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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga - Legends The Book of Gand, Parts 1–3 (mostly OCs)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Findswoman , Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Before I edit this into a longer reply: I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

    Sneaky little girl...
     
  2. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    What Ewok Poet said.

    That Rhak'táan Ancient Reserve drink sure means business. Can I have some of it? [face_laugh]

    I love the contrast between Zuckuss and his brother. It's one of those moments when you feel that Zuckuss was made to grow up for his apprenticeship, but he's not quite a grown-up yet in his head. I also really enjoyed the description of how he slipped into his father's role by adopting his position at the desk.

    And now my questions.

    Would the colony where Zuckuss's mother went happen to be...? I guess we'll find out in the next chapter.

    Where did all the Findsmasters go? Would their prolonged absence have to do with
    the object that was missing from Trynfor's Vault at the end of Part I?
     
  3. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Another deranged, caffeinated review brought to you by Mesipax, the finest source of non-sugar in the GFFA.

    So, first of all, I totally understand why she did that, especially given that they're both young and therefore awkward by default. Heck, if I fell for Zuckuss reading this, why wouldn't she? Sure a young and inexperienced girl will be doing whatever creepy thing she may think of in order to know where the guy is - THEY HAVE NO Facebook, dammit.

    On the other hand, I expected Zuckuss to doubt Okkfel first. The old fool is obviously all about mind games and now, even though he didn't do it, he is either testing Zuckuss' ability to remain at least somewhat calm about it and be as "sacred" as he could be, or he is enjoying it...

    ...then again, why not both? And why not use the illusion that he did it for the earlier? It's Okkfel, Head Elder Kazak's best buddy, after all.

    Love it how Findfolk have a holiday. Also love how the second paragraph of this chapter is also an infodump.

    a few red plasmogen security lamps - I want to know more about these.

    No one was there except a housekeeping droid that occasionally whirred past to dust or sweep. - THIS IS HANDY. WANT. ASAP.

    I love the visuals of the library and I hereby wonder how big it is, if golden and brown are the dominant colours; or if it's completely different from what I am imagining. There have got to be rounded shapes, perhaps even bookshelves reminiscent of the Gands' own eyes. And you know how much I like shelving, even in fiction.

    “Father would exoskeletonize you if he caught you here poking around in his first-edition Mirror of the Mist-Born Light with your big dirty feet up on his field journals.” - This reply really, really stinks, you know? :p And you captured it well, I actually went "eww".

    “Mother was just called away as a ruetsa’iiv to one of those tiny little northern colonies; Gorruss can’t remember which one. She commed him on his way over here and asked him to tell you if he saw you.” He paused and inhaled. “As for Father, he’s at the Great Temple again.” - I have to wonder the same thing Chyntuck did, though it sounds like a wild conspiracy theory. Then again, we're from the Balkans, so because Balkans.

    cerci in a knot - another lovely little detail

    The ego aspect of the Father's anger against his own son, as worded by Gorruss is batsith crazy. IF YOU DO THIS, I'M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB AND MY MEGAHUGE SENSE OF SELF-IMPORTANCE. If true, then...whoa. One can clearly see you've been hanging out with people from one certain part of Europe, a lot. :D

    The above also makes the daddy dad pretty unholy for a Findsman. Don't they have some ethics? Sure, they're not Jedi, but that much of an ego is never good for a Force-sensitive. Sadly, I can imagine who inherited that from him.

    Gorruss used to half regale, half spook his younger brother with stories of the tentacled, child-eating monsters that lurked in the musty shadows—monsters that would grab him and suck the very flesh from under his exoskeleton plates if he cried or complained. - Watch "Car Broke Phone Yes?"...now!

    Love it how the basement is also pantry. And since I am aware of how long the ritual was the problem, this is where I say that you got it just right and that the level of detail is not in dissonance with the rest of the story.

    Knowing that Madman's Tears has some similarities with absinthe and what absinthe is in the Bible and the theories that steam therefrom...that makes me giddy. :D

    I assume we may be getting a romantic moment of sorts in the next chapter. I drooove aaaaaall night, to get close to you...etc. OK, he may also hate her guts at first, or maybe both.
     
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Love the talk between brothers & the Gand-ish expressions, for fo'gs sake and fog and blood. Cool stuff, Finds! If the untrained girl is the source of the mark she has more raw talent than anyone suspects. She really needs to be trained officially. [face_worried] Back on the familial stuff, looks like Zuckuss' father still has issues with his younger son. :rolleyes:
     
  5. Kahara

    Kahara FFoF Hostess Extraordinaire star 4 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    The severity of the Mark's effects has me wondering if that's a normal, possibly intentional effect of the technique. Seems as though it could aid in tracking down a fugitive if they're distracted and disoriented. Another possibility that came to mind is that it's because of who placed the Mark -- something to do with the strength of whatever nascent connection these two characters have in the Force. [face_thinking].

    Anyway, I like how you've described the effects and keep weaving it in here and there. Reminds me strongly of the times that I've had months of vertigo -- something that sounds like it should be like a minor annoyance but can be really disconcerting and exhausting, especially over a prolonged period of time. I don't know if it's intentional or not to have Zuckuss's volatility in some of those later scenes affected by what's going on with the Mark, but I kind of found myself nodding at that because the emotional hair-trigger reactions seemed familiar. When something is regularly throwing off your concentration, it's a lot harder to keep perspective. Every thing that happens becomes that One More Thing that is just too annoying to bear.

    Fascinating development of the Gand Force techniques here; I really like how the sieve/funnel comparison gives us a general sense of what Zuckuss is struggling to accomplish. And it also has that "realness" and feeling of belonging to some larger world that we're only seeing in bits and pieces.


    The conversations between Gorruss and Zuckuss were both concerning and giggle-worthy. I really like how they talk like siblings in these scenes, and Goruss provides a unique perspective as someone who knows Zuckuss well (and not as a mentor) and can see how the feud that seems to be brewing between father and son is having an effect. And the way that Zuckuss periodically seems to have a moment of "oops" when he realizes he's actually been out of line, only to forget it ten seconds later is done really well. It's easy to see that he cares for his brother, but is also miles away with all the problems that have been nagging him. So his social graces have suffered, a lot. :rolleyes: It often seems like he's going with the idea that the best defense is a good offense when it comes to his father and other authority figures, which is trouble on so many levels. [face_worried]

    Already said so in the beta reading, but this was rather true to life. Older siblings are almost certainly the source of some ridiculously high percentage of irrational phobias.


    It's fun to learn something about how the drink is made here. The way that it's very tactile and involves multiple steps probably says something about how the process is as much part of the intended soothing effect as the djelatha itself.



    Probably repeating myself again, but I really loved the imagery in this part.

    And this one! =D=

    Very interesting that it is something linked to Trynfor that leads him back to the source of the Mark. Somebody definitely has a lot of curiosity...
     
  6. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    V & VI. . .

    Three possibilities :

    * The Force has systematically exploited Fengor's insecurities because it can.

    * A Dark Side artifact sits in Trynfor's Vault and poisons those in close proximity.

    * Fengor's own brain is warping an otherwise benign vision.

