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Saga The Cell (Obidala, Ep. III AU, very dark - Complete. Vignette added July 14, 2005)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, May 13, 2004.

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  1. Jedikma

    Jedikma Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Wow! You completed it!

    Well done! =D=

    Interesting how you went through all the headings again.
    Death, Life, Pain, Faith, Love.

    You know this story screams for a sequel, don't you? I imagine you will hear that from a lot of people. :D
     
  2. StarFighter5

    StarFighter5 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 25, 2003
    Lovely ending, Oba. I'm glad I read this.
     
  3. AERYN_SUN

    AERYN_SUN Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2001
    ?Anakin hurt me like this,? Padmé hoarsely snarled.

    ?Can you figure out the difference?? Obi-Wan demanded, voice clear, apparently unaffected by Padmé?s words, that made tears sting in her own eyes ? much less his. ?I?m still here,? he whispered in finish.


    Oh, I swear, when I read this fanfic, it's like watching a soap opera. I can almost see their expressions, feel their feelings, and see their actions and stuff -- but to me -- it's all in widescreen format.

    :_| :_| Oh, another beautiful line...

    =D= =D= Masterpiece, that's all I can say. I hope there is a sequel in the future, I want to read more =D= =D=

    ~aeryn
     
  4. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Mar 1, 2002
    That's the END????? What, NOOOO! You can't leave it like that. Who opened the door? Do they escape? Do they still love each other?

    You are a vile, wretched creature for leaving us with the cliffie from heck!

    Good job. It was really wonderful.
     
  5. Captain_Solo15

    Captain_Solo15 Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2004
    This is the best written story I've read in years. Professional or otherwise. What a lucious beautiful love story. I'm in awe and pray that you'll follow up with a sequel. I'm intrigued and fascinated to imagine how they would go from a love born in such surreal circumstances to loving each other outside in the real world. I would imagine they would have to relearn how to live and love.

    Thank you
     
  6. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 2, 2004
    Wowzers! It's over? How sweet! Their love grew! [face_love] Great work!!! Totally loved it!!! :D

    I liked how you had it broken down too :) Excellent! Oh I wonder if they still saw each other once they got out? =D= Yippee! Happy ending!!
     
  7. -Erela-

    -Erela- Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 9, 2004
    I seem to be torn between sobbing and squeaking.

    What an incredible, amazing, wonderful story. I love the way each of the headings was repeated in the last chapter. Your narrative style is completely captivating. Dialogue isn't needed to convey the mood of the scene. Your phrases do so perfectly. Don't know how to explain it, exactly, but it works so well.

    Sequal? Please? ::cute, puppy dog eyes::


    -Erela
     
  8. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    DarthIshtar: [:D] I wanted the hope in the ending, to make it easier to swallow. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed, thank you. :D

    Jedikma: I did! :D :p I hadn't originally intended to do the headings, but I decided to semi-recap what had occurred in the story, and show the changes from how they dealt with them then and how they deal with them now. :) I know it screams for a sequel, but really, what I was trying to do was show how they would react when they got outside. :p Thank you! @};-

    StarFighter5: Thank you. @};- :D

    AERYN_SUN: I've been told a lot that people can really 'see' my writing - funny it holds true even in this one. 8-} Thank you. [face_blush] :D There may be a sequel, not sure. ;)

    dianethx: What did they say to each other? ;) What did Padme realize about Anakin? Those questions are, at least, answered, because Obi-Wan and Padme have already dedicated themselves to each other. Still, I know the ending is totally evil. :p Thank you. @};- :)

    Captain_Solo15: [face_blush] Wow, thanks! :D A sequel may be in the future; I just can't say at this point. To me the story feels complete, but I could write more. It would be difficult to translate everything from the cell into the outside world. They'd have a lot of problems coping with simple things, even just being separated. Thank you. @};-

    Kynstar: Thanks! :D A happy ending, sort of, aye? ;) I'm glad you liked how I broke it down, that was a last minute decision. :) Well, considering the rest of the story, what do you think the answer to your question is? ;) What did they promise?

    -Erela-: [face_blush] Thanks! :D At times the dialogue has been harder than the rest, but most of the time, I just waited until things felt right, and the thing just wrote itself. :) I think that's why the chapters took so long. :p I'm glad you liked the repeating of headings - I wanted to show how things had changed, but still remained in some ways. Maybe a sequel. ;) Thank you. @};-
     
  9. solojones

    solojones Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Sep 27, 2000
    I'm sorry that I'm unable to say a whole lot about this chapter like I sometimes do... it's just that I can't think of what to say. The ending was absolutely *perfect*. This has been one of the absolute best stories I've read, and definitely one of the best fics. I have a feeling I'm going to be saving it and reading it some more in the future. Brilliant, outstanding work oba!

