Saga The Chosen One Rises - Alternate ROTS novel (based off the Stover novel) *Completed*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Skywalker3248, Jun 7, 2005.

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  1. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    ROTS AU

    Disclaimer - As you all know Stars Wars and all its characters belong to George Lucas, he own it, and Matthew Sotver wrote the novel this story bases itself off. I'm just borrowing the characters, they own all rights etc. I'm making no profit from this fan-fic (in fact with electricity and telephone bills I'm lossing money on the deal :D )so don't sue me [face_peace]

    (diverts just after the beginning of Chapter 4, Jedi Trap during the duel with Dooku)

    -------------------------------------- A Decisive Decision-----------------------------------


    A starburst of clarity blossoms within Anakin Skywalker?s mind, when he says to himself 'Oh. I get it', now and discovers that the fear within his heart can be a weapon, too.

    It is that simple, and that complex.

    And it is final.

    Dooku is dead already. The rest is mere detail.

    The play is still on; the comedy of lightsabers flashes and snaps and hisses. Dooku & Skywalker, a one-time-only performance, for an audience of one. Jedi and Sith and Sith and Jedi, spinning, whirling, crashing together, slashing and chopping, parrying, binding slipping and whipping and ripping the air around them with snarls of power.

    And all for nothing, because a nuclear flame has consumed Anakin Skywalker?s Jedi restraint, and fear becomes fury without effort, and fury is a blade that makes his lightsaber into a toy.

    The play goes on, but the suspense is over. It has become mere pantomime, as intricate and as meaningless as the space-time curves that guide glalactic clusters through a measureless cosmos.

    Dooku?s decades of combat experience are irrelevant. His mastery of swordplay is useless. His vast wealth, his political influence, impeccable breeding, immaculate manners exquisite taste ? all the pursuits and points of pride to which he has devoted so much of his time and attention over the long, long years of his life ? are now chains hung upon his spirit, bending his neck before the ax.

    Even his knowledge of the Force has become a joke.

    It is this knowledge that shows him his death, makes him handle it, turn it this way and that in his mind, examine it in detail like a black gemstone so cold it burns. Dooku?s elegant farce has degenerated in bathetic melodrama, and no one shed tear will mark the passing of its hero.

    But for Anakin, in the fight there is only terror, and rage.

    Only he stands between death the two men he loves best in all the world, and he can no longer afford to hold anything back. The imaginary dead-star dragon tries its best to freeze away his strength, to whisper to him that Dooku has beaten him before, that Dooku has all the power of the darkness, to remind him how Dooku took his hand, how Dooku could strike down even Obi-Wan himself without effort and now Anakin is all alone and he will never be any match for any Lord of the Sith-

    But Palpatine?s words rage is your weapon have given Anakin permission to unseal the shielding around his furnace heart, and all his fears and all his doubts shrivel in its flame.

    When Count Dooku flies at him, blade flashing, Watto?s fist cracks out from Anakin?s childhood to knock the Sith Lord tumbling back.

    When all the power of the dark side can draw from throughout the universe, Dooku hurls a jagged fragment of the durasteel table, Shmi Skywalker?s gentle murmur I knew you would come for me, Anakin smashes it aside.

    His head has been filled with the smoke from his mothered heart for far too long; it has been the thunder that darkens his mind. On Aargonar, on Jabiim, in the Tusken camp on Tatooine, that smoke had clouded his mind, had blinded him and left him failing in the dark, a mindless machine of slaughter; but here, now, within this ship, this microscopic cell of life in the infinite desert of space, the firewalls have opened so that the terror and range are out there, in the fight instead of in his head, and Anakin?s mind is a clear as a crystal ball.

    In that pristine clarity, there is only one thing he mus
  2. DarthAJ Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 2004
    star 4
    I would like to read this but not unless you make spaces and different paragraphs. Sorry.
  3. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Originally I did it in Word and had space indents to mark the paragarphs, but your right, in needed changing, thanks for bringing it up, I hope this edit is better
  4. Jadie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2005
    star 4
    Very, very interesting.
    You wrote Anakin with such a clarity, that impressed me.
    Nice piece of work! :)
    Will you write more? (I hope so)
  5. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks Jadie!!

