The Dark Intruder (JA fic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Darth Tristeza, Apr 2, 2000.

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  1. JSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2000
    You're right! I almost did have that heart attack! Excellent story, I can't wait for your next Post. I was happily surprised about what Bruck did.

    Jess
  2. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    throws off her cloak of invisibilty
    Ok, I've delurked. Darth Tristeza I love the story. Good characters, action, excitement, what more could I ask for.

    Hooded figure leans in to whisper in my ear

    Oh, we have a request for more Obi-torture
  3. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ah, yeah! Two new posts to read! And they were excellent as usual! And now that I have recovered from my heart attack, I just have to say that Qui-Gon had better get back to the med-center and tell Obi-Wan he's sorry right now!
    Can't wait for more!
  4. Young_Sith_Apprentice Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 1
    I love this story so much, ever since I read the first post the day it was posted. This story is so touching. Post More!

    Hmmm, thinks about it, for just a guess, isn't it possible that if the healing trance works like it does in other storys, it looks like your dead because your completely still, and your mind is like....kinda empty in a way, so to the regular person, your pretty much dead? Is it possible that Obi-Wan is so strong to even fool Jedi with that? Stupid idea from my head, I know. I might even be getting the story mixed up with the events, so just ignore me! tongue.gif Anyway, Post More!!!!
  5. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    Well, I'm glad you all liked it! I'm sorry about the heart attacks?but to be fair, I did post a warning!

    Young Sith Apprentice, gosh, I wish I would have thought of doing something with the healing trance, but it's too late! This story has already been written. I guess I just didn't explore all my options as much as I could have?

    Regarding Obi-torture: I love it. What more can I say? This was my first story, however, so I wasn't quite up to the challenge of serious torture?However?I am currently writing a story that promises to be ten times better than this one! (I got myself an excellent co-author who really knows how to torture Obi ) So when I'm done, I'll post it here!
  6. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    On with the story

    "Called you here, we did to hear your decision." Yoda stated after Qui-gon had entered the council chambers.

    "Yes, Masters. I would like to continue with the boy as my padawan learner." Qui-gon knew it wasn't any surprise to the council, but he also knew that it was a necessary formality for him to announce his intentions.

    "Good, this is. Needs you he does, and you him. Much guilt you both feel, deal with this we must."

    As Yoda finished, another council member nodded and continued "You will go to your quarters and meditate. When Obi-wan is released tomorrow, we will send him to you after we see him."

    It took Qui-gon a split second to realize what he was being told. "You won't allow me to see him when he wakes up?"

    "Necessary, this is." Yoda replied.

    "How can it be necessary to keep a padawan from his master? He will think I've abandoned him if I'm not there when he wakes up. He already feels some insecurity at the fact that I hesitated to take him as my padawan. Keeping us apart now will only hurt him more."

    "His choice it was to remain behind. Abandoned you, he did."

    Qui-gon felt a knot forming in his stomach. "But he is only a boy. He was caught up in something he didn't fully understand. Please, Masters. If you must punish someone, then punish me for not preparing him properly. I should have talked to him about it. I should have been more open with him."

    "Punishment, this is not. Talk to him we will, before you do. Face what he did, he must. Judge for ourselves we will, on how he feels."

    Qui-gon heard the words, but found it hard to accept. He knew that the council wasn't trying to punish anyone, but this would be hard on Obi-wan.

    ~*~

    "How feel you, Obi-wan?" Yoda asked the boy who stood before the council.

    Wasn't that a loaded question?How did he feel? He didn't want to get into all the emotional things that had been bouncing around inside of him since he had woken up in the medcenter yesterday, so he played it safe. "I'm feeling much better, Master."

    "Yes, healing you are. Ready are you, then, to face this council?"

    Even though Obi-wan had already determined he would be serene and Jedi-like regardless of what the council said, he could already feel his defenses starting to crumble, and they hadn't even started to question him yet! "I am ready, Masters."

    "Very well, then." Master Mace Windu said leaning forward. "The council is aware of the events that occurred on Melida/Daan. What we want from you, is your reasoning. Why did you decide to stay when your master had made it clear that your mission required your immediate departure?"