    OMG

    RUN, YOUNG ONE! I'll hold them off!

    And on that day, school-boy Billy Batson became the hero known as Captain Marvel.

    "Too bad. You should've washed behind your earholes."
    . . .

    These two chapters were incredible. I don't have much a choice but to sound repetitive. You hit that mark of beauty with your writing style and language, you presented us with mysterious lore and culture, grandiosity of setting. . . all that. My favorite part was lil Gand's ritualistic growth spurt.

    He's sympathetic for a protagonist that until now has been reactionary. The cast of characters acted upon him, directly or indirectly, and he in response showed timid submission. He was a child. But not anymore.

    The plot thickens. I hope it doesn't thicken much more before we get some answers.
     
  7. Cushing's Admirer

    Cushing's Admirer Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Book I: Chapter I:

    Wow, this time around the flow and reading was much smoother! =D= You, Ma'am, have the Writer's Touch. Stellar visualization, good choice of details, the explanations of cultural stuff now make sense. Because of how you re-worked this at least at present the family structure and interaction tones don't strike me foreign like they did the first time. I like how your Gands seem almost a mix of faithful religious adherents and mystics together. Respectful of tradition but intuitive. Glad Gand found the holocube. :) I feel a bit bad for green-eyed Gand. Now, I worry his father has shamed the whole family by stealing.

    Book I: Chapter II:

    I may be way off here but I am getting the vibe like there are embedded parallels to Judaism in this. Gand society seems very specifically structured and the most respected are the elite priesthood. At first I was thinking the Pharisees or Sagisees but upon reflection, I think it's the Levitical Priesthood. Particularly with the bright clothing, runes, and metal tones.

    The Uncanny One, is this some prophesied Holy Figure? Is the reason Fengor can't abide his son's accomplishments because he fears he may have the Force or because he finds it an affront the younger born is Chosen?

    Book I: Chapter III:

    I am sorry for some reason the formatting doesn't like me using the unusual names you employ throughout this. I am glad that the Elder Brother is somewhat sympathetic to the Younger One. I do hope Father eventually is humbled and has a change of heart. The Initiation sounds interesting! :)


    Book I Chapter IV: The answer to the riddle is love! Ah, yes, the stubbornness of Age is at times to dismiss the truth and intuitions of the Young. A shame for being child-like isn't the shameful thing many claim it.

    Book I: Chapter V:

    Well, that vision certainly is disconcerting. I hope we don't end up with a battle to the death as seems hinted.

    Book I: Chapter VI and Epilogue:

    I have heard of Zuckuss before but know nothing of him. I hope he'll be all right.

    Book II: Chapter VII:

    I have to admit the ritual that causes the adulthood changes seems a bit drastic and the examiners a bit stern. However my gravest concern is the likely unenviable confrontation with Father.

    Book II: Chapter VIII:

    Zuckuss seems a bit reactive. The Findsmen seems a bit arrogant and snide. If Zuckuss is the Uncanny One as has been indicated twice at least, I do hope someone will finally tell him what he's meant to do.

    Book II: Chapter IX:

    It reads to me that Gands expect talents to be determined by class. I suspect strongly the girl fruit seller Gand and Zuckuss may both have the Force and most Gands seem afraid of the concept as shown by Zuckuss' father.

    Book II: Chapter X:

    Nice to see Zuckuss' kindness emerge into the sun. The lass may be gifted but I am not certain taking her from society and putting her in a temple will really help her state that much. She needs nurturing and affection and patience. Not judgement from all quarters.


    Book II: Chapter XI:



    Somehow I expect you introduced the golden-eyed Gand lass for a very specific purpose. If it is indeed to challenge authority, I hope it is handled carefully for it is not something to be done lightly. What is the Mark?

    Book II: Chapter XII:

    Cushy has caught up. I do hope Zuckuss isn't rushing headlong into folly!
     
  8. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    VII & VIII. . .

    Wouldn't it be "slither"?

    Or Okkfel shall -break- them straight!

    The Master Findsmen at Lhúdanswani are involved in a conspiracy pertaining to the Uncanny One. I imagine it includes a lot of death.

    He's confused as I am.

    Even the Hand of Rescue?

    Aww. ^.^

    I'm happy with Zuckuss' development between chapters six and seven. He's assertive now, and stands up to authority figures who overreach their bounds. Some of that probably has to do with the brain changes brought on by the metamorphosis. But he's still very much the same person, albeit maturing a little and coming into his own.

    In the same vein: you give each character throughout the story, if not their own voice per se, their own recognizable disposition.

    Wow, that's extreme.
     
  9. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    Chapter IX

    *Ruetsavvi. I think.

    If that is a spelling error, it's a peculiar one. I used the search function to find it occurs twice, once here in chapter nine, and later in twelve:

    *Cheers*

    Here I was having soul-crushing flashbacks to The Little Match Girl, but you pulled through and gave us an uplifting yet mysterious turn!

    Well, well, Zuckuss is starting out in the wide world as a professional. An apprentice, but one to be taken seriously. The Ritual of Wayseeking alone could function as a superpower! His blessing of the children mock hunters was adorable. The golden-eyed girl tugged at the heart strings, vulnerable but holding her own in the end. I suppose she saw Zuckuss in a vision.
     
  10. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Thanks to all. @};- Here again I'll probably go piecemeal with replies.

    metophlus, to begin, thanks for pointing out those infelicities; they're fixed now. As for "lest they slithered...," my understanding is that the verb of the "lest" clause has to be the subjunctive version of whatever the main clause's verb is. So if the sentence began, "He feels himself reaching out with his hand...," then yes, "lest they slither..." would be correct, because that's a present subjunctive form to correspond to the present indicative form of "feels." But because the verb of the main clause is "felt," in the past tense, the corresponding verb form for the "lest" clause has to be in the imperfect subjunctive form to correspond, which in this case is "slithered."

    And a note on ruetsa'iiv: it's a fanon word on my part, and it's meant to be the singular of ruetsavii: just a single one of those examiners sent to evaluate potential worthy Gands (as I recall, the word ruetsavii has only ever come up in the plural in official sources).


    ;)

    Better ask Fengor first. :D

    Thanks! This very thing, of course, is a recurring theme in this story. And I'm glad the brotherly chat came out all right, because I have close to zero experience in RL with sibling relationships and was pretty much going by the seat of my pants.

    Yep, this is one of the moments where Zuckuss at least symbolically hints at supplanting Fengor. And he's making progress at it, too, or at least maybe kind of sort of we can take the fact that Gorruss mistakes him for Fengor as a sign of that!
    I have a guess as to what your guess is. Yes, that is precisely where we will find out. :)

    Now, part of that is somewhat of a [face_whistling]. But part of that will be answered in the very next chapter, if I can just get unstuck with it.


    Well, that is part of it, of course. But there's more to it, too. And do believe me when I say she really and truly has no creepy or backhanded motives here. Remember what she says about how she's seen him before...

    Well yes, of course! But also, my idea was pretty much that this would be a "stopped clock is right twice a day" moment for Okkfel; he may be a mind-game-mongering old fool, but he really and truly is surprised that his student has turned up with a Mark. That's not something that happens to most Findsman apprentices at this stage; usually there's no one out there who wants to hunt an apprentice down quite that much.