    The first part is all thanks to Stover, by your compliments are very much apperciated!

    Yes, more will be appearing (as long as people want to read it), the next part will come out either latter this evening or tomorrow.
  6. LaYa_ Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 21, 2003
    star 5
    Well, here it is something we don't see everyday! You write very well! =D=

    I really liked this first part, you wrote Anakin with such eloquence.. very well done!


    I hope you continue this story! :)
  7. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    ---------------------------------------Triumphant Rescue-------------------------------------

    Anakin looked upon the fallen body of the Sith Lord Darth Tyranus, also known as Count Dooku of Serreno, and could not deny a feeling of gladness at his passing, that there was an end of his reign of terror and destruction, and that justice had found finally come home to roost on the Sith Lord, and pride that he had been the one that had defeated him, but this is not his main feeling, instead he feels a hope that the end of the war may be in sight, and immense relief that he had managed to bring himself back from the brink of murdering Dooku, only now realising how close he had been to the edge, how close he had been for years, ever since the loss of his mother and his actions at the Tusken camp. This realisation and acceptance of the wrongness of his actions seemed to release him, the dark clouds seemed to lift from his mind and spirit and again he felt young, full of light and free, and felt the Force flow clearly through him, seeming to dispel the darkness and scrubbing him clean, and also his encounter with the spirit of Qui-Gon he now knew had not been his imagination, and in it he was beginning to finally see an answer to his dragon, whose words already was beginning to dim.

    The words of Obi-Wan, which he had learnt from his master Qui-Gon, came to Anakin?s mind, ?keep your attention on the here and now, Anakin!?, and so breaking this quick retrieve Anakin brought his attention back to the mission at hand, and turned to the Chancellor.

    The view walls behind the General?s Chair blossomed with looping ion spirals of inbound missiles.

    ?Anakin, my restraints please? said the Chancellor, seemingly like a living shadow in his chair, ?I think the ship is breaking up, and I don?t think we should be on it when it does.? Anakin was not sure, but was that an edge he heard to the Chancellor?s voice? But he dismissed if from his mind, Palpatine had just been kidnapped after all.
    In the Force, the field-signatures on the magnetic locks of the Chancellor?s shackles were as clear as text saying UNLOCK ME LIKE THIS ; a simple twist of Anakin?s mind popped them open. The shadow grew a head, then shoulders, then underwent a sudden mitosis that left the General?s Chair standing behind and turned its other half into the Supreme Chancellor.

    Palpatine picked his way through the debris that littered the gloom-shrouded room, moving surprisingly quickly towards the stairs. ?Why did you disobey me, Anakin, when I told you to kill Dooku??.

    ?I?m sorry sir, but I?m a Jedi, it?s not our way? Anakin answered. ?Even against my direct orders??, Palpatine responded.

    ?I?m sorry sir, but I answer to the Jedi Council for my direct actions, not your office.?

    ?That may change, Anakin? the Chancellor said darkly;

    ?And perhaps in some ways it should, sir, but I would still always be a Jedi, it would still not be my way to kill an unarmed prisoner? Anakin replied.

    ?Has it ever occurred to you that sometimes the Jedi Way is not always the right way? Having now killed him, how many lives have you just saved with the stroke of your lightsaber??

    ?Killing in revenge is not just sir. It can?t ever be-?

    ?Don?t be childish, Anakin. Revenge is the only justice some beings can ever hope for. You wanted revenge for Dooku taking your hand, for causing the deaths of your comrades, for trying to kill those you care about? You?ve done it before, on Tatooine, to the Tuskens who killed your mother, was not Dooku as least as deserving as they were??

