The Brand Spank-M...uh, "In"... New Cantina

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Darth Fatuous, May 25, 1999.

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  1. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    "Self-explanatory." DF said, who was still the GREASTEST BARTENDER IN ALL THE GALAXY DESPITE HOWLRUNNER'S ATTEMPTS TO UNSEAT HIM. THE BEST, YOU HEAR ME?? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!. "I just hope I can get some Gonks in here."
  2. Meave_Antilles Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 1999
    star 3
    Hey DF, if you're the greatest, then can I get a Flaming Hoth Water?
  3. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    "Damn straight, you can!" DF said, and pulle out his special ingrediants from the deep freezer, he held the mixtures with gloves to keep from burning himself. He mixed them with a welding shield over his face, and poured thewm into a quantum armor cup. It fizzed and flamed and the little droplets burned the table. CA arrogantly grabbed it, and drank it. His intestines burned and he collapsed.

    "Oh my Gonk! They killed Antillies! You bast...wait. Does this make me an Admin?"...
  4. Steven Randolph Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 1999
    Steven Randolph, Ewok extrordinaire, walks in. "DF, can you pour me a flameout, with a twist of Mulba Fruit?"

    "Gladly!" DF pours the drink.

    "Wow, I just made that up and you poured it for me!"

    "What can I say, I'm good."

    "DF, you are the greatest!"
  5. Meave_Antilles Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 1999
    star 3
    uh...DF, that would have worked better if it had been CA who ordered the drink but I did.
  6. TK421 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 1998
    Just then a hologram of a Corellian Corvette appeared before Darth Fatuous.
    It is my duty to inform one Darth Fatuous that you have failed in your duties as a Gonk knight
    "And how is that?" questioned the bartender, oblivious to what his transgression was.
    not only did you fail to kill the Ewok on sight, but you actually served him alcohol
    "It wasn't my fault! He posted my actions for me! really, I had no control!"
    well, don't let it happen again. remember, kill Ewoks
    And the hologram vanished
  7. Admiral Maciejewski Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 1998
    star 4
    The great Admiral Maciejewski bursts into the cantina. He is on his quest for 1000 posts. He takes his usual table and talks to DF.

    "Yea know, Howlrunner retired, and now he wants his job back?" the Admiral said.

    "Yea," DF replied.

    "If he never left, this never would have happened," the Admiral replied. The Admiral ordered his usual coffee. He hopes that no incident will happen between Howlrunner and DF.
  8. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    "I'd mop the floor with the twerp!" DF says, ingiting his plaid lightsaber and powering up the Contrived Concept for show.

    "Umm, are you going to kill me," The little Ewok, SR, asks.

    "Weeeeeell, hmmm." DF considers. "Well, I may be breaking a Gonk code of some sort, but I guess I won't kill you until you act up..."
  9. Solraina Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 1999
    star 1
    Solraina walks in.She nods to the Admiral,and orders her usal.
  10. MairohTheWarriorGoddess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 1998
    Suddenly, the doors to the cantina flew open, and in came Mairoh, wearing her usual: black knee-high leather boots with armored greaves strapped onto them; black semi-tight leather pants tucked into the boots; a tight black leather long-sleeve corset that laced in the back; black leather gloves with retractable knuckle daggers on the, well, knuckles; a leather weapons belt; and her trade-mark weapons, a broadsword on her back and a double-bladed lightsaber on her side. She executed a triple-back-flip, bounced off the bar counter, ricocheted(sp?) off the bandstand(which now exists) and came to a 3-point landing back on the bar counter.

    "Thank you, thank you," she said as she bowed to the applause of the cantina patrons. Then she turned around and sat down on the counter.

    "Hey DF," she said, "get me a Verinian whiskey, would ya?"

    "Sure thing," he replied, and whipped her up a red-gold drink.

    "Thanks."

    Mairoh took a big swig of her drink, and turned so that her back wasn't facing any doors or windows.

    Then.....

    <Fear. Fear attracts the fearful. The strong. The weak. The innocent. Fear is my ally. http://indigo.ie/~owenc/maul.gif >

    Mairoh, the Warrior Goddess
  11. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    DF says, "Hey, Marioh, that can't be too comfortable. Why don't you wear something normal?"

    "I dunno."

    "Oh, and by the way, I usually don't allow smilies in my bars, but thatone was just way too cool to yell at you for. Plus, I love that line."

    "Oh, well, thanks."
  12. Steven Randolph Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 1999
    The doors silently slip open, revealing C'ban, full fledged Jedi Knight, Rolacca, Wookiee bounty hunter, Ardan Brassk, leader of a well trained mercenary army, Kathuur, Togorian in the employ of Brassk, and a few other mercs. All are armed.

    C'ban speaks up, "Uh, well, the Gonks'll understand if you don't kill Steven, seein' as to how we were here to protect him an' all. He created us, so we kinda' like him."

    "Okey dokey. Anything I can get you kind sirs?" DF asks timidly.

    "FLAMEOUTS!" the entourage shouts joyously.

    "Comin right up!"