    This was worse than he thought. He had hoped that they would simply read him a list of his crimes, and tell him what they were going to do?but this was far worse. They wanted him to go back over the events and recount how foolish he had been! He didn't think he would be able to relive the whole experience. "I'm sorry, Masters. I?don't recall my specific reasoning at the time of the decision. I only know that I let myself be led by my emotions into a situation of which I had no understanding. I turned my back on everything I had learned, and I shamed my training, and my master."

    "You admit that in staying, you turned your back on your training. Yet, you have made it known that you wish to return as a padawan." Another master stated.

    "I was terribly wrong? I realized how unprepared I was after my master left. I had hoped to help them save their planet, but I saw how incapable I was?I had to call Master Qui-gon for help." He swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat. "I know now that I need to continue my training if I am to help anyone."

    "How can you be sure that you won't be swept up in another cause before your training is complete?"

    This was one of the questions he had been dreading. How could he answer it? He felt certain with every fiber of his being that he would never forsake his training again? but hadn't he felt that way before? "I?I can't be sure of the future. I learned a hard lesson at Melida/Daan?one I don't think I will ever forg
  7. Marie D Padawannabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2000
    star 1
    Cool, I love when I find a cool nwe story
    to read! This is already infinitely better
    than the real #7!

    marie
  8. light_sabe_r Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
  9. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    More...I must write more...

    *shakes head*

    Hey, wait a second!! Those mind tricks won't work on me twice!! (And I have to go dig out the next part before I can post it.)

    Now, where did I put it?

    *rummage, rummage...crash!*

    OW!!

    I'll get another post out tonight.



    [This message has been edited by Darth Tristeza (edited 04-11-2000).]
  10. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    Well, this is it! *sniff* This is the final part of The Dark Intruder. Is anyone still reading this???

    reading this?

    reading this?

    Oh no! There goes that darn echo again! Well, if you read it, and you liked it, let me know. If you hated it, let me know that too.


    Obi-wan was consumed by his thoughts as he walked through the temple towards the joint quarters. He couldn't remember a time when he had been to this part of the temple. As an initiate he had always stayed in the student dormitories. The joint quarters were reserved for padawans and their masters. Each quarter was like a small apartment with two rooms for the master and apprentice, joined by a small living area.

    Somehow it just didn't feel right that he would be living here now. Despite what the council had said, he still didn't really believe that Qui-gon still wanted him. How could he? He had betrayed him, just like his former padawan Xanatos. Masters and padawans were supposed to be able to trust each other with their lives, yet he had broken that trust, and he didn't think Qui-gon would ever trust him again.

    Maybe Qui-gon had decided to continue his training out of some sense of duty. He may have agreed to train him, but Obi-wan was sure that he would never be forgiven. Just thinking about it made the tears spring again to his eyes. He wouldn't let the tears fall, though; he would have to learn to live without Qui-gon's forgiveness. He knew that it was too much to ask for. He was just grateful that the jedi master had agreed to let him continue his training.

    As he approached his new quarters he wondered what his master would say to him. He imagined that he would have to give an account of his actions to him. Did he know about the fight he had gotten into with Trevin? The healers had told him what had happened as he recovered in the medcenter, but had they told Qui-gon about him being injured? Of course, they had no reason to, since Obi-wan had technically not been his apprentice at the time. Master Yoda would have told him, though. Yes, Qui-gon had to have known that his former padawan was in the medcenter, he just hadn't felt compelled to come. And why would he? Obi-wan was injured as the direct result of disobeying him again. He had left his room after Qui-gon had clearly told him not too. He had let himself be deceived by Trevin, and hadn't even been able to fight him. He had failed Qui-gon in so many ways?

    Obi-wan brought his thoughts to a halt as he reached the door to his new home. Even though he was no longer thinking about his failings, his emotions continued to tumble around inside of him making him feel weak in the knees. He did his best to center himself in the force, and calm his racing heart. It would do him no good for Qui-gon to see him like this. He took one calming breath, then another, until he finally felt he would be able to control his emotions. He reached one slightly trembling hand out to ring the door chime, and summoned his best serene-jedi look.