    That's another way I wanted to distinguish the Findsmen from the Old Jedi Order. We never heard of the latter getting any time off, nor was there any sense that they had any sort of calendar ordering the year for them. And I kind of needed an infodump there, since the Mark hadn't really been explained in the previous chapter (showing up as it did only right at the end).

    Not really all that much to them, I'm afraid; they function mainly just like porch lights here on Earth. (Our porchlight is blue all year round just for pretty; I've seen other houses in our neighborhood switch to red and/or green porch lights at Christmastime.)

    Oh, me too, believe me! Actually, I should acknowledge Chyntuck for this idea, since she has one in Anánke and I just thought that was such an amazingly swell idea. :D

    The mental image I have of Fengor and Otila's library has two inspirations: (a) the library at the house of my late paternal grandmother (which had built-in shelving that went clear up to the ceiling, and it was a tall ceiling), and (b) the library at the Fairy Castleat the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, which is on a sort of tentacly, marine motif and has some bookcases and furniture in organic shapes. Though I agree that brown and gold make more sense for the Ng'xvi-Ta'al-Lhúd library than the blue and green of the Fairy Castle library does, if that makes sense. I also see their being a lot of rounded rooms in general in Gand buildings, and this would most certainly be one of them.

    Thanks! And Fengor is pretty much capable of it, too. :p

    Again, you'll find out about Otila's whereabouts in the next chapter. What Fengor's up to, however, will take a little longer to be revealed.

    Thanks. It was just too perfect not to put in. :p

    I have indeed :D, but Fengor's crazy anger on this topic was part of the story long before that, too. Maybe it's just now it's taking on a new dimension, because how can even the most passing association with the Balkans not have that effect? :p

    They do of course have ethics galore, and of course Fengor's colleagues knew the full extent of his feelings they would make it clear that they disapprove (Otila already has, and Volokoss has indirectly, in much earlier chapters). But this is also the kind of ethical slip (breach?) that is very easy to keep a complete secret from one's colleagues, and no doubt Fengor has by now become very, very good at doing that. And you're right with the black-highlighted bit.

    I'm afraid I got as far as the tentacle-in-nose scene before I just couldn't watch anymore. :eek: But yes, essentially same idea. :D

    Thanks! Glad it came off all right. The detail-to-actual-story ratio is something I struggle with a lot.

    When I first read this, I immediately thought of the "wormwood and gall" verse(s) in Lamentations, chapter 3, which perhaps is not surprising given my background. But after a quick web search I found you more likely mean Revelation 8:11, with the star named Wormwood that fell from the heaven and turned all the water bitter. Although I'm not familiar with the theories around that particular verse, I'd say you're right to be a bit giddy (and I take that as a compliment): the point was indeed to call on earthly wormwood's associations (a) with intense bitterness and grief on one hand (my drink is named for tears, after all) and (b) trippy, hallucinatory mystical experience on the other.

    That, and I was riffing on wine names like Liebfraumilch ("Our Lady's milk," which is a kind of sweet white wine).

    [face_whistling]


    More soon...
     
  11. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Thanks. Coming up with the oaths and exclamations was one of the most fun parts. I wanted them to be things that would fit in with the setting but not be wishy-washy, and "fog" seemed to make sense as a negative, obfuscatory, demonic counterpart to mist.

    You'll get no disagreement from me there! :D Wait and see what happens.


    Oh boy, oh boy, does he ever. And it will escalate later.

    Good questions and thoughts indeed. :cool: My thinking (and remember that authors are no more than critics themselves once their work is out in the open :p ) was that the more Force-sensitive one is—or, as the Gand would say, the greater a person's talent in the Mists—the more this sort of Mark would affect them. In other words, the fact that Zuckuss is having those reactions is precisely because he his own mystical talents sensed the Mark (though he didn't know at first that that's what it was). Someone not Force-sensitive would not have such reactions and would thus not have any warning that someone had marked him or her, if that makes sense.

    To draw a rather off-the-wall comparison, it's kind of like an immune response, like the coughing, sniffling, sneezing, etc. during a common cold; those symptoms, while darn unpleasant, means your immune system is functional and is detecting incoming germs as it should. (Or at least that's my understanding of that sort of thing; I'm not a biologist or doctor or anything like that, so if I'm wrong about any of that those who know can feel free to correct me.)

    Exactly the idea. I have a close colleague who's prone to vertigo, and from what he's told me that's his experience too.

    Indeed, and all the more so given how volatile Zuckuss can be even when he's not Marked!

    Thanks! When I wrote this I thought back to the times I used a sifter to sift flour when baking in my grandmother's kitchen. It takes a long time.

    Thanks so much once again for your reassurance on this point! Again, I have little to no experience with siblings, since I'm an only child, and I wasn't at all confident I was getting the vibe right between these two. But I just tried to see it as something similar to the way one would talk with a very old childhood friend with whom they used to get into scary or silly situations together, and went from there. Gorruss does have a unique perspective on the conflict between his father and his brother, and it's the sort of thing does and will mean a lot to Zuckuss even if Zuckuss's rather spotty social graces often keep him from acknowledging it.

    Gorruss is also supposed to be sort of an anti-Fengor in some ways. Because he's more easygoing and humble in general, he has far less invested in all these ancient hereditary titles like Guardian of Trynfor's Vault (or perhps that cause and effect relationship works the other way round). Note that Zuckuss's status as the Uncanny One means that Gorruss will never get to be the Guardian—and Gorruss is completely OK with that. Which of course is the polar opposite of Fengor's attitude.

    An apt observation, and I imagine that same thing is at work in Earth tea ceremonies and the like. :cool:

    Thank you, and once again, I'm glad that sequence came off well—I don't have a lot of experience writing "trippy" scenes like these, and this was a bit of an experiment.


    [face_whistling] [face_whistling] [face_whistling]

    Oh yes indeed. Remember that cat... :p

    Thanks again, all, for being such a fantastic bunch of readers! @};- I'll pick up with the remaining comments tomorrow, and if no one minds I may go out of order: Cushy in one post, and then all of metophlus's in another.
     
  12. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    But after a quick web search I found you more likely mean Revelation 8:11, with the star named Wormwood that fell from the heaven and turned all the water bitter.

    The first rule of knowing EP: EP knows only one thing from the Bible by heart and it's that one. And she sees it everywhere.

    Not going to discuss other points, I want to be surprised. :D
     
  13. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    I guess it's kind of a mix of the first and the third, but mostly the third, combined with the fact that the child's raw talent is working overtime and warping things too, for both him and his dad. Who knows but that might have contributed to making the vision extra disturbing for Fengor, too? If it hadn't been for his son's consciousness breaking in, Fengor might have maybe done nothing more than just stand there and reminisce. I kind of like leaving details like that open.

    Hmm?

    Pretty much. :D

    Tee-hee. :D

    Why thank you—I appreciate that compliment very much coming from you. :) For help the scene with the ritualistic, Trynfor's-Waters-induced growth spurt I owe a particular debt of gratitude to my first beta reader, Beedo (unfortunately not a member here), who employed his biology knowledge in helping me work out a lot of the technical and biological details.

