Beyond - Legends The Darkness Must Be Fought/ OC, one post

This is a thought/feeling piece, really short. I originally posted it on the Before the Saga forum, but I'm putting it here as well because this could fit anywhere. Feedback would be nice.


The Darkness Must Be Fought


I am a Jedi, I have never been anything else, and yet with the way I feel right now I could lose all that has ever been important to me. A Jedi must know peace and yet I do not. Have I ever? I wonder? If so it must have been long ago. I am young still, not far from my days as a Padawan learner, and despite that I feel ancient.

For ages it seems I have fought the Dark Side; the Force has been by my side throughout all this I know, and still I feel I am slipping into the abyss.

My strength feels like it?s ebbing away to nothingness. It feels like soon I will fall and shatter into a million pieces, for I realize that I am as fragile as glass. Yet I must cling the Force, I must not allow my grip to falter, I must remain strong.

Still my mind, my very soul is tormented. I am haunted by guilt and I continue to suffer, every day, every hour. Mostly I feel that I deserve the lot I have been cast. Should I be allowed to do anything but languish? I don?t know. I am so confused.

I kneel in the quiet and mediate, or try to. My mind refuses to clear, and though I have always thought of myself as brave?for I have seen things, which would drive most mad?I think I almost fear the answers I might receive. I don?t want to hear, after all these years of fighting, that I have been doing things wrongly.

I have battled against the Dark Side as it has tried it?s best to tempt me, to rip me from the Light. I have always felt my deeds righteous, or at least not corrupt. I desire more than anything to encourage others to remain strong in the face of evil, for I know what it is like to feel weak.

The darkness itself is all around me now, sneering at me, while it patiently waits to mutilate me. In a way I feel like it already has. I feel empty, repressed, and yet I fight on, face-to-face with it as I believe I must. I do not want myself to fall, and I do not want others to fall. That is why I do what I do.

I feel filthy and ignorant, nearly a lost soul. Are my feelings created by the Dark Side?s lust for corruption or are they spawned by my own wrong doings? I do not know, but I must never stop fighting or I will be utterly damned.

I am a Jedi; I will always be a Jedi. No matter what transpires I will never give up the Light.




So what do you all think?

 

Wow. Good stuff. Very dark and creepy if I may say so...

 

You may say so. Thanks, Spike.

 

From out of the depths...