Oceania The Chuck Norris Awesomeness Thread

Here, you may recite the various impressive deeds (or facts about) the one and only master of awesomeness and roundhouse-kicks, Chuck Norris. The recitation of the deeds of Mr T, Christian Bale, or David Bowie are also of sufficient awesomeness for inclusion also. Either original acts or known acts are permitted. See here for more details.

I'll commence proceedings.

"There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist."

 

Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris.

 

QFT

 

Kyle Katarn > Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris

 

Chuck Norris > Christian Bale > Kyle Katarn > Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris

 

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

 

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

 

Fact: Chuck Norris hates Chuck Norris "jokes"

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He simply stares until he has the information he wants.

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

Jack Bauer is against racism. Doesn't matter if your white, black, brown, etc. If your a bad guy he'll shoot you no matter what colour skin you have

 

David Bowie created the first song.

Everything before that was just tuning up

 

Chuck Norris can fold a piece of paper in half on itself more than seven times.

 

Jack Bauer doesn't have sex. He just glances at a girl, and she climaxes.

 

Chuck Norris discovered Atlantis. Back when it was still a continent. He taught the Atlanteans the secrets of advanced civilisation, allowing them to create a utopian society.

Then he roundhouse-kicked the whole thing to the ocean floor.

 

Superman wears Jack Bauer underpants.

 

Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, and David Bowie walked into a bar.

The bar then exploded, as no single point in the universe can withstand that level of awesomeness.

 

Jack Bauer caught a bus. Then threw it right back at a guy.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He does push-downs. When he pushes, the Earth moves, not him.

 

The Stig > Chuck Norris > Jack Bauer

!!

 

Chuck Norris IS what Willis is talkin' about.

 

Some kids pee their name into snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.


Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.


Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

 

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

 

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.