    Wasn't it Nabokov who wrote that children are conservative? Though he was talking about something completely different.

    Well, on Gand, when you're a child and under the care of your parents and elders, showing timid submission is just what you do. But things are indeed changing for him now. As you probably have already seen, his submissive and assertive sides are in a bit of an uneasy balance, if they're in balance at all. And much of that is due to the disconnect of still having a very youthful mind and spirit inside a grown-up body.


    That you may have to judge for yourself. But the answers will eventually come.

    A heads-up or the next couple sets of comments: Any point that I don't quote below is just because it had to do with a typo that is now either fixed in the text or addressed a few posts up.

    And he probably would have tried, too, if Volokoss and Luyen hadn't also been in the room.

    Jein, as the Germans say... on one hand this might be one of those things you'll have to have to judge for yourself as the story goes on, but on the other, these teachers really and truly are doing no more than testing and evaluating their student in a way that they and others like them would consider appropriate for one of his talents, with no ulterior motive or cabal behind it. Also, given that Zuckuss will eventually have to leave his homeworld and I will probably have to write about that at a later point, I figured this was as good a time as any to at least put that on the radar.

    Who wouldn't be under the circumstances? :D

    Oh, no one is capable of not being distracted by the Hand of Rescue—that's the whole point of it. If your Findsmaster wants you to come out of your meditation, you come out of it. That doesn't count as a distraction. If that makes sense.

    Aww. ^.^
    [/quote]

    A stopped clock is, after all, right twice a day.

    Thanks, and I am glad the development is making sense. Part of it is of course due to the Waters, but part of it is his own personality: that semi-impulsive streak was always there, and it will never quite go away no matter how much he matures.

    In the same vein: you give each character throughout the story, if not their own voice per se, their own recognizable disposition.

    Thanks! I am glad that came off all right, because it was something I worried might get a bit lost in the "mental conversation" scene (which itself was kind of an experiment).


    Hey, learning the Sacred Trade is no walk in the park! :p

    This is something I wish I could have done to those who tormented me as a child! Of course, with my luck, I would have gotten talked to and punished for it by authority figures. This girl is lucky the closest authority figure is a youngster himself.

    Thanks! I suppose that story may have been somewhere in the back of my head in writing this character, since their situations have similarities. I drew here on various waifs of story from "ragged" fairy tale characters like Cinderella, Gretel, and Cap-O'-Rushes to Mignon from Goethe's Wilhelm Meister's Apprenticeship and Consuelo from George Sand's eponymous novel.

    Indeed he is, and his teachers will learn that too.

    It's a power I wish I had, for certain—I have a terrible sense of direction! But the idea is that it's one that any Findsman apprentice can learn; finding one's way is a type of finding, after all.

    Thanks. :) That bit was a bit of an afterthought; originally the children were just milling around the market, but I figured, why not make them mock-hunters along the lines of chapter 1? And with that came the opportunity not only to have Zuckuss to recall his own mock-hunting days, but also to to show that he's "on the other side of the desk" now. And that he doesn't totally know what he's doing on the other side of that desk.

    Thanks! That was basically the exact way I wanted to portray her, so I'm glad it came off.


    Keep reading, keep reading... ;)

    Thanks again for you comments—one more quick batch tomorrow (Cushy), and I'll be all caught up. @};-
     
  14. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    And now, last but most definitely not least. Cushing's Admirer, I'm very glad to have you among my readers, and I really appreciate your taking the time to read and offer your perspectives. @};-

    Thanks so much! I'm glad to hear things made a little more sense the second time through and were not too confusing. Achieving that balance has been a challenge from the day I started writing this, and the danger of confusing one's readers is definitely one of the liabilities of writing in such an esoteric corner of any fandom. (But oh so worth it, IMHO!)

    That kind of juxtaposition of tradition and intuition seemed to be characteristic of the Gand, and especially the Gand Findsmen, from the first time I read about them: their techniques are obviously longstanding & time-honored, yet flexible to still be effective in finding things & people in the here & now.

    I felt bad for the green-eyed boy too, because with or without family shame, it's rough on a young person to learn that the elders they respected were breaking the rules. So I made sure one of the nearby adults offered him a reassuring gesture.

    That influence definitely could have made its way in there, because I borrowed from a whole mishmash of religious traditions in writing this. Between the naming customs and the Findsmen order, Gand always seemed to have a very clearly defined hierarchy, and it made sense that the levels of hierarchy would be extra complex the higher one went in that hierarchy, if that makes sense—much like the priests and Levites.

    Yes, that is about what the Uncanny One is in this story: a prophesied figure who will supplant the Guardian of Trynfor's Vault (in this case, Fengor) by revealing the Treasure hidden in that vault. Fengor has definite pride issues that do indeed lead to his considering it quite an affront that the Uncanny One appears to be showing up on his watch. (Now, note that the Uncanny One is by default not the first-born: that's explained in the brothers' conversation in chapter III, and then their conversation in chapter XII expands on things further still.)

    Yep, I know I kind of played fast and loose with the accent marks in this; I've always rather likes diacritic marks, and I think part of that must date to my early readings of Tolkien, who plays fast and loose with them too. I felt that it would be good for our young hero to have a male familial figure who was sympathetic to him (alongside his mother, of course); see also what I said a post or two up about the elder brother, Gorruss, being a sort of "anti-Fengor." And I just love any chance I get to write about interesting alien ceremonies—another thing that drew me to the Gand, since they give the impression of having so many of them!

    ;)! One thing about the age vs. youth dynamic, which you're very right to pick up on: Ussar is the more reactionary of the two examiners in this scene, yet he's supposed to be (and I hope I effectively portrayed him as) the younger and slightly less senior of the two examiners. And yet he, not the older Stavrien, is the one who dismisses the young initiate (and then has to eat a bit of crow after he hears how the song actually goes). So maybe that kind of patient respect for the intuition of youth is something that has to come with age and experience—or at least with a certain kind of age and experience? Just brainstorming here. :)

    At this point I can answer this only with "[face_whistling]." But disconcerting was indeed the point, to put it lightly—this is sort meant to kick off the whole father-son conflict that's going to hang over most of the story.

    Whether he'll be all right is something you might have to judge for yourself as the story goes on. But it would be churlish of me to make things too hard on him! This story is supposed to be by way of his origin story, chronicling his years on Gand before having to leave there and head into the wider galaxy as a bounty hunter.

    It is indeed drastic, and they are indeed stern—again, the Sacred Trade of the Findsmen is not meant to be a walk in the park! For all the fascinating things about Gand, there always did seem to be a slight harsh edge to them that I don't want to ignore in this story. But it's just an edge, and one that I believe doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with the sympathetic guidance that Zuckuss so dearly needs at this point in his life.

    Book II: Chapter VIII:

    Zuckuss seems a bit reactive. The Findsmen seems a bit arrogant and snide. If Zuckuss is the Uncanny One as has been indicated twice at least, I do hope someone will finally tell him what he's meant to do.
    [/quote]

    There's tension and reactiveness on both sides: Zuckuss has to sublimate his raw talent to the discipline of his temple teachers, and the teachers have to adjust to his raw talent, which they may not be used to. It will take a bit of time—but note that even now he's starting to get a sympathetic authority figure out of it, in the form of Volokoss. (And Luyen too, in a more distant way; I guess she turned out to have a few overtones of Prof. McGonagall!)

