Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Mistress_Renata, Oct 22, 2004.
But are there still people in line?
I don't know my place in line, but you can cut at the moment. We could use some fresh blood.
OK, I will give it a shot soon!
Give it a whirl, wolves! I think Zed is busy elsewhere.
::Whistles in anticipation.::
Hey, guys, this is 80 pages long in word document! Wow!
Nice, now when can we get an update? *sigh*
OK kids, here we go. Sorry to keep you waiting, but there was one thing that completely threw me - WHY does Phindara's criminal organization have a copy of that data chip with the Sith ritual on it? So instead of leaving it for somebody else to figure out, I of course had to try and explain it.
Hope this doesn't suck too badly
Watching Mesfrin snatch the lightsaber neatly out of the air, Inspector Tennant couldn't help but grin. Jedi could be nerve-wracking to work with, as Tennant knew all too well, but at certain times their eccentricities were enormously useful. The mere sight of a lightsaber, for instance, could reduce most common criminals to instant surrender.
True to form, the prison guards stared horrified at Mesfrin's and his master's ignited blades for all of half a second before the first one let his blaster clatter to the floor; it wasn't long before the rest followed suit. Kinz lunged for one of the discarded weapons, then positioned himself wisely just between Mesfrin and his master, blaster leveled at Phinkara.
"It would be better for you to give in now, old friend," Kinz warned. "Your brother already knows everything." Mesfrin nodded grimly.
"I don't believe this," sneered Phinkara, furious. "You're the one who did the killing, you sick kriff! Do you honestly think that handing over your hit list to the Jedi will convince them to spare you? You've lost it, Kinz - you're insane. Why I bet you even believe those were real, live Sith acolytes on the data chip."
Kinz's face twisted savagely. "The Sith Lord demands blood. I am his loyal follower. And you are an ignorant liar."
In the shadows, Qui-Gon shifted his weight slightly, readying himself to spring forward. "The situation is getting out of control," he murmered to Tennant. Frowning, Tennant shook his head.
"Wait. This is information you'll never get out of these people once they're in the interrogation room. We have to see how this will play out."
"Hmmmh." Jinn clearly didn't like that idea one bit, but he settled back into his crouch.
Phinkara had been speaking in an oddly singsong voice: "My, my, that naughty Sith Lord. Well, Kinz, my Jedi brother doesn't know everything and neither do you - but I do. Wouldn't you be surprised to know who's really demanding blood smeared up and down the walls." He gave a humorless, barking laugh. "Wouldn't you be sur-"
"Kinz, don't!" Mesfrin barked, as Qui-Gon leapt from his hiding place; but both were too late. With an unearthly howl, Kinz squeezed the trigger of his blaster, his hands shaking as he released bolt after bolt of lethal energy into Phindara's huddled form. The murderer was so completely fixated on his latest prey that he didn't even notice Qui-Gon's hand moving toward his shoulder.
Kinz's shrieks came to an abrupt end as he crumpled to lie beside Phinkara.
"Force trance," Qui-Gon explained, in answer to the shock on Tennant's face. Gulping, Tennant nodded; his eyes traveled to Mesfrin, kneeling beside the still form of his twin. Mesfrin confirmed to his Master a thing that Tennant already knew:
Mesfrin's master placed a comforting hand upon her former padawan's head, abesntmindedly mussing his hair as if out of habit. "And it seems that he took some vital information with him. Our murderer thought that the Sith were giving him messages on that data chip; but Phinkara, who must've been in charge of running the hit list to him, knew otherwise."
"Who could it have been?" Qui-Gon wondered.
"The Family Alliance?" suggested Tennant skeptically.
Qui-Gon raised a sarcastic eyebrow. "The Family Alliance hiring the Silent Hand to convince a group of bitter former Jedi they were working for the Sith. Very likely." He bent to pick up Kinz's comatose body, grunting with the effort. Kinz was not a small man, and remembering the murderer's crazed fury, Tennant couldn't help thinking that the victims' last moments must have been horrific indeed.
Mesfrin moved to
Oh, wow, that had my eyebrows about in the middle of the back of my head from being raised so far. I really enjoyed that tie-in and especially this line:
Jedi, Tennant thought as the small group headed for the nearest exit. Starve them, beat them, lock them up in the dark, and what do they do? Try and crack a joke.
Most excellent RBW! I liked how the rank and file just dropped their blasters when the Jedi ignited their lightsabers. I've often wondered why in the movies the Jedi are always the first to produce (and light up) their weapons, it seems like an aggressive step so the only explanation that makes sense is that in general it would cause the bad guys to do just what you had them do, get so intimidated they just dropped their weapons and surrendered. Pity it didn't work on droids. But maybe that is why the Trade Federation and later the Separatists had to use droids?
Yeah, that did make sense.
RBW, that was wonderful. I loved that opening paragraph and how the inspector appreciated the Jedi and their lightsabers. Put a smile on my face with thaqt last lne especially!!!
Whew!! Where is the "relieved face" on this thing... I thought you were all going to respond with a big fat "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I'm glad you enjoyed it.
DarthIshtar: Oh, wow, that had my eyebrows about in the middle of the back of my head from being raised so far.
Um, I'm hoping you mean that in a friendly kind of way and not in an "Oh dear lord, she just wrote a surrender so she wouldn't have to write a shootout, pinned the murders on a random cameo character, and got another random supporting character shot" kind of way.
KD: Most excellent RBW! Awww, thanks!