    ~*~
    Qui-gon looked up from the datapad he had been reading when he heard the door chime. Actually, he hadn't been reading ever since he'd felt his apprentice's approach through the force. He'd felt the pain radiating from the boy, and was very proud of the way he'd felt him reach out with the force and calm himself. It was a valiant effort, but still, he could feel the pain and remorse that Obi-wan was trying so desperately to suppress. If only the council had let him see Obi-wan the day before! He could have eased his fears, and reassured the boy?but he knew it was pointless to dwell on a past that could not be changed. He only hoped that Obi-wan would be willing to trust him again.

    Qui-gon laid the datapad aside, and went to the door. He opened it to reveal one very tired, and heartbroken little padawan. He could tell that the boy was making an effort project calmness, but after a few seconds he lowered his eyes to the floor in defeat. Looking at him now he couldn't imagine how he'd ever convinced himself that Obi-wan had betrayed him. It was he, who had betrayed his apprent
  11. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    And so ends my little tale. Like I said before, I'm currently writing another one. Actually, I'm writing two: one angst-filled Obi-torture fic, with the help of my ever-so-skilled co-writer, and another one, all on my lonesome.

    I'm not sure if I'll post them here, though. We'll see. My stories don't seem to get many readers here...must be the presence of too many talented writers out there competing with me for an audience...

    Can hardly complain though. Heck, I'm checking here everyday to pop in on my favorite threads!! (Dang those cliffhangers!)

    So...if anyone is still here after all my ramblings, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know. (And mention if you've read this fic before, so I know if this was new to anyone.)

    Thanks for reading!
  12. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    OH MY GRACIOUS!!!
    Congratulations are in order, people!!!
    I became a knight during the posting of this fic!!!
    WOO HOO! Party!!

    (Sorry, I couldn't resist. Thought I'd be a padawan forever.)
  13. Young_Sith_Apprentice Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 1
    wipes her eyes on her sleeve

    That was so wonderful, you should do a sequel! Well, I must go to school now, but when I come home, I shall post more of my feeling on your story, because it was great! tongue.gif
  14. Kaylla Norn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2000
    star 3
    Maybe we were to spell bound or maybe we read it on JA or Early Years. Silence doesn't mean you didn't have readers. Actually, I had you bookmarked with a subscription, but maybe you were just cursed with a bunch of us lurkers. Sorry. Please post. Please, please, please, please, please......
  15. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    What, this story is over already? Noooooo! It was so very very wonderful! You definitely should have written the 'official' JA #7 instead of that Jude Watson. Oh, BTW, I just found #6, and am in the middle of it right now. It bites too. Oh well. And you must post more stories here, or at least give me the URL's to the other sites where you have been posting, 'cause I've never run across those other sites, but I want to find them, and I really loved this story, and your other one's sound like they will be really good too, and I want to read them. Anyway, I'll stop babbling now.
  16. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    First: The story was wonderful, the ending had me in tears, it was all soooo sweet.

    Second: Please post your next story here. More people are reading than replying, I know cause I've been one of them hangs her head in same. I promise to be more vocal on your next thread.

  17. Katri Tai Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2000
    star 1
    Awwwwww... It's over? But I loved your story, it was so sweet It was wonderful Im sorry I didn't reply more but I had so much homework (mumbles under breath) I'll be sure to read, and reply to every time I read your next story
  18. Darth Tristeza Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2000
    star 1
    WOO HOO!!! Readers are just coming out of the woodwork!!

    I'm glad you people like it! Sorry it was so short, like I mentioned, it was my very first story. I didn't want to make it too long. My second story was a lot shorter (to give myself a rest), but now, with a couple stories under my belt, the next one will be big. Hopefully, much bigger than the first.
  19. light_sabe_r Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    Size matters not!

    Te he he! Cool story, congrats on becoming a Knight. I too didn't realize until twelve posts to late that I became a Knight.

    Looking forward to your next fic!
  20. Lt.Cmdr.Thrawn The Other Saga Moderator

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 1999
    star 6
    No, see, I'm sure the program is fine, but the Beta expired just as I remembered I wanted to download it. Is there any other way I can get this?
  21. Durga2000 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 1999
    star 1
    This story was great! Thank you for sharing it with us.
  22. Jean Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 7, 2003
    star 1
    Upping for the move
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