system-building story arc will make its way into this story... but I have big plans for it elsewhere! Stay tuned for details. :p

    JadeSolo: Oh man, never underestimate the value of girl time. I think I'm going to have to build more of it into the narrative.

    padawanlissa: Glad you enjoyed! :)

    Striker:
    I love Corellia. Just thought I'd mention. I have plans for that system. Evil, evil plans. :D

    Lovely-in-Orange: Thank you. :) First real lightsaber fight for little Aiden, and now he's ready to graduate to bigger and badder Sithy people...

    Fluffmeister:
    So good of you to drop by my humble abode. *bows politely* :p You know I'm here any time to service your bantering needs.

    oqi: So long as the distinction is made, I'm happy. :D I just have to give people a rough time about it.

    And why would anything suspicious be going on? [face_whistling]

    Scroobius:
    Pazaak is actually in the first game... in fact, you can play practice games with Mission 'cause she's nice and won't cheat you out of all your hard-earned (or looted off corpses) credits.

    I think we should award Vrook with a congeniality award. Maybe it would improve his disposition.

    An update will be forthcoming after I do my computer architecture problem set. :oops: I actually managed to write a bunch of the next chapter, but as usual, school calls. And I'm getting to an interesting bit, so I'm really having to discipline myself to not write.

    On the upside, my homework is helping me figure out how to start a war via data corruption. More on that later. :D
  18. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    All right, I was gonna save this, but I'm probably not going to post much over Thanksgiving break (we're bringing home the roommate this year, w00!), so I thought I'd hand this one over to the readers before I get busy packing stuff up tomorrow.

    First thing's first, however... Blue Side has not only hit the double digits in chapters, but it has now passed the 20,000 word mark. [face_dancing] And I understand what a Tomasulo data structure is, which is good because sometimes, doing both the homework and the writing don't happen so much. Victory all over. :D

    And now I'm sure you're sick of me talking, so I'll shut up now and let the story speak for itself.

    Chapter Ten


    ?Well done, young Star,? Vandar smiled kindly. ?You have brought Juhani back to us.?

    ?Your actions are to be commended,? Zhar agreed. ?It is the decision of this Council that, having successfully completed your trials, you are now fully one of the Order. It is my honour to present you with these robes, Padawan Star.?

    Aiden accepted the simple brown garment and bowed. ?Thank you, Masters. I will do my best to be a proper Jedi for you.?

    ?You?ll do well to remember your lessons,? Vrook stated with his usual air of sourness. ?These are dark times, and a young Jedi such as yourself cannot be too careful.?

    Dorak nodded in agreement. ?Remember what you have learned, and you will do fine. Think on the story of Revan and Malak, and be wary of where they went wrong. Knowing the mistakes of those who have gone before you can help save you from a dark path.?

    Aiden suppressed a shiver. The tale of Revan and Malak was one that the Masters had pounded into him. Their impatience, their lust for war, and their sheer pride had led them down a terrible road, and taken much of the Jedi Order with them. The fact that Malak was still at large was unsettling to them, but at least he?d taken his Master out of the picture.

    He glanced briefly at Bastila. She had been there, the day they went to capture Revan. Malak had changed their plans, however, firing on Revan?s ship, almost killing everyone. The Jedi had escaped. The great Lord of the Sith, however, had not. And Malak was not as temperate as his Master.

    ?I will honour your teachings,? he said, bowing again.

    ?The Force will be with you, Padawan Star." Vandar nodded his head in acknowledgement.

    ?And with you, Masters.? He turned and walked out of the chambers. Finally, he would be able to do something useful. He wasn?t sure what, or when, but with the state of the galaxy as it was, he was sure it wouldn?t be long.

    ***


    ?The Dark Side is strong in this place. I can feel its power.? A young Jedi- Malak- walked reverently into a large room with stone walls. Another figure, shorter, less imposing, entered with him. The figure was masked. He had appeared in Aiden?s dreams before- it was Revan. Revan remained silent, but went to work at unsealing a set of heavy stone doors.

    Malak continued speaking. ?Is this wise? The ancient Jedi sealed this archway. Once we pass through this door we can never go back. The Order will surely banish us.?

    Unaffected, Revan continued his work, and successfully made the doors lurch open with a grinding moan. He walked forward, into the dark. A strange device sat in the middle of the room. Aiden did not know what it was, but the mere sight of it made his stomach sink. All the while, Malak continued his monologue. ?Are the secrets of the Star Forge so valuable? Can its power truly be worth the risk??