    As to what he has to do, he'll find out in time, but it will take a bit of time.

    Yes, partly, though it's one of those things where the cause and effect could work either way, and (at least in theory) Gands even from the poorest, lowest-class areas have the opportunity to earn recognition for their talents if they achieve something significant enough (see, e.g., my story "The Chronomaker and the Findsman" in the summer OC challenge). My idea on the Force in this story is that all Findsmen have it—indeed, that the tradition of the Findsmen is a Force tradition like the Jedi, Sith, Witches of Dathomir, etc. It's just that this particular Findsman apprentice has an exceptional amount of raw talent in his Force tradition—that is what marks him as the Uncanny One and it's a large part of what his father's afraid of.

    He is indeed meant to have a "better self" that shows itself from time to time, albeit inconsistently. I see your point about taking the lass to the temple, but here's the thing: given the way her parents apparently have been treating her (note her mother's scolding and the harsh punishment of turning the compost pile—something I even have trouble doing!), she may indeed stand to get more nurturing, affection, and patience at a temple than at home. The temple is a place where her talents are more likely to be understood and appreciated than at home.

    It's true, I did introduce her for very specific purposes, which will become clear over the course of the story. Findsman's Mark is the creation of Gamiel and is described in one of his Fanon Thread posts (under the heading "Fanon regarding canon traditions"). It's a mystical technique for marking a thing or object to be traced and found again later.


    Ah, you shall see, you shall see! (If I can get my rear in gear and throw this next chapter together, that is! :p)

    Thanks so much once again for your thoughtful comments, and again, I'm glad you're here! :)
     
  15. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    And here I thought Zuckuss had loads of relevant things to report! Findsmaster Volokoss must hail from "the good ole days" when even a minor scouting mission meant grand adventure.

    "You should've scared the parents into treating their daughter better!" - Gut Response

    Volokoss is a good, wise Findsmaster. If only he had been a part of Zuckuss' life sooner.

    I agree with the spirit of what he's saying, but I disagree with him in this specific case (for reasons Zuckuss goes on to explain internally in the next paragraph). A warrior must be extra careful when and where they intercede in the lives of civilians, especially on a domestic level, else they trigger a toxic status quo. The line between justifiable exercise of power and abuse of power is often all too subtle.

    But come on, that little girl was trapped in rotten conditions.

    . . .

    *reads the rest*

    That cliff-hanger's going to drive me "mad"! Where are Volokoss and Luyen? What is up with little Viurraanvi?

    Well. I'm caught up. Please update soon.
     
  16. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Sure, I suppose there might be a generation gap here—these young 'uns have overly high standards for what constitutes "relevant" and "adventurous," that kind of thing. Another thing here, though, is that Zuckuss is being a bit secretive, if for no other reason than that he's rather perplexed by what he saw.

    Alas, if only it worked that way. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and even honey doesn't always work in the case of stubborn coots like Lekli and (probably also) the elder Viurraanvi. (I have more on them in some old notes.)

    Zuckuss has indeed been in need of a kind, caring father figure for too long. Was the damage done too early? That's another thing I leave to my readers. (I like to leave a lot of things to my readers, or try to.)

    Well yes, of course—one is indeed supposed to disagree with him on that point, and for those very reasons. That line you mention between the justifiable exercise of power and its abuse is exactly what Volokoss is extremely—overly—wary of crossing, and that might be a corollary of the extreme strictures Gand society places on any kind of self-exertion. But then it leads to him giving his student this rather "off" advice about not intervening. It is indeed meant to feel "off"—we're seeing a bit of the dark side of the Gand ethic here.

    Answers to those questions will come, at least in part, in the next chapter. See below, however...

    I will try my best, I really will. The thing is, though, thanks to very hectic real-life conditions, my updates often end up being few and far between, and recently they haven't been happening much more than once a month or so (though I would like to change that and make it every two weeks or so if I can). So all I ask is that you (and all my readers) bear with me, and I'll try to make it worth your (all of your) while. :)
     
  17. Admiral Volshe

    Admiral Volshe Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Review!
    I literally just binge-read this entire thing. I could barely put it down for 3 hours!

    Mechanical - will reread and find exact instances. The only issues were that the boards ate some spaces and commas, plus one instance where "they" was capitalised in the middle of a sentence.

    Comments - WOW!!! If you ever write a original high fantasy book - or a SW one - I will be waiting outside to buy it for the midnight release. :D The genre is perfect for this story and you write it so well. Your imagery is vivid and beautiful, the colour palette is great, and the mysterious mood and mystical aura of the entire thing is divine. The way you so gently reveal things about their culture and legends is amazing. It's just like the mists (those beautiful mists) you describe.

    Really, reading this is like watching a great work of art being painted before me. Everything is lifelike, vivid, colourful. The suspense is wonderful. The dialogue is great. It pulled me in and held me tight!

    Zuckuss is one great character. I love how you're developing him through all these trials. Each one has been great, too. I have a feeling they are all going to link together, somehow. The Mark and the prophecy(?) of the Uncanny One, along with his exceptional abilities make him very interesting. There are so many layers to him and his future, and I can't wait to see them all fleshed out!

    Viurraanvi is mysterious, but I am hoping that she is back again some time. She intrigues me quite a lot. I'm also wondering what happened to the two of his mentors - they were my favourites! The other characters are so, so, so well written. I love how you were able to intertwine all the different backgrounds and legends into everyone's character. It makes them feel very realistic. Every one of them is strong and brings only good things to the story!!

    I can't wait to keep reading this, and thank you! If you could please tag me, that would be excellent!!
     
  18. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Admiral Volshe, thanks so much for reading and commenting—it's lovely to have you on board! I've taken too long to respond to your kind comment, for which I sincerely apologize. And I'll certainly tag you (the next chapter is on its way soon).

    Thanks for the heads-up about the boards-induced formatting blips. If I ever get around to throwing an e-book of this together, or at least of the individual parts, I'll give everything another look-through just to make sure nothing like that makes it in. The mid-sentence capitalized "They," however, is intentional: it's in reference to the Mists, which of course have deity status in Gand culture.

    These are such incredible compliments, and I really appreciate them, because they reassure me that I've managed to get the atmosphere of this story in the right place—so thank you. @};- The high-fantasy approach is always at least in the back of my mind with this story, I guess, probably thanks to early readings of fairy tales and of Tolkien and to my own personal interest in the cultural history of the past. Your comparison to painting is so neat, because that's close to how I see it—I have these vivid images of this world and these characters in my head, but because I'm not good with painting pictures I have to resort to "a thousand words" (and occasionally music).

    Here, too, thanks for the reassurance, because I occasionally angst to myself about whether he's coming across believably (well, as believable as a Human-sized insect can :p ). I don't want him to be too whiny, or too Anakin-like (not because anything's wrong with Anakin, but because Anakin himself is already Anakin and Zuckuss is a different character), but nor do I want him to be perfect. Above all I want to get across the ongoing tension between Zuckuss's desire to be a good, proper Gand Findsman and his streak of arrogance and temper that keeps bursting out. I'm glad to to know that the prophecies, legends, etc. aren't too hard to follow (at least for now), because they will indeed resurface and loom large in his character.