I liked how the rank and file just dropped their blasters when the Jedi ignited their lightsabers. Yeah, a lot of the time in the movies, all these brainless henchmen just kind of point at the Jedi and are like, "I know, let's go and get killed by those guys!" Like that would happen. I'd be running my *** off.
But maybe that is why the Trade Federation and later the Separatists had to use droids? Very good point, I'd say.
Leona: RBW, that was wonderful. I loved that opening paragraph and how the inspector appreciated the Jedi and their lightsabers. Thank you very much! By the way, that was me starring as one of the terrified prison lackeys, if you didn't notice.
Put a smile on my face with thaqt last lne especially!!! Considering how fearlessly and pragmatically Mesfrin approached being in prison, I figured he was the kind of person who would be able to squeak out a little joke at that moment. Unflappable guy - prowess in battle or not.
Hope I was able to breathe a bit of life into this with my ultra-meager offering!
LOL. When I'm displeased, my brow furrows. When I'm impressed, my eyebrows go way up.
That was great! I love Mesfrin's joke. He sounds like a neet character, Mesfrin. Too bad he's only an OC.
And you've answered some questios! Huzzah! And brought about a few more, such as, who IS this Sith Lord? hmmmmmmm.
Well done, Wolves
ONly an OC? Isn't 80% of our cast an OC?
Hey! OC's are people too!
Soooo... who's next?
EDIT: Thanks aneka! And who *is* the evil Sith Lord who tended to have it in for the Jedi during Republic days?...
'Cause that's pretty much the direction I was going with this. Not very creative though.
I don't know who's next. And OCs rock.
I've been looking forward to writting a post but it will take me a few days so if anyone wants to post something in the mean time...
Edit yes, OC's so rock my socks!
I just hate looking over-eager.
Ok, folks, I have a post written, I'm just waiting to hear back from my beta reader.
May your beta get it back to you soon. We're all looking forward to it.
Very slow beta or very busy life. I've had both.
[sigh of relief] a very busy life. But we are all caught up now! [shouts of joy!] Summer school and work both ended this week giving me enough time to finially finish this!
And without further adu, the post;
Master Cornu demanded that Mesfrin return to the healers immediately, so Qui-Gon volunteered to help Tennant bring the unconscious Kinz into custody. Once they made sure that he was safely locked in a cell they leaned back and sighed. The silence the engulfed the space between them would have been deafening but the two men were so lost in their own thoughts that neither noticed.
After ten minuets Tennant stood and stretched. ?Would you like to accompany me for a drink? It?s been a long week.?
Qui-Gon smiled at the prospect but shook his head. ?I have a meeting with someone tonight. But believe me, I would rather be sharing a drink with you.?
?Who, if you don?t mind me asking? Or is it some kind of secret Jedi business??
Jinn sighed, ?No, a few days ago Knight Xiburine took the knife Jossa was attacked with to a friend of hers to see if she could learn who made it. I understand she just got it back yesterday so the three of us meeting to see what sort of information her friend was able to dig up. Care to tag along??
Tennant looked skeptical, ?Gee, as much fun as it would be to spend an evening with those two, I think I?ll pass.? Jinn smiled, harboring similar feelings himself.
?When do you meet them?? Tennant continued.
Jinn glanced at the clock above Tennant?s head. ?Eee ghad! In half an hour; I?d better get moving. Have a good evening, Varr.?
Tennant smiled, ?You too. And good luck.?
An hour and a half later Jinn was still waiting for Knight Xiburine and Jossa. His caf had long since gone cold. Something was wrong, he could sense it. They should have been here by now, or at least commed him and told him that they had run into some trouble and were going to be late. We should have met at the Temple, Qui-Gon mused, but Knight Xiburine had insisted that they meet here, Force knows why.
Another hour later the restaurant was closing so Jinn paid for his caf and headed out for the streets. Oblivious to his destination he let his feet guide him.
Often times when you give control over to your feet the route you find yourself on will vary dramatically. So too with Qui-Gon. His meanderings took him through quiet suburban neighborhoods and dark allies alike, all the while his musings kept him from noticing the looks and wide berths given him. Is wasn?t until his feet came to a sudden halt that he stopped to look at his surroundings. He was standing in frond of Jossa Trutsler?s apartment.
The large brown door loomed in from of him. Looking at the painted slab of steel the bad feeling he had been harboring in his gut blossomed into a full fledge red alert
He used to force to open door. Just to see how she is doing, he told himself, but in truth he feared he would find her lying dead (not dead, he corrected, unconscious) on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Jinn pushed the door open slowly to reveal a dark empty room. Well, empty of living beings; the place was a mess. There were old dishes piled on the table and around the sink, clothes (both dirty and clean) scattered across the furniture, shoes dotting the floor, and data pads and papers scattered everywhere. The one thing that was missing was Jossa. Qui-Gon was worried that he hadn?t found her passed out on the couch from the combined effects of stress and alcohol. I could have dyed her blue again, its such a lovely color on her, he said trying to lighten the heavy feeling of dread that chocked the room.
Disappointed that neither Jossa nor Elinna were in Jossa?s apartment he headed back to the temple to see if perhaps they were engrossed in research at the Archives. They weren?t. The librarian informed Jinn that she had not seen Knight Xiburine all day. Nor were they in Xiburine?s quarters. Not sure what to do next he decided the best course of act
Wait, remind me when this story takes place because you may have just killed Xiburine pre-WB, which means her showing up in WB to try and apprentice the main character and then look for a Padawan 10 years later is very odd. But I'll assume this is AU to that. Besides, I LOVED this post! My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets! Great suspense.