    And I think you are right that this story is complete, *but* that doesn't mean there can't be a sequel too. This is its own story, its own part of their lives, but I think there's still another story to be told if you want to. Does that make sense? All I know it, I for one will be craving a sequel if that's what you want to do. It would most definitely be different, but I think it would still be great.

    I can't believe it's over, though. It's like a mix of shock, happiness, and sorrow. I think I know kind of what Obi-Wan and Padmé must feel like at the end of the story. You have consistently done a great job of that, you know, of having the way you write things match the tone of what's happening. It really puts the readers there.

    Amazing conclusion to an amazing story =D=



    -sj loves kevin spacey
     
  10. Light_sider

    Light_sider Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Absolutely perfect in every way. This is so well written that its almost poetry.

    I too would love a sequel, not because the story needs it but because you have written these two characters and their love so completely that I want to know how they deal with the real world, does their love survive (I don't doubt it will), but whats waiting for them?

    Best story I've read in a long long time, definitely best fanfiction ever.

    Great Job!!!!
     
  11. KatarnLead

    KatarnLead Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 5, 2002
    blimey! :eek:

    wow....brilliant!
     
  12. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    A wonderful ending to a beautiful and touching love story. I would LOVE to see a sequel, hint hint.
     
  13. AERYN_SUN

    AERYN_SUN Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 1, 2001
    I've been told a lot that people can really 'see' my writing - funny it holds true even in this one.

    That's a good thing ;) I like to visualize scenes when I write and for me, it's in widescreen format. It's a good technique.

    Hopin' for a sequel,
    ~aeryn
     
  14. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    solojones: [face_blush] Wow! Thank you. :D I don't know what to say. [face_blush]

    No, a sequel is definitely possible, I agree with you. At the moment I have other things that go first, however. I gave this huge sigh of relief when I got done with this, now I have to finish other stories that are WIP. :p I just can't start another yet, and I maybe never will (on this). It would be a good story, and fun to write (and so angsty ;) ), but I don't have the time or energy right now. :p

    Thanks again. :D I really honestly don't know how I did it. 8-}

    Light_sider: [face_blush] I'm so flattered. Thank you. :D As for sequel - maybe, but doubtful, and not sometime soon. :p I'm glad you want one not becauase it needs it, but because you just want to read it. ;) Thank you. @};-

    Burkie: Thanks! :D

    AERYN_SUN: Exactly. ;) That's what I do. :p I visualize it and describe what I'm seeing. I'm glad it works. :D Thank you. @};- (And sequel - maybe, but doubtful, and not soon. :p )
     
  15. sdhfs

    sdhfs Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2004

    that was amazing, loved it
     
  16. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    sdhfs: Thank you. :D




    [edit] I remembered suddenly I had something to ask - does anyone want to volunteer as a beta in case I decide to submit this to the Archive? :p I feel rather ornery admitting this, but I'm curious as to what they would do with it. [face_mischief]
     
  17. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002

    I've been meaning to reply for a while. I just wanted to say that was a beautiful ending to a really haunting, lyrical piece and I enjoyed it very much. While I have a sneaking sympathy with Obidalas because I think there could be something very romantic in an unrequited love between them, usually Obidalas are written to make Anakin look like a psychotic, puerile freak...and it's always a "No WONDER she'd chose Obi-Wan if Anakin is such a jerk", but in this case you managed to neatly circumvent Anakin altogether. The story you produced was simply fascinating. You captured their personalities very well, and I was amazed by the ideas you came up with for their methods of survival, both physical and more importantly, mental. With such circumstances, this love was perfectly understandable and very wonderful. And the ending was perfect. I for one don't think a sequel should be written. I think it would detract from the lovely uncertainty you've left for us.

    Applauds enthusiastically =D= @};-

    Great job, oba!
     
  18. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Well, oba, you did it. You made me read (and like! :eek: ) an Obidala. I really would have said that it couldn't be done. :p (Now if you ever got me to like an L/C . . . [face_mischief] :p )


    It's all beautifully done, dear. LP is right, it's haunting and lyrical. I'm quite impressed with how you kept them both in character under such circumstances, and how believably you spun the whole story. Lovely job. [:D]

    Personally, I agree with my evil twin. That ending was absolutely perfect, in every way. It wasn't at all what I'd expected, but it was just fantastic. The uncertainty is delicious. :D Regardless, this story is quite an achievement. Excellent job. :D
     
  19. Indra

    Indra Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Dec 31, 2003
    What an extraordinary story! I'm truly impressed. Never have read anything like this. You thought up such an unusual setting and wrote it so excellently that one could almost feel what they felt. I read the whole story in a row, because I couldn't stop. I've never before read Obidala because I also found it highly unlikely, but in your setting it's so plausible that even I was convinced. :) This is really original and you deserve all the praise you can get for it.
     