    Just watch this space—you won't have to wait long!

    Oh, now, thank you. :) Really, there isn't a character in this that I haven't enjoyed developing with and writing, each in a different way—even the less sympathetic ones like Fengor and Okkfel, because even they have aspects of me in them.

    Again, thanks so much for joining the readership. I most certainly shall tag you! @};-
     
  19. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    And finally, after only three-plus (!) months of "DRL 1, Finds 0," a new chapter! Many thanks, as always, to Kahara for her invaluable beta-reading help.

    WARNING: Character death.

    Tags: Admiral Volshe (let me know if you'd like to be added to the list).


    Chapter XIII

    Storms were brewing in N’xid. Blue-gray storm-fogs churned angrily in the sky. A brisk wind buffeted the bronze airspeeder as Zuckuss brought it in to dock near the hoverbus shelter at the colony’s edge. Quickly he disembarked and performed a Ritual of Wayseeking. The wind whipped his robes about him as he stood there, concentrating with all his might on the location of the humble cottage with the walled garden. Once or twice he felt the Findsman’s Mark crackle faintly in his left hand, like a feeble surge of electricity in a frayed wire.

    After several minutes of walking into the wind, he arrived at the gardener family’s cottage. All the windows were dark. As he came closer, he could see that one window was broken and that the front door was ajar. He paused by it for a moment and listened for any sound of life. There was nothing.

    Then, keeping one hand on the vibroblade in his pocket—he was not yet authorized to carry energy weapons—he pushed the door open and crept inside.

    He was in the main living area of the house, and even in the dim light his natural ultraviolet vision could pick up all the signs of a violent struggle. All the furniture—a few simple chairs and tables—had all been either shoved aside or overturned. An antique neuro-lamp lay shattered on the floor, its remains mingling with those of the broken window and crunching unpleasantly underfoot. There was still no sign or sound of life.

    Still gripping the weapon in his pocket, Zuckuss proceeded into the kitchen. There, too, violence had been done: the benches were toppled, and the floor was covered with pottery shards, food slops, and garden waste. But the most horrible sight of all was that of the two forms that lay motionless at weird angles against the table, their mandibles and eyes frozen open in shock.

    Even after his single previous visit, Zuckuss could recognize them instantly as the mother and father of the gardener girl—Lekli and the elder Viurraanvi.

    He came closer and examined them both. Out of habit he put a claw between the chitin plates of the mother’s wrist to feel for a pulse, only to withdraw it as he noticed the charred hole in her thorax—and in that of her husband. Both had been shot with some kind of powerful blaster.

    Then his eye fell on something sticking out from under the father’s side—a strip of fabric, it seemed to be, though he could see no specifics in his ultraviolet vision alone. He took a flashlight from his pocket and leaned in for a closer look. The Mark twinged again as he did.


    It was a scarf of soft green fabric, threadbare in several spots, and the golden-yellow embroidery adorning it was beginning to fray.

    Snatching it up and drawing his vibroblade, Zuckuss rushed into the back rooms of the house. There was no one there: both the child’s quarters and those of her parents were undisturbed. He hurried back to the kitchen and out the back door to the garden. He was too angry, too agitated to notice that the wind had grown stronger and that the air had become heavy with imminent rain.

    “Viurraanvi!” he shouted.

    There was no answer.

    “VIURRAANVI! ANSWER!”

    Again no answer except for a brief tingle from the Mark. Zuckuss pocketed the vibroblade and glanced about the garden. Other than the darkness and the rustling of the leaves in the wind, everything seemed more or less as he remembered it from his previous visit—though there was now a faint light coming from the glasshouse in the far corner. He ran toward it, not minding the plants he was trampling. Out of the corner facets of his eye he noticed that there was no longer a planter hanging by the door.

    The dim, guttering glow of a single plant light shone from within. Zuckuss stood on tiptoe and looked inside, but from ground level it was difficult to make out much else besides the lush masses of purple-leaved plants and the heavy, white-gray steam-mist that hung all around them. He climbed up the neighboring garden wall and peered in through a hole in a cracked ceiling pane.

    There, sitting on the dank, dirty floor amid a press of plants, was the gardener girl, the young Viurraanvi. She was in a meditative position, with her eyes closed and her hands clasped in her lap. But she was trembling violently, as if in the throes of intense emotion; her mandibles were tightly clenched, and her shoulders and hands gave occasional sharp twitches. Zuckuss felt his own hand twitch too as the Mark sparked anew with pain.

    “VIURRAANVI!”

    There was no response, so wrapped was the girl in her grief-stricken trance. Zuckuss noticed that something was sitting beside her on the floor: the small planter, now filled with curling purple-blue leaves and three bloom stalks.

    He knocked again on the glass. Still nothing. The wind blew colder; a few raindrops grazed his antennae.

    He jumped down from the wall and rattled the door handle. It was locked, but he kept rattling.

    “VIURRAANVI! IN THE MISTS’ NAME! OPEN!”

    Zuckuss was about to draw his vibroblade and force the lock when a light came on in the cottage, followed by the sounds of motion. Quickly he scaled the wall again and clambered along it till he was hidden by a nearby treetop.

    Three figures, wearing the garb of Findsmen and carrying various energy weapons, emerged from the cottage and began to investigate the garden. They were speaking to each other in muffled tones, but the rustle of the wind kept Zuckuss from discerning anything more than the occasional whispered “She must be out here” or “This way!” or “May it not be too late!”

    After a few moments one of them noticed the light in the glasshouse and gestured to the others, who followed. Another one pocketed its blaster, drew a knife, and began to pick the lock. That one, Zuckuss thought, looked a bit hunched . . .

    And indeed, in the dim glow emanating from the glasshouse, he could see clearly that it was none other than his own long-absent Findsmaster, Volokoss Ratokk, and that Findslady Luyen Dzi’kel was beside him. He could not yet see the third figure, which hung back several steps from them, holding a shockstaff at the ready and casting cautious glances about the garden. Only once Volokoss had gotten the door open and had gestured to his colleagues to enter could Zuckuss finally see who it was. What he saw made him shrink farther back into the foliage.

    It was his mother, Otila Khassvani.

    Zuckuss remembered what his brother had told him: she had been called away as a ruetsa’iiv to one of the smaller northern colonies. Apparently that small northern colony was N’xid, and the other two members of the ruetsavii-tí’kaa were his two mysteriously absent mentors. All of them had left their accustomed abodes in order to examine none other than the golden-eyed gardener-girl of N’xid, young Viurraanvi. The thought of it gave Zuckuss a certain small measure of pride, even now as he was struggling to hide from his mother’s sight. For he, after all, had been the one who had first brought this extraordinary youngster to his teachers’ attention.