    Revan did not respond. He simply pushed something on the strange artifact and stepped back as it opened?

    ?Aiden, wake up! The Jedi Council wants to talk to you.?

    ?I- what?? Aiden abruptly sat up and looked around, blinking in an attempt to bring the world into focus. His efforts utterly failed, and he collapsed back down on his pillow. ?Can?t it wait ?til later??

    ?You?ve already slept late. Now come on, get up.? Voice. Whose voice? Sounded like Leiraya?s. Opening his eyes slowly, he manag
  19. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    cool, quick update!
    great one too, as usual! :D
    my favorite moment was when aiden bowed to the council and spilled his drink on the floor.... that was good! nice little touch that added a lot to the story.. made it seem a bit more real. if THAT makes any sense!
    also bastila thinking about how the pacifist leiraya was pointless to bring along was good too..
    also, i just noticed, aiden's last name is star? gando star was the name of my kotor oc when i first played the game! what is that saying about great minds commander? ;)
  20. oqidaun Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 5
    ?I see,? Bastila sighed inwardly. It had not been her idea to bring the Corellian along, however, Aiden was right when he said that they needed as many Jedi along as possible. She at least managed to talk him into bringing Carth along. He would at least make himself useful.

    What a brat. :p

    Great update. I've been watching a lot of Firefly lately and everytime I read Leiraya I end up hearing Kalee's voice. It's stuck in my head.

    Great update and congrats on the 20K mark.
  21. Crazydan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2005
    star 3
    Well, I find the line about the "drinking caff before you meet people" and the spilling caff on the ground when bowing to the masters were funny.

    Also, I wonders what will happen when Leiraya and the others meet the "enemy" droids.
  22. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    ?Yes, Masters,? Aiden bowed, but forgot he was holding his cup and its contents made a small splashing noise as they spilled on the floor. Dammit, that was slightly ungraceful.

    [face_laugh] I love Aiden, he's such a goof. [face_love] And it's not just that the masters witnessed his lack of grace - it's that he spilled his caf at all! Caf is precious, you know. :p

    Things are getting very exciting. Dead Jedi body, scary vision, and a test of worth. Yay. :D
  23. Lovely-in-Orange Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 21, 2005
    star 3
    The Masters, thankfully, seemed more amused than anything. ?Perhaps you might consider drinking your caf before you meet with people,? Vrook suggested with what Aiden could have sworn was a hint of a smile. [face_laugh] That's rough though, having to meet with the Jedi Council before he finished his caf!

    Poor combat droids though, even pacifist Jedi are happy to tear them apart! Not that I can blame her. :) Congrats on making it to 20K! =D=
  24. Commander-DWH Shiny Costuming & Props Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 3, 2003
    star 4
    obi_webb: Enjoy the quick updates while they last, I'm gonna get pounded with work real fast once I mosey back on campus, so many happy adventures there. Maybe I'll actually start waking up somewhat early-ish to write since my morning shifts don't exist anymore...

    Glad you enjoyed, though. :p

    oqi: Thanks. :) And I completely approve of the watching of Firefly, though I don't think Kaylee and Leiraya are similar characters. But I guess her voice is allowed to be there, because I do love Kaylee. *starts humming Firefly theme*

    Crazydan: I aim to be funny. ;) Thanks for reading.

    JadeSolo: Aiden is a character and a half. He's fun to write. He reminds me, in a lot of ways, of a friend of mine who's had ten years of dance class, but has this nasty habit of running into things and nearly chopping her thumbs off. Only graceful sometimes. :D

    Lovely-in-Orange: Man, going to meetings while semi-awake stinks. It was my trademark in high school to show up to my first class with a bottle of Mountain Dew every day, and I've continued the tradition. Moral of the chapter? Don't attempt being coherent until you've got caffeine in your system. :p

    Next chapter... sometime when I'm back at school, and don't have a paper breathing down my neck. It's about Revenge of the Sith and I kinda want to title it "NOOOOOOOO0000000ooooo...." Not sure what my prof'll think about that one, though...
  25. DarkMan77 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2005
    star 2
    I agree there, if i don't get my shot of caffeine in the morning, i know i'll be a zombie all day long

    Good stuff Commander, i always found the Guardian droid to be annoying in the game, but you make me appreciate him a little more.
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