    Palpatine?s words almost convinced him, yet Anakin now could see the darkness into which they lead, ?Sorry sir, but I was wrong at the Tusken camp, I let my rage take me, and killed Tuskens who had nothing to do with my mother?s death, I became like them, worse as a Jedi I knew better. With Dooku it would have been even more serious, I would have become a murderer, in killing him like that I would have become like him. You can?t
  8. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    I have edited to first part again implementing slight grammtical changes which my friend Souderwan advised (you can catch his excellent story of an alternate Mace Windu story also based of the Stover novel, much better then my meager efforts, he's a great storyteller, if you have not had chance to read his work on this board you should), hope you guys don't mind
  9. Souderwan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    Skywalker

    Your second part is much improved. You're solidifying your writing style and I love it! I love the little tweaks in Stover's story to reflect the direction you're going in! Keep up the great work!


    Oh...and thanks for trying to sell my story, too. :)
  10. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks Souderwan (I finally have an avatar on this site!)!!

    You earlier advice was much appericated and hopefully make this story better. As for selling your story, not probs, I've enjoyed the story you've been telling and just don't want anyone else to miss out.
  11. Jadie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2005
    star 4
    Very nice post!
    Good job!

    Palpy is just evil [face_worried] , but Anakin isn't turning to the Dark Side :) !

    ?People say? ?Anakin nodded toward the door to the turbolift lobby- ?when the Force closes a hatch it opens a viewport. After you?
    [face_laugh] This is just great!
  12. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks Jadie, glad you like the direction of the story so far!!

    I'd love to take credit for that last line, but that from Stover, but was such a great line I didn't want to loss it.

    You right Palpy is master of evil doing (and you get to see more of this as the story progesses)
  13. Jeditheskyisblue Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 17, 2001
    star 4
    You're doing really well with this. Using Stover novel as a backboard for you story. Just remember not to use to many of the same lines as Stover you don't want to get in trouble with it.

  14. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks, Jeditheskyisblue, that's very good advice, and is something I'm going to have be particularly careful for the next part. I'm still wondering what I should do with areas of the story I believe would remain largely the same, if I should just refer readers to those chapters and pages in the ROTS novel, and continue afterwards. This may become necessary, I could include these sections a quotes to keep the story complete (this is one of the reasons the I put 'an will weave in and out of the text' in the title). You guys can let me know what you think, and suggestions would be great. And thanks for the compliments!

    Edit: or did, before I changed the title.
  15. NickStarwalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2002
    star 1
    Good work. I like seeing Anakin realize his errors and now thinks before he acts. I wonder if this is an AU of some sorts. I hope it is since I like Anakin-lightside stories. Keep up the good work!
  16. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Yes, I think this story would be classed as AU, NickSkywalker, and I'm glad your enjoying so far!

    I leave the ending a mystery though, for the moment, try and keep up the suspense as long as I can.
  17. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    ------------------------------------------Grievous-------------------------------------------

    The ARC-170s of Squad Seven had joined Squad Four of V-wings in swarming the vulture fighters screening the immense Trade Federation flagship, the Invisible Hand, clone pilots destroyed droid after droid, matching the droid?s machine precision with their military precision. With the vulture droids now reduced to gas and small, burning chunks of flying debris spiralling above the Coruscant stratosphere, the flagship found itself vulnerable and exposed to the full firepower of Home Fleet Strike Group Five. This group of three Carrack-light cruisers had arranged themselves in a triangle formation around the Dreadnaught Mas Ramdar, maintaining a higher orbit to pin the Invisible Hand in Coruscant?s gravity well.

    The furious exchange of turbolaster and missile fire reduced Mas Ramdar to little more than a target for the Hand?s returning fire, while one of the cruisers had become nothing more than a shell, and was swung falteringly into the Hand?s vector cone of escape routes to block any attempts at escape. However, when the Hand?s shields failed under the assault, the ship began to roll, spinning like a demented missile, trailing spiral jets of crystallizing gas which gushed from the multiple ruptures. The rolling increased in speed and as the Republic ships were no longer able to focus their attacks on the same areas, the turbolasers were not powerful enough to pierce the Hand?s armoured hull directly, their fire trails instead creating rings which encircled the ship, chewing into the hull with garrottes of fire.