    Young Viurraanvi still sat there, meditating and sobbing. Zuckuss watched as the three ruetsavii approached her, stowing or laying aside their weapons and whispering among themselves. After some time, Luyen knelt quietly beside the girl, laying one hand on her head and the other on her narrow shoulder. She began to whisper in the girl’s earhole in the dark, mystical language of the Book of Light, and each of her words was like a distant thunderpeal through the swish of the wind. For several moments she stayed there, whispering, but the girl remained in her trance. The Hand of Rescue was not working.

    Luyen gestured to Otila to join her, and they applied the Hand of Rescue together. For another several moments nothing happened. Both whispered to her together in chant-like harmony. Still nothing happened.

    Suddenly the girl shuddered violently, her arms flailing and her head jerking backward. At the same time a surge of pain shot upward from Zuckuss’s Marked hand. He ground his mandibles, barely stopping himself from crying out as it coursed through his left arm and all the way up to his brain—where it exploded in a firestorm of horrible images . . .

    * * *

    The door bursts open. They dash in, both clad in gray tunics marked with a crest—the governor’s crest—with blasters and vibroblades drawn.

    Father approaches them. Before he can so much as offer greeting, one grabs him, the other holds a blade to his throat.

    “You—you—by the Mists, let go!” The sturdy gardener struggles to free himself. A brutal scuffle ensues. Furniture and lamps crash to the floor.

    The struggle carries to the kitchen. Benches are toppled, crockery shatters, blood spatters as the intruders’ keening blades graze chitin and flesh.

    Mother rushes in. “What is this?!” she screams. “Let him go!”

    She grabs her husband to pull him free of his captor, but the second of the two intruders is too quick for her. With a shriek of “Quiet, female!” he puts a blaster bolt through her thorax. She collapses sideways onto the corner of the table.

    Just then: “THERE SHE IS! THE GIRL! GET HER!”

    In an instant one of them is upon her. She wriggles and screams in his clutches.

    “You scum, if you lay one hand on Viurraanvi’s daughter—”

    A bolt of green light, a screech of pain, and Father too is silenced.

    “And you, you little worm! You’ll suffer for what you did to the governor!”

    “Viurraanvi didn’t—” Her words are cut off as her captor grips her higher on the around the neck—but his grip loosens again as she digs all three of her mandible pairs into his wrist.

    “LITTLE FOG-BORN SAVAGE!” he shrieks. She wriggles free. He grabs her by her scarf, but she pulls away, leaving it in his grip, and runs as fast as she can out the kitchen door and into the garden. He and his fellow run after her, crushing underfoot the orderly rows of plants beneath heavy boots.

    “Get back here, you little—”

    But she has already reached the glasshouse. The door slams shut, a metal bolt falls, and the girl disappears into the thick mass of plants. The governors’ agents pound angrily on the transparisteel panels.

    “Get out here! NOW!”

    She gives them no answer. For several minutes—a near-eternity—they pound and shout. She remains silent, retreating deeper into the leaves so they cannot see her trembling.

    At last they give up and leave, and she is all alone. Overwhelmed with exhaustion and grief, she crumples to the wet, dirty floor and stays there. Hours pass. Only once does she budge from the spot—to bring her own little plant, her moonbow orchid, inside from the brewing storm. Then she sinks down again, motionless.

    * * *

    “HE’S HERE!” A shrill cry from below in the glasshouse pierced the air. “THE APPRENTICE! HE’S HERE!”


    Hand of Rescue, Ritual of Wayseeking, ruetsa’iiv and ruetsavii-tí’kaa (related forms of the established word ruetsavii), and moonbow orchids (originally Beedo’s creation) are my own fanon creations and are described in my Gand fanon post.

    The neuro-lamp is the fanon creation of Viridian-Maiden, described here.

    Findsman’s Mark, again, is the creation of Gamiel, described here.

     
  20. leiamoody

    leiamoody Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 8, 2005
    Like your Bastila fic in your Miscellanea thread, I've enjoyed reading this fic as a means to better understand Gand culture. It's honestly difficult to discern where the canon and fanon elements are separated, because the entire world you present here is unified. Zuckuss becomes more real and somehow relatable given the fact his culture and profession might easily be considered inscrutable. But the culture becomes fully realized through your descriptions of the Gand rituals and their significance. Everything here is really...intricate and impressive.
     
  21. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    What a flashback =D= - how horrifically traumatic! But Zuckuss is vindicated and validated in his assertion that the golden eyed girl is talented and she definitely needs to be under the Findsmen's tutelage. The Governor's enforcers are more like gangster type thugs in my opinion. :eek:
     
  22. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    This was all-around amazing (although I say this or something along those lines every time you post a new chapter, so my comment probably lacks originality). There was something very ominous from the first line, and you managed to build it up to such a climax until Zuckuss sees Viurraanvi that I somehow came to the conclusion that she was the one unwittingly causing the storms. More generally, it's impressive how you managed to create the idea that she's extremely powerful and doesn't control her own power, given how limited her direct appearances in this story have been so far. No wonder the Findsmasters decided to go looking for her.

    The other impressive element here is how you depict the might of the bond that has formed between her and Zuckuss -- proof again of her uncontrolled power, but also evidence of your talent to drop the right hints at the right time so that it makes perfect sense to the reader =D= And since she said earlier that she had seen him before, I suspect that the Mists, the Force, Ἀνάγκη or something equivalent is at work here, and I can't wait to find out what. The flashback sequence was masterfully managed, with the masters trying to bring her out of her trance and failing, until we find out that it's Zuckuss's presence that pulls her out of it.

    And jeez. The governor's men are just a gang of thugs -- which shouldn't really come as a surprise, given what we've seen of his son. I imagine that the Findsmasters did something about it before coming here? But also, since Volokoss and Luyen have been gone for a while now, there was a lot more investigating going on that what I can think of. And of course, I'm very curious about that too :D (as I am about the missing object from Trynfor's vault, which I have no doubt is somehow connected to all this).


    Lastly, I'm curious about Viurraanvi's attachment to her moonbow orchid. Whether the object itself or as a symbol for what it represents, it means something important to her.

    ^:)^
     
  23. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Wow. Talking about mixed emotions right here. I could not see this coming. And now I really, really hate the boy at the market. Breathe oxygen and die, you little monster.

    The parallel between the storm brewing outside and the chaos in the Viurraanvi's mind works well together. It's almost as if Findsmen and Findswomen, as well as any other Force-sensitives with significant amount of ability, can change weather. Then again, it's not like this parallel is not present in our world, either...everywhere you, go always take the weather with you.

    The moonbrow orchid thing made absolute sense to me. For some reason, I thought of it as a homage to no one other than Natalie Portman. In Léon (1993), Portman's character first loses her entire family and then the hitman who saved her and all she has when she arrives to the orphanage at the end of the film is a houseplant.

    And, as usual, the way you write colours is incredible.

    Two things that I may not be able to put in words as well as I should:

    1. Your author POV and your characters' POVs are separate and the separation is flawless. There are stories where one can clearly figure out whose POV and the author's POV are basically melting into one another and when it comes to violence, discrimination and similar issues, those stories get slightly, slightly problematic.

    2. You treat death with respect, no matter how violent and painful. These two characters were essentially gun fodder here, but they did not die like the last of the scum.