    [This message has been edited by Steven Randolph (edited 05-28-99).]
  13. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    Suddenly, a group of evil Ewoks burst in the door...
  14. Steven Randolph Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 1999
    "Yub, yub, guys." Steven says.

    The leader of the group of NOT EVIL Ewoks halts. "Uh, you already got protection? Well, guess we'll be goin' then." The ewoks leave.

    can somebody tell me how to do that Maul smiley?
  15. MairohTheWarriorGoddess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 1998
    << http://indigo.ie/~owenc/maul.gif = [ img] http://indigo.ie/~owenc/maul.gif[ /img]>>

    <<Except without the spaces.>>

    <Fear. Fear attracts the fearful. The strong. The weak. The innocent. The corrupt. Fear is my ally.>

    Mairoh, the Warrior Goddess
  16. The Lone Ewok Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 27, 1999
    star 1
    A lone Eowk stumbles in, slighlty drunk off of gon-gon juice, lurkig lsurridly for a seat in the bar, "Can I ave same halp are?" He said as he passed out on the bar's floor.

    (if this is too much, then I'll edit it )
  17. Steven Randolph Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 6, 1999
    Rolacca helps the Ewok to a stool. He then notices that there is a Sabaac table in the Cantina. "Arrrrrrrrgggghhhhn!"

    Kathuur speaks up, "Kathuur isss not playing Sabaac with Rolacca. Woookiee alwayssss ssteal my creditsss."

    Ardan Brassk chuckles. "Well buddy, I'm up for a game of high stakes Sabaac. Anybody else?"

    The two walk to the table and start up the dealer droid.

    http://indigo.ie/~owenc/maul.gif

    [This message has been edited by Steven Randolph (edited 05-30-99).]
  18. Merrell Maciejewski Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 6, 1999
    Merrell, the Admiral's beautiful daughter, walks into the cantina. A drunken Ewok walks up to her and vomits on her boot. She picks up the Ewok and throws it out the door, and over tall buildings in a single throw.

    "Hey, DF can you give me a towel?" she asked the bartender. He gave her a towel and she wiped her boot off. She walked over to her fathers table and sat down.

    Ewoks entered the bar. They started to head over to the Admiral's table to defend there fallen comrade.

    "Darn, Ewoks need to watch where they are doing," Merrell said and took out a thermal detonator.

    The Ewoks stood down and left the bar.
  19. Darth Fatuous Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 1999
    star 1
    "Yeah, you're right, SR, all Ewoks are evil."

    "Hey, just a blasted.."

    "Sure, if you insist." DF pulled out a concussion blaster and sshot the fleeing Ewoks, sending pieces of cute, movie-ruining, pathetic stuffed animals all over the bar.

    "DF, could you please wait until they're outside to do that??" The Admiral aks,. pulling some intestines out of his hair.

    "No."
  20. Admiral Maciejewski Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 1998
    star 4
    "Ah, it is a glorious day for the Klingon Empire," an alien said in the corner. "The Gonks are returning."

    "Come again?" DF said.

    "Uh, Galactic Empire," the patron said. "That was what I meant to say."

    Red 3 walked up to him and took the mask off the drunk. It reviled a guy under the mask with Klingon make-up on.

    "TREKKIE!" he exclaimed.

    The Trekkie got up and ran towards the door. The Admiral picked up a metal plate and threw it. It hit the Trekkie on the head knocking him out. They all grabbed the Trekkie and put him it the Trekkie, lawyer, and other annoying things section of the cantina for the patrons to have a little fun.
  21. MairohTheWarriorGoddess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 1998
    Ignoring the 'Trekkie' incident, Mairoh turned to Red3.

    "Well, big part of it is, I don't want to read 89 posts."

    "Ah."

    "Plus, I'm not exactly known for being spontaneously funny. All the time."

    "Ah."

    "I can be, but not always."

    "You said that."

    "Said what?"

    "'I can be, but not always.'"

    "You can be what?"

    "Never mind."

    Mairoh turned away from him, a confused look on her face.

    Just then....

    <Pointless. Oh well.>

    <Fear. Fear attracts the fearful. The strong. The weak. The innocent. The corrupt. Fear is my ally.>

    Mairoh, the Jedi-Warrior Goddess
  22. JEDI Fieg Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 1998
    JEDI Fieg steps over the drunks lying on the floor and heads over to her usual spot, cleaning tables as waitress of this, and all other, cantina!
  23. Sithgirl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 1999
    star 2
    Sithgirl enters this new drinking establishment and makes her way over to Meave at the counter.
    "Whatcha drinking...?" she asks checking out Meaves glass...
    "hmm.... Flaming Hoth Water didn't go down too well last time, I think I'll have whatever is on special...DF?... what would that be?"
  24. Meave_Antilles Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 1999
    star 3
    Well, I think I'll go ahead and pass on the rest of this drink. DF, I'll take a beer.
  25. Admiral Maciejewski Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 1998
    star 4
    As they patrons drank, a group of lawyers came into the cantina. They went up to DF and looked at a computer in the back of the bar. He was running a pirated version of Windows 98.

    "We are sorry sir, but we are going to prosecute you," the lead lawyer said.

    He took out a roll of red tape and started to wrap DF in it...
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