    The bridge of the Hand was a study in restrained chaos, overheated Neimoidians were at battle stations in full crash webbing, the air reeked of burning metal and the funk of overstressed reptilian hormones. The shifting gravity vectors threatened to add a shaper stench: several of the bridge officers faces had already paled from healthy grey-green to pink.

    In the midst of this scene strode a figure that seemed to many beings their worst nightmare realised. Floor-length cape hung diagonally over a shoulder as angular as exposed bone. Unaffected by the shifting gravity and jolting impacts, the figure stalked back and forth across the bridge with metal-on-metal clanks; his legs, if they could still be called that, were taloned creations of magnetized duranium, jointed to grab and crush; like a Vratixan blood eagle.

    The figure?s face was expressionless, it was a horrific mask of bleached ceramic armorplast deliberately stylised to invoke a humanoid skull, but the pure venom hissing through the marks electrosonic vocabulator that sufficed for the figure?s voice more then made it for this.

    It was the fear of this figure which kept the Neimoidians in their battle stations when their every instinct was screaming inside them to run for the lives to the escape pods, but one glace at the figure or the sound its taloned feet was enough to convince them otherwise. The body of one unfortunate Neimoidian with a bloody crushed pulp for a head from a terminal encounter with the one of the figure fists was enough to focus their minds.

    This is General Grievous:
    Durasteel, ceramic armorplast-plated duranium, electro-drivers and crystal circuitry within which is buried the remnants of a living being, once a liftetime ago he was an organic sentient being with friends, family, an occupation, he had things to love and things fear. This is all gone, long ago; even the memory is no longer clear. He longer breathes or eats. He cannot laugh and does not cry.

    Now, instead, he has purpose. It has been built into him.

    He is built to intimidate: his resemblance to a human skeleton melded with limbs styled after the legendary Krath war droids is entirely intentional.

    He is built to dominate: ceramic armorplast that protects his limbs, torso and face can stop a burst from a starfigher?s laser cannon. These indestructible arms are ten times stronger than human, and move with the blurr
  18. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Hope you don't mind the diversion to Greivous, but the scene's needs to be set, we will be returning to Anakin, Obi and Paly in the next part. I have tried to bear your advice in mind Jedioutoftheblue, and used Stover as guide but have tried to write in my own style to fit in with the direction the alternate story. Hope I worked, you can let me know.
  19. Alethia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2005
    star 5
    Interesting... I like the way you changed the novel and molded it into your own fic. Your style also improves and strengthens with each post. You are clear and concise for the most part and your grammar is also good. Not to mention that you have an interesting plot line...

    Great job and welcome to the boards.
  20. Rassick Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 26, 2004
    star 3
    Nicely done Skywalker3248. As others have said, you do an interesting job merging your lines with those of Stover. It's almost hard to tell where his writing ends and yours begins.
  21. AP4EVER Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2005
    star 4
    Hmmm...Your story intrigues me. [face_thinking]

    I can't wait to read more (especially when you get to Padme)...My name should indicated what I plan to expect when all this is over...Read my name again just so you catch my drift. [face_mischief]
  22. Souderwan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    I've said it before but I'll say it again. It's getting better and better! So where's the next one, buddy? ;)

    Keep it up. I'm really enjoying your work.

  23. Jadie Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2005
    star 4
    Very good post.
    Poor Grievous... he has no idea of what will happen to him... Separatist scum!

    And what's even greater about you Skywalker is that you are a fast writer! :p

    Can I suggest something? Whenever you update this fic, can you send me a PM? It will be easier for me to know that new chapters have been added. ;)
  24. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks everyone! I really apperciate your compliments (and advice)!

    I just read it through a notice a number of grammitical errors which I hope I've managed to clear up with a recent edit.

    Cheers Rassick, I was hoping you would not notice the change to much.

    AP4EVER - Well, you will have to wait and see, I don't want give anything way!

    Souderwan - cheers, I hopefully will have the next part written sometime between this evening and tomorrow evening, depending how much other things get in the way
  25. Skywalker3248 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2005
    star 2
    I love to, Jadie, but I a bit a newbie to some of these things, so you (or anyone else) will have to tell how to send you a PM!
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