    If this girl is who I think she is - and by now, it's pretty obvious - then I can...totally see over what she will bond over with her Human friend, as in, what common misfortune they share. :(
     
  24. Kahara

    Kahara FFoF Hostess Extraordinaire star 4 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    It seems like things are really starting to hit the fan in this chapter. Something has had the elder Findsbeings out there on a mission, and I wonder whether they were mainly picking up on or investigating Viurraanvi's plight, or if there is something even more than that going on here. [face_thinking] The brutal reprisal from the governor's henchmen (or is he now an ex-governor?) is a nasty piece of work, and makes me wonder if this sort of thing had happened before. Where there's one thing rotten, sometimes there's more at work...

    You did a really good job of building the suspense before getting to the terrible events at the cottage. As I mentioned earlier in notes, this description here really stood out.

    Okay, so I focus on minor things but by now you're used to that. :p The frayed wire comparison just adds to the sense of a building storm that is already set by the actual weather -- it's as though the Mark has some sort of inherent charge that could be dangerous in and of itself. Which maybe isn't actually the case, but as an emotional metaphor it really seems to work. There's so much that we have just seen hints of with the connection between Zuckuss and Viurraanvi, and then there's the way that Zuckuss has become increasingly impatient and impulsive -- partly because of how confusing and inexplicable the Mark was for so long. Both characters have that kind of "caged storm" potential that seems like it could spark up in an instant and surprise everyone, whether in a good or terrifying way.

    The finding of Viurraanvi's parents is really horrifying, and the minor things make it more so -- like Zuckuss having to check under the chitin plates on her mother's wrist for a pulse, just as a matter of course. It's a little everyday detail that just seems incredibly sad in this context.

    It will be interesting to see how he reacts later, since here he's kind of feeling a moment of vindication about being right after all. I don't think he doesn't care about what happened -- his other reactions hint that he has compassion for Viurraanvi's tragedy here -- but he's still tending to filter things through his own pride. Which is worrying to say the least.

    Repeating my earlier comments to you, but I really liked this section and the idea of the Hand of Rescue; it's the kind of description that causes chills in a "that's really cool" kind of way. And it feels very Gand rather than Jedi in its Force-y-ness, which I remember is something that you mentioned wanting to achieve with the Findsmen.

    :( Poor kiddo. It seems like a really believable sort of irrational reaction to go for the plant -- sure, there's a ridiculous amount of danger for a houseplant but it's like this one last living part of her family and home.

    And of course, now the agents come back when everyone is still reeling. That's bad news...
     
  25. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Some long-overdue responses, since a new chapter is around the corner:

    Thanks so much! I'm so glad to have you as a reader, and I appreciate those kind words very much from such a masterful world builder as you. @};- My objective was indeed to bring together canon and fanon into a unified universe, as well as to bring some clarity to this rather inscrutable character (the inconsistent way he's treated in canon doesn't help). I'm glad to know that succeeded!

    Horrifically traumatic it was indeed! She may or may not be deliberately showing him the scenes of the horror she witnessed, which is a point I'm kind of leaving open to the reader. But yes, whether she's doing so consciously or whether it's just happening, she's definitely got strong talents that need to be developed. If all goes as planned, there may be more of the governor later in the story—there certainly will be more of a certain member of his family whom you may remember from earlier on.

    Thanks so much! She's absolutely still got issues with controlling her powers, issues that naturally might take a bit to resolve—again, that lack of control may be part of what caused Zuckuss to experience the flashback of her parents' horrific death. But in a way the very fact that that happened is evidence of the bond between Zuckuss and Viurraanvi that you point out, just as is the fact that she's able to sense his presence, and the effect his presence has on her.

    You are very right to recall their conversation of a few chapters ago, when she says she's seen him before—and I absolutely agree that "the Mists, the Force, Ἀνάγκη or something equivalent is at work here." (If you ask which one, the answer is "yes." :p)

    Hold that thought about the governor's son—more about that below. For most of the rest, though, the present answer has to be "[face_whistling]."

    You'll see in the chapter to come. :)

    You are absolutely right to feel that way about him. How could anyone else but him have originated this? He will be back—but on the whole he will not go unpunished.

    It's true: the trope of stormy atmospheric conditions that represent an interior state has a long and distinguished history, in literature as well as in music and drama, and it just seemed to fit here. The storm also seemed to work as a portent of the horrific events of the flashback, too. And I may also have had Song of Songs 5:2 on the brain. :p

    I haven't seen that film in a very long time, but I love the idea—one can get attached to plants. Now that I have my own yard and garden I'm getting a taste of some of that like I never did before. If I see one of my plants thriving, I'm filled with pride and joy; if I see one of them dying, it makes me sad. (Also, my mom has always been a green thumb, and orchid growing is a particular hobby of hers.)

    Thanks so much! I love colors. They just have always seemed like one of the most important visual properties of, well, just about anything.

    I'm relieved to hear this, because I don't have a lot of experience writing about violence and death, and I was nervous about how the violent flashback would come off. I went back and forth a lot about whether to include it at all. On one hand, I wondered if it might help the story along in certain ways. On the other, I was afraid that it might seem senseless and unnecessary, as if I were just tormenting my poor characters for no reason or wantonly killing them off, and I really didn't want to give that impression. So a big whew!, and a big thanks!

    Yes, indeed—though they both deal with it very differently too, which has partly to do with the fact that said misfortunes happened at very different times in their lives. If that makes sense.

    The next chapter does clarify more about what the three elder Findsbeings were doing. On the governor, see above—more will be revealed later in the story about what's at work there.

    Again, I really appreciate this, because this kind of suspense-leading-to-violence is new territory for me—good suspense writing is something I've long admired, but this is one of the first places I've really tried my own hand at it.

    Not at all—I love when readers notice "minor things," and heck, who decides what's "minor," anyway? :p As I imagine it, the Findsman's Mark isn't necessarily dangerous in itself (beyond potentially allowing one's enemies to track one down), but remember that this one was placed by someone with wads and wads of untutored, untapped talent, which no doubt adds to the danger. Also, Zuckuss's own talent and Mist-sensitivity is perhaps increasing his own sensitivity to the Mark, and perhaps the confusing, inexplicable aspect of the Mark is adding to that. His volatility and hers are playing off each other, in a way.

    Yep—and he does it half automatically, as something he was trained to do.

    Oh, of course. It's major ongoing issue with him, and one of the biggest contributors to what you so aptly described above as his "caged storm" potential.

    Thanks! I'm pretty proud of coming up with the Hand of Rescue technique, if I do say so myself; I figured that there must be a certain amount of mental and physical danger involved in some of the Findsmen's meditative techniques, and that a teacher would have to have some way of stopping a student's meditation if it looked like things were getting dangerous. Kind of like the passenger-side brake pedal in driving instructors' cars, only gentler and more mystical. And yes, an ongoing concern of mine is to make the Findsmen's "Force-y-ness" distinct from that of the Jedi, so I appreciate hearing that that worked out here—thanks again!

    Indeed it is—see above on being attached to plants. And, again, that will be elaborated in the next chapter.


    Read on, read on!

    And as always, many thanks to you all for reading and commenting. Always wonderful to have you here. @};-