  20. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    LadyPadme: [face_blush] Wow. :eek: Thank you. [face_blush] I guess I wanted to do all the characters justice in the way I see them - strong, mature people. :) Even Anakin I tried to handle delicately, through Padme's eyes; she didn't just get over him. :p The rest - the mental, physical survival - I don't know, I took my time and eventually it fell into place. :) I'm glad you like the ending! :D I really wondered if readers would kill me for that one. But I do like sometimes to do that, to let the reader imagine what will happen - and merely provide everything the reader should know about the characters' personality to guide that. You're not the only one to not want a sequel, either. :) Which certainly gives me a lot to think on! :p Thank you! @};-

    Gabri: [face_dancing] I win! I don't know what, but I win! :D And get you to like an L/C? [face_thinking] I shall do my best. :cool: At some point. :p

    Thank you. @};- I don't know what else to say. :D I'm glad you liked it, I'm glad you thought it believable. :) And you like the ending! [face_dancing] As I said to LP, I wanted all kinds of rooms for readers to imagine what happened next, but I wanted to guide that through what I do show - their experiences, how they've changed, and so on. :) Thank you! @};-

    Indra: Thank you! @};- [face_blush] I'm glad you decided to give it a shot and read it - and that you found it believable. :D I don't think there's much else I can say - thank you. @};-
     
  21. tangled_sphere

    tangled_sphere Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 28, 2003
    Beautiful obaona. I was so curious to see how you would end this wonderful story! :) The Life/ Death/ Love/ Faith/ were beautifully done. We see so much change in both of them. I think I have a feeling the bond will get stronger when they leave. Very poignant when they talk about 'control' and Obi-Wan says the only thing we have control over is our own reactions. Beautiful!

    The door opens....oh it leaves me wanting to know what the universe is like now, what happened to Anakin... I know we already know the answers and I think what just happened to them, does tell the tale. I hope you get this archived, its wonderful!
     
  22. oba_incarnate

    oba_incarnate Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jul 24, 2004
    [face_blush] I guess I forgot to review, dearheart ... forgive me? [face_hopeful]

    Lovely ending, oba -- I said that much, didn't I? ( ;)) I hope you knew that much at any rate, dear -- I ne'er commented, but postponing the actual leave-a-review-for-my-favorite-cyber-template-part usually signals that I have to think a while before I actually get it down somewhat eloquently without going "OMG!!1!! SQUEEAALL!!111!" ... or summat of the sort. Which, you have to admit, I am prone to do.

    I enjoyed reading through the review of the themes you covered in the last chapter. It reminded the reader (or me, at least, reading the last part through for a dozenth time) about what they'd gone through, a situation in which love is more than believable.

    And ouch, the ending. Seeing the light again has to be painful, after so long in darkness. (And yes, I am perfectly aware how pompous-sounding that sentence is, on so many levels.) Physically, I mean, with the dilation of the pupil or whatever, but also otherwise -- to question whether or not their love could last in the real world, rather than the world constructed from their dreams. I would hope that it would ... but I'm in a cynical mood at the moment, I have to admit. ;) How about I tell myself they get a happy ending until the sequel comes out and leave it at that ...

    Anyway, oba, I enjoyed it muchly. :) [:D]


    EDIT: Oh crud. I just realized I was on a sock. o_O Um ... guess who? [face_blush] [face_blush]
     
  23. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    tangled_sphere: Sorry for taking so long to reply! I'm glad you liked the reiteration of the chapter titles. :D You're definitely supposed to be left with a feeling of how things will happen - there is should be uncertainty, but not a huge amount, at least on the level of how they choose to react to the outside world, which I brought up earlier and you mentioned. :D

    I don't know if you'll ever find out (from me) what happened to them, what happened to Anakin. I probably don't have the time to write a sequel, and several have said they think it's fine/shouldn't have one. :p Thank you. :D That is exactly the feeling I wanted to leave you with. Just - thanks! [face_blush] :D

    oba_incarnate: Hello, Elli. ;) Forgiven. ;)

    I'm glad you liked it. ;) I'm also glad, I must admit, that you chose to go for the more coherent reply. :p I love long replies. :D But you knew that already. :p

    I'm glad you liked the repeating of the themes. I thought that was iffy, but everyone seems to like it. :p I think it's part of that trying to show, in some sense, what happened when they got out. :)

    They had been in the darkness so long they literally could not see the light - they knew the door was opening from the noise, not the light. I imagine when their eyes do recover, they'll be visually drinking up everything in sight. :p I'm not surprised you question (cynical mood or not) whether their love would survive. That's a hard question to answer. In the end, that depends on you, on your intrepretation of these characters. :) I'm glad you liked this, Elli, and thanks for reading.

    Thank you. [:D]
     
  24. TheFallen

    TheFallen Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2001
    I want to have your fic babies. ;)



    tf
     
  25. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    Sheltered boy that I am, the only thing that would conduce me to stray from my Beyond the Saga home is a story of yours, Oba. Utterly superb